[QUOTE=kctiger;1477940]There are four stages of grief, thus when you lose someone you experience these stages (Google them if you want). The best thing to do is let these stages happen, as there is no time frame for them.

Thank you, I know what you are saying is true, I have googled nearly about everything since this break up. It just that they are new emotions that I have never experienced before. Its driving me crazy, I think they may have took over me. I'm feeling frustrated with myself for being like this now.

I know time is a great healer. I just wish this time will hurry!

Thank you again :)

I know you want the time to hurry, but take it from me, it is meant for a reason. After a month, or three, or whatever, I promise you will realize that you have truly become a better person and you have learned so much about yourself. Sometimes things that hurt soooo much to us happen so we can finally look in the mirror and find out who we truly are, and what makes us truly happy.

Heartbreak is one of those things. Good luck!

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the scary part is that I gave ALL of myself to him, I depended on him, I made him my world,after doing all this he broke it all down.

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This was not his fault it was your choice and that's why it hurts, but through that pain you have learned, don't give everything to someone else, because there will be nothing left for you.

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the annoying thing is, is that it is the first time I have given myself to anyone.

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Now you have learned.

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and I though he would be the last person to treat me so bad, and make me cry so much.

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He doesn't deserve all the blame as you had a hand in this as well, but reality is that you both handled things the best you knew how, and it didn't work. Join the rest of the population that has learned the lesson you have.

The good news is, you will heal and move on, if you love yourself enough to be happy with yourself.

OK so now I'm even more frustrated... my friend will not stop with this guy, I'm getting annoyed with her, so is my family.. I feel like I'm wasting my time being supportive. Why try and help her if she just keeps going back. I have my own issues to deal with aswel as hers. I know everyone says I shouldn't give up on her as she needs me but its all being wasted

Tell her that! Then leave her alone.

You have to tell her how you feel juss explain to her that you love her and you're her friend but you have a life to and things you have to worry about and if she wants your help to take it or leave it but you can't be at her every beckon call... you can't be her yo-yo you juss talk to her... maybe shell understand

Threads merged

I'm finding it hard to move on, I'm creating more problems for myself but I can't stop. My head and heart are fighting each other.

I'm finding it hard just to let go and move on... I know what is best for me but its finding the strength to do it!

Is this normal? Did anyone else face this situation after a break up?. any wise advice please?

There really isn't a magic pill of doing this. No one said it would be easy. You literally just have to "will" yourself to move on. If you think about it, your only option is to get over this. Dedicate every single part of your mind and heart to overcoming this obstacle. Do anything you can to make yourself better, and fill up all of the wasted time you have in a day with something productive.

Time, really is the only thing that makes this better. That, and you being proactive enough to build your own life. You have clean slate right now, so paint a picture of what you want, and go for it!

KC is right, time is the only thing you can give it. You will reach a point in the flip flop game that you will get so angry at him that it fuels your NC and then it is a roller coaster ride that you will have to stay on

No magic potion, book, pill, way to get out of feeling how you feel after a hard break up.

Simply put no contact is the only way - the fights will continue but after time you will see how things change

Its been a week for me and although I feel and wish everything I am wishing I know that nothing can change right so what's the point in trying to?

Only thing worth doing is building myself up to the person I want to be and in some way the person I used to be - bad ends to relationships do some evident damage

We are all with you here

The whole cutting contact is pulling me back with my break up recovery. I've tried it several times. Its hard taking him out of my life.

I know I can move on, I'm just not sure if I want to. Which is a big problem


Thanks everyone for your support.

Trust me, you want too.. Does life ever go backwards? Nope, so why should you try to go back?

Time. Time is the only thing that will help.

So laugh when you feel like it and cry when you need to, and one day you'll realise your not crying so much anymore.


Stay strong. It will work out for the best in the end.

You are all right. Time will heal. I think today is one of those bad days.

I'm starting NC... again. To heal

Thanks for the support

Keep in touch here, it really helps to have people that know what your going through and won't judge.

I know what you are going through as I'm going through it now myself. We have to be strong.
Sure it hurts a lot but in the end you will be OK, there are a lot of nice people on this site with good advice. I know myself I'm taking it.
Good luck to you!

I know what you are going through as I'm going through it now myself. We have to be strong.
Sure it hurts a lot but in the end you will be OK, there are a lot of nice people on this site with good advice. I know myself I'm taking it.
Good luck to you!

Thanks. We are not the only people in this situation. We can be strong but a moment of weakness can ruin our hard work. Its keeping strong which is the difficult part.

And good luck with your situation to!

Hi
We had our break ups at the same time I think.when I registered in this forum and posted my first thread you were one of them who supported me with your answer.for me it has been 2 months NC. Ok I must admit it was a hard time especially the beginning. Something that I think helps.
1. Do not dig in your memories trying to find him.every time you remember the good times,his smile or the names he used to call you etc.. It is sure that you will feel love for him if you do so.you are not healed enough to remember them and not get hurt.me too.
2.keep yourself busy.try to resolve another problem that you have.sure you must have something else which bothers you.try to think about it.
3.Good luck.Dont worry we are going to make it.

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Originally Posted by _Someone_

Hi
we had our break ups at the same time i think.when i registered in this forum and posted my first thread you were one of them who supported me with your answer.for me it has been 2 months NC. Ok i must admit it was a hard time especially the beginning. Something that i think helps.
1. Do not dig in your memories trying to find him.every time you remember the good times,his smile or the names he used to call you etc.. it is sure that you will feel love for him if you do so.you are not healed enough to remember them and not get hurt.me too.
2.keep yourself busy.try to resolve another problem that you have.sure you must have something else which bothers you.try to think about it.
3.Good luck.Dont worry we are going to make it.

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Hi yes I remember reading your post. I hope my advice helped. Its strange how we can advice other people well, but struggle with our own.

2months is a long time, I'm glad your doing well. Yes memories resurface all the time, its hard not to think about them.

Good luck 2. we will make it

OK so now I have a new problem to deal with. I met a man on the weekend, he seems nice, however he is a bit to full on. He keeps telling me he really likes me. He has the same religion as me, and he is talking about how he is looking for a wife. This freaks me out a little. When he talks about how much he likes me etc... it hurts. I can only think of my Ex. This new man makes me upset because it makes me think about my past realationship. He wants to meet up so we can get to no each other. Should I attempt it?

Since my break up I hate getting attention from other men, especially when they attempt to be more than friends. Is this normal?

This man makes me feel upset about the past. Does this mean I'm not ready to see another man, even as friends? Should I meet up with him?

Advice please, thanks

I don't think you are ready yet... this guy also seems way too attached, way too fast. When you are on a date, I have a general rule for all of us guys (besides the normal rules):

1. DO NOT bring up marriage... PERIOD.

Seriously, it is supposed to be fun getting to know someone, not a rush to get attached. He needs to slow down, and you should probably wait a bit longer to date as well. It is fine that you aren't comfortable yet, just take your time. Dating is not about rushing into a relationship, it is about getting to know someone, then decide if you think a relationship would work. His intentions are a bit pre-mature.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

I don't think you are ready yet...this guy also seems way too attached, way too fast. When you are on a date, I have a general rule for all of us guys (besides the normal rules):

1. DO NOT bring up marriage...PERIOD.

Seriously, it is supposed to be fun getting to know someone, not a rush to get attached. He needs to slow down, and you should probably wait a bit longer to date as well. It is fine that you aren't comfortable yet, just take your time. Dating is not about rushing into a relationship, it is about getting to know someone, then decide if you think a relationship would work. His intentions are a bit pre-mature.

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I agree I'm still not over the ex. So far this guy seems nice. The reason as to why he is speaking about marriage is because of religious reasons. He says he is looking for a wife. I think its his way of telling me his intentions are good. This is normal for muslim men to speak like this. Abit forward I know.

If I do go and meet him do you think it will affect me in any way. Like stop my process of recovering from my break up? Some people say meeting new people is a good idea, whilst others say its rebounding

No, I do not think it will be bad for you. It can actually be good practice just to socialize with the opposite sex, you know? If anything, who knows, maybe he could end up being a good friend. It never hurts to get your name out there. Rebounding happens if you get into a relationship with him, only looking to latch onto the comfort zone you once had with your ex. Going on a date is NOT rebounding.

Your right maybe he could be a good friend. I do think he is expecting more. I don't want to hurt his feelings. This guy knows my heart is still sore, so hopefully he won't put pressure on me.

Is this normal to feel this way about the opposite sex afer a break up? It really upset me him saying sweet words to me.

Yes, totally normal. I wanted NOTHING to do with other women for awhile, as I was cynical and jaded about them. It will pass. It takes time to get over, but right now, it is absolutely normal, and you aren't doing anything wrong, you are just looking out for yourself, and your heart.

Can't you be honest and tell him your not looking for a husband? If honesty doesn't work, then leaving him alone will.

Honesty is the best policy, you aren't over your past so you can't try to plan the future.

Just a quick question people. Does anyone else really struggle with cutting contact for good?


The only contact I have with my ex is online, no calls or text. I'm struggling to cut it off completely, and keep finding myself readding him to talk.

My will power seems to be weak, any suggestions to how to stop this annoying habit??

Happy valentines day!

Hi,

I`m also having such problems lately, especially today on valentines day. I have been in no contact for 5-6 weeks. Today I wanted so much to SMS or Call her (like I kept writing and then clicked cancel).

The only way to fight this is to slap you one and say (No I`m not doing this! I have to be strong). Or just try to consume your time as much as you can. Try not to message him anymore on online text messages (it doesn`t help at all), perhaps try to be in invisible mode. Get out with friends, read a book, play a game...

Take care >.<

The easiest way is to remove or block what is causing your weakness. You can also force yourself to do another activity every time you think about trying to contact your ex. Another way would be to contact one of your friends or posting on here whenever you're feeling weak - sometimes just letting out the feeling can help you deal with it easier.

I know its hard. I've been there. I still had my ex's number programmed into my cell phone for awhile, but I realized whenever I was scrolling through my contact list I would see her name it would bring me down. I finally deleted it and haven't looked back since.

This is the problem, when I do remove or block him I aways remove it and start talking again. Its like I'm addicted to this guy, and he doesn't even know it!

This is the only form of contact I have with him and its my downfall.

How long since you guys split? I've been treated so bad but still I replied to a few texts from my ex today. So I know how you're feeling its hard but you got to realise in the end it is best for you

We have been split up since the end of November. My ex doesn't text or phone me, in fact since we split up he hasn't botherd at all. It still hurts like mad, and I go through so many emotions.

Well I took some of your advice. I met up with him for a drink. We will be friends and he knows this. I think I would like to be friends with him but I think he still wants more.

I said to him today.. what do you want from me? He said he wants to be friend because that is what I want. I know this man would like more from me, which is something that I cannot give. Is it best to leave him alone? Or stay friends. I don't want to lead him on in anyway.

In my opinion... You are not emotionally available.

It is funny how when he are not interested in the opposite sex... they are drawn to us.. however if we are looking for a relationship.. no one seems to be interested. Funny how that works.. People always want what they cannot have.

I would follow your heart and be true to yourself and if you think you are not ready then do not feel obligated to meet him. He will ultimately respect that you are upfront with him and not leading him on. Be prepared, he will probably try harder since men are hunters but stick to your guns! I wish you the best in moving on! :-)

Since my break up I hate getting attention from other men, especially when they attempt to be more than friends. Is this normal?

This man makes me feel upset about the past. Does this mean I'm not ready to see another man, even as friends? Should I meet up with him?

I have to say that I am in the same boat with you. My boyfriend of 5yrs broke up with me in August and since then I have met a lot of men who say, "you can be my partner in crime" and "I want to have a long term relationship", they'll say romantic ideas and say how they like to cuddle and all I can think is how pissed off their making me and how stupid their ideas are. I don't know why I feel like this, but for ME this is a sign that I SHOULD NOT be dating right now. So, I am focusing on finishing up my school and my career. I need to love me first and hopefully someday, Ill be able to appreciate what men tell me.

Hope this helps and good luck!

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Originally Posted by cancunchic

In my opinion...You are not emotionally available.

It is funny how when he are not interested in the opposite sex...they are drawn to us..however if we are looking for a relationship..no one seems to be interested. Funny how that works..People always want what they cannot have.

I would follow your heart and be true to yourself and if you think you are not ready then do not feel obligated to meet him. He will ultimately respect that you are upfront with him and not leading him on. Be prepared, he will probably try harder since men are hunters but stick to your guns! I wish you the best in moving on! :-)

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That is true, I've had more offers now than ever! Thanks for the advice.

Commit to STRICT NO CONTACT OF ANY FASHION, or stay miserable and be mad at yourself.

When you get those urges, get up and find something else to do.

Just block him and delete him from your contact. Then, you won't have the urges to contact him anymore.

I wish that worked, I keep unblocking and deleting to talk! Like I said my will power is weak