How do I do that amicon?


I think I'm just going to demand a detailed action plan


Thanks for the help guys but I think talking about it is actually making it harder

You don't have to demand there are some good detailed action plans in the stickies, which is recommended reading. There is a link in my signature.

I've read most of the stickies I didn't really find an action plan for getting back together? Am I looking in the wrong spot?

There is no action plan to get back together.

There are only plans that get you, and your life back together, so you can be happy with who you are and have the dignity and self respect to not fall for the dumb stuff.

Tell you what, stop contacting her for a month, and don't be available to her, and see what happens, and how you feel.

Exactly. Listen to Tal.

Give her another week, month, year, or more to figure it out.

Dude... ur dying to know what's going on so for your own sanity you are going to have to meet with her and speak. Make that day within this week. Obviously, she will say she loves you a lot and she can't be with you yet for whatever reason(s). She will come up with something clever as usual. She knows you so she knows what would work. Point is we already know how and what she will say. When you hear it, try to stay cool and walk away. She may text you and call but you already know what she is up to. You will be sad but you will know that you have to do no contact. Within 2 months you will be cool and better than ever most likely. Better yourself by working out and meeting new people. I know how much it hurts and how hard it is but believe me it is possible. Be strong. I'm rooting for you. Use this spot as a journal that writes back to you. Its pretty cool. Hang in there man. We are here for you.

Thanks emopunk I think that you actually understand what I'm trying to say and I appreciate the advice

Emo, that was a great way of telling him to feel the pain of running head first into a brick wall. But having done that myself, way back in the day, I know that's the only way some us us learn. I was hoping to save him a head busting, but you can't save everyone.

Thumbs up on a great post.

Thanks everyone for the support. Talaniman I know that you are trying to tell me what you know is best in MOST situations. But I don't believe that every situation is the same and that there is always a cut and dry way to approach each situation in life. Throughout our relationship we have been different then most couples our age and believe that we both have a maturity level above those in our same age group. I honestly believe that she thinks that we are working on our relationship even though we really haven't been. But I also don't believe that she knows that I don't think that we have been working on our relationship. I haven't been exactly honest with her about my feelings about this whole situation. I guess I have been trying to play the tough man and let her know that I was OK with taking it slow for awhile when in all reality I wasn't fine with it. So for that its my fault. I guess what I need to do now is to let her know EXACTLY how I feel and see how she responds. She might tell me that she never wants to see me again or she might tell me that she wants to get back together. Or even still she might tell me that she thinks she needs more time. But no matter what this time I need to be honest with her on EXACTLY how I am feeling and let her know that its not OK to take it slow and string me along. More then anything I just need to stand up for myself. But I also can't just walk away from a situation that I myself have let happen. I need to confront her about it and tell her how I feel and see what she has to say and from there decide on what is the best course of action for me. I refuse to give up without a fight and by just walking away from a situation without being completely honest isn't fighting. So ultimately its up to me to just be honest and see where it goes from there. But I also realize from all of your help that I need to watch out for myself first and do what is in my best interest. Sorry for all of the rambling and if this post was to long I just had a lot to get off my chest. Also, sorry if this post made absolutely no sense Ive just been typing what my heart has been thinking. Any input would be appreciated. Thanks Guys and Gals!

Howie, I respect your honesty, and even your tenacity. Keep us updated, what ever you decide to do.

Thank you TMAN!

Howie, when will you guys meet?

Emo we are going to be meeting up sometime this weekend. I will let you know how it goes.

Tal thanks a lot that means a lot coming from you. What exactly do you mean by you respect my honesty and tenacity though?

I can respect a guy who is willing to take a risk, whatever the consequences, or blessings may come from his actions.

Stubborn guys respect one another.

Yeah, hope this meeting gets you out of limbo so you can move on.

Thanks guys and wish me luck! I think ill need it

Ok-here's wishing you luck! :-)

Thanks anyone want to give me a couple of questions to ask I'm running a blank?

Just be yourself and ask what you feel you really need to know.

Please?

"are we a couple or not" anything but yes, is the wrong answer.

Anything? What do I do if she says she wants to start "seeing" me again but not make anything official?

Is that what you want?

Why would you settle for anything but yes? So she can still see other people if your not official? I rather have a girlfriend that has both feet through the door rather than one.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by howareutoday134

anything? what do i do if she says she wants to start "seeing" me again but not make anything official?

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Dude, That's a NO answer, and your not a couple. Come on guy what else do you need to see that this is over.

A female that doesn't want romance is not the one for you.

Do you know how many females are out there waiting for a good man to show up?? BILLIONS, go get one. Or as many as you can date without being official. Hmmm, if she doesn't want anything official, why the heck haven't you been unofficially dating others. I sure would have been.

Exactly, Tal's right.

You are spending so much effort on trying to change her mind as opposed to let it be & work on having fun without her.

The answer has been no. Why do you think all of a sudden its going to be yes?

That's a waste of energy.

Well went about like you guys figured... so the plan starting now is to say screw it if she wants to contact me then fine if she wants to get back together ever I might consider it but I'm not waiting around anymore... so it will be her loss if she decides that she does and I'm already dating someone else

You are free to pursue your own happiness. That's a good thing.

Yes tal from now on its about me!

Her loss, oh well.

But really your gain!!

Now you know, buddy. Glad you got that.

Exactly what you were in denial about.

Now you can move on. Good one.

Have no contact from now on & save yourself any more worries.

The only thing you need to consider now is you.

I'm not planning on going complete no contact but I am moving on

Hehe.

Sounds like a contradiction in terms.

You can do whatever you want at this point, but after meeting up & telling you AGAIN that she doesn't want you, my advice is to have zero contact.

Or, you can continue this bs game that only you have an investment in & be hurt ten fold later.

Up to you man.

Don't play games.

Howie, did you read my last post on your thread? Exactly what I wrote is what happened... Now you say you will move on but you still will have contact with her. That really isn't moving on. We know its hard to just give something up because it's like an addiction. People who stay in contact with their ex and even get into another relationship while in contact with their ex almost never move on. In fact those people are the ones who are never happy and even a year or 5 years later are still stuck on their ex. We want you to have a great life! The only way for you to move on and be extremely happy within a few month to a year is by total no cantact! Believe me!

Its either stay in contact and still suffer up to a year or 5 years and possibly more... or go NC and you will be happier than ever and that will also attract loads of girls. Think of a special girl that is gorgeous and wants to be with you but is watching to see what steps you are taking. Girls notice these things... Make the right moves!

Thanks guys for your help... im going to try and stay away from this site for awhile as I come here with hope she comes back so I think I need to stay away for awhile thanks everyone for your help... and believe me ill be back if I need some help

Well I made it a couple of days without posting anything... just an update... ive been doing OK still pretty down on myself and just want her to come back... but I've been surviving and trying to move on but I believe its going to take me awhile... just wanted to keep everyon informed that's been helping through this rough patch... I think it helps my sanity to write down what I'm feeling if that makes any sense... so I might just come here to write every once in awhile just to actually write down what I'm thinking

That's a good idea-come back when you feel like it. Time and patience,and you'll be fine. Take care.

Strong Hint- You can't want someone back, and expect to move on. Once you accept they won't come back, you'll stop hoping, and can slowly move forward, because your not looking back any more.

I haven't compeltely accepted that she won't come back :( and not sure I want to accept that yet. I know you'll tell me that I need to accept it but I'm just not ready to yet

You will suffer until you do. Like holding your breath till you turn blue... sooner or later you will have to breath.

Yes, one day realization will set in.
By whatever means.

But, be sure that false hope isn't going to get you there.

It will prolong the agony.

Is that how you want to feel? Crappy all the time?

Its over. Get your life back now.

I'm all right with where I am right now... im a lot better then I was a week ago... im just moving at my own pace