3 weeks no contact I guess. Though I just called her but didn't speak, wasn't sure what to say, just wanted to hear the sound of her voice.

I know letting go is probably the right thing to do but I just cant. Mutual friends said she was having doubts about whether it was the right thing a week after but I haven't spoken to them since.

I still have stuff at her place, and have some of her things. So I will have to see her eventually. What do I do if I want her back? I know it'll hurt getting rejected again and it will delay any healing, but what do I have to lose?

Look, what is done is done and I speak from experience. Hell, most of us do. As hard as it is, it's over between her and you and the longer you take to accept it the more pain you are going to give yourself.

Look girls will say things especially right after the break up but it means s****. I've been there and a LOT of people have been there. Read the threads, you'll see.

In the end of the day, you need to take the pain and get over it. It's one of those obstacles that life trows at you, you either face it or you go into more pain. After that obstacle you'll learn something and you'll be stronger in life, facing much more hard obstacle.

Yep you were right, moment (or day) of weakness on my part.

Yep, what she and others says doesn't really matter only her actions

Yep, Thanks!

She hasn't tried to contact me since ( a month now ). If she changed her mind then I guess she would have by now. Guess I'm not worth it

Feeling so torn up

I still feel I don't want or care about anything but her

Don't worry too much. It takes time to heal, and yes it sucks, but it is for your own good. At least she is not giving you false hope. We always have this hope in us, but it fades away, and we get over it.

When should I get my stuff back should ileave it longer?

A mutual friend (more the exs than mine - but other friends are prob going who I haven't seen in a while) is having a housewarming, she's going to be there, should I go?


Still want her back but I realise that's not going to happen :(

Azif going to the party s not a good idea. You still want her back and the party situation will only add to your false hopes and will be detrimental to your healing.
As for your belongings,do you really need them back?
Take care and be good to yourself.

Mmm thanks, yeah I'm not sure if I really can be around her yet, and don't really feel like explaining the situation to others

I don't physically need them but want to get the suits back, so it can wait

What do you all do when you feel empty? I don't feel there's anything I want anymore.

I'll work for 40 more years, maybe ill find someone maybe I won't, retire and die. Why bother?

If I feel sad or lonely I try to do things that cheer me up,phone a friend listen to music watch a good film -just generally pampering myself.
Life goes on and it s mostly good.
I hope you feel better tomorrow.

Be active, don't let yourself go down. This is why activities and volunteering are important. Find your dream, your own way... life is beautiful if you work into it.

Thanks folks good points. I have to get my act together and start doing things but it s easier said than done


There's 2 parties tonight, I don't get invited often but I don't know whether I should go :S

One where I actually know people she will be at...
And the other I only know probably one or two people

It'll take 2 hours to get to them, do I go?

Go to the party! Have fun! Go the one where you know you won't meet her and that will also be perfect to meet new people.

I would go and try to have a good time. You might make new friends-always a good thing.

Another question

Have a booking for the best restaurant in Australia (had been waitlisted for ages) next weekend

Do we go as friends? Assuming I ask her and she says yes :S

My parents were going to be paying for it as a graduation present. Her parents got me something so mine feel obliged to either pay for this or get her something :S

Here's my advice, go with a real friend (girl, boy or animal) but not with her. You are suppose to apply NC all the way, there is no turning point. Find a date and invite her to that place.

Called... she booked a haircut.

So I guess that saved a few awkward hours. Im not sure what I feel anymore for her, I want her back but then its probably part loneliness and I guess even if we did get back together it wouldn't last. It seems like nothing lasts anymore so nothing matters.

Looks like I'm cancelling

Not sure if the place is really a first date sort of place lol... things could only go downhill from there

You were right. Now I'm lying in bed awake...

See it as a temporary setback.
Start the NC again and stay on that path. Good luck.

It's bound to be up and down azif. As someone (Talaniman?) said to me, don't think that just because you had a bad day, there won't be good ones as well.

Work on yourself and apply NC ASAP. It's only a setback but try to work on yourself and make yourself feel good. Go the gym to get that frustration out.

I have the urge to tell her I still love her and miss her.

Tried to go out with a friend last night but just couldn't be stuffed. So left early.
I'm not sure whether it feels like my ex and I are still together or something but I don't feel like meeting someone new.

Can't go running anymore for a month or so. Gave myself shinsplints.

Should I just stop worrying about everyrthing and throw myself into work until I'm ready. Nothing seems to matter anymore

Be patient! Everything takes time. It's normal that you miss her and that you do want to break NC, but DON'T BREAK IT!

Do the things that are fun to you and don't go and try to date somebody else. Take care of yourself first and foremost and do a lot of sport. Day by day, things will get better and life will come back to normal. Trust me.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by azif

Another question

Have a booking for the best restaurant in Australia (had been waitlisted for ages) next weekend

Do we go as friends? assuming i ask her and she says yes :S

My parents were going to be paying for it as a graduation present. her parents got me something so mine feel obliged to either pay for this or get her something :S

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This is probably going to sound harsh but:

You should have gotten your s### together, smartened yourself up and start acting like a man and gone to that restaurant. You've obviously been looking forward to it so why the hell should you have been made to feel like crap and avoid going? You haven't just let yourself down, you've let other people down who have also been looking forward to it, your folks even? Are you going to spend the rest of your natural life avoiding certain places through fear of meeting your ex? If you allow yourself to start developing that type of mentality then pretty soon you will be too scarred to even set foot out of your own front door. I've been in that situation and believe me, you DO NOT want to start down that road because it ain't nice. You allow yourself to be scarred of the outside world and before you know it, you also have feelings of hate and anger and loathing towards your ex which can end up being more destructive than the initial feelings from the break-up. You're a man. Project your strength and show no fear, no matter how hard it is to face.

Sooner or later you may find yourself in the situation where you meet your ex again. Are you going to run away? A part of the healing process is also about confronting your fears, because that's what you have right now - fear. Fear of seeing your ex. Do not put your life on hold because of someone else's actions or possible reactions. The priority right now is getting YOU ship shape. If other people cannot handle you being in a certain place then that's THEIR problem not yours. Do not allow your life to be dictated by the reaction of others.

Right now you have absolutely zero confidence. You start acting like a man and you'll get your confidence back and eventually you'll start to feel like a million bucks.

Trust me, it'll work.

I think I still love her. I just want to tell her. I'm not sure if deep down I feel it's over maybe my mind is just trickingitself like she's on a vacation and shell be back.
It's three months now should I find a counsellor
Nothing is forever. Everything is meaningless
Or at best insignificant

I know it's not a hard and fast rule but some people believe it takes a month for each year together to get over someone. Just a speculation.
Are you eating right and sleeping OK?
As for seeing a therapist,maybe you should?
I do feel that you need to realise that it's over and that you deserve to heal.

Are you healing actively? Did you start new activities, go to the gym everyday, be more social, meet new people, volunteer?

I'm eating OK. Exercising a reasonable amount. Not sleeping right though. I'll give it another month before I get more help. Past my exam in the end. So I guess I can survive on my own. Thank god.

Need to get out more and achieve a few things that I wanted. But it's hard to get motivated. If I hang out with friends it's normally one of two of my old friends.

Saw the ex tonight while we were celebrating passes. Couldn't leave it at just how are you etc etc
Spoke to her alone. She asjed what I wanted. Said wanted her back but realized that wasn't going to happen. Which of course she just said yes too

Lifes okay but just not the same without her. Any advice on how to be happy? Books?

Well done for passing your exam. And talking to the ex didn't floor you,that's good too. Maybe you should see your doctor sooner rather than later if you're still not sleeping right?
Check out Amazon for books,there are loads.
Take care.

Actually it's really great that you are taking care of yourself and passing exams. It takes time to get better, but you do get better. Read articles on Google they help a lot (write break up in google).

Was expecting to see her today at a do. Guess it's better that I didn't. Heard a song on the radio on the way home and just broke down. Want to call and tell her I love and miss her even though it's futile.

Calling her is not a great idea,as I think you know.
What else is going on in your life?
Have you made new friends?
It is OK to still miss someone,but I hope you are moving on with your life.

Work all week an now I got to study all weekend. Don't really have much time for anything. Which I guess can be good. Hanging out with old friends a bit more.
Don't think I want to move forward. Plan is now to just work. Qualify. Work. Die

I seem to remember you mentioned therapy a while ago.
Have you done anything about that?

No. I don't think there's much point anymore. I know what I should do or at least think I do. It just feels like it's better to be alone and never rely on anybody for anything more than you need. Just got to be content with my lot.

We're just trillions of atoms that have devloped self consciousness. There's no point. We live for maybe 100 years or less and then dissintegrate.

Sorry for the self pity. Hate being a hypocrite. It's nice people listen. But I don't want to wnt people to listen and yet I can't help but want it

I would still advice you to go see a therapist.
You need to get some respective on your situation.

Hi azif - I may not be able to help like the others but I just wanted to let you know that I understand how you feel and I know how hard this can be. I am going through a break up myself so I can completely relate.

I understand that everything seems grim at the moment and you just want to be alone but maybe talking to someone who is completely unbiased (such as a therapist) might help you with some strategies to pull yourself out of this slump and re-focus your energies.

It really helps me to talk for an hour to someone where I don't have to worry about what I am saying. I also feel like I have exhausted talking about my ex with my friends and family - so having my therapist is a good outlet! Plus I pay him to listen to me - so he has to! Haha

As a student, there may be free counselling at your uni - you should check into it!

It will get better – I promise! (I have to keep reminding myself that too! – but from experience - it really does)

I'm not sure if is call it a slump. Some things in my life are going well (but I'm self destructing a little). I guess it's an emotional slump though I feel I've been in one half my life. It was just more bearable when I thought there was someone with me.

It doesn't feel like I'm the only one going through this. I read the rest of this forum too and get perspective. What it does feel like is this is how life is. Nothing is permanent. All you have is yourself. So might as well get used to it.

But then again it can't hurt I guess speaking to someone face to face. See when I find some time. Might even score some prozac out of it. Jokes.

Well hehe,but seriously I think it would do you good.
Stiff upper lip and going it alone isn't the only option. :-)

Threads merged

Would you, should you?
And if so how? Anonymously? Or just a small note?