If I were in the situation, I would stay away from the two of them. They would not be part of my world. I know it hurts, and I would probably want to at least slap the hell out of him. (He is the one who committed to you), but it isn't worth it. Keep busy, surround yourself with REAL friends, and it will get easier.

I'm sure you all are correct. And don't worry. I didn't break. I was tempted to call but didn't. I usually have pretty good control. But today was just one of those days. As far as my friend, well we never really spoke about him. In fact we were just becoming friends. But I do know that she knew something happened with us. And the question of avoiding him. Well that's kind of hard since we are all good family friends.

So now new question. How do I go about avoiding him without affecting family and without making it obvious that I'm ignoring him? I don't want him to think I'm not talking to him because I'm in love with him or something. But I don't want to talk to him and look desperate. Oh n one more thing. When we do run into each other, he starts flirting and teasing. Nothing serious. Just something cute and funny. Confusing me even more.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

The best revenge is to learn to be happier without the other person in your life. Anything else just makes you look pathetic and immature...

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The best revenge is to learn to be happier without the other person in your life

whew!!! i like that:)

If you do not have children together, just move on and don't worry about it

Hi
Actually I am in your same state my ex is going out with one of the person I noe from my class itself.. and I see them everyday

Even I was feeling that I will take revenge call his dad and say everything about that girl or valentine day send him a bunch of flowers
Saying his present girl friends name

But trust me friend its stupidity and you will regret later and feel bad about yourself
Just let it go and try to stay away
And time is the biggest healer...

So relax and revenge is nt a good idea..

Replyyyy am I right??

Revenge is never a good idea, you will always regret it... always. Best thing I can tell you is to not let your emotions get in the way because they will make you do stupid things you wouldn't normally do. Just, stop, and take a second to think, is this the right thing to do? As long as you think about it then I'm sure you will get the right answer.

I've been friends with this guy for more than 3 years. He doesn't live where I do. We didn't want anything long distance... but we knew we liked each other. He came into town this weekend and spent the night at my house.. we clicked and one thing led to another... it was a good night... but I picked up mixed signals... he was very nice to my roomates, v nice to me... his body language showed sincerity.. he would kiss my forehead when he's half asleep.. or my nose.. hold me close.. before his flight, we went to lunch. While talking, out of nowhere and very seriously, he told me he's not sure we would last... I felt his hesitancy and distance in the car and felt like he just wanted to keep away... but on our way back from lunch he called the airline company to extend his trip.. the cost was too much so he decided not to.. we came home, he packed... before leaving he tried again... he got the extension for free and stayed... I know he's scared of commitment.. but I don't know what to expect... I know he's not hiding things or lying to me... he kept his phone where I could see the whole time... logged into his email with me around... did not act secretive about anything... but I can't tell if he likes me or just wanted sex... he called once he reached... and texted back when I texted him... but hasn't initiated anything else.. I know his baggage was stolen so he's upset.. and when he's upset he doesn't talk.. but still replied to my messages... I really like him and don't want to push him away... but I don't know where this is going and how to react... I don't want to push him into defining us but I don't want to play the guessing game anymore either... I want to see if it works because I think he could be the one... or am I stupid and missing something in understanding his signs?

Intimacy is a very serious thing especially in a situation where two people have been friends for a long period. This can be very confusing in itself for both of you. He may need time to sort out his feelings now that the friendship has been taken to another level. It seems as if you both may be unsure of what happened and the meaning of what did take place between you. Maybe it is best if you could find the oppurtunity for the both of you to discuss what took place during this last visit and talk about how each of you feel about it. As long time friends you should be able to talk openly. It would be much easier than waiting for it to just possibly come up in a passing conversation and it would have to be much easier than waiting and feeling so anxious. If you do not talk it could possibly strain the friendship you have built and anything else that may be there.

If you don't want to play the guessing game anymore,you should ask him at least that way you will know.

I know we need to talk about it.. but how do I do that without pressuring him or scaring him away? I really like him and I think things can work between us... but I know he was v v hurt because of his first serious relationship... after that he is v v reluctant to be involved in another one... and I've been hurt too many times as well... I won't be able to handle another heart break... but I don't know what to do or how to bring this up with him.

Threads merged for the last time.

I knew this guy for a few years... he's v shy and reserved when it comes to girls... not only does he get nervous, but is scared to death of commitments because of his first heartbreak... we liked each other off the bat, but didn't pursue anything because of long distance... he finally came down and we were instantly attracted to each other... obviously the chemistry was there... now, I know he likes me, and he knows I like him... but how do I get him to go beyond the like stage without pushing him? How do I win his heart? Should I always be the one to text him? Should I wait for his call? I don't know how to act around him or with him... on his flight back, he lost his luggage and was upset about it... when he's upset, he closes the world around him... at that time, he didn't talk to me much, but he did respond to my texts... I don't want to text him all the time and push myself on him... but I don't want to let it go, wait for him and then realize he's moved on... I really really like him and am confused on what to do... please help me...

There's no way to know for sure how he feels about you until you ask him.

You can always wait around for him to come to you, but why wait when you can initiate conversation yourself?

Don't just send texts, why don't you give him a call?

Talk to him more and get to know him better.

Well, you know he likes you, so you don't have anything to worry about. Be the one to make the move, text and call him first because he obviously won't.

There is one thing I know about men,even shy ones,and this site gives plenty of examples... if a man/guy likes a girl, he's goes for it... it might take him a little while to pluck up the courage,but if he is into you he will let you know...

I would be cautious though in case you have read the signs wrong...

Maybe as slapshot-oi said,give him a call and play it by ear.

Redhed makes a good point(have to spread), call him but make sure you have read the signs right.

You can't "make" him step out of the "like" stage. Remember that all these things will have their time.

I was in the same boat once. For a whole year of long distance relationship, I barely said a word to my (then) boyfriend, I have no clue why he even liked me I was so shy and quiet. And, like your boyfriend, I would shut down and get even quieter when I was sad, or upset, or angry. "Breaking shyness" takes time. 3 years after our first meeting, I started to act goofier and I broke out of my shell. I now don't have a problem singing and dancing and jumping around and being out-going around him. He's so surprised and happy for me when he has to tell me to shut up because I'm talking him out of the conversation. I still have some shy tendencies (like bottling up my feelings and stone-walling when I'm angry.) But these things take time. Keep texting and calling, and let the shyness break naturally, don't try to do it on your own.
(pushing and prodding him to talk, or dance, or be out-going just makes for uncomfortable situations-let him take the lead on his introverted personality. Time with you should eventually break him out of his shyness. It could take YEARS like it did with me, be patient, and be committed... )

I assume this is not the 31 year old guy who ran off with your friend last year. I have a hard time following your love life issues, so please steer me in the right direction, so we can get your story straight. And you can stop making so many new threads about the same guy, or at least I think it is.

Whoa, good idea talaniman! I'm completely confused at the moment...

Thanks Tal,I think its two guys but I'm not sure.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I assume this is not the 31 year old guy who ran off with your friend last year. I have a hard time following your love life issues, so please steer me in the right direction, so we can get your story straight. And you can stop making so many new threads about the same guy, or at least I think it is.

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hey talaniman... so sorry for the confusion.. I was hoping you would reply to this... I really value your insight... no the 31 yr old married my friend and that chapter closed right there... I am talking about another guy who was always my friend.. he lived out of state, still does and neither wanted a long distance relationship, especially when we had only seen pics of each other... we were introduced by a mutual friend... there would be moments when we would stop talking because we were involved, and then would start back like nothing happened... he was always there in the back of my mind and I think I was in his... we weren't sure how we would feel about each other in person... well when he came, everything clicked... I really really like him and I don't know how to act anymore... I used to text him on and off, and he would call on and off... but I told him he was my boyfriend before he left... so does calling and texting become an everyday thing? Or should I skip a few days if he doesn't call or text? I don't want to corner him and pressure him, but I don't want him to distance himself and go away either... :confused:

Turning a best friend into a lover, then back to a best friend, then back to a lover, then back to a best friend, probably won't work. History keeps seemingly to repeat itself with you two.

Consider that if the relationship has changed, let it be for the last time. Let him go, and move on. You will never figure out or accurately interpret all the words and actions, and even if you could, it would not change the fact that the relationship is over.

It has not been my experience to have a friend, after that friend has been a lover. Friendly, yes, friend, no. Stirs up old feelings, lots of 'what if's', and 'hmmmmm maybe... just maybe... '.

You said it yourself, "i really dont know how to start the friendship back without bringing up old feelings and memories if he doesnt feel the same."

And so it goes. I encourage you to stop with the idea that you can be friends, because of all the history between you. As I said, friendly is good as you will likely run into him during your travels, but know that to step over that boundary again, will likely land you in the same place.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

Turning a best friend into a lover, then back to a best friend, then back to a lover, then back to a best friend, probably won't work. History keeps seemingly to repeat itself with you two.

Consider that if the relationship has changed, let it be for the last time. Let him go, and move on. You will never figure out or accurately interpret all the words and actions, and even if you could, it would not change the fact that the relationship is over.

It has not been my experience to have a friend, after that friend has been a lover. Friendly, yes, friend, no. Stirs up old feelings, lots of 'what if's', and 'hmmmmm maybe.....just maybe.......'.

You said it yourself, "i really dont know how to start the friendship back without bringing up old feelings and memories if he doesnt feel the same."

And so it goes. I encourage you to stop with the idea that you can be friends, because of all the history between you. As I said, friendly is good as you will likely run into him during your travels, but know that to step over that boundary again, will likely land you in the same place.

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Lol.. I agree.. I learned that lesson the hard way.. but I think your referring to my first post a long time ago... I don't know why my threads were joined together, but look at the last situation and let me know what to do... I was always friends with this guy, but we never hooked up until now... and I don't want to mess this up... thank u :)

Ok OK... so we broke up... same stupid reason all guys give... "im confused." he said his ex came back in his life and wants to work things out. I know that is nothing but BS... he either got scared of the commitment, wanted to be free, wanted to explore, or really did want to patch things up with his ex. We had a civil conversation, agreed to stay friends, all the works... blah blah blah... now, what I want to know is what I should be prepared for. I read all the posts about NC and agree with them all. I will not call or text him... at least try my hardest not to... what I want to know is, what is his next step if any that I should prepare myself for... will he ever call or text? Do I respond? Do I simply ignore? Or will he never ever talk to me again? What are the chances he's being serious about his ex and they magically work out? Lame questions, I know... but its bugging me... any opinions? Also, is it bad for me to hope things between them don't work out? I'm not a horrible person... I would never wish bad things for anyone... but some stupid reason why I want another chance with him... it could just be mixed emotions at this point in time... but is it bad to hope?

It's not bad to hope, but it's counter productive.

He may call, he may text, but you don't owe him a response. It's best to got to and stick with No Contact.

Breakups are hard. Of course you're questioning what happened. Of course you're a bit jealous that he may find someone else. That's all natural.

The sooner you go to No Contact and the longer you stay with NC the quicker you'll heal. Otherwise you'll just keep taking a step back instead of a step forward.

Good luck.

I wish I had a little ESP and psychic ability so I could tell you why he broke up with you and if he'll be back, but I have no idea what's going on in his mind.

All I can say is that you should have no contact at all with him (even if he happens to call or text). Since you don't know where you stand you have to treat this as a permanent break-up and move on. Dust yourself off, keep moving forward and do not waste your time looking back at where you have been. You deserve someone who'll be there for you!

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I don't need anyone to take advantage of my weaknesses or my strengths, I need someone who will appreciate me for everything that I am.

Sometimes we tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us, but the truth is, it's not our loss, but theirs, for they left the only person who wouldn't give up on them