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You go cross country skiing! Is the gym open? Is your room clean?? Call the boys over for College football on TV.
I guess my lazy a$$ would just as soon do nothing but play on the computer, cause I don't feel like cleaning my room.
Jokes aside, find a way to be busy that's fun, because time flies when your having fun, and idle minds wonder on BS!
HINT- physical activity is good for you, snow, rain ,sleet, or sunshine.
Stick to NC no matter what.
As for being worried about her, well, she's no longer your concern, your problem, she's someone else's problem now.
Relationships are tricky. There's the good, the bad and the ugly. You're in the ugly zone right now.
Here's the question. If someone took a knife and stabbed you in the heart but you were able to walk away from it, sore, hurt, scarred, but still able to walk away, would you give them the chance to do it again?
Don't let her hurt you, she's not worth it.
Get out there, do something you love to do, hang out with your friends, heck, build a snowman or an igloo. Just do something that will keep your mind off her.
It takes time, but you'll get there, we all do. :)
You guys are awesome seriously... every time I want to look back you guys just keep pointing me forward. Thank you guys
Hey Fear- what Altenweg said is so true though. She's hurting you and only you can control if she hurts you or not anymore.
Getting over being dumped from someone you loved deeply is one of the hardest things to deal with in life. Probably the only thing harder is when a loved one dies. Just realize that eventually your ex will just be a fuzzy memory- but its going to take lots of time.
What you said here is so true.Quote:
Originally Posted by bjohnrupp
The thing that most of us forget is that the end of a relationship is almost like the death of a loved one. You have to learn to live without them, to move on, to find that happiness you had before you met them.
It's there, it's doable, but boy is it hard.
Time heals all wounds. I lost both my parents 6 1/2 months apart. I'm an only child. I was 30 when they died. That was in 2001. Tell anyone my age and I will hunt you down and beat you. ;)
The hardest part was going out, doing things. I didn't want to go camping because of all the memories of camping with my parents. I didn't even want to look at my son because of all the memories of my parents spending time with him.
For the first 5 days I sat in my dads recliner in front of the TV in my PJ's, no shower, no food, no drink, nothing. I was ready to die. I wanted to die. I didn't think I'd ever be happy again.
It took my son to snap me out of it. It didn't happen over night but on day 6 I did shower and I ate something. Then 2 months later we had friends over and played cards all night. Four months later I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. Every milestone was a huge deal.
That was in 2001. I still miss them, but I'm happy with my life, I can do the things I always enjoyed without being sad because it involves memories of them.
It takes time. You're on the right path. You almost have to pretend that this person is dead, that she's out of your life for good and you have no choice but to move on. Accept that, live with that, move forward with that thought in mind and you will get there.
No one ever died of a broken heart. I promise you. ;)
Hey Altenweg-I'm really sorry to hear about what happened back in 2001 with your parents. I give you so much credit for perservering- that must have made you such a strong person. I wish I was stronger- me getting dumped from my fiancé is more than I can handle.Quote:
Originally Posted by Altenweg
But you're right how you said you have to treat a breakup like a death... I mean you will likely never see the person ever again and after a few messages here and there will never hear from the person again. Not to mention the rejection that the other person would rather be by themselves or with someone else rather than have you around which makes it even harder when you love that person more than anything in the world.:(
I went out to the bars this past sat and I met these twin girls and its really interesting talking to them and I kind of forgot everything that was bearing down on me. But then when I walk out of the bar, everything just set back to reality... and the sense of missing and loneliness came back... does anybody else feel this too?
Hey Fear- damn its funny- you sound like me. I went bar hopping with my friend this past Saturday night also- talked to whatever girls were around but they were just being bit*** and anyone's we met said they had boyfriends. I noticed some girls get pleasure out of blowing off guys hitting on them. Same thing though- when I got home from the bars everything came back to reality and it didn't help that I was 1 /2 drunk... the missing and lonliness came back big time and all day Sunday I felt horrible and didn't want to do anything. So I feel the same as you man. What's even rougher is knowing the ex has her choice of any guys and never has to be alone for one day if she didn't want to be. Last I heard she's juggling 2 or 3 guys. :9
hey bjohnrupp.. yeah dun get me wrong I got blown off by like 8103 girls and kind of annoyed me but in my mind I was like what do I have to lose. Yeah the loneliness def sunk in worst right when I was driving home buzzed and all alone in my room trying to pass out. Dang I can def relate with you on every point. And I still struggle with sleeping but its not as bad some nights. Hang in there! I try to go to church on Sunday.. that didn't help =/
Yea I've gotten real down lately because its so hard to find a great girl that has it all. Yea I got home late and just passed out watching videos on YouTube... but the songs get me more upset. I worry about if I'm ever going to fall in lover again. I'm far from conceited but I have everything going for me and its still extremely hard finding a beautiful girl they I can click with.
When you're a good looking girl you never spend 1 day alone- that's like our exes- girls usually get rid of guys because they really don't need us- they know there's 10 more around the corner that are just as good looking or have just as much money. That's why sooo many girls dump there guys- because when they start to get bored with the relationship they just find someone new.
It's still early, it sounds like you both are still in the phase of putting the woman on the pedestal. They are just as flawed as you are, and the sooner you realize it the better. Who cares how beautiful they are according to you? You guys are worth something too! If you weren't then they never would have dated you in the first place. You need to regain your confidence and self esteem. This means going NC and doing your best to stay busy. Go to the gym, I am a huge advocate of this. Exercise does wonders for the brain and you will look and feel better too! Hang in there, it gets easier trust me.
I agree Clue- the gym is really important. When I was in my relationship I was going all the time and then ever since I had 0 desire to go. Now this past week I'm getting back into it. Its extremely important to go because it does wonders for confidence. My goal is to get in better shape then when I was with her. I think both Fear and I's confidence is both shot so we should both be concentrating on ourselves for now. I don't know about you Fear but I am taking a step back from dating. I tried it and realize I'm far from ready to date for now.Quote:
Originally Posted by CanIBuyAClue
Hey, fear, don't drink and drive. You mentioned you drove home while buzzed. It scared the crap out of me. Be careful, please. Don't drink and drive, ever!
Fear and bjohn, seems like we have some similar stuff going on. Being around other people helps to get your mind off stuff, but it all comes rushing back once we're alone again. Drinking doesn't really help though. At least for me, getting drunk only aggravates those bad feelings of loneliness and hurt.
So then welcome to the club "Something Here" haha. Yea I'm at the worst when I'm drunk and I just get home from going out. I guess alcohol really is a depressant like they say. The day after I drink I'm always really depressed. But when you're with somebody getting drunk is a lot more fun and I'm always happy:( Yea I only drink on the weekends just to get my mind off things even if only for a short while even though I know I probably shouldn't. I don't want to start getting in trouble because lately my depression and anger are magnified when I drink and I don't need to be getting into fights.:mad:Quote:
Originally Posted by Something_Here
I dun know... I honestly think she really attractive. But your right we need to take her off the pedestal and build our self confidence back up. Yeah my confidence is shot and I def. unsure about relationships or is it I'm still hoping she'll come back one day, I'm not to sure. For the record drinking driving is stupid and I was stupid but I wasn't drunk just slightly buzzed. I try to keep busy with other pple and stay busy but for some reason even though the room is pack with people I still feel lonely or misunderstood? Yeah bjohnrupp its not worth getting into more drama when your drunk or even sober. I think we have enough emotional baggage to carry and I'm really grateful for the people on this thread. You don't know how many times I want to just send my ex an IM or text and be like I miss you or I hope your doing good. I'm sorry for your loss altenweg. I couldn't imagine what that feels like =( But everyone words and through are so uplifting. So sad I started NC a month a go but its only been a week now since the last contact because she guilt me into calling her. Go figure how times goes by so slow!
Quote:
Originally Posted by fearxfear
In time she will be your friend, just realize that you both will need time, I have spoke to every ex and girl I've dated even if it ended in bad terms...
But don't live for that moment to happen, live to make new moments happen for yourself, not for her...
Really? How long did that take for that to happen?Quote:
Originally Posted by jaffeyjoeblaze
Hey Jaffey- I don't know if I could be a friend to my ex like you are to all of yours. I mean were talking about someone who 98% chance she cheated on me with probably more than 1 guy and the 1 1/2 weeks before the engagement party dumps me. I don't think I could ever be friends with her because I'd always want her back and because I would never want to know if she's seeeing someone or has a boyfriend. Jaffey- did you contact your ex'es after time or what?Quote:
Originally Posted by jaffeyjoeblaze
Hey fear- yea I'm like yo in that SO many times I just want to call my ex or send her a text or even IM her. I mean we used to text almost all day on days we weren't together- I loved it.Quote:
Originally Posted by fearxfear
Don't worry man I did no contact for 6 weeks and then mine guilted me into IM'ing her back by saying just the right things and like an idiot I fell for it. So I helped her out and she was able to relieve tons of guilt by saying how she was sorry and swaring she never cheated. We unknowingly help them out when we respond to them. They could really care less about us whenever they contact us- they just do it to make them feel better.
Now its been 2 1/2 weeks since she contacted me. I told her not to anymore but I wish she didn't listen. Its funny how the day we talked for hours was the day she dumped the guy she was seeing. She needed her emotional tampon (me) to make her feel better.
Fear- how often does your ex contact you? What does she usually say? Has she ever said she wanted to meet up with you?
Sometimes months or 2 yrs in one case where she destroyed me...Quote:
Originally Posted by fearxfear
But you shouldn't think about that... its time to move on...
Don't get me wrong, I don't go on dates or lunches with these ex's... I only talk to them like chit chat to see how are things...
But only when I know I am completely healed from the heartbreak and know I don't want to be back with her...
Yea but did they contact you out of the blue or did you contact them? :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by jaffeyjoeblaze
Let me see... I contacted them but on the expectation to see how things were, I didn't want a friendship and definitely not a relationship...Quote:
Originally Posted by bjohnrupp
My current ex is the only one id think to reconcile with but in my heart I know its wrong for the both of us...
See since I am the dumpee I'd be afraid that if we don't talk for 6 months and then I contacted her to see how she was doing and then if she never answered I'd feel really stupid. You know?Quote:
Originally Posted by jaffeyjoeblaze
Yes I understand... even as I broke up with my ex, I still felt I was a dumpee when she moved on within days... I think I will contact her even though I talked bad about her kids... I know how fragile she is and gulliable she is...Quote:
Originally Posted by bjohnrupp
So it is no problem... I will only talk to her when the time is right for both of us
Talaniman answered a similar question of mine in my thread. There's always that chance that they don't want to stay in touch, so you have to be ready to accept that if you try to make contact.Quote:
Originally Posted by bjohnrupp
Well 3 weeks ago she made plans with me and then blew me off so I sent a text saying not to contact me anymore unless she wanted to meet up or get back together... so now if I ever did contact her I'd look kind of desperate/stupid.Quote:
Originally Posted by Something_Here
Yeah I did the same thing.. I said.. don't contact me unless you want to get back together and we'll most likely never speak again... man... why I have to be so cold now I think I'm the one suffer more becauase of it. I really miss her today, maybe it because it raining so much here.. makes it so gloomy
Hey- so you sent your ex the same text as me? Yea it was very hard to send but its something I (we) have to do. Part of me also is suffering more from sending it too... I liked hearing from her because it made me think she was thinking of me even though it hurt because I know she has someone new. Maybe I shouldn't have sent it:( I just felt so disrepected from her - kind of like I mean nothing at all to her anymore.Quote:
Originally Posted by fearxfear
Did you ever see your ex since she dumped you? Have you guys ever made plans? Did sahe ever resond to you when you sent the text saying about not contacting you unless she wanted to get back together?
Its raining real hard here too and it made me miss my ex bad today. I even went on Yahoo IM like an idiot to see if she'd message me:rolleyes: I
You guys are making me sick... cut the crap with the texts trying to set up meetings with your ex's...
There is always a reason why people break up... its because one does not want the other or you 2 just aren't right for each other...
Yes its fine to contact them after the fact your over them... but not when you still have major feelings...
I don't know about you guys, but I'm heading to the gym to learn some MMA, that will take my mind off for sure off her...
You would probably be far worse off if you saw her. I caught a two sec glimpse of my ex today, and it ruined my day. We're better off doing NC.Quote:
Originally Posted by fearxfear
Yup, same thing for me. Winter blues can really make it worse. Spring will come around soon enough though.Quote:
Originally Posted by fearxfear
HAHA that 1st line made me laugh. Yea I know what you're saying- I'm never going to contact her until I'm totally over her- maybe even when I have a new girlfriend... this way I won't care if she blows me off because I'll be with someone new. That's what I've been doing Jaffey- going to the gym and bustin my butt until I ant stand- I have to admit it feels great going to the gym- I did enough mopeing around the past few months.Quote:
Originally Posted by jaffeyjoeblaze
Very true... naw I never reach out... even though I want to every minute of the day... damn you stupid mind!! Someone posted early that the mind and the body are two different things and you really to take care of your mind.!
Ugh... why do I look at her sn.. such a dumb move... damn you aim! Need to be stronger and have more will power
You do. This is you hurting yourself now nobody else. The good news is -you-can stop doing this to yourself. Make that choice. Now.
I did... I really hate it... god I don't know how pple get over these feeling and thought sometimes... I know there light at the end of the tunnel.. just feel like its never coming..
I agree 200%Quote:
Why do I look at her sn.. such a dumb move
I know..Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
I know what you mean, I've had the same thoughts. But there are lots of people on here who have been through this and worse. We'll just have to have confidence in them when they tell us that we will get through this as well.Quote:
Originally Posted by fearxfear
Hey guys been a few days... been better! I hope everyone is good! How's everyone holding up?
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