Eff it... I'm going to just destroy everything.. I don't care anymore.. I still so empty and black inside...
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Eff it... I'm going to just destroy everything.. I don't care anymore.. I still so empty and black inside...
Aww your not alone in feeling that way. I'm dealing with that right now. But you can burn the bridge without actually setting fire to it. Just do it in your mind. IF that is how that girl is she's probably going to do it again to someone else. Even if you teach her a lesson with you. She'll prob do it to some other guy.Quote:
Originally Posted by totallylost07
Just burn the bridge down in your mind. Tell yourself she isn't worth the effort. And why should you help her out by teaching her a lesson. Let her learn the hard way. The best revenge is for you to truly find happiness. Let her bounce from guy to guy. She'll never be happy that way. But right here right now you can make the choice to be a man. Learn to let it go and walk. It'll server you far better down the road.
I have always been about the action. I just got kicked in the balls, and all I'm going to do is get up and walk away...
Right!! Man get up laugh in there face and walk off. The action is saying you silly fools you can't hurt me. Nice try but I got better things to do.Quote:
Originally Posted by totallylost07
Real MEN take the right actions, at the right time, because it needs to be done. Not because his balls are hurtng!
She warned him that I would tell his wife.. so I guess there is nothing I can do anyway.
Yes! I had to spread the rep around before I could grant you more, Tal...Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Right hopefully that's good enough for you. Now lets move onto you healing.Quote:
Originally Posted by totallylost07
I've been out of this conversation for a while, and just picked up your thread. If I can offer a thought, it seems that a big part of your issue is power. You lost power when she took the initiative to leave. She took that decision away by making it. If you feel, and it sounds like you feel, like evening the score, "burning it all down," taking action, exposing her, will that ease your pain and make you more powerful?Quote:
Originally Posted by totallylost07
If so, does that power express itself as control? Do you think about controlling the situation? How much destruction will it take for you to regain a sense of control? Once you have it, what will you do with it? What do you really want to do with it?
If taking action won't give you power, though, what will it give you? Once you get that, what happens next?
And, in all of this, who pays?
I just don't know anymore what I want or need... I just don't know... I "lost my soul to a woman so heartless..."
I just need to find my way to heal... I told her that I will let it all go, if she wants to work with it.. but its doesn't matter.. she is so heartless and selfish.. I just don't know what I'm thinking...
You deserve to know the truth not from anyone else but from her.
I think you are right that I have no control over anything...
What should I do with all the stuff? I just want to burn or trash it all.. because I know that this will never be again...
Do what every you want to with it. But just get it away from you. Box it up stick it somewhere. Burn it if it will make you feel better. Send her crap back. Do whatever it takes.Quote:
Originally Posted by totallylost07
I don't know why I'm taking this so hard, when she wronged me so badly... its like I'm in an abusive relationship but can't get away from it.. wth... I think that someone is a physical abusive relationship should just get up and leave... but look at me I'm in a mentally abusive relationship but I can't move from this...
You can move from this. You just have to make up your mind and do it.
Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right said Henry Ford.
If you think you can't get past it then you won't. You have to be positive and decide that you are getting past it!
Here's what to do about her stuff
1. Go get 2 30 packs of beer
2. Call over a few friends
3. Build a fire pit
4. Burn her sh!t
5. Drink beers around her burning sh!t with your buddies
You have no control over her, but you can manage yourself better by exercising your choices (control is a misunderstood word) whether to hang on and suffer or let go and feel empty but free.Quote:
Originally Posted by totallylost07
In that empty place you can find stillness, quiet, maybe not yet peace, but something better than the churning and turning you are going through.
Bottom line: let the tears flow and then be done. If you can't, put in some quality time with a therapist. There could be lots of growth in you as a result of this experience.
Know that you will recover.
Tao
There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.
-Leonard Cohen, musician (1934- )
Thanks.. I have all the photos and stuff animals and other stuff she has given me... we are have a bonfire at the beach on the 27th... maybe I should just burn it all there..
DO IT! My cousin(in the ARMY) told me every soldier has a "burn box" which is filled with stuff no one else sees except for him and his platoon. So he told me, treat it the same way. You wouldn't want you new girlfriend to find stuffed animals and pictures of you kissing your ex. Burn it all, and have a good time with it. I know I did
Sounds like a good plan.Quote:
Originally Posted by totallylost07
Sigh... this sucks
Read my signature, I've been where you are. It does suck, but its better. A lot better
I remember when my friend (before going to the army) we did the same thing... just the memories, 7 years... I have a small lock box of pictures of my past ex.. maybe ill just throw one picture in there and burn the rest...
Should I give it back to her? The albums and stuff? I want to just burn it all but I don't know if I'm going to regret it..
Nope, it's pictures. Save a few, put them in a box and tuck it away. Get rid of the rest, if she wanted them, she would have asked
Bonfire it is.. stuff animals OK to burn? Don't want to die from the smell lol
Yep they are good, and funny to burn actually. Or if it's legal, buy some fireworks
Not in cali... 3 weeks from now.. so far...
I forgot to add what happened yesterday... her parents love me.. so I went to say thanks and goodbye because I could not do this anymore...
My ex called me and told me that we can work on this for my sake.. and that she is just trying to find herself.
But after she talked to her family, she called me text me back that she is sorry and won't be trying to work this out anymore. That she isn't happy and can't or won't be able to forgive herself even if I was able to. I told her if she had that much so say then she should have said it in person and not over text. That I thought I deserve more respect then a text for our 7 years together...
Such a coward, I don't know why but I expected more than that.. but after all it is coming from a lying cheater.. I need to some how get that through my head and move on...
Yeah man just keep that in your head. That's what I tell myself. That I deserved more than a breakup I'm. If someone can treat me that way I'm better off. I don't like cowards I deserved better.Quote:
Originally Posted by totallylost07
You I'm trying to tell myself that.. I should force myself to see this (talk into the mirror or something lol).
And tell myself this.
"I am worth it to be happy with or without this person in my life. I need to live for me and not for them or anyone else because they are doing it for themselves."
Well you do deserve to be happy. But you got to learn what truly makes you happy by yourself. Only you can make yourself happy. You can't expect or depends on someone else to do that for you. Once you know how to make yourself happy. Then relationships add to that but are not the sole foundation of it.Quote:
Originally Posted by totallylost07
In India, they have a ceremony called a puja. They put symbolic objects into a fire and release their attachment to them.Quote:
Originally Posted by totallylost07
Just a thought...
Tao
I hope that is true because its all going in the flames
Good for you. At least you'll be able to stay warm and entertain some friends around it.Quote:
Originally Posted by totallylost07
The bonfire will be a great healing experience. I've done it and it was sooo fun.
Your pain is very fresh, so how you're feeling is natural.
You want to walk out of this with your head held high. Like Lonely said, be the man; walk away and be happy. Your happiness, without her, is the best revenge.
Got to put my two cents in about your need to tell the wife: DON'T. She probably either already knows and is struggling with it or she knows and doesn't care. Maybe they have an open marriage. Maybe she stays with him for the money. Who knows and who cares. It's not your problem, so don't make it a problem. Just stay out. You don't want to wind up being a witness in divorce court!
Trust me, those two will crash and burn on their own. Do you really think your ex is going to want him forever? You know she's not the only one he's cheated with. Your ex will learn the hard way. It's the path she's on.
You're going down a different path, without her, where new and exciting things await you!
You mourn your loss and heal and after the pain subsides, you will start to feel excitement, adventurous. The unknown can make us anxious, but it's all in your attitude. Look forward to your future and who and what will be in it!!
Dude.. I think I scared off their relationship. Because she told him it was done and over. And he wanted to end it too because he found out that I know. I should have left it alone that they can both suffer in the end. But instead, I helped her learn a lesson. And he gets off.. Life works in a funny way...
Now that I think about it.. I was in the ER a few weeks back and he was rough with my nuts... I told her but she didn't say anything. Because I did not know that they had an affair. So I did not think of it... Debating if I should just file a complaint. Because that is not ethnically to examine the boyfriend of the person you are cheating with.. I don't know.
Such a debate... self-conflict is a witch.. I want to report him for this but at the same time, I think I should walk from this.
The irony of this, my ex from before this one (2years) is back. I think she wants another go, but I don't think I'm ready for any relationship at this point. Its weird how this works out. 8 years from the time we last dated, and she is back... I guess girls to realize what they once had when its gone.
Here is my blog story.. randomness... I changed some of the numbers and location..
If you file a complaint now it will just look like your trying to hurt that guy again. I say just let it go.
Sometimes people do tend to come back to what is familiar to them. But not always. But who really know's. Just be careful about the ex combing back to you.
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