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I agree with you being very upset, I know I would be the same! There is no excuse, even if he went to bed early he had time the whole day to at least send you a text. I wouldn't let this one go that easy, I would at least expect him sending flowers , ask for forgiveness, take me out to dinner. My ex boyfriend did the same and I was so upset he organized a surprise birthday party for me a couple of days later... that made me forgive him! ;)
Boy oh boy does he have a lot of making up to do!
The fact that he is so nonchalant about it would really make me even more hurt.
He needs to know how much he hurt you,that is the only way you will be able to forgive him. You need to tell him in no uncertain terms how he has hurt you and hope that he makes it up to you.
Just for the record,comparing his actions against your x really serves no purpose,it will just make you second guess your own choices.
Well, this brings me to another topic...
Do birthdays really matter that much? Me, personally, I think last year, I completely forgot my own birthday, which is why I don't take any offense if anyone else forgets mine. I DO try remembering other people's birthdays... but to be honest, even if I remember theirs, my work schedule is so hectic that during the day, I forget it, even if I remembered it the day before.
How excited people are about birthdays differs from person to person.
But at this point he should know that it's a big deal for you. You should accept the apology... but I definitely agree with not letting it go too easily and seeing if he makes it up to you. Something similar happened to me with an ex, and I accepted it too easily, which set the tone for the rest of the relationship. It wasn't a one-time thing either. He stopped putting effort into making me happy because he realized he didn't have to... and I'm glad to say things are over.
In order that this doesn't happen to you... I think what you did is good. You let him know you were upset. Wait and see if he does anything. I hope he makes it up to you!
Ah even if there not that special to you, it is the day the world was graced with you presence __ years ago... and it's always nice to have your partner to help you feel this way!
If my boyfriend forgot my birthday, I'd be pissed off, especially if he wasn't trying to make it up to me. Your reaction is understandable. Talk to him. In other words, make him work to get back into your good graces.
He was wrong, be angry for the time being but don't dwell on it, life is too short.
Make him suffer until he makes up for it, as most females do!
Threads merged
Has anyone else ever been in one of those relationships where you keep breaking up and then getting back together again? I've done this cycle three times now and I'm currently not with my ex anymore. The last time, I told him that I needed clarification of where we stood and he said let's start dating again. However a week later, I was starting to feel uneasy about our rushed decision to start dating again just because it felt right at the time. So I told him that we shouldn't date anymore. He seemed fine with this, agreed with me and said it's best if he stays single for a while. But I'm starting to think that if I ever asked him to start dating again then he would say yes.
Firstly I don't understand why he seems to always see my point of view and agree to breaking up or getting back together with so much ease.
Secondly, I don't understand myself. Why is it that whenever I'm with him, I feel like the best thing to do is to break up with him because we don't work well together, but when we're apart we start calling and texting each other more than ever, get really close, start missing each other and then I want to get back together with him again.
This cycle is starting to become very frustrating. Every time we break up we seem to become emotionally closer and he'll contact me so much, yet when we're together the frequency of his contact starts to lapse which leaves me feeling unwanted and wanting to break up with him.
Any advice as to what I should do? Also if anyone else has been in this situation, please tell me what you decided to do in the end to break the cycle. Thank you :)
It simple - you find this cycle frustrating so end it. Relationship should not consist of breaking up then getting back together. Move on, do both of you a favour by stopping this dead end cycle.
I've been on a similar rollercoaster that's a little more complicated because we have a daughter for years. We break up but always end up back together. My advice to you is to move on, because it is emotionally draining. Move on and you will save yourself a lot of heart ache and disappointment in the end. I wish I had moved on years ago, now trying to find myself and move on from a man that I have invested so many years in is the hardest most painful thing in the world. Look at the situation honesty, and do what you feel is best for you. Always listen to what yourself is telling you if you fell you need to move on then your probably right. We always know the answer to our own questions sometimes you just need someone else to say it.
Dear Kirai,
I believe what your feeling is fear. You fear that the closer you two get, the possibility of him leaving is to unbearable that you panic and break things. You think that your relationship will get too comfortable.
If you like the guy, then be with him! Don't think about what will happen tomorrow or what happened in the past, just live for today! If things don't end up working out for you two then you know you gave it your best shot, right?
To be honest, I have felt this way about my boyfriend before. I was always afraid that he would get too bored with me and dart for the door. Now I know I was wrong. We have been together for 3 years and it feels great. I feel so relieved that I no longer fear the worst in our relationship. I now look to all the fun I am going to have with him.
Best of luck!
:)
Beautful, you steal my heart ha ha
If you want to be with someone, then be with them. Stop worrying about the future or the past, neither are valid in the present. Either be with them or without them. No one likes to be in limbo and waking up every morning thinking "I wonder if today they will break up with me"
Aw, thanks Romey!
Congrats on your engagement by the way!
Yes, I was there and the cycle kept on repeating over and over again. It seemed to me at that time we can work it out etc. but we always end up fighting. So if you realized already that you don't like the situation and how he treats you, then you made the right decision by breaking up with him. The only way to end the cycle is to stick with a decision that you make. Let say, if you think it's best to stay with him then stop breaking up with him. The same with the other decision, if you think it's best to break up, then you have to stop thinking about making up with him etc. One day whether you like it or not, one of you will get tired by doing this. So, decide what you really want, talk to him about it and stick to your decision.
Threads merged
My boy is going on holiday to another country this week. His ex lives there and so he's going to stay with her for 2-4 days. They're friends now and they went out together for 10 months 8 years ago. They have been friends for the past 8 years and haven't seen each other since they broke up since they live in separate countries. He says he's not going to do anything with her because she's desperate to get married at the moment and he's scared of the repercussions if they have sex. However I can't help but feel incredibly insecure and jealous because I know he has a high sex drive and he's an attractive guy. Also, he's actually my ex-boyfriend and we have been thinking about starting things up again. We had sex together right before he left so now I'm left feeling like he's my boyfriend.
So from my point of view I'm scared he's going to have sex with her because a) he's technically single despite having had sex with me. b) she's single as well. c) he'll be staying at hers d) she doesn't know about me. He did tell me over and over again quite honestly that he might possibly still be attracted to her after all these years since he did date her at one point but that he wouldn't do anything because he didn't want to have to deal with the after effects and that he didn't want to ruin his chances with me. In my opinion though this just isn't enough reassurance.
So my question is, from a guy's point of view, do you think he will have sex with his ex? What would you do if you were in his situation? I'm so worried right now :( Thank you!
Speculating about such a thing is really kind of silly because ,what's it going to get you,besides a headache?
However,I asked my 22yr.old son and he said,if she isn't hooked up and he isn't hooked up they will most likely get together because it is easy and familiar.
Also ,if the ex is desperate to get married,she may think this is a good way to get him back.
He also said,it is no big deal and may not mean too much because of the long distance relationship hassles.
I can verify that my son does not have any clairvoyant talents,so clearly this is all just speculation.
I think if the opportnity comes about it's probably going to happen. His answer wasn't a solid "it's not going to happen" as one would expect. At the same time, I'm not sure what I should believe from you since you start saying my boy then later admit he's not your boy, so until you start approaching this from an area of clear honesty about yourself and your situation, you will just stir the confusion.
Yes there is about a 99% chance that he is going to have sex with her if he gets the chance. Which by the sounds of it he is staying there, so there is a pretty good chance.
First, all because he left feeling like your boyfriend the fact remains that he isn't. Sometimes sex confusing things but the point is he is an ex not a boyfriend.
With that being said he is free to do what he wants. From the looks of it, it seems like his ex stills like him and being that they haven't seen each other for years things could happen. As long as they are two consenting adults, who really cares.
Try to cause any furtther necessary pain or stress to yourself by worrying about his actions or intentions. The only person you can control is you not him.
Don't have sex with someone and then think "Oh, it felt like we was back together" no the two of you just had sex because you got caught in the moment but it seems like you had a hidden agenda behind it.
With that being said who knows if they are going get wrap in the moment.
It seems like your looking for a boyfriend so maybe you should go out and find one.
So it seems incredibly likely that he's going to have sex with her huh? Do you think he'll tell me upfront that he had sex with her or lie about it and say he didn't?
Why does it matter, your not his girlfriend.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirai
You really need a crystal ball to answer that one.You know the guy,is he trustworthy,does he tell the truth regardless of the possible consequences?Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirai
Bottom line,if he does ,you can't undo it and if he lies ,you'll never know so it is really a waste of time to worry about it.
I don't know this guy so I can't say what he going do or if he is going to tell you. Do you really want to know? I guess so.
Why don't stop stressing over this guy. Is he the only guy in your town?
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Given your past history with this fellow, I hope you are not there when he comes back.
Clearly your relationship ain't no healthy relationship. For whatever reason your holding on, he is not, and knows whatever he does, you will take him back, and all is lovely.
That's crazy so stop the cycle, because he knows full well you will worry, and fret that he is with the ex, yet he does it anyway.
Break this cycle, why don't you.
INSANITY is repeating the same stuff over and over, and expecting different results.
That describes your relationship to a tee.
Update
The last post I made was about my ex going to see his ex. After that, my ex came back to this country and sent me texts and called me everyday being all lovey dovey and saying he missed me. Seriously, he's sooo manipulative. I can see that now. I just thought he must have missed me but he was probably doing it because he had a guilty conscience. Anyway, we fell back into the old routine and Skyped every single day. When we were on Skype together one time, his friend was round his place and so he introduced me as his girlfriend. I was elated because he had never done that when we were going out and we weren't officially going out when he made that comment. But anyway it made me feel ecstatic and I felt like he was my boyfriend again. He kept saying to me, I really want to be your boyfriend again. I was so flattered. We booked a trip together and went away for 3 days, the theory of it being it would be a trial period to see if we should get back together. Things were going really well at that point and I felt happy with my life and him. The trip was amazing. He was so warm and friendly to me. He hugged me so tight as if he wanted to merge our bodies together. I'd never felt more wanted by him.
However after the trip we both go back to our respective cities. We still Skyped often however he stopped texting me altogether. Normally if I didn't go on Skype, I would get a text asking where I was. However he didn't seem to care that we went a few days at a time without speaking. I couldn't understand this because after the trip, I felt closer to him than ever. I wanted to text and call him 10 times as much however his contact seemed to be waning. Every time I did speak to him on Skype, he would make lewd comments about how I had a masterpiece down below etc. He made me feel so used and dirty like some kind of sexual object. I sent him a text one night telling him how angry I was and how I didn't want to be treated that way. He said he would call me but I kept having things get in the way so we couldn't speak until 2 days later. When I saw his face on Skype, I knew something was up. He's like Jekyll and Hyde - he has two personas. Well anyway he had this stone cold emotionless face on him. He said he's sorry but we should just be friends. We've been here before and we shouldn't be doing this again. That's all he said... no sweet things about how he would miss me or that we had a great trip together. No nothing. He was just stone cold and had this almost bored expression on his face. He kept fidgeting and not looking at the computer screen and I could tell he was dying to get away.
After all this I just don't understand what happened. How could we go from having such an amazing weekend in which we really connected to him being so heartless and cold? I just can't get my head around it. I've never seen anything quite like it. He was so scary. Just this complete expressionless, emotionless stone. Do you think I did something wrong? What do you think happened? I'd be grateful to hear your opinions.
Despite my depression and rejection right now, I can see that this is for the best. It's better if he is the one to finally say no because I seem to have no resolve whatsoever when it comes to this boy. At least now he will stop trying to worm his way back in hopefully. I just can't get over this feeling of utter rejection is all. I feel so played. Why do you think he became so cold with me?
The thing is actually, I thought I had a good perspective on this whole relationship. I mean this relationship had a sell-by-date anyway. I'm leaving this country to go back to my country next year and so all I wanted to do was have a fantastic time with this boy before I left. Even though we were long distance we could take trips together and I could get to see more of this beautiful country with a boy I really like. Neither of us wanted marriage so I thought we could just make the most of our time together. However the reality of the situation was that I just couldn't take the relationship lightly enough. I always got too into him and that's when it became problematic. I started expecting him to call and text more etc and for him it didn't seem like a relationship was on the top of his priority list. He was always more concerned with his job, sports etc. In hindsight, we were on completely different pages.
Not to put the blame on him or anything but I think if he had contributed more and given more to the relationship like calling me more then we could have succeeded. I loved a lot of the parts involved in long distance relationships like posting stuff to each other and getting to spend concentrated bursts of time together when you do see each other. It made it all feel worthwhile. But then the neglect that came after was always heartbreaking.
Definitely he is going to have sex with her because 90% males not see her who is she they just want sex. If I'm there in place of your boyfriend then I also do sex with my ex--
Well that about says it all doesn't it? You wanted too much, he did too little.Quote:
However the reality of the situation was that I just couldn't take the relationship lightly enough. I always got too into him and that's when it became problematic.
I started expecting him to call and text more etc and for him it didn't seem like a relationship was on the top of his priority list. He was always more concerned with his job, sports etc. In hindsight, we were on completely different pages.
Not to put the blame on him or anything but I think if he had contributed more and given more to the relationship like calling me more then we could have succeeded.
It was never going to work and you both contributed to it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by abid676
Dude, what are you doing... Don't go throwing comments like, "If I was there, I'd have sex with her." That's not helpful, you're just adding negativity. Go away.
Anyway, with everything going on, you're skeptical about him having sex with his ex. Obviously you feel that way for certain reasons and I think you know what those reasons are. If you know you can't trust him, why still be around to take him back? The real question is, can you trust him? I'm sure you know the answer, and there it is. You know what you should do.
He's not with you, and even though you might get worried about his actions, it shouldn't matter, you two aren't in a relationship. Seems like you guys are an on and off couple and like Tal said, if you guys keep repeating yourself with break up/make up drama, insanity will settle in, thus making you unaware of what you need to do for yourself.
Instead of worrying about him, worry about yourself and how to build confidence and self respect. It is long past due.
If he had sex with one ex (you), my guess is that he'd have sex with the ex he is staying with also.
You may think that he is your boyfriend, but what is he thinking? He may just be looking for a warm bed someplace.
Guys... please read again... Kirai got some updates already.
So Kirai, you guys together now (boyfriend and girlfriend)
1.)You're not his girlfriend.
2.)He doesn't have a girlfriend.
3.)Therefore, he is single and can have sex with whoever he wants. Which apparently at one time is you (notice the word "relationship" is not included).
4.)He'll be overseas. Refer back to #3.
5.)If he was worried about ruining his chances with you, he'd ask you out so you wouldn't have to wonder.
6.) He's using you.
7.)Let the ex have him, run away, and find someone that is actually interested in a committed relationship with you. And don't contact your ex again.
8.)Have a nice day.
He became cold because he doesn't care about you anymore, Sweetheart. He's a Faggy McFaggins. A douchebag. A jerk. A bicycle with one wheel.
Heal your heart: go NC, and be thankful you were able to spot his one-wheeledness.
Threads merged
Hey, I deleted my ex from Facebook a few hours ago. I just couldn't stand the obsession I had with checking his profile all the time. It was driving me up the wall! Especially since it hurt so much every time he would write status updates about how he was meeting cute girls etc. It was like a dagger through my heart every single time. He seemed to be moving on so quickly yet I was still missing him like crazy. But now, I'm starting to have second thoughts. Was it the right thing to do deleting him from Facebook? I've got this horrible sense of guilt and now I've logged onto skype for the first time in ages and am waiting for him to come online so I can apologise (even though this means breaking no contact and I haven't spoken to him for two weeks). I'm quite pathetic really. Can you please reassure me that deleting him was the right thing to do? I'm going crazy here.
Ya done good. :)
Absolutely, you have no reason to apologise to him over taking the steps necessary for you to heal. It was the right thing to do. Have no doubt about that.
Yes delete everything, don't keep any reminders.
And you don't owe him anything.
Just before you mentioned "second thoughts", you already stated to us all the reasons you should delete him from Facebook.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirai
Let us reassure you as to why you deleted him in the first place. It's so that you can heal. Until you've fully recovered from this break up, it's better not to have him on Facebook (i.e. see the reasons you've listed yourself).Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirai
BAD IDEA, hopefully we're not too late. DO NOT GO ON SKYPE. What you should actually do is delete him from your contact list on skype too. Talking to him will add to the confusion, give you false hope and make you over-analyze everything he says, which will prolong the pain and suffering.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirai
STICK TO NO CONTACT!
Of course it's not pathetic. You're only following the no contact rules. Here's some more reassurance (all the rules): https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.htmlQuote:
Originally Posted by Kirai
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