Hey muddy, I was trying to think how I might respond to the comment that you made, when you said:

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How does that work? How is the person you chose to love at the time a mirror of yourself. I look back at my relationship and they are nothing like me. I have to disagree with this

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Everything we do in our lives reflects ourselves - our values, our likes, dislikes, our emotions, our bad and good bits.

As an analogy, think of a house - we fill it with things that we like and that please us, bits of our past, mementos, practical things, things we love and perhaps things we want to be. Most people would say that a house is a mirror of our personality and that the way it is decorated and the things we put in it reflects who we are.

So, why would a relationship be any different? We choose people to relate to that reflect ourselves – our likes, dislikes, bits of our past (father/mother/sibling issues), things we want to be, etc.

How could a relationship not mirror back to us who we are? Bad and good bits. We’re the ones doing the choosing……

Some great posts on this thread but I'm kind of surprised that no one has mentioned the Sex aspect yet :cool:

My answers have been given from a stand I hold now. I didn't always put stock in relationships. I had a very different view, one maybe closer to the one you hold. In time, my additude changed. And with that my feelings. I fell asleep last night thinking of the time I was your age. I too, was a young, single, attractive, single mother... I quite frankly, had no time for anymore of the 'bull***t drama' that I had already encountered. I think in time I healed, or just plain forgot, the sting a bad relationship can cause. Of course I made better choices, and forgave myself for the bad ones. This is what I fell asleep thinking about...
This was right after I wrote 'better to of lost in love than to have never loved at all'... When my mindset was as yours, I would have rolled my eyes at such a comment.

(turning 40 on the 21st... shhhh)

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

Some great posts on this thread but I'm kinda surprised that no one has mentioned the Sex aspect yet :cool:

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Oh Dneirf you and I know just as well that you don't need to be in a relationship to have sex.


As for you Rockie thanks for that post. I like it when people can relate themselves with the OP. Thanks!

Sarah

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Originally Posted by mudweiser

Oh Dneirf you and I know just as well that you don't need to be in a relationship to have sex.


Sarah

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Ha Ha of course... BUT how many people do you know who would get into a Relationship if they knew there wasn't going to be any?? :cool:

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

Ha Ha of course........................BUT how many people do you know who would get into a Relationship if they knew there wasn't going to be any ??? :cool:

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I don't know Friend, just read some of the posts in the sexuality forum! There are lots of people having not much sex!

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Originally Posted by Gemini54

I dunno Friend, just read some of the posts in the sexuality forum! There are lots of people having not much sex!

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Very true Gem , I was just making a point that would I suppose relate to the majority of people I know at the very beginning of a Relationship. Of course there will always be exceptions.

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

Ha Ha of course........................BUT how many people do you know who would get into a Relationship if they knew there wasn't going to be any ??? :cool:

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Hi, friend4u178!

I know quite a few, and that includes me!

Thanks!

I don't feel like reading all the other posts, sorry everyone.

So, here's my take on this.

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Stage I: In love.
"Oh I can't wait to see him/her"
"She/he is so amazing, I think he/she is the one"
"I can't breath without you baby"

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Stage one is the getting to know someone stage, the learning to like someone stage, the "my God he/she is really great and I want to be with them all the time" stage. Everyone starts here, because every relationship has to start somewhere.

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Stage II: Starting to see eachother's flaws, still in love
"I don't really like it how he/she interrupts me"
"She/he is so inconsiderate, they always eat all of the ____"

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This is when you've known each other a while and the "Oh my God he/she is so wonderful" phase is starting to wear off. You start to see each other as human beings, not just some perfect God/Godess with the great smile and neat hair.

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Stage III: feeling uneasy about relationships, doubts, arguements start.
"Why he/she always late and full of excuses"
"He/she is a little controlling, do I want this?"

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I never went through this stage. Personally, I think this is a deal breaker right here. If you have this many doubts then there's either something going on, or there's something wrong with you. If you cannot trust someone, if they're controlling, then leave. Trust and the way you're treated are major in a relationship.

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Stage IV: arguements continue. dissatifaction in relationship
"You could really pick up the phone and call me when your late"
"Why are you always asking me questions when I come home? Don't you trust me"

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This stage is also common. As human beings we're all different, have different ideas, opinions, backgrounds and plans for the future. When two people get together in a relationship it's often hard to balance both personalities. Arguments happen, it's solving them, compromising that makes a relationship strong. As for the phone call. If I had a dime every time my husband didn't call and I sat at home worrying, I'd be rich. He just forgets, even though I scream at him when he gets home. Trust is earned. Questions are natural. Maybe you're reading too much into the questions.

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Stage V: either giving it another shot or the break up.

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Hubby and I have never been at this stage either. We've always worked together to stay together, so there is no breaking up or giving it another shot, we're still on the first bullet. ;)

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What the heck is the point.

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No one can answer that but you. If you don't see a point then that's probably why your relationships aren't working. Those of us that do see a point work every day to keep our relationships alive, healthy, happy and productive.

I love sharing my life with someone that is not only my husband, father of my children, but also my best friend, lover, life partner in every way. He's the person whose shoulder I cry on when I'm sad. He's the person I complain to when I'm mad. He's been there for all the good and bad times of our lives together, and some of them have been pretty bad, and we stuck together.

Soul mate? I don't know if I believe in that either, but he's the person that I love and the person I choose to be with. It is a choice. I could look for something else. I could probably finding someone just as good, maybe better. I don't, because I'm happy with my life, I made a commitment to my husband and I don't plan on breaking it, either does he.

We're lifers and we like it that way. :)

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Maybe I'm being a Bitter Britney or Negative Nancy... but does anyone else see it this way?

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I'm sure that others see it this way. Other people that have had one failed relationship after another.

Negative? Yes, a bit. I'd say you're more jaded, also expecting the worst, so you're not surprised when it happens and probably, in a way, make it happen, because you don't expect to be happy with someone else.

You're still young, so give it some time.

Like I said, only you know what you want. If you want love badly enough, you'll find it. :)

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Originally Posted by J_9

He actually only needs 25 cents to make up for the quarter his son swallowed. :eek:

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HEY!! What about the two x-rays (so far) , and the doctor visits? This quarter is going to cost someone(he's double covered) $25,000. At LEAST.

And his mother and I, nervous breakdowns.

The whole point I think is to share your life with someone who you love and who loves you.

Its not just about sex and wonderful communication,sometimes its just about having a person you love to share a movie and popcorn with.Someone who makes you a cup of tea or wipes your tears.Someone you can tell anything to and they don't bat an eye of judgment.

It's the small comforts that keep you going after the years start piling up.

The gripes I had about my BF 12 years ago,I still have them today but now I just shake my head and know his little quirks are not deal breakers and I don't really let it get into my head.

You're a smart,funny beautiful woman and someone is going to take you by storm yet.Don't give up on love hon,its what curls your toes and puts a bounce in your step :)

EDIT: You Utube is funny! LMAO at the crazy sisters cartoon !

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Originally posted by artlady:

Very true, Alone and lonely are not synonymous.

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Hey, artlady!

I think that you've really caught my "drift" here! What you've stated is so very, very true!

In the recent years of my life, I've come to realize that I'm very rarely, if ever, "lonely". That being, because I'm just not the kind of person who needs to have someone around, all the time. But, due to some things that have happened in my life, there are many times that I feel "alone".

I'm very social and love to get up and lead people in various activities! When it comes to my private time with myself though, I much prefer to be alone...

Some people think that there is something wrong with themselves if they aren't in some kind of "intimate" relationship with someone else. It's a void that they seem to need to "fill".

I'm not the kind of person to judge others. What a person needs and wants is a matter of personal choice (and, sometimes not) based upon how they've been brought up and the way that they've been "made".

I guess it all depends on what "trips a persons' trigger"! If they constantly feel the need to be with someone, then, to me, that is just the way that they are. If the way that they are is causing a problem for themselves or others, then, I feel and think that they have some problems that need to be addressed so that they can function with themselves and among others without there being the "problems" so that they can live their lives to the fullest that they can to be the happiest and most content person that they can be.

Thanks!

I'll have to check out your YouTube video when I have a faster connection, Sarah!

Thanks!

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Originally Posted by Clough

Hey, artlady!

I think that you've really caught my "drift" here! What you've stated is so very, very true!

In the recent years of my life, I've come to realize that I'm very rarely, if ever, "lonely". That being, because I'm just not the kind of person who needs to have someone around, all the time. But, due to some things that have happened in my life, there are many times that I feel "alone".

I'm very social and love to get up and lead people in various activities! When it comes to my private time with myself though, I much prefer to be alone...

Some people think that there is something wrong with themselves if they aren't in some kind of "intimate" relationship with someone else. It's a void that they seem to need to "fill".

I'm not the kind of person to judge others. What a person needs and wants is a matter of personal choice (and, sometimes not) based upon how they've been brought up and the way that they've been "made".

I guess it all depends on what "trips a persons' trigger"! If they constantly feel the need to be with someone, then, to me, that is just the way that they are. If the way that they are is causing a problem for themselves or others, then, I feel and think that they have some problems that need to be addressed so that they can function with themselves and among others without there being the "problems" so that they can live their lives to the fullest that they can to be the happiest and most content person that they can be.

Thanks!

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I learned a very valuable lesson about personal growth when I learned I did not "need" someone to complete me.

I think if more people had that personal power they would not settle and would live healthier and fuller lives.

I applaud you for having learned to love yourself and be happy in your own skin.

It is a blessing that many people will never learn and they will just flit from one meaningless relationship to another searching for that illusive sense of completeness.

All they need do is look inside.

I agree that they are pointless. Asking myself lately why am I going to get married? It is indeed pointless. Ups n downs and this and that for what?

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Originally Posted by LJDK

I agree that they are pointless. Asking myself lately why am i going to get married? It is indeed pointless. Ups n downs and this and that for what?

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Hi, LJDK!

I'm just curious about if you've read any of the other posts on this thread, please?

Thanks!

My response was to that of the 1st post. There for not applicable to read any other posts regardless of changing opinion etc.

Alty & Artsy thanks for the wonderful responses :)

I really like hearing your opinions :)

Alty it made sense what you said:

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I'm sure that others see it this way. Other people that have had one failed relationship after another.

Negative? Yes, a bit. I'd say you're more jaded, also expecting the worst, so you're not surprised when it happens and probably, in a way, make it happen, because you don't expect to be happy with someone else.

You're still young, so give it some time.

Like I said, only you know what you want. If you want love badly enough, you'll find it.

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You took some time on writing that post and I really happy you did! Perhaps it is my age. I remember 5 years ago I hated children and I didn't want any... and now well I have a 2 year old whom I love so much.

Time does change things!


As for you Artykins I like the part where you said:

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You're a smart,funny beautiful woman

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Haha kidding.

No not really, I actually liked that part.

Okay, seriously, I like the part where you said you liked my youtube-- haha I'll stop.

When it comes to your posts they are almost always heartfelt [does that make sense?]- you answered my question but in a way that your agreeing with me but then not... [I know that didn't make sense].

Thanks to all of the responses everyone!

Sarah

Well, I like what gemini said, and sadly we are only hear for about 88 years or so, so if you hit it off with someone great!
Have some fun get some pleasure no big deal.
Enjoy what you can I think. People need to be honest and realize sex isn't everything and sometimes its not meant to be, other times it is. So its up to you weather you want to continue it or not.

I'm sorry your love life has been so miserable. I don't know what's happened to you in the past, but it's really had an impact on your attitude.

You may not think so, but one day there will be a Prince Charming come into your life. You are right - he probably won't be perfect and he'll probably make lots of mistakes, but he'll love you and be there for you through the good and the bad. Until you find him just chill! Give life a chance - it's really not that bad! :D

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Don't ever become a pessimist... a pessimist is correct oftener than an optimist, but an optimist has more fun, and neither can stop the march of events. Robert A. Heinlein

Hey I forgot about this thread.

I was pretty angry when I made this thread.

I still think relationships are pretty lame but I'm not as mad as I was when I wrote this.

Thanks for your posts ;)

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Originally Posted by mudweiser

So the other night I was thinking, yeah thinking again , and I thought to myself, "Relationship really suck, what's the point? You get to know someone, then after the lovey dovey part is gone it'll end soon, maybe a week or 35 years from that point where that lovey dovey stage passes"

Here are my 5 Stages:

Stage I: In love.
"Oh I can't wait to see him/her"
"She/he is so amazing, I think he/she is the one"
"I can't breath without you baby"

Stage II: Starting to see eachother's flaws, still in love
"I don't really like it how he/she interrupts me"
"She/he is so inconsiderate, they always eat all of the ____"

Stage III: feeling uneasy about relationships, doubts, arguements start.
"Why he/she always late and full of excuses"
"He/she is a little controlling, do I want this?"

Stage IV: arguements continue. dissatifaction in relationship
"You could really pick up the phone and call me when your late"
"Why are you always asking me questions when I come home? Don't you trust me"

Stage V: either giving it another shot or the break up.

Usually if they give it another shot it's just one huge circle and it goes on and on and on.


What is funnier to me, if one relationship doesn't work out we move on to the next and it's just another huge circle.

What the heck is the point.

Maybe I'm being a Bitter Britney or Negative Nancy... but does anyone else see it this way?

What are your opinions?

Sarah

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Maybe we are just complex animals and lust is a main feature
Everyone wants an attractive mate, and once you get it you start to think what else can I get. I get bored with people after about 6 months. I have never had a relationship past 6 months sadly. However maybe not, why marry someone you aren't in love with.
Life is trip and you get what you need here and there. Humans need love and compassion weather its for 20 years, 20 months, 20 weeks, 20 days, 20 hours or for 20 min.
Different people have different needs. If people here are feeling un-fulfilled I would have to ask you to really look deep and try to find what you want vs. need.
Sadly in today's world of I phones and flashy cars people are always looking to upgrade
And want the best deal (I guess I can't blame them, girls and boys alike) why stay with your ford focus if a mazda Rx-7 is willing to pull in your driveway? Which brings me back to what do you actually need and want. Lately I have found short term to be the best for me now. (20 days) or so then we are both not angry at each other but passion has been lit, burned and run out of fuel. You can re-fuel or mutually part ways stay friends and look for a new ride with your gas money cause after all you both know how each other handles and it didn't blow your mind long enough. I'm not saying go out and bang the next attractive person you see but I think if 2 people are lustful, go for it. It will feel good and maybe it will lead to something, maybe it will be the person who makes you feel the way you want. Probably not but hey you never know. Sadly you don't know how good someone is until they are gone or that part of the relationship is over. So that's the main problem is when to keep when to trade and then when to not bother and save money is another option. But after a few years of that you might get bored. So find somewhere relaxed low key with cheap drinks if that's your scene or outlook cause hey I'm with you why spend 20 bucks on drinks and not end up with 1 single decent conversation.
That discourages the best of us.


Which brings me to a question, does anyone want to help me open a small music venue in my crappy nyc suburban finacially strapped troubled city?
One with free local bands, and cheap beer since I don't want to be a millionaire tomorrow.

That's another problem everyone wants to be a millionaire tomorrow.
Doesn't happen. Nor should you want it to. Go play lotto if that's what you want.
I bet it takes about a million 1dollar tickets to win.

Everything in life is a gamble that either your willing to take, or your not. I think the key thing is to be happy with yourself, and what your doing, more so than who your doing it with. I think most break ups and not so good relationship experiences come from people who are no longer willing to work with their partners, because as long as the willingness is there mutually, you just keep working.

Plus you have to be patient with someone, as who gets it, when you want them too.

Relationships are pointless.
Any clear-minded logical person can see that.
They always end ugly! ALWAYS!
It's either death or divorce (break up).
I agree with your stages Sarah, but I think you are looking too much into it.
I'd rather be as Jmjoseph put it.
Call me pessimistic, if you want.
But if you sit back and think about it, you'll eventually find yourself questioning more things.
Well that's all I got to say.
Conor