Ask Me Help Desk - I Got Her Back

I have 3 days to wait this out. I will not call her in between. I swear this is going to turn around.

So we can expect to hear all about it Saturday or Sunday...
I wait patiently... :D

That's right. Surprisingly, my hotel had internet access. I've been tempted to contact her, but I've held back knowing that I would only push her away. I'm going to act like myself when we go out and not even talk about the relationship. I know this is going to turn around.

Remember though that you have to have a change of heart in all aspects because as many here have said, even a couple posts today, said they got back with their ex and saw some improvement but as time went by they saw that they still had the same attitude and the same annoying ways.
So you can put an effort out there but it is what you do in the long run.

I honestly think you're the only one who really understands. Yes, I know that I might get hurt again. It's a risk I'm willing to take. I was the instigator of our fights. I kept making big things out of nothing because of the trust I lost for her when she broke up with me the first time. The reason she broke up with me the first time was another trust issue thing with me and thinking she was cheating. All along I haven't trusted her and I want to start now.

I understand you want to learn the hard way and sometimes that is the only way some people do learn some things but good luck with it actually working out.

We are waiting to hear how she reacted and how things went.

Well the original date was supposed to be a double date and it still is. It's my best friend and his girlfriend going with me and my ex. I just called my best friend and he says that his girlfriend is talking to mine now. He doesn't know what they're talking about but he says his girlfriend has already agreed to tell him and he'll tell me. I seriously hope this is just a,"despite not being with my boyfriend anymore i'm going on a date with him" explanation speech. I'll know within the next few hours.

Okay well she was supposed to call at 9 and 40 minutes have gone by, so now I'm kind of flippin'. My friend's girlfriend is going to sleep at 10 so I might not even find out what's going down tonight.

This means one of two things

1. She forgot because I'm not on her mind.
2. She's legitimately busy.

No matter how busy someone gets, they will make time for people they are fond of.

I hope the friend's girlfriend has information that clears some of that up.

Unfortunately, my ex hasn't called my best friend's girlfriend yet. I have a feeling it's not going to happen tonight. What the hell is going on?

I remember Talaniman posting up one of his rules. I'm paraphrasing, but it goes something like this:

Never try to read the mind of any woman, or analyze their actions for intentions

Like I said, I'm paraphrasing, but at this point, wondering what she's thinking is just going to eat you up... and not in a good way.

I think it is his friends girlfriend that was suppose to get back to him, not his ex girlfriend.
She probably doesn't feel it necessary so put it off.

Oh, okay, I got confused.

I thought his ex was supposed to call him, AND his best friend's girl was supposed to call him after talking on the phone with his ex.

*dazed&confused*

No it's just my friend's girlfriend will talk with my ex, then my friend will tell me what happened.

I feel like calling her and telling her that I'll treat her right and we won't fight about stupid things. That I've had time to think it out. I know that's stupid, so I'm not doing it. I have 3 days until I see her. Two until I have to call her to confirm this is happening.

Does everyone agree with my waiting course of action? Should I call her now and tell her that we can work this out? I won't act until I get advice.

Quote:

Originally Posted by reckless

does everyone agree with my waiting course of action? should i call her now and tell her that we can work this out? i won't act until i get advice.

... WHY do you keep asking this when we already told you and you would rather do it your way anyway??
You said you are going out in a day or two. Why do you want to push it? It will prove to her that you are not changing. Go ahead show her how desperate and needy you are it will confirm why she doesn't want to be with you in the first place.

When you get to the point you can't resist why not just call your friend and ask them how things went with the phone call first?? \

You are desperately looking for excuses to call her.

See if your friends say if she said you are still on for your date before you do ANYTHING.
The earliest I would call is the morning that you are suppose to go out.
Then I would keep it short and brief!

You: We still on for tonight
Her: Sure
You: Great! What time should we meet?/where should we meet? (whatever details you haven't worked out)
Her: reply
You: Great see you then. Later.
Click

Thank god for you. Yeah I won't do anything.

The phone call didn't even go down last night. I have nothing to tide me over. I refuse to cave in. I have to think of it like this, every time I cave I'm adding one more month or week to the break up.

Exactly.
If there is any chance of her wanting you back YOU are going to be your own worst enemy and blow it by not looking at it that way with everything you say and do.

I know you don't want to hear this, but I would have gotten another date and had a great time with my friends.

You honestly look very desperate about getting your ex back, and your pinning all your hopes on one date.

But I can appreciate your stubborn hard headedness, and if you want another shot at that brick wall, have at it. Who knows, maybe your head is harder than the wall, and you'll knock it down. Wear a helmet though just in case the wall is truly harder than your head.

How should I act on the date?

I made her a surprise before we broke up. She likes cashews, so I emptied a can of them and filled it with rocks (to make it heavy) and flowers. I'm going to give it to her, she's going to open and be like what? Then I'll say, "No I'm just messing with you," and pull out the real bags of cashews.

Good idea?

What physical boundaries am I allowed to cross (hand holding, cuddling, kissing?) I guess it kind of depends on how much she'll take and what kind of vibe I'm getting. Do I ever talk about the relationship under any circumstances?

See if you have to ask how you should ACT on your date with an ex then it MEANS you have not changed enough to give it another try. That is exactly what we have been trying to tell you.

So either you are going to go
And blow it again and she may not even give you another chance
Or
You are going to go and act and do everything okay where she figures she will
Continue with you and see where it goes and you will eventually blow it.

I now fully understand why she broke up with me. I fought against her best friend. It's not about who was wrong or right in that fight, it's about the fact that I did. She can't forgive me for that, especially when her best friend is living with her. I already apologized to her best friend, but there's no changing what I've done. I don't know how I can make this up to her or her friend.

The full story of how I fought with her friend goes like this:

I wanted to talk to my girlfriend before I went on vacation. I called and nobody picked up, but I saw she was available on IM, so I said hi. Her friend answered for me, and I asked where my girlfriend was. She said she was busy, I told her that seeing as how this was my last night before vacation, I really wanted to talk to her. She told me to call, and if my girlfriend wanted to talk to me, she would pick up. I did call, and she didn't pick up. I said "f**k you" to her friend on IM. Then asked her to talk to me instead and tell me what was happening. When I called, her friend made burping and farting noises on the phone and wouldn't talk to me. I don't remember what else I said, but I got really mad. I hung up on her and called again, but she had turned off the phone. I went on IM and asked her where my girlfriend was. She said she would finally let me talk to her, so I called and my girlfriend finally picked up. She told me that she had been upstairs and wasn't even there to pick up when her friend said she was. I got really pissed and messed up hard. I don't really remember exactly what happened, but she was so angry that she said she couldn't talk to me anymore. One hour later she calls me and asks me for a break up. Now what do I do?

You can't do anything about the past all you can do is go out on that date and give her an apology from the bottom of your heart and tell her you were wrong but don't over do that either.
Then it is all in her hands what she wants to do after your date.

Honestly, how should my apology go?

"I know that your friend means the world to you and I didn't mean to hurt her. I already apologized to her, and you've already forgiven me. I know you shouldn't have to put up with my s*** and I promise I'll treat you right and we won't fight over stupid stuff anymore. I'm mature enough to hold back my anger now that I've had time to think this over. You make me happy and I make you happy. That's as simple as it should be. Will you be my girlfriend?"

Maybe a little shorter and more to the point. "
I have had time to think and I realize just how wrong I was. You have a right to your friends and I should be more understanding.

Don't ask her to be your girlfriend you barely haven't even had a chance to win her back. Asking her anything like that will scare her away again.

How old are you?

Great. So I shouldn't say a thing about the relationship, but I should apologize. I actually don't see an immediate solution. This looks like one of those ridiculous time consuming things, but I know it's worth it.

I don't know what we're going to do on a date at the movies if the answer isn't "cuddle and get back together." also I seriously don't see this working out when her friend is still there. Her friend is just going to ask why she got back with me when I'm such a jerk.

Is this situation unsalvageable at this point? I feel like I might have to wait a loooong time to get her back. Right now her friend is filling the void in her life left by me. Once her friend leaves, she'll be empty again and I can take over, but right now I'm not so sure.

This whole date thing sounds like it's not going to go as well as I had planned. If I'm just going to apologize like some sad sap, it's not going to do it. Is talking to her about the fight even a good thing? I can already see her saying that I shouldn't treat her friends like that and that we should just be friends for a while. I mean that's what she said the first time I apologized. I don't see why the 2nd time around this is going to get any better.

I missed how old if he did say.

You summed it up right here slap_
BACK ON PAGE 1

Quote:

Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

So getting back with the ex ain't so good after all?

Well, lesson learned. The least you can do now is break up with her before she breaks up with you.

... he wants to learn the hard way...
Well maybe iit will give him some good practice in the meantime.

I did a search to see if he answered and I couldn't find anything.

Really man, how old are you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by reckless

if i'm just going to apologize like some sad sap

You don't even want to apologize.

Quote:

Originally Posted by reckless

i don't see why the 2nd time around this is going to get any better.

Then throw in the towel!

You're wasting so much energy on this, a most of it is spent on figuring out what to do. You will look back on this and cringe.

He IS determined that he is going out with her again this weekend. I thought since he will be with her a simple apology like ''I have had time to think and I realize just how wrong I was. You have a right to your friends and I should be more understanding'' would help break the ice since he is determined to prove he changed.

OF course he needs to mean it.

If your apology is some sad sap in your eyes then yes forget it.

Too late. I called her. Her friend picked up. I straightened things out with her friend, who forgave me. She told me to have fun on my vacation.

Then I talked to the ex. I asked if we were still down for this weekend, she said yes, but she still had to contact my friend and his girlfriend. She asked if I was still going to the play (the kind with actors) she had invited me to next Saturday with her. I said yes. I told her how amazing my vacation was (it isn't.) I told her I was going to go and I left.

I honestly feel like I have this one in the bag.
I'm just going to come back here and gloat in a few days. No way I'm apologizing ever again.

Good if you gloat that is fine more power to you.
Sounds like you don't need to apology if she seems so ready to forgive you.
Just watch you don't mess up again and be careful she doesn't end up having reason to dump you again.

Quote:

Originally Posted by reckless

...she asked if i was still going to the play (the kind with actors)

Ah okay, I thought you mean the kind played by tubesocks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by reckless

...i told her how amazing my vacation was (it isnt.)

You showed her!

Quote:

Originally Posted by reckless

..i told her i was going to go and i left.

You tell 'em reckless!

Quote:

Originally Posted by reckless

...no way i'm apologizing ever again.

You got that right, 'cause apologizing once when it's unnecessary and unwanted is okay, but if you do it twice... you'll just look stupid.

Quote:

Originally Posted by reckless

...i'm just going to come back here and gloat in a few days.

Lolwut

Gloat that you are getting back with a girl who doesn't seem to respect you? Maybe you guys will get back together and maybe it will last forever, but that's sounds more like a hollywood ending then real life. I hate to say this but I think you are going to end up right back here asking what happen to your relationship.

So, will you be gloating on here when the cycle repeats and she dumps your a$$ again in a month or two because nothing has changed from before?

LOL... good luck walking on egg shells and thinking you "won her back"!

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

***as s_ciani wastes his breath and vainly types away :(

Yeah, I think you're right. We're trying to tell the guy what he needs to hear but obviously his not taking it. Some people learn the hard way and some people never learn at all.

s_cianci, you don't LIKE wasting your breath, vainly typing advice, and watching someone walk off into relationship doom?

I'm disappointed in you!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Torrid13

s_cianci, you don't LIKE wasting your breath, vainly typing advice, and watching someone walk off into relationship doom?!

I'm disappointed in you!

Lol! Actually, I'm just trying to tell the guy what I wish someone would've told me when I was his age. As I recollect, I was always encouraged to be the 'nice guy' (read "doormat".) You know, "give them a chance", "fight for what you want", "they'll be back when they've had a chance to think about it", "send her flowers, that'll win her back ; it always does", "she's playing a game, be willing to play along". I could go on and on. Now I'm sure that the people who gave me these little bits of "wisdom" had good and noble intentions at heart but it's ill-conceived advice nevertheless. The truth is a lot better and, frankly, doesn't hurt as much because it doesn't give one false hope only to be let down all over again and it doesn't encourage naiveté.

I know what you mean. The people that give "the best" advice (aka. "She's playing a game, be willing to play along!") not only are clueless and trying to be optimistic about your heartbreaking situation, but they also are very in touch with reality. Too many times people give wrong advice because they're too wrapped up in Fairytale Land and happy endings.

Good advice or not he made up his mind pages ago he is GOING out with her this weekend. Then he is coming back and gloating

I am waiting patiently but I refuse to hold my breath!