Hi Guys,I am back with much more pain.I can't stop crying and hurtting myself.because I was talking to my ex and he was talking to me nicely and I had a hope that will be together again.but he closed his phone last Friday and he did this Friday again.Now I felt all over again broken heart.I feel like he with his baby mama or with some other girl.I am so angry he is moved on I am still in the same sircle suffering broken heart.I know he is abusive but we had a lot of love together.some time I feel guily maybe I push him too hard becasei of his baby mama.I can't stop crying.and last night I dream about he is with his ex sitting.and when I called him in the morning he close his phone.I am so miserble what can I do.I try so hard to get over him but it is just so hard.I get back to my sad emtions again.please help me before it is too late.

Im going to be harsh here. You must know that this guy's a no good waste of time and space. Instead of going complete NC on him you've stayed in touch and let him play with your head and heart Don't keep doing this to yourself. Only you can find the strength, the courage and the guts to get him out of your life for good-never mind how many babymamas he hangs around with. Find your selfrespect and stay well away from him. Good luck.

What are you doing Lisa? Come on, don't you have more respect for yourself? Is this what gives you happiness? (ABUSE) You want this man? IS this what life is about, having a wonderful boyfriend who showers you with abuse and heartacher over and over again? You need to talk to therapist and fast? You are heading down a very dangerous road!

Please don't give up on me.your advice give me a lot of hope.it is strange the one who heart me and make me miserble,he is the one who make me feel beter.he called me and we talk and he blamed me for every thing that goes wrong in our relationship.he said I became aggressive and angry man because of you.I keep bringing his baby mama all the time and he said I hate her and you keep remind me by her all the time.I don't know now if I am to blame in the situation.But the thing is when I talk with him I feel beter and I stop crying.am I so much in love with him or what is all about?I cry so hard and stop doing every thing just sit and cry,when I talk with him I feel beter.can you guys say something don't ignor me because I am confused.what can I do to let him go complitly and stay strong or get him back and be happy and some times sad guys I tald you my situation from the beginning.help me what is the best for me.been away from him is hurtting a lot

You re going around in circles again.
I wish you d give yourself a chance to be free from this obsession.
He 's abusive-he 's a liar and a cheat.
We all want you to have a happy life but you ve got to make your mind up yourself-stay miserable for a long time or let this go-as of yesterday.

Lisa we have all tried to help you but you keep on going back to the same situation. It frustrates us because your not listening. Your making excuses for the man who is abusive. Do you not think that much of yourself to even stay in a situation that is abusive and cursed from day one. Come on, I would think you know right from wrong. Find someone who worships the floor you walk on and treat you like a queen, not a doormat.

Lisa, it is never too late to tell that sorry excuse for a human being to hit the road.

You are not to blame because he doesn't know how to be a mature individual and communicate effectively with women. You can be part of teaching him how to learn by going FULL No Contact and letting him beat his own head against a brick wall (metaphorically speaking). No MySpace, no Facebook, no calls (cell, land line, other person's, computer), no email, no snail mail, no smoke signals, no messages in a bottle, etc.

I know you have the ability to be strong and stand up for yourself. You came here. You asked for help. Weak-willed people don't do that. You need to hold up a mental mirror and see all the wonderful qualities that you have inside that make you unique and a great person. I know the woman who existed before this individual came along is still there just waiting for you to let her shut off all communications with him and to help you rebuild your self-respect and esteem.

Take back your life. Let yourself tell him that you will no longer have anything to do with him or his drama. Give yourself time and resources to rebuild yourself stronger and better. It isn't easy. You already know that.

When you think about him change the thought. Take charge of your dreams. When you realize you are dreaming, shove him out the door. Let in someone new who wants you not a punching bag (mentally, emotionally, or physically.)

Remember to keep yourself occupied mentally and physically. Have you tried new hobbies that you might have to take a community class to learn? Get involved in volunteer work. Relearn how to enjoy life.

Hi Guys I am sorry I make you frustreated you with my situation.I have read your advice over and over again.it is all help ful.but what I really want know is how to get over him? Tell me?I want fallew your advice step by step.what is the first thing I need to do?what I been thinking why I am suffering this much over this,I think not because I am so much in love with him or he was my best friend.no I think because I don't want leave him in peace with his baby mama.even though I know he is only going there for his child.still I don't want be a loser in the situation.ppl use to talk he left her for me now I don't want them to talk he left me for her.I am really sorry it sound sick and physics.but I really hate this woman and I don't want to her to feel she is a winner. This is what I really feel.so what can I do to get over all this weared situation what can I do to just forget about her?because it talking the best of me. Help me to get over my anger over this woman

This might be where you allow yourself to stay stuck.
This woman or any other woman in the ex's life shouldn't matter to you.
You however matter, your health your safety and your happiness.
Stop all contact with him and I mean ALL contact.

If you want to keep suffering, we won't stop you. If you keep talking to him, you're going to continuously reset all the progress you make to the point that you're not even making any progress anymore.

You can't heal if you keep in touch, because you will over-analyze all the little details and have false hope, which is very unhealthy behavior.

Until you go 100% no contact, you're just going to prolong the mysery.

Try reading these stickies concerning no contact:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-351302.html

Once you've recovered from this break up, you will be in a better position to approach the situation. But you should allow yourself to heal first.

Thanku Guys for all advice.I will try no contact with him.but why I am so much angry over the baby mama?even though he will abuse her more than he abuse me.because I know he hets her.it strange if he is with onther woman maybe I will not that angry.but if he is going to see his child to baby mama then when I really get sick.I think it is not about his love any more it is about her.so what can I do again to get out of my mind.

Once you allow yourself to heal properly from this disaster of a relationship you ll find that this woman s not important in your life.

Thank I will do by your advice.I will not allow him to contact me and I will never contact him.from this day.But if I am getting week and get back for help don't get tired of me.But my last qustion to you,who are guys?I don't know you but you are giving me a lot of emotionl help.now I feel like iknow you and I can depend on you as a good friend.Thankyou for every thing.you guys are the best thing interenet ever provided for me

You re more than welcome-stay strong-stick to your decision. We re for you when you need to vent.
All the best and good luck

Lisa
Just want to enforce what everyone else on this thread has been telling you and that is the ONLY way your going to get over this is complete No Contact , if you had of listened to this advice when you first came here 2 months ago you would have already been in a much better place and started the healing process.

By contacting him you have stayed stuck in the one spot and not moved on , there is no magic wand that makes you get over someone , its hard for everyone and we can only advice you on how to go about it , we can't do it for you and that is complete No Contact , now its up to you to action it.

Good luck and just come back and vent when you feel like contacting him , we're all more than happy to listen.

Hi guys I am trying to use every advice you gave me.But it is very hard.I been on NC for two weeks,I reject him from my mobile.but he called me at work two times in in this two weeks.No it is about a week he didn't call me.and I am so miserble I can't stop crying.I don't know when this pain is going to end because it getting worse every day.I miss him and I miss his freindship and the love we had.now now is about christmas and new year time.how I am going to spent those days with out him.what can I do can I stay friend with him?because he wants me to be just friend with him.losing all together hard for me.is NC really works and how long does it take?but the thing I still want him to be in m life.he was my best friend before every thing else. Help me.I am I going to be OK?after losing a such love of my life and best friend in time?

NC is for you to heal from the break up. Once you've healed, you will be in a better position to consider a friendship.

The pain might get worse, but once it reaches its maximum point, it will only get easier from there. 2 weeks is not long at all. It's actually still the beginning. I'm sorry to say, but there's no magic potion. Time is the only cure. Give yourself more time to heal.

If you start talking again now, you're just going to reset all the progress you've made these past 2 weeks. That would drag out the pain even longer.

There's no timeline on how long it takes to heal. It all depends on every individual person.

Don't even think about a friendship now. If you were meant to be friends, you can easily pick up your friendship from where it left off once you've completely healed.

Lisa, there is no set schedule for NC. It is different for each individual.

The holidays are going to be extremely hard, but you can make it through them. Are you keeping in touch with other friends and/or making new ones? Try doing something different than you traditionally do. Don't let yourself hide away.

What resources are you giving yourself to help you move on and heal? Are you keeping yourself busy mentally and physically?

If you think NC is hard, think of how miserable you would be thinking your okay with being friends and hoping you will get back together.

One thing you have completely forgotten about,
.

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things were very good in the beginning but later he start abusing me and hit me several times.now I am hurting because I lost my best friend at the same time my boy friend that I really love

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This is not love on his part, nor is it love on your part. Its unhealthy to be abused and still overlook it for so called "LOVE"! Then there is this.

Quote:

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I don't want forgot to mention he has a child with other woman.But he really hate a woman and abuse her and kick her out of my house when she came to look for him in my place

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If he abuses his baby's mama, AND YOU he is not a person worthy of love as he will beat you both again, given the chance.

When you miss this "love" of yours, think of those facts and be glad your not getting you butt whooped again by him. Best friends and lovers don't abuse their partners.

Stay with NC, for the sake of your own a$$!!

Stay away from that relationship. Stand up and see what is real! Don't walk, RUN in the opposite direction from him!

You are NOT the bad person - he is. It is NOT your fault. You did NOT fail the relationship. You have a lot to offer to the world. The hardest thing to do is to realize and admit that you need to stay away from him. Abuse makes you feel weakened, frail and very fragile.

There are support groups available to attend and hotlines to offer support - chek out your local telephone book. Yes, it is frightening to think of walking away from him and starting a new life. I won't say that it isn't. I will say, however, that it is necessary. Lean on family and friends and let them help you through it. Keep reminding yourself that you are a good person!!! Learn to love yourself. Learn to like who you are. You are unique.

Give yourself a chance at a peaceful life. Hang in there!

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Some people think that it's holding on that makes one strong;
sometimes it's letting go.

Guys I am really losing my mind.I am getting weaker and wearker.a girl I know called to tell me she sow my ex and his baby mama where together in the shopping center with there baby.I was so devastated I can't believed he is shopping with her.he convenced me that he will never with her and he hate her.how come he is shopping with her in the weekend?I cried hard and called him why he lied to me about her.and he answer me in very aggressive way to tell me,she has my child and I will not leave my child.and he hangup the phone on me.and I am so depressed I did not sleep the whole night long.I cried a river for my sad self.I don't know how I am going to be to strong over this situation.I hate his baby mama,I hate to lose him for her.I can not emagin seen them together.how can I make myself accept they have something speacial(child)together.I don't kow if I can go on like this.I have a lot of anger.after 2 hours I supposed to go to work.But I can't my mind is dying.NC is not working for me.I want him back.what can do to have this man in my life.. I know I said a lot about been abused by hem.But trust me I rather be with him than I live with feeling I have. Help I am trying my best but it is not working.and most kills me the jelouse over his baby mama.because she was my worst enemy and if he leaves me for her,then I will die 100 times. Get me back to my mind.thank you

Adding to that I will not be so depressed if he is leaving me for onther girl.but if he left me to be with his baby mama,I think I rather die than living.knowing that she won him back for me.I hate this woman and she feels the same about me

This going to be harsh.

Stop the self-pity party. Dry the tears and hold your head up high. Don't let him get away with convincing you to hurt yourself for him. He isn't worth the ground under the septic tank.

NC isn't working because you won't allow it to. You keep taking his phone calls and having friends update you on what he is doing. That will just keep you in pain and hurting yourself. By the way, your last post sounds a lot like you have not been even trying to keep NC going.

He lied to you. No surprise. He was shopping with his child and the child's mother. No surprise. You confronted him and he reacted negatively. No surprise.

You need to get up and find a counselor in your area. You need someone to look you in the eyes and tell you straight to your face that trying to get him back is one of the stupidest moves you could ever contemplate in your life. You need that person to tell you that you are a billion times better off without that abuser in your life.

Wake up and realize it isn't him you want. It is to get back at her. You don't win anything if you get him back other than more abuse. Is that what you really want?

Lisa,stop making hatred for another person your life. I don't know how many of us here have told you the same things,he's an abuser,a cheat,a liar etc. You should go complete NC and stay that way forever.
What he does or who he's with shouldn't matter.
I too advice you to seek counselling,you need to get some perspetive on this. You need to heal and get your life back.
Take care.

I know what to say any more the pain is more than can explain.here I am sit at home and not going to work.sorry I can't say nothingi feel like throwing up.sorry

Seek help now,don't allow yourself to suffer any longer..

Sadly there not a such thing called counselor in my area.But every thing CAT1860 said about me not needing him back but getting back at the babay mama.. like I want revange.and make her hurt. That I believe is true.what I don't know what devel inter in my heart?all think of is her been with him.is killing me.I know it stupid to love some abuser but I can't help my heart goes wild for him.but if I try hard I can get over him.because also a lot of bad things about and that make can strong.But the craziest thing I don't want let go of him is because of her.I don't want her to live happly ever after with the man I love and fought over him with her. Don't know what kind of mental sickness I have.

Guys don't get tired of me.I don't have counslor to go to.all have is you. Help me with all my thinking.thank u

Harshness Alert

Your sickness is you have been abused and need help and guidance to escape your abuser. Is their a battered womans shelter for you to go and get some much needed help? Maybe a religious leader to counsel and guide you? Find out now and get help because loving a guy who kicks your a$$ is seriously crazy.

Hating his other victim is seriously crazy also, because you, of all people, know her life will never be happy ever after, because she will get her a$$ kicked again, and again.

Whats so happy about that? You can't seriously be mad at her for getting her a$$ kicked, instead of you can you? That would be sick. Get some help now!!

Talaniman,I swear you make sense.deep in my heart I know she never happy with him.I know he is going abuse her.but maybe if she gave him onther child he will calm down maye fall in love with her?and that will drive me carzy even more. Help me I don't know what I am thinking

Your next post better be about what you are going to do for yourself to get beyond this issue. Whining about her is no help to you. Stop doing this to yourself!

Hi Guys,every time I try NC my heart feels more pain,I can't imagine seen his number not answering or calling him to know what he is doing... because he keep tell me he want to be friend.we meet 2 days a go,he swears to me that he is not with his baby mama and he hate her but the reson is not with me is because every time she find out I am with you she punsh me for not seen my child and that gave me a lot of stress and he said she is a bad mother that's why I want cheak on my child every time.because her other child from onther guy is very slow and not active.because of her he is like that he says.thats why he said he want cheak on his child every time.if she was agood mother I will no worry that much for a child.but she is not that why I have to see him every time and if I am with you she will not allow me to see him.and I want go to court for that because they will give cuple day a week to see him.but only brings more problems he said.
Guys the reson I telling all this is because he want to be friend with me.can I do that?been friends with can make him in a way be in my life.may be one day I can get him back.dont surprise if I am saying stupid theing.yes he abusive and he is gentle.he is two in one.and no body is perfect.I don't know what you guys think. Help me NC is very hard to start with.Thankyou so much.

Stopping contact, and leaving him alone, is hard and very difficult. Its supposed to be because you are very sick, and need to heal.

He has to get his act together also, and learn to deal with his issues, but he never will as long as you are still there. So you all lose, big time unless you can be strong so you all can survive and be healthy. That includes the children, so go through this difficult thing, and tell him to leave you alone, that's what you need to do. Bear the pain to do the right thing, or be miserable forever.

Lisa,reread your entire thread and try to take in the advice you've been given. Try to let it sink in. Try to face facts.

Hi guys I really thank you v.much for all the time you take to advice me,But one thing I want understand is why can we be friends?I been friend with him more than 4 years.we can be very good friends.he start abusing me when we start dating.like I said he is two in one he can be too abusive and very gentel at time.so why can't I keep his freindship?if I am losing him as aboy friend.that way I will not feel the lose of some I love.

There's NO magic wand that's going to turn this man into a good friend.
It doesn't matter if he's got two or a hundred different personalities, the way for YOU to find peace,balance and happiness in YOUR life is to cut ALL contact with this person ,seek counselling whether from a therapist or from your local pastor or religious leader and allow yourself to heal and move forward with your life instead of letting yourself slowly waste away pining for a man who's not in ANY way an asset in your life.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lisa27

hi guys i really thank you v.much for all the time u take to advice me,But one thing i want understand is why can we be freinds?i been freind with him more than 4 years.we can be very good freinds.he start abusing me when we start dating.like i said he is two in one he can be too abusive and very gentel at time.so why can't i keep his freindship?if i am losing him as aboy freind.that way i will not feel the lose of some i love.

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Heal from the break up first, before you think about all these questions.

You're in emotional turmoil now. Allow the emotional dust to settle, so that you will be more objective about the situation.

Constantly thinking about these types of questions will only make you go in circles and prolong your pain and misery.

Focus on attention onto something else that is more positive. Go out and have fun with friends, go see a movie, etc.

Lisa, from what you have written, you are incapable of being just friends with him. You want to use friendship as a way to hold on to him and 'win' some part of him.

You are acting like an addict with this man and the drama that he causes. You need to let him go and get 'clean' from any influence this man has in your life. You are going to be stuck in the same place, wanting the same thing, and not giving yourself or anyone else a chance as long as this abuser is in your life.

He has lied to you. He probably is lying to you. He will lie to you. I would almost bet that if you and the mother got over being at each other's throats and sat down to have a civil conversation, you would both discover how much he has been playing you against each other.

Take off the blinders, throw away the rose-colored glasses, get out of the ivory tower and face reality. He is not Prince Charming or Mr. Right. He is a liar and an abuser and probably a cheater.

You cannot be friends because you are weak for him, and will fall for his lies, and abuse, as you have done already, but it will get worse this time.

That's why you can't be friends, and you will always hope he gets better, and takes you back.

That's why you can't be friends. You still cannot see the real danger, and harm, he does you, and his baby mama, Neither of you can, as its just not logical, rational, or healthy, to want someone who kicks your a$$ when he changes from gentle guy, to abusive guy. Get this through your head as with friends like this, who needs enemies.

You can whine, and beg all you want, and I hate to be harsh, but this whole situation is very unhealthy, and things cannot go back to the way it was.

Did you ever think he says the same thing to his baby momma to keep control of her too? Well he does, because that's what abusers do, suck you in with the gentle side, and still beat your a$$, when he wants to, then he says sorry I will change, so you get sucked back in AGAIN.

Stop this madness, and insanity.

.guys your words feels like cold iced shower.the truth hurts.but where I am going to start to get over all this un imaginble pain I am sufferng since the broke up.I can't hve him as boyfriend,I can't have him just friend and can't have at all in my life.this is the man I tried so hard to keep and fought for over for him.if he can not be in my life I guess I will say good bye to happiness.I don't know I am lost complitly