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She did not expressly ask for me to give her space. If she had asked for something I would give it to her. In the meantime, I do have my own life. I got a promotion at work, and I have been spending a good deal of time with my friends. It doesn't mean, however, that I am not wishing every single second that she was there with me.
She is not sure what she wants, so you need to give her space.
You said she had a problem with you controlling her life. If you keep trying to move back into her life she is going to see that as control.
Leave her alone, give her space. Don't try and control the situation. That is one of the things that got you in trouble in the first place. Take your hands completely off and let her control her life. If she comes back, it will be her decision without your input.
I do want it to be her choice, I just wish I could help guide that decision. I believe if she knew how I felt and the changes I made, that would ease her mind and help her decide. Sitting and doing nothing is almost impossible.
What is your and her astrological signs?Quote:
Originally Posted by lagalagallama
I am a gemini, she is an Aries
That's what makes it so hard, knowing you can't influence her decision.Quote:
lagalagallama; I do want it to be her choice, I just wish I could help guide that decision.
What your failing to see is her need to get over the damage that's already been done. She obviously is still dealing with that and I seriously doubt that she can see you have changed until she deals with what you did before. Its unrealistic to expect she just forgive and forget.Quote:
I believe if she knew how I felt and the changes I made, that would ease her mind and help her decide.
Don't sit and do nothing, change is an ongoing process, and that's what you should be busy with. That's how changes are permanent and don't just fall by the wayside once you get what you want. This isn't something she can help you with, you must be wanting it for yourself, and not for her, and that my friend takes time. You don't convince someone you have changed and mean it, until you have for long enough for them to be confident that you have. That may take a long time depending on the kind of a$$hole you were before.Quote:
Sitting and doing nothing is almost impossible.
It maybe to late to convince her, that's the consequences of your actions, but at least you won't make that mistake again, being a drunk controlling jerk, with your next relationship. Okay, you blew it this time. Make sure you don't next time, be it with her, or anyone else.
Haha I think you have got it all wrong. I wasn't a drunk controlling jerk. In fact if you ask her friends, I was an amazing boyfriend to her and they were all quite jealous. I just meant that I was stupid about some things, and a breakup was the kind of shock I needed to get it through my thick head. I want to take the lessons I have learned back to this relationship, and show her that I am that guy that she said she could spend the rest of her life with.
I really like you, but i still love my ex of 10 yrs!Quote:
Originally Posted by lagalagallama
Although your situation are different from what his was, your mindset is the same.
I got a lot of enjoyment out that thread.
Ok I read a but of that thread, and then I skipped to the end. It looks like it all worked out for him. I hope it does for me as well.
Buddy, It really sounds like your obsess with this girl, if you trully loved her, you would have taken our advise and give her some space. The more you push the situation, the further your pushing her ( and we know you don't want that). Look, like a told you before I know what your going through, I know what it feels like to want something you can't have, when you really want it, it's the worst feeling. At this point there is really nothing you can do. Take a vacation or something, get away clear your mind. You stressing over this, is only going make you feel bad in the inside. If it's one thing I know, you can't force anyone to be with you, to love you. You say you love her, well let her be, and if you don't let her be, then you never truly loved her, it was all an obsession. Trust me on this one.Quote:
Originally Posted by lagalagallama
Nope not obsessed, just really love her and miss her constantly. And I have been giving her space, just need to vent on here sometimes because its so hard. Its hard to be without someone who means the world to you.
It has now been a week since she has contacted me... this is not getting any easier.
Its not supposed to get easier, it will get much harder, so get a plan that keeps you busy.
HINT: Time flies when your having FUN!!
I have been trying to make sure I keep busy. I am working most days, and trying to spend as much time with friends as possible. It just sucks, because in the month or so following the breakup she would text me while I was out or if I was out of contact for a while, now I've got nothing. But I have been making sure that just about every night I have something to do.
It has been about a week and a half since she has contacted me, I don't know why she suddenly stopped. I think within the next day or two I am going to contact her, see if she wants to go out for a 'friendly' hangout and get ice cream or something.
Wrong move pal. If she wants to hang with you, she will let you know. Seems to me she is distancing herself from you now. I think you need to start trying to move on from her since the damage to this relationship has been done.
Respect her request for space and get working on moving forward and letting go.
She didn't request space. The last time we talked, she said she missed me and was very obviously interested in talking to me.
She is distancing herself from you. That would be the only way to explain it. She is doing her own thing, while you are sitting by the phone waiting for her to text you.
LAME!
Start getting on with your own life and quit waiting for her to throw you a bone.
It looks like she is stringing you along with mixed signals.
She says she misses you and is interested in talking to you, blah, blah, blah. What do her ACTIONS tell you? She is playing a game and you are her pawn buddy. When will you get tired of playing??
Find someone else to invite for ice cream, or to hang out with you.
Why fall back into the traps of the past, yet again? Shake it up some, my friend, and take a different approach for a change, one that is not so comfortable, not so easy, and a lot more challenging.
HINT: Time flies when your having FUN!!
You really need to find fun without her.
Haha you guys all seem to think I'm sitting waiting by the phone. That is not what I have been doing. I am spending a lot of time out with friends, and have gone on a few dates. I have been having a lot of fun, just wish that some of it could be with her.
Instead of wishing and chasing someone that doesn't want to be with you, why don't you try and further things along with these other girls that you are dating? If you have no problem getting dates and meeting other woman, than why are you wasting your time with the ex?
It's called moving on...
The reason I am "waisting time" as you say, is because I love my ex. I don't really feel that type of attraction towards these other women.
Until you have fully healed I doubt you will feel that "sort" of attraction towards other women. The point here is to heal, get yourself emotionally unattached and develop a life that is more realistic and logical to you. You have to give yourself a chance to like other women by first ridding yourself of baggage in the past.Quote:
Originally Posted by lagalagallama
I appreciate all the advice and opinions on here, but I have made up my mind to pursue things with my ex. I have made a decision and am sticking to it. I am not interested in moving on, I took a long time to myself to think about that and decide. So I would really appreciate some helpful advice in that line, something positive to say to help me in my goal, if that is possible.
Ordinarily I would be pretty harsh, but if that is what you wish, than I hope nothing but the best. I guess my only advice would be to wipe the slate clean and hopefully fix the things that were previously broken. Be yourself and be true to making the relationship work without losing yourself in it.Quote:
Originally Posted by lagalagallama
If, however, you find that she doesn't want you back, you need to learn to accept that! In the end, this is about you and how you handle rejection, heartbreak, failure and growing up. You would be foolish to think you are the only one who has felt as deeply for a woman as you feel and hasn't tried to fight for her. You would also be foolish to think that life doesn't go on and that this woman is the end of your universe, as I promise you there is much more out there, and I am not just talking about women.
That is y ultimate goal. None of you know this girl or what we had together, but please believe me when I say it is worth any amount of work. I am determined to fix things and be the type of man she needs me to be. I just hope she hasn't lost all feelings for me at this point, it has been almost two weeks since the last time she and I spoke.
Whatever changes you have made you must stick to them. Otherwise, this cycle will repeat itself and you will be heart-broken again.
Also, you can't force anything to happen on her part. She must be wanting for this to work as much as you want it to work. If she is not as committed to this as you, it will eventually fall apart and you will wind up in this situation again.
Good Luck in your fight! I hope that it works out for you both and your effort isn't in vain.
Thanks for the positive words. I do know that I can't force things, and I would never want to force her to do anything against her will. That is a good song by the way. Days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever. That is the way I feel.
Sometimes fighting for her makes things worse. You end up dragging on a relationship that has to end before it can ever get better. I know you don't want to lose her, but she has all ready left. I was going to the same feelings that you are going through now (Trust ME). I wish that I would have let go when it first happened, not because I didn't love her anymore or that I don't even love her now but because its best thing to do. HEAL
Bah I texted her a night or two ago, but I got no response, I think she was asleep. It is pretty common for this to happen. In a few days I will try again. I got to get myself back in the picture, because once that trail goes cold that's it.
Zomg dude. You're owned. The more you push now the further she will run.
I'm in a sort of same, kind of situation.
Mine has progressed slightly further, than yours. I played it cool and when the opportunity arose, I just made her laugh and told jokes and avoided the relationship subject all together. Knowing she still loved me, I out of the blue sent her a message that reminded me her of something, I texted her when we first met. The nostalgic approach. It worked. I got something from it. I then asked her if she would so kindly accept to go on a date. She said 'she think she could'. - if you love this girl and are truly wanting it, then go for it. Just remember that in your quest for getting what you want, there are others involved and you must remember their feeligs, also. Baby steps, is the way. Do not push. I am not back with my Ex, maybe I won't even get this date. I am still trying.
Just got a text from her two nights ago, just saying hey. I know it isn't much, but it's the first contact in two or three weeks. At least it means she hasn't forgotten about me.
Nope she is just stringing you along.
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