Ask Me Help Desk - We flirt with each other, why isn't he asking me out

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I say take the simple approach. Ask him if he would like to meet for coffee. You drive and meet him there, heck pay for his coffee. He either will or he won't. If he says yes, look at it as an informal "getting to know you" Nothing more than that. Don't expect anything but that. You should know whether or not you two click on any other level , other than just flirting.

I think that if when my daughter's been out of school for at least a couple of days, I will ask him if there were any reason why he hasn't asked me out yet?

Or

I think I will wait the couple of days and ask him for coffee to talk about other things.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lencheski

I think that if when my daughter's been out of school for at least a couple of days, I will ask him if there were any reason why he hasn't asked me out yet?

or

I think I will wait the couple of days and ask him for coffee to talk about other things.

Either one sounds like a good plan of action.
Good luck!!

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I will ask him if there were any reason why he hasn't asked me out yet?

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I think I will wait the couple of days and ask him for coffee to talk about other things.

Today is as good as Friday.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Today is as good as Friday.

I have to wait till she's out of school... then she is no longer her guidance counselor...

BTW-I'm nervous as hell!

Sailormark,

Thank you very much. I appreciate your statement. Hopefully, tickle will understand. It is truly regretable but I cannot change it, and after I told my friend Lori what she had done, she felt horrible.

In fact, she sulked the whole group, and she's the other facilitor of our group...

But again... thank you for your support. I wish to be able to stay on and continue using this site.

After looking at prior responses, I hope others see the same thing.

Lencheski

Well, you're still here and the offending post with its responses are gone so I have to assume the admin for this site did read your writing and acted appropriately. No worries, but instead of thanking us for our support, how about you thank us by asking that guy to have a cup of coffee with you?

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Originally Posted by lencheski

WHAT do MEN think of WOMEN that ask them out?

I think I speak for all men when I say, "we love it."

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Originally Posted by SailorMark

Well, you're still here and the offending post with its responses are gone so I have to assume the admin for this site did read your writing and acted appropriately. No worries, but instead of thanking us for our support, how about you thank us by asking that guy to have a cup of coffee with you?

Will do! I have to be at the school on Monday so, I will ask him then... Thanks again for you support.

Wish me luck, I will ask him out and then let you all know the outcome... so be patient for me, I'm having a hard time myself...

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Originally Posted by chuff

I think I speak for all men when I say, "we love it."

I married one who asked me out!

I get the impression that your dating opportunities have been limited in the past. How long have you been divorced?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I get the impression that your dating opportunities have been limited in the past. How long have you been divorced?

December of 2007

Pool has been quite low... Not that I haven't tried to go out with people when asked out. It's just that either they wanted someone that they could control, or buy or worse just wanted sex.

I'm too old to play games, I really think that people forget to be friends and let things grow from there.

Getting to know people is a lost art. I had a good marriage at first, then it turned bad very quickly due to my X dealing with an addiction. He lost us and then his job and well, it was bad. I wish him the best now, but he still can't get himself together. That was June of 07. So, I have had a great deal of success in career and my education but am very leary when it comes to my own relationship.

Ok, My six year old daughter was ill and didn't go to school and therefore my clients were canceled for today. Couldn't ask him, but if she's feeling better, then I will reschedule for tomorrow...

It didn't go like I had planned but... here's how it went... he called me after hours on Monday saying he was picking up his kids and would call me Tuesday at 1130, which at that time I replied, you know, you always seem to forget to call your county worker... he laughed... the running joke with us is... I put a sticky note on his receiver the one day to remind him to call me back after a meeting with a mutual student... he said if it wasn't for the sticky note he probably would have gotten home and realized he'd forgotten. So the running joke was always do I need to use a sticky note. So what I said was if you forget I am going to send you a packet of sticky notes with reminders... he laughed... So when he forgot on Tuesday I on Wednesday, purchased 30 pads of sticky notes and wrote on them all reminders... put them all in a packing envelope and sent them to his office... on one of them, I wrote, now that you are no longer my daughters counselor, it's time to stop flirting with her mother and ask her out, and then wrote my number, with a call me, already. What do you all think?

Well, time will tell. The note thing was cute.

I just hope the fact that he did not remember to call you is not a sign of things to come.
Good luck. If it does not work out, he is not the only fish in the sea.

Excellent tactic! Good luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lencheski

it didnt go like I had planned but...here's how it went...he called me after hours on Monday saying he was picking up his kids and would call me tuesday at 1130, which at that time I replied, ya know, you always seem to forget to call your county worker....he laughed...the running joke with us is ... I put a sticky note on his receiver the one day to remind him to call me back after a meeting with a mutual student....he said if it wasnt for the sticky note he probably would have gotten home and realized he'd forgotten. so the running joke was always do I need to use a sticky note. So what I said was if you forget I am going to send you a packet of sticky notes with reminders...he laughed....So when he forgot on Tuesday I on Wednesday, purchased 30 pads of sticky notes and wrote on them all reminders....put them all in a packing envelope and sent them to his office.... on one of them, I wrote, now that you are no longer my daughters counselor, it's time to stop flirting with her mother and ask her out, and then wrote my number, with a call me, already. what do you all think?

It's brilliant!

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Well, time will tell. The note thing was cute.

I just hope the fact that he did not remember to call you is not a sign of things to come.
Good luck. If it does not work out, he is not the only fish in the sea.

Well, me too... but it does fit into the "dance" we've been doing... I think he's into being chased actually...

... and if it doesn't work out.. then oh, well... he is not worthy of me anyway...

If I was him, I would be impressed.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

If I was him, I would be impressed.

Well, thank you. I will take that as a compliment, especially from you... I appreciate the recognition.

Um BTW, your not him are you?. just kidding,,

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Originally Posted by lencheski

well, me too...but it does fit into the "dance" we've been doing...I think he's into being chased actually....

...and if it doesn't work out..then oh, well...he is not worthy of me anyway...

You are a smart LADY! I wish you someone who will chase you, I wish you the best.

I mean that with the deepest sincerity.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You are a smart LADY! I wish you someone who will chase you, I wish you the best.

I mean that with the deepest sincerity.

Ahhh! Thank you... very much!

Well, we'll see... I'll keep everyone posted...

He's not worthy...

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Originally Posted by lencheski

He's not worthy...

And YOU are!
Wipe your hands of this and move on girlfriend

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

And YOU are!
Wipe your hands of this and move on gf

Done...

I was feeling very vulnerable over the weekend and today I said if he doesn't call then that's it... I do have to work with him and will see him... but the first time he turns it personal or flirty/friendly I'm going to tell him about himself... I think that if someone puts themselves out there, it should at least me acknowledged.

I will tell him to stop, I extended an opportunity to get to know each other better, he chose to not take the opportunity, therefore, I really don't care to continue this "dance" with him.

I am worthy of someone who wants to get to know me, and not play this game. His loss...

Thank you all for the help and encouragement to put myself out there and ask someone out, I won't be so worried about it if I ever feel the urge again, I survived the rejection.

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Originally Posted by lencheski

...It would be unethical of him to pursue a relationship with me while she is still his student.

...That being said, he gives me clusters of signals that he's attracted to me and I just don't understand why he atleast hasn't stated his feelings for me. Why hasn't he asked me out yet?....

I don't get it.

You state the reason why and then ask why... ;)

I know.. you are conflicted and you are interested and eager for him to not give mixed signals.

m'kay... I've dated three women in situations that were potentially "inappropriate"... they were always single, there never was cheating, but due to circumstances, through work or association, our dating was dangerous at best due to possible "conflicts of interest."

I flirted hard with each of them, knowing I would date them with a "green light"... consequences be damned. One life to live and all... but... I needed each of them to do more "work" than I would normally.

I don't think I'm overpowering or too aggressive... but I'm fine to tell a woman I like her if that's where its at in most situations. "no thanks" won't break my back or spirit. I like to chase some, and I like a woman who is willing to chase. A little quid pro quo goes a long way. If she isn't interested, no harm, no foul.

All that said... when things were "complicated" I needed the woman to clearly show interest beyond flirting. Was willing to sneak around behind the lines, but only if she said "please come" in those few situations. Id extend an open invitation rather passively and see if shed bite. Kind of lead her down the path I wanted without risking too much.

And normally id tell a guy to screw that. Forget mind games. Man up and be direct.

But when your career is on the line... sometimes the boundaries get blurred and the rules change.

Met my wife this way. She was a supervisor (not direct) and our dating wouldve been one helluva scandal, and bad for her career. So there was some cat and mouse until I had clear enough signs from her that this was something we both wanted to pursue... not just flirting for the fun of flirting.

So...

You can step up and put him to the wall a little... ask him if he is interested... or you can just bide your time and see where this goes. A year goes by so fast, and with a child involved in the "conflict"... id probably hang back and wait it out.

Damn... I didn't read the thread to the end... I'm one of those people I b!tch about from time to time... too lazy to read the post through... *sigh* spankings my way.

lencheski... you have your head about you and I like your style. Don't kick yourself too much. Some people like the chase. Some like the possibility of a chase. Blah blah blah.

Loved your sticky note solution. Great way to approach this head on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lencheski

Done....

I was feeling very vulnerable over the weekend and today I said if he doesn't call then that's it...I do have to work with him and will see him....but the first time he turns it personal or flirty/friendly I'm going to tell him about himself... I think that if someone puts themselves out there, it should at least me acknowledged.

I will tell him to stop, I extended an opportunity to get to know each other better, he chose to not take the opportunity, therefore, I really don't care to continue this "dance" with him.

I am worthy of someone who wants to get to know me, and not play this game. His loss...

Thank you all for the help and encouragement to put myself out there and ask someone out, I won't be so worried about it if I ever feel the urge again, I survived the rejection.

You are going to be fine!

You had the guts to take a risk, and sometimes that better than getting the prize.

I'm going through a similar situation myself. I read somewhere where it is called a Crush for a reashon because the other person can Crush your feelings at anytime. That makes a lot of sense to me. I wouldn't think about it anymore and get really busy. When he is not your daughters Counselor anymore and he doesn't see you anymore and misses you he will call you. You need to let the man pursue you so you will always know that he is interested. I'm taking this advise for my own situtaion.

Hi, I didn't read the posts all the way through. I have two great books for you to read, "Why Men Fall In Love With B*tches" and "Why Men Marry B*tches". They are really good books and give us women some insight on Men. Also in the future if you ever want to ask a man out, etc. go for it but don't care if he doesn't respond. I'm learning that if a man really wants to be with you he can't stop thinking about you and will do almost anything to be near you. Good luck

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Originally Posted by Michele2009

Hi, I didn't read the posts all the way through. I have two great books for you to read, "Why Men Fall In Love With B*tches" and "Why Men Marry B*tches". They are really good books and give us women some insight on Men. Also in the future if you ever want to ask a man out, etc. go for it but don't care if he doesn't respond. I'm learning that if a man really wants to be with you he can't stop thinking about you and will do almost anything to be near you. Good luck

Thank you for responding, yes, it was a blow or a crush, however, I have survived it. I have and am moving on. I have yet to talk to him... except for one work related thing, as soon as he made it personal or started to talk about himself I cut him off and said that I had to go. I was not mean or rotten, just professional to the nth degree. Oh well, his loss.

YOU GO GIRL!!
I'm proud of you

Thanks-