Leave it be, Karma. That's all I have to say, if you get at her, something's going to gt at you, whether you feel good about it initially or not.
You may not want to know the answers. Just leave it alone.
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Leave it be, Karma. That's all I have to say, if you get at her, something's going to gt at you, whether you feel good about it initially or not.
You may not want to know the answers. Just leave it alone.
Its so hard to leave it alone when I look back now she may have been playing me the whole time and laughed about it to all her friends. I have to fight my urges and not mention it. My heart starts racing when I think about the guys she may have cheated on me with but I have no definitive proof so I don't want to look like a fool if I mention their names to her.
The problem is, you continue to get updates about her somehow. You have to move on with your life and cut her out. Pretend as though she doesn't even exist. Otherwise, you're just prolonging the pain and suffering.
No I haven't gotten updates- I just kept thinking about everything that happened in the past and I started thinking there's a good chance she cheated with a co-worker and our realtor and possibly someone else. When I confronted her about it weeks ago she denies it and says "I dont know anything". Probably because she knows she got away with it
Don't worry about it anymore, it's no longer happening to you.
Unfortunately, that's life. Move foreword. You've got two good legs right? Get up and use them.
I have to agree with everyone. She is no longer a part of your life so it doesn't really matter what she did or didn't do or what she is doing now. Its all Irrelevant because you guys are no longer together and from what it seems like won't be together. She will get what's coming to her in her own time. I believe in Karma.
Right when she was breaking up with me I told her that "I hope you meet a guy that treats you like sh** and cheats on you all the time because thats what you deserve" and she was just like "oh thats a nice thing to say" but I'm glad I said it to her now because she does deserve to get what's coming to her. She once told me she has "serious personal and self esteem issues and she feels lucky to have me because she s just an average girl"... so I think she cheats and flirts because she deep down feels bad about herself. I treated her perfectly and she even said "i deserve someone better than her" when she was breaking up with me
That's all the notice you need, and any more confrontation with her will only end in denial. She already knows she is a lying cheater, and she also knows you know it also. End of story... FINALLYQuote:
When I found out about the guy at the end and told her I knew she completely flipped out and was very angry and distraught.
Never talk to her again.Quote:
Would it be better to just leave this whole thing alone and never mention it to her?
Be done with her completely. Don't look at it as "man, I may have gotten played even when I invested all of this time/money into this relationship"... instead see it as "thank God that I did not end up marrying this weasel." It gets better, just don't contact her anymore, because quite frankly it does not sound like she deserves it.
I posted on here previously regarding my (ex) fiancé. She dumped me almost 8 weeks ago and I have found that although I have some days that I'm OK I still have a lot of bad days thinking about her. Especially on weekends since that's when we were always together. Once a week she'll text me to see how I'm doing ( I guess out of guilt/pity) I can't help but respond to her even though I know I'm not supposed to, I figure its better to have her in my life to some degree rather than not at all. I just don't know how I would deal with it if I never heard from her again. I never contact her first because I don't want her to think I'm still trying to get her back.
I thought by now I would get better but I find myself constantly comparing anyone I meet to her and don't feel that they are good enough. I'm definitely still really hung up on her. I went on 4 dates and wanted to leave the second I got there. I felt really weird being somewhere with someone other than my ex. I guess I feel like I could have done some things a little bit differently and feel like its my fault that she's gone. I always treated her great but I felt like she didn't respect me enough.
Last week we talked on the phone for the 1st time since she dumped me. It was so good to hear from her but things were just so different then when we were together. Today was bad because I found out that the guy she started "seeing" at the end of our relationship was her senior year in high school boyfriend. So I guess she dumped me for an ex from 4 years ago?
I asked her a few different times to meet up with me as friends and she always says "we will" but I don't know if it will ever happen. I guess a part of me thinks that maybe someday down the road we can get back together. I know its just wishful thinking. I guess I regret not trying to have a baby with her because if we did have a baby she wouldn't have left I'm sure.
I don't want to blow her off when she texts me but I don't want her to think I'm still trying to get her back and contact her first. What should I do? How should I handle this?
She's moving on you shoul too. A baby would have been even worse. I keep thinking what if I proposed but then I think about it. Why try to keep someone who doesn't reciprocate
You seem to be rushing into datig again when you are clearly not over her. Of course it what feel right
I'm trying to avoid thinking about being with someone. Just focusing on my career. Maybe try to set some non relationship goals. Be comfortable with you
My advice I think is for me as much as you. Hope it makes sense
Oh I know how you feel.. I still get all confused when my ex texts me. Its been a year since we broke up but my feelings are still the same! I don't reply when he tries to get in contact anymore though.. I think you should do the same. After a while you start to feel so proud at how strong you are at not replying even though you want to so badly!
She's the one who broke up with you... she made that decision now she can live with it. And believe me if you ever want to get back together with her staying in her life won't help because this way she will never realise that she made a mistake. Right now she is keeping in touch because she probably feels guilty and misses you but in time this will pass if you stay in touch. You got to cut her off completely.. only then she might realise something
Even though you know what you need to do, you cave in and keep making the wrong decisions.
Why do you feel this way? Because you keep talking to her.
Better to have her in your life in some degree than not? She is not something you need and keeping in contact will keep you in that state of mind.
She has dumped you for another, do you think that kind of person could make you happy?
A baby would have made this mess much, MUCH worse and NC will let you see that TRAPPING your girlfriend is not a solution for happiness.
Give yourself time to be alone for a while, you are not ready to rationalize and create solutions for yourself. Believe me when I tell you, NC is the best thing you can do for yourself so you can see you are much better off without her. Trust me, once you go NC and stick to it, things will start falling into the right places.
Why is she still texting me to see how I'm doing once a week? Is it out of guilt or does she miss me in any way? I want her to feek guilt and when she asks how I'm doing I tell her not too good and then I noticed she doesn't want to hear that because it makes her feel worse. She told me she's no longer seeing her ex from high school but she just wants to be single and see more than 1 guy. If she's gone back to ex's before I feel there's always a chance sometime later for us.
Thanks Jane... so you're saying that the only way she may miss me is if I don't respond to her at all? A few weeks after I got dumped I picked up the engagement ring and the rest of my stuff and I asked her if she missed me and she said maybe a little so I guess she doesn't care nearly as much as how I care for her. She did say how I was the nicest guy she ever met and I deserved someone better than her so maybe if enough guys treat her bad she may realize she had a good thing with me.
Why do you love her anyway?
Pop the glock
By keeping in contact,even if it is her doing all the calling,your not going forward.
And by the way,how do you think her current boyfriend would react if he found out she was still in contact with you?
You miss her.. you miss the way you were together,but as much as it hurts,its down to you now... how long are you going to keep torturing yourself with what if's?
Its over... and perhaps you need to remind her of that,considering she is the one who wanted her freedom... she may be calling you,but she is he his arms and telling him the things she said to you,they are making plans and being a couple... does that hurt? Damn straight it does,so what are you going to do about it?
Keep being her wing man,her just in case this one does not work out?
Or are you going to pick up your life,and move on!
You really should listen to all the other people in here and start no contact already, before you completely lose any respect you ever had for yourself, as well as any respect she ever had for you. Let me tell you what happened with my ex when we broke up.
I did the whole clingy thing for a couple of days and then came on here and started reading about other peoples problems. I noticed a pattern between every single breakup topic: The ex didn't come back. I also noticed another pattern from all the 3-month-plus length topics (the ones who actually did no-contact and then came back here): The dumpee realised the breakup wasn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it often lead to better things, and a lot of self-improvement - lifechanging in some cases.
It was no-contact from then on for me. She texted me a couple of times but I ignored them. It made me feel great about myself - I was ignoring her when she was the one who broke up with me! You say you want her to feel guilt. Believe me, she'll be feeling emotions that are far worse than a bit of guilt if you go no contact. She says she doesn't miss you much but she will do, she'll do her best to hide any emotions she has. It would be impossible not to miss someone who she's been with for that amount of time, even if she's now with someone else. Note that this doesn't mean she will come back - you don't care if she doesn't come back, remember? You're the one in control now! You're leaving her to deal with her emotions on her own.
After exactly a month of no-contact I caught my ex trying to hack into my email account, probably wondering what the hell I was up to. This certainly gave me and my friends a few laughs and gave me even more of an ego boost - to think I was the one who was dumped! Exactly a week after this I found out she had just got into a relationship with a 28-year-old arab who lives in Dubai, and he had travelled across the whole of Europe to see her (both of us are 20 by the way). I can only gloat over her ridiculous, blatant rebound situation. Her life isn't exactly going according to plan either - she still has no idea what she wants in life and is currently on the path to something she doesn't want to do.
See what I did there? I'm ranting to make myself feel better. I did this a lot in the early-stages of no-contact, it's a great temporary pain killer.
Now onto more important things: Me. Since then I have been working on myself - I've started exercising, building muscle, and eating healthily for the first time in my life. I've lost 20 pounds so far. This is going to be life-changing for me, and it would never have happened without the breakup, without a doubt. I've also improved myself mentally - I feel stronger and more confident than ever. I'm loving my new job, and have lots of things to look forward to at the moment. Life is good.
I hope this post is convincing enough. You need to trust everyone here and take their advice. Trust me when I say it gets better. You're stuck in a loop and the only way out is no contact. There is no other way - get out of this endless cycle now!
Remember: There is always something to look forward to in life, you just need to be patient.
Well I don't know if she has a boyfriend or not- she told me she's "seeing different people because shes too young for anything serious so she just wants to be single". One time after she dumped me I asked her if she could see us getting back together down the road and she said " Honestly I dont think so..I'm going to be single for a while."
I don't want to be her wing man or anything... its just that I was real close with her parents and knew all her parents friends and her friends and I like catching up on how everyone/everything is going by her. I guess I really shouldn't care anymore since likely I'll never see any of them again. I mean 1/2 the week I lived in her parents house with her so its so hard to let go completely. She also has had a lot of surgeries from a near death car accident and I like hearing that she's OK after surgeries that she has.
OK so she just texted me tonight for the 1st time in almost 2 weeks... it was so hard but I never responded. I know everyone here said not to but I feel like if I don't then we can never even just be friends and catch up on everything that's going on in our lives. Then down the road when I'm over her if I text her she probably won't respond.
I took everyone's advice and for almost 4 weeks now have gone NC. She will periodically text me with something very simple like hey or hey how are you? But I never respond. I don't ever look at any of her social networking sights because when I did they caused too much pain hearing how happy she was when I've been so miserable.
I tried going on dates and all I think about is her and wished I was with her instead of my date. I cut the dates short and give them a hug goodbye and never talk to them again. I compare everyone to her and don't think anyone compares to her beauty/style/personality.
Last night when I went out with my friend there wasn't one girl in the entire lounge I wanted to even talk to. It seems like if there is a decent looking one they're real y.
Weekends I always get more depressed since this is when I was always with her. Its been 2 1/2 months and I am still always thinking of her. I try to sleep but always wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep thinking of different things that happened throughout the relationship and wondering if certain times she may have been cheating.
No contact and going out isn't helping me it seems. I always have setbacks when she texts me because even though I don't respond it makes me think of her more. I don't know what to do.
Just keep doing what you are doing. It will take time for the pain to go away, but it will and eventually you will find yourself thinking of her less and less. There is no time set that will end it all- you just have to keep going forward and doing whatever you can to be happy and let her go. You have bigger and better things ahead of you and just work on becoming a better person from this experience.
Try not to dwell on the happy times or the sad times with her, as that will just keep cycling through your mind and keeping her strong in your thoughts. When you start thinking of her try to divert your thinking to something else, like remembering an old joke or a memory with someone else... eventually you should find it easier to go on with your life and find a new love.
Best Wishes
How did you know she cheated or what makes you think that? Also, change your phone number. That should help.
If she still texts you on occasion and it sets you back consider changing your phonenumber. It s does help.
Don't quit because its harder than you thought, and so what you had a few setbacks, keep it moving forward, one day at a time. Its only been a month. Go for two.
What makes me think she may have cheated... well 1) She told me when we 1st started dating that she cheated on every boyfriend she ever had...
2) 1 1/2 months before she dumped me she was passed out in her room from being drunk and so I looked at her cell phone and I saw like 70-80 texts back and forth to this guy. I only read like 7 or 8 of them because it hurt so bad knowing she was texting some other guy. This was right after we got back from an incredible cruise that I treated her to.
Anyway he was texting her saying things like "oh I could satisfy you better than your opie fiance" and basically making it like he could please her and stuff- nothing graphic but none the less disrespecting me... she would reply every time with "hahaha" and then I saw this one message where he sort of mentioned him and her being together and she replied "as long as you know we are just "friends"". I could have read all of them to really try to figure out if she was cheating but I couldnt read anymore- it just hurt so bad.
I woke her up and pulled the engagement ring off her finger and accused her of cheating and told her it was over. She kinda just layed in bed with a blank stare and never really denied it- just said "yea OK I was cheating" sarcastically. So I left the house and acted as if I was driving the 1 1/2 hours back to my house. She kept calling over and over crying and screaming- leaving me voicemails over and over again saying how she'll walk 50 miles just to talk to me/please come back to her house/and begging me to call her/saying how she hopes i have a great life and to find what im looking for and saying how she'll miss me and how she can't live without me.
I really only drove down the street and we made up that night. She told me he was from a state far away- I noticed he had a different area code but never checked to see if he really lived where she said he did. I called him and made her call him and left messages never to contact her again. She said she was texting him because "she liked the attention". So I don't know if she was cheating on me with him- 3 weeks before this incident she was being real mean and asked to go on break but later recinded- so who knows if he had something to do with her asking for the break.
. The day after all that drama she told me she'd do anything to earn my trust back and I told her to delete every guy from her cell phone and every guy from her social networking sights. She did this in front of me. Also-for the rest of that month she would go out a lot less when I wasn't with her.
There was other incidents also-- a few weeks after she dumped me I saw on her twitter that she was hanging out with some guy. He turned out to be her ex- boyfriend from hs. So I figured out later what days she was with him. A few weeks later is when she dumped me.
You are showing some strenths she hasn't seen before. She could be making some assumption that you have been keeping tabs on her through social nets. Or she just wants to keep you on a string. Any or all of these could be the case. Keep up the good work.
Now she knows I don't check her social nets. Because it shows my last login date was a month ago... whats the point of keeping me on a string? Is it she still feels guilt from dumping me when I did nothing wrong or does she miss me in some small way? When I picked up the ring a while back and asked if she misses me she said "not really..a little"
She had her chance, and she blew it. Doesn't matter what she feels.
Maybe she was giving you a chance to beg her back, or maybe she is afraid you'll forget her. Stay on your path, and be more patient.
She is a young, confused girl. She might have noticed, by now, that you gave her love and support that she hasn't found with these other guys. It's the price she had to pay for cheating.
Thanks Rockie... I know she was confused on if she wanted me or not because a week before she dumped me I overheard her talking to someone (without her knowing) She said she loves me but "how do you ever know if someones right for you". That tells me that she loved me but didn't know if there was others out there that she could possibly end up loving more.
You see she was trying to keep her options open. These options didn't include staying with you. In time you will see that parting was for the best. You, in time, will find a partner that wouldn't think of cheating on you. Wouldn't that be your ideal? As you have heard from others, stop wondering about her intentions or why this has happened. Just try to do things that make you happy.
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