Thanks Gemini, so what do you suggest I do? I broke up with her because she was threatening to break up while we had agreed not to use that "weapon" in our relationship. But you are right, I even do feel like a teenager! However, I do not know what to do!

One day at the time one step at the time cry when you want to cry vent when needed focus on you who YOU are as an individual.

You continue to leave her alone, as she has left you alone. Its your life to lead, enjoy it to the fullest, without her. That's what you do.

It is curious how many of us, like me, have to hear the same advice over and over again, advise that totally makes sense, only to have several moments during the day with that urge to contact, to do something. Glad I found this board, last contact was 10 days ago, my suggestion to her to talk... I will post here when I feel the urge to contact, and not contact her. I hope you will put up with me!

Great idea it worked for me!

Goodmorning! It is definitely the mornings that are the hardest... pfffffff... hanging in there!

Are nt they just! :-( you re doing great though I ve noticed you ve started helping others. Way to go.

Yep trying to help others, it is easier to help others than to help yourself. From the outside many cases look so obvious!

Yes they nearly always do when one s coming from the head not one s own heart. Our emotions do seem to eh trip us up?

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Originally Posted by harriejansen

Thanks Gemini, so what do you suggest I do? I broke up with her because she was threatening to break up while we had agreed not to use that "weapon" in our relationship. But you are right, I even do feel like a teenager! However, I do not know what to do!

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Don't contact her - and hey, get it clear in your mind that you won't play games.

Today I am depressed, more than anything else. Still feel like reaching out to her, it worked the last time... I understand all of you being against it, so keep hanging in there, and instead of contacting her, posting here.

But still... don't women like to be pursued, specially in this case, where I deserve to suffer a little bit?

Some days are not good.stay strong.keep busy.

Women who like to be pursued never run far, or fast enough not to be caught, if you're the one who they want to catch them.

But in your own case it's not about a relationship at all, its about you gaining a really fresh, and realistic perspective, on your own situation.

You did the right thing, coming here and not to her, because the depression, and the urge to call her, WILL PASS. Don't dwell get busy, that helps a lot in changing, not only your mood, but your thoughts as well.

Hey, I never said it would be easy!!

OK, but I haven't called her in 2 months, have not contacted only replying her "business" mails that came in, and of course 2 weeks ago that mail where I ask her if she'd be available to work through our stuff...

And your point would be? Keep it strictly business, as I imagine that's all you can handle, and all she wants you to handle. Drop the dreams of romance, buddy.

Hey Tal, I appreciate your input a lot.. but you seem very very sure!

I suspect she is on a holiday with her sister right now, and probably also pondering this stuff. I am not as black and white as you yet! We'll see what happens but I promise I will lay low!

I understand, and your right, its hard to process new information when your emotionally charged. I hope you give yourself a chance for the emotional dust to settle, so you can separate her facts, from her fiction.

I still get confused sometimes, but now I have time to step back, and see a bigger picture, before I act.

Tal, I think I have a feeling where her emotional dust is. I am 45, I went through a bad bad bad divorce, in the end I managed to get out with shared custody after 7 lawsuits etc. I know more than it would appear in this thread...

She is 36, no kids, 2 very bad relationships of 5 years each where she probably lost all confidence in us men...

I think I am OK now to deal with this. It is just that after 6 years of being single I really hoped this would be IT. Summer here in Spain is a big issue in the sense that everything is dead, everybody is away, she knows I am with my kids, don't know that much about her but I know she is a little conservative, and very proud, french etc. and above all she is perfectly aware of that fact that if she doesn't get it right this time she is running out of time.

She told me at one point, that she is "at least not contributing to the overpopulation of the planet" I didn't say anything, but hey, I have 3 kids!

In her last rant she shouted something "You do not know if I want kids! You do not know if I'd like to be married" etc. so obviously there is an issue there.

I just would like to be able to talk to her about these kind of issue, to understand her better. I am pretty sure of my own feelings in the sense that after 6 years of being single I'd consider her a potential candidate.

I am not really desperate, just sad and frustrated. Actually I am at 45 still very good looking and very successful with the women, only, I think I am too critical and don't admit many women to my heart, just short flings, this time I felt different and of course I am not stupid, but as you can tell from my posts this girl got me...

I enjoy the board a lot, it helps me to relax in the dificult moments, but I have to admit I have a little bit of trouble with the standard NC advise...

All I can say is that a relationship where breaking up is an established pattern is not where I wanted to be. So I got out.I spent the first week after the break up desperately wanting to talk and rescue what we had.by not contacting my ex since the break up I ve managed to find out what I don't want from a relationship. Of course it still hurts but every day it hurts a little less.some couples aren't meant to be together.it seems to me that your ex has made no attempt at trying to meet up for a discussion about your problems.

Goodmorning Monica! You are right, she hasn't... yet? We'll see trying to dwell less on it but not yet ready to let it go entirely...

Good morning.any time of letting go takes time.it helps to keep really busy.and maybe not get stuck in the what if thinking mode.. .

Getting really busy in August is the problem! But I am OK, will go out mountainbiking today, good to get rid of negative energy.

That's the ticket!:-)

I almost called her! Jeeeezzz...

What stopped you. don't fall off the wagon.

The fact that I'd have to admit it to you guys stopped me! Haha

I think I am making good progress in the detaching process, or am I...

On the other hand, I still want her...

Don't fall for her trick. She is just going to hurt you in the end. She is talking all business like and even emailing you just to see if your with anyone else. And she probably knows it drives you crazy. Don't let her get the best of you. Stay strong and show her how strong you are. You don't need her. I understand you still love her but do you really think she still loves you?

That's the best deterrent ever! :-)you re doing well.hang in there -and hide the phones.

Hi Summer, I have absolutely no idea wheather she loves me or not. I know that we were both very insecure and that lead to mistrust. I think she has been burned badly in the past. Also I think that she is figuring that my having 3 kids with shared custody is too complicated for her... I don't know. Maybe I had made too big a idea of a new start with a beautiful girl in my head, after 6 years of being single with one night stands only.

You having three kids should not be a big deal. I'm 18 and had a kid when I was 13 and no one looks at me different. Shared custody over kids is normal. If she has a problem with that than she's so not worth your time. You need to find a girl that will care and love you for who you are. And can deal with the fact that you have shared custody over your kids. If she can't deal with that than why waste your time? If that's the reason you think she's not with you now, what makes you think she will ever be with you again?

Ever think she uses you for your business connections? That may have to end unless you have a plan to deal with it better. I have one, get a social life of your own.

The "business connection" was just an opportunity to sell a product against the mexican flu in morocco. She has a contact with the product, I have a contact in Morocco with contacts in the hospital world. I think she used this "business" as an excuse to get back in touch really. Then I sent her the mail about me feeling we are playing games around the "business" and so far no news. Her silence says enough I guess. On the other hand, I am silent also...

My social life is OK.

Wow have had a terrible sleepless night what a mess. I don't know if I can keep this up. I need to talk to her...

Well just venting. Today a friend from Barcelona comes over to hang out a couple of days, will be partying a lot this weekend.

Morning dutchman. Vent on that's the whole point.dont drown in your emotions.or swim if you must.:-)

It is a bit like the Billy Joel song, goodnight Saigon...

They rule the night.. and the night seems to last as long as six weeks...

I woke up several times bathing in sweat! Now I am OK again. Strong stuff. I still have to figure out a next step, I am not ready to give up yet. Am I crazy?

Not anymore than most of us I guess.but we re all different.my story is that by going N C straight away I could start concentrating on me.and though I miss the many good moments I'm now quite happy knowing that the bad ones are gone.I know my relationship is over and to me that's a relief.I don't think you are there yet.but from what I gather from your posts you are getting stronger and more in tune with yourself as the days go by.

Hi guys, still here. Have a friend over for a couple of days and going out a lot. Still she is constantly on my mind... Next week I will have the kids again so it will be 3 weeks before going back to barcelona and then what? I still feel the need to contact her, although in general I am more relaxed now, much less anxiety.

Although I feel a little bit better, I am still not 100% convinced this no contact is really the way to go. I have not spoken to her in over 2 months, and 3 weeks since I mailed her... but my feelings are still as strong as ever. What would be the best approach to talk to her? Or am I way off even thinking of speaking to her?

N C is the best way in my opinion.thats coming from me who today has spent three hours stopping myself from emailing my ex to let him know what a... I think he is.can only speak for myself but I know I if I were to break the N C I d be back on square one again.and I don't want to go there. Sorry for ranting.:-)

Friends, I feel NC is not helping. I am a lot calmer but nowhere near over her at all. This week a friend of mine came over. He lost his job, and also his relationship of 5 years... but he is very much enjoying himself here with me and I can't get over my relationship of only 6 months!

I think I have to try once more to at least talk to her. Don't shoot me! I still have almost 3 weeks to go before returning to the city we both work in...