Yes you have. This just shows you what type of person she really is.Quote:
Perhaps I over-estimated the quality of her character.
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Yes you have. This just shows you what type of person she really is.Quote:
Perhaps I over-estimated the quality of her character.
Tal: I'm not sure about my expectations not being realistic, I mean how hard is it to say "hey I'm sorry to hear about your loss..." I'm not expecting a box of tissues brought to me and pamper me all day... I've heard that simple saying from numerous people already whom I did not invest 13 months of my life with and thought I knew inside and out.
Jmw thanks for the input, I still can honestly not believe I did not get any sort of condolence. What kind of person does that.. Ugh that frustrates me so much...
Welcome to reality, where not everyone has your moral sense. She dumped you, and she is through with you, that's reality too.
Right on both accounts! Lol. And quite frankly, the lack of moral sense allows it to be so much easier to let go.
So now day 16 of NC... although I did see her for the first time in a while at work yesterday. I had to help fill in at a store that she works at, that's not breaking my NC streak though... I can't help it offering to help where help is needed. Still did not hear any sort of condolence about my relative's passing. Just made light chit chat for a few minutes. Once again, can obviously tell she is still way into me. Ya know what, I really just don't like being around her anymore. I mean, I just don't want to see her, don't want to hear her voice, don't want to hear her laugh, don't want to know what she is or will be doing,. anything. I'm really not even sure why I care anymore, I mean looking at things objectively, I'm more intelligent, better career and further along in it, more educated, wealthier, more athletic and a more muscular toned body, damn handsome, better sense of humor, superior in so many ways (I'm trying not to be a narcissist here - she is cute, and a good person -- although maybe not as good as I thought with how she's handled certain things). It is so clear that she is towing the family line, her mom even came into the store where I was working when I was there (don't know what for - just saw her come in). It was so funny, when we were together I would help her with and even do some of her homework / tests for her, and when she was looking for a different career I created a resume for her based off mine which is crafted from a business school education. She is currently looking at a new career and when we happened to run into each other a little way into the chit chat she asked me if I still have that cover letter and resume I did for her. (I about fell out of my chair laughing) , I simply responded nope I deleted it (along with everything else related to you from my computer honey! - SO wanted to say that :) ). I was like... yeah right, you put me through all this hell and go from we're not right together to well maybe we just need a break, to showing up where I am and then us hanging out together, you acting like my girlfriend again, then asking if we just need time, then two days later saying we can't hang out anymore, then a week later we can't hang out anymore or be friends... I'm manipulating you, blah blah blah... Sorry for the rambling, just trying to portray the evolution (and venting a little bit). To NOW wanting my help with the awesome resume that I created for you. Sorry, find somebody else to do that for you, you revoked your girlfriend privilege card remember? How about having your Mom do it for you... oh that's right she didn't go to college and is a homemaker (Not hating on homemakers here - good ones are very necessary for society, just showing lack of certain skills). That did feel good to shut her down on that. That, and I'm looking damn good! If anything right now, I'm using all of this frustration as motivation to get absolutely ripped in the gym... I'm talking like fitness model ripped lol. There is no better motivation than rejection in my book!
So my updates right now are basically just upgrading on my status. Day 20 of NC and going strong. I think I'll stop counting once I reach a month. No urge to call or anything, I've had several good things happen lately for me financially so that is helping me think about her less and less. Still hitting the gym hard, work going good, and getting richer. Life is good! :)
NICE! 20 days is well done sir.
Keep up the good work.
Yes keep going. Keep hitting the gym hard. 20 days is great, but look out for those down days... that's when the gym really helps out.
Well, one good thing that's come out of all this. (You going to the gym, that is).
I'm intrigued though... you have an awsome resume and a college education and a business school and you work in a store?
I keep my company of employment and some other details vague for Google search reasons :) Maybe I am just paranoid lol.
Thanks for the encouragement guys. I really haven't had any "down days" in a couple of weeks, I am definitely doing my absolute best at keeping busy. I just sold my car and pocketed a few thousand $$$ in equity, and will be saving about $500 / month between car payment/gas/insurance and will be biking to work. Not like I'm hurting for money or anything (quite the opposite, I have a very nice nest egg saved up). But the benefits are two fold, I'll save even more money a month, and get more exercise in (yes, so that is biking to and from work, and lifting weights after work - every day of the week -- I told you, I am on a mission for 6-7% body fat %). So a lot of things are really falling into place. You just have to have faith in yourself (and God - really been focusing on my faith still). It is possible to get better. I more or less just realized that I am an awesome person and am a heck of a catch for anybody, and if somebody can't see it then I don't have time for them.
Here's hoping for no setbacks :)
Just an update, nothing too exciting sorry... :)
So I'm just about to complete Day 25 of NC and doing good. For some reason yesterday I really thought about her a lot, not really sure why... because the few days before that was when I really started to go a couple of hours without any thoughts of her creeping into my mind. Still hitting the gym hard and chiseling away to single digit body fat %. I did get to help out a really cute girl who came in as a client while at work today and we were really connecting. She is a little bit older than I am (not even a year) but has a lot of similar interests as me, and is also out of college with a finance degree and a year or so into a career. Now I just need to find a way to ask her out without coming across as unprofessional / out of line / weird lol. This totally helped me take my mind off the ex though. I guess more or less it was just an outward manifestation confirmation of what I've always known in my head - that I have a ton to offer women. We'll see what happens... not sure when I will talk to her again.
Just 5 more days until one month of NC! Each day I get richer and in better shape, there are positives! :)
NICE! I am so happy for you C. Well done.
It will be interesting to ask this girl out seeing as she is your client. Perhaps it would be best to ask her out for lunch or coffee, something that doesn't over imply a dating scenario...
Ok so just an update...
I think I've completed like 35 days of NC now... (I stopped keeping track at a month). Still going strong. I'm thinking of the ex less and less and just sticking to keeping busy, not concerning myself with what's going on with her. I've had a lot of people telling me that I'm looking way lean and fit lately, it's been quite the ego boost :) In the last 3 months I've lost about 15 lbs. and have gotten stronger at the same time, so I'm keeping my mind focused on keeping up that good progress. Haven't had any alcohol in about a month and a half to help contribute to those gains. I've had this other really cute girl be really flirty with me lately, but she has a boyfriend currently... so I'm not pursuing that more than just being friendly and kind of flirty back, but I know the limitations and do not pursue taken women. It's funny because I hung out with her a few times (nothing happened) before I started dating my ex, and was kind of interested in her, but more so in my now ex... because I knew my ex better on a friendship level, and I like to start relationships with friendship. Anyway, I'm more or less doing that I guess to boost the ego a little bit, and it also helps get my mind off the ex too.
Just sticking to what I'm doing... and have come to realize that there is nothing wrong with me, and am really disappointed in myself with how broken up / semi-desperately I acted when she first initially broke up with me. But live and learn no? Lol. I'm just like... wait a second, I know everything that I have to offer here... are you kidding me? I have a work related get-together in about 2 weeks and am not sure if she is going to be showing up to that or not... I kind of don't want her to, but whatever, I want to go and am not going to let her dictate what I can and can't do. Ok, keep strong fellow AMHD'ers :)
Great job with NC.
So an update...
Ugh, so by shifting of some personnel and such, guess who will be working in my building with me... yep, I'm sure you guessed it correctly. So now I'm going to have to deal with that for a while apparently. Not the way that I would like to find out about that with her greeting me and me not having a clue that she was going to be there. Oh well, a simple hello, and didn't chat outside of that. Because frankly, I don't want to hear what she has to say... about anything, and I really have nothing else to say to her. Yeah I'm sure I could have a good chat with her and just shoot the breeze and be my normal crack-up self, but I just don't feel like it around her. I just stuck with conversing and joking around with my other co-workers while ignoring her. Not a setback, just something I would not prefer. But what doesn't kill us makes us stronger no? :)
Exactly how old are you two? Are either of you in school? And if so, how far apart?
Both mid-20's, she's a couple years younger than me. I've had my Bachelor's for a couple years now. She was a couple years into school... changed majors, currently not going to school.
Ohh okay I didn't catch your ages (more like I forgot to re read it and was more focused on everything else)
Anyway, She's confused. All I really know what to say is what other people have already told you. Be considerate of their advice. Good luck!
Just go about your normal business and don't let her get to you.
Ohsohappy - haha, no problem, confused is beyond what she is lol. I don't think I'm ever getting involved with anybody ever again who has ultra-religious parents. I mean, I am a Christian, but I am not super insane crazy Christian, and going to judge and meddle in other's affairs.
Jmw - thanks for continued input, I do continue to just do my thing. I had a really great commission month last month so that makes me very happy. It's very funny, if I'm around the same part of the building that she is, the sound of her voice has just become like nails on a chalkboard to me... seriously. Isn't it funny when you can not see somebody for roughly a month and a half and just be like... I have no idea who you are anymore. I have walked past her, and been around her for a couple of days now, and I just don't don't even want to talk to her or even look at her. From what I can tell she has seriously become her mom. I continue to just keep ripping up the gym and socking away money. It's funny I was talking with another friend at work who I workout with and talk with outside of work who is a pretty cute girl, older than me by a few years, and there's absolutely nada going on with us romantically... and who I've kind of vented to about my whole situation... regarding her being back at my building and she was like --- 'yeah I saw that, how's that going. You know it's funny, and I could be way off here, but I think she hates me now, or doesn't like me, because I looked at her and smiled and just got the cold shoulder'. I was just thinking to myself, oh goodness...
I'm looking at planning a trip to Europe within a year, and it's funny because had we still been together I was going to take her with me and probably would've proposed to her on that trip. Oh well, I don't think she quite knows it yet, but she'll get a reality check about life here eventually and the whole wanting to move out of state and go to a public university down there (while I wonder how on Earth will you pay for that?)... which sucks because as much as I tried to avoid that for her, I don't want to see her get hurt. But it's not my place, and I can't do anything about it anymore.
So I happened to run into the ex on a break today. Pretty much had to chit chat, because I did not want an awkward silence. I asked nothing about what she'd been up to, and didn't break into a whole lot of detail when asked about things that I've been doing. She did happen to mention that her doctor thinks that she might be going through some depression, and is prescribing some things for her to do. I don't want to sound like a terrible person and that I delight in her agony, because I don't, I'm not happy to hear that she may be depressed (we're coming up on almost 4 months -next week- since she initially ended things), but it did make me feel good that everything is not all rosy fields on the other side by the breaker. I guess more or less for everybody out there who was dumped and currently hurting badly, and they think that their ex is just living the high life now without them, it's not always the case.
P.S. - I would be depressed too if I had given up such a catch as myself ;) .
HAHAH Smart A** =PQuote:
Originally Posted by CanIBuyAClue
It's good that you're still confident in yourself. :)
Haha of course I am still confident in myself! I can't say that I'm totally over her by any means yet, I mean she is my first love (I had other girlfriends/dating for a few months, nothing too serious before this), but all of the 2nd/3rd looks I get by girls, and just looking in the mirror everyday I love what I see. And as I said earlier, if somebody else can't see it, it is their loss.Quote:
Originally Posted by ohsohappy
P.S. - I will say, that there is a part of me that loves that she will have to see me and how good that I'm looking / doing, at least for a short while. Time to make her suffer some... in a nice way :)
Oh boy. I'm just going to leave that one alone, I don't even know where to start. But I'm going to say this, Don't place too much value on appearances.
Oh I don't trust me, and I always told her that I loved her for her personality and what was inside her. I am not that superficial, which is why I was offended when she insinuated confusingly if our attraction is all just physical, as if I'm some kind of neanderthal idiot with nothing else to offer.
Sad. :(
Dontcha hate it when all females can see is your body? :mad:
Yeah, but I definitely know that I'm more than just my body so that doesn't affect me too much. It's funny how I was offended by that though, where some people may see it as a compliment. I'm one of the nicest / most sincere / caring guys you'll ever meet. I don't put too much stock in much of anything that she says anymore though. Plain and simple she does not know what she wants out of life right now. The "reasons" that's she has given for the breakup seemed to change every single time we talked. The truth is she doesn't know why she broke up with me, she just says stuff to try to validate her decision. It is, and will always be my belief that she finally just gave into what her parents (aka Mom) wanted for her -- which is to control her. Apparently the grass is not so much greener in Mommy's backyard though with the whole depression bit. I think she's just fishing for sympathy, but I'm just standing firm and not succumbing to offering to be there as the weeping shoulder.
Hahah funny you'd mention that. Because a lot of females feel the same way about men. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
So just a little update. So she did show up to the company get together to celebrate somebody's work accomplishments. And it caught me off guard because I did not think she was coming. Anyway, just kind of avoided / ignored / didn't pay too much attention to her. But for some reason it just really pissed me off seeing her... I don't know what it was. It is weird to think that somebody you use to care about so much, and still do to a point, that you could feel that way towards them. Ugh... I had a near moment of weakness to call her after the thing got over and everybody was disbursing, but I resisted and thought it would be best that I do not. Argh... I just have some anger building in me about the whole thing.
If you can find it on my posts, look for the question "how do I find myself?" I posted a comment that I think would really help you with the anger thing. About Triggers and emotions. If you can't find it let me know and I can copy and paste it for you. I just think it would help you calm down in this situation.
Thanks for the response, yeah I did find it. I will try to incorporate that and think about why I feel a certain way about something. I'm not angry to the point of punching walls or anything like that, it just really agitated me. I just got done doing a whole lot of push-ups lets say! :) I consulted with who other than... Mom lol when I got home. She more or less pointed out that probably part of why she showed up was to see how I was doing when she is around. And maybe if she succeeded in turning any feelings I had for her to being pissed off / upset when I see her. She hasn't changed any, and she's miserable (her recent mention of being tested for depression / low saratonin levels) and probably hopes that I'm miserable too. I don't know... I am just very happy with myself that I did not give the satisfaction of showing that I was agitated by her presence.
Good for you! I hope that other post helped. It's not just for being "I'm gonna punch a wall" angry. LOL. Your mom sounds like a smart lady! :)
With due respect, I am never comfortable dating super religious people. Your story sounds so much like a couple of my friends who had ultra-religious boyfriend or girlfriend, and all those breakups or drifting apart happened because priority of you and GOD was the most important question.
Personally speaking, I can be great friends with ultra-religious people, but for me, it's a red flag when it comes to dating.
I know I sound very biased, but those who have been in this situation, know what I am talking about. It took so much effort on my part to help my friend who was dating this girl who would discuss their sexual matters with the priest and behave that night based on what the priest advised her.
My concept is that LOVE is GOD, and if you are in LOVE, you already found GOD, so why is there a priority conflict?
Anyway- those who got hurt by my statement (cuz religious people are usually very touchy), I apologize, nothing personal OK?
No I'm not offended at all, and I've already told my friends that I am staying far away from girls with ultra religious parents, or are just super religious in the first place. Because look where it has gotten me... in not a good place (mentally anyway). This has been one of the most difficult things I've ever had to go through. It just boggles my mind how a girl can go from talk of wanting to marry you, and then no more than three weeks later breaking up with you because all of a sudden priorities are different. It's just really ****ed up in my opinion.
Try not to dwell upon what was said-that was then.concentrate on staying focused and moving forward with your life.
She didn't see you in her plans and got rid of you. Now you need to move forward with your plans and leave her in the past.
So I thought I'd update, although my updates are really boring nowadays because I've cut all of the drama regarding this situation. Haven't spoken to her in like... 2 months or so?? Who knows I'm not keeping track anymore. And more importantly, I haven't seen her in roughly over two months... which is great because I hate seeing her because it reminds me of who I was with, and that's not her anymore. I had to call her about something work related a couple of months back, just a quick conversation and that was it though. She tried calling me at work a few weeks ago for help regarding something and I just ignored her, she must have got the hint since then... because she hasn't tried calling since lol. It's actually been nice, I'm getting to the point where she is not the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning. I know that a part of me still loves her, but I think it's more or less the part that misses the good times that we have. All in all I'm pretty happy with my progress. I haven't drank any alcohol in 4 months, and have only had about 2 beers since we initially broke up. I've lost 24 lbs. in under six months. I'm down to low, low teens in body fat %, and I can bench 70 lbs. more than my body weight right now and overall I'm just looking dang good in general! Still haven't pursued dating at all, mainly because I've been too busy with stuff I do by myself... I'll just let that come naturally, I'm not going to force the issue... and I don't really have it on my mind to be honest. So yep, that's pretty much what is going on... :)
Hey man- good for you. You're where I want to be and hopefully will get there soon enough with some hard work. Sounds like you've been doing great with the working out aspect and also not drinking. I know what you mean when you say "shes not even the same person anymore"... its funny how when you see the ex'es after they dump you you see them in a whole new light.Quote:
Originally Posted by CanIBuyAClue
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