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Originally Posted by Torrid13

I went through a very similar situation. I was dating a guy for 14 months, and we had plans on getting married, and he treated me so well and everyone could tell we would be together forever.

Then one day, he told me he doesn't love me anymore.

I was devastated like no other. I thought I would never find anyone, because HE was perfect for me. But I went NC with him, even though it was painful, and I began to realize things he did all the time that had really bothered me and made me question his love for me, but I swept them under the rug.

My advice to you is go COMPLETELY NC. Even if his family calls (which happened for months in my case) don't pick up. Go out and do things YOU like to do. You'll start to feel better, and you'll gain better prospective on what your relationship really was.

And don't worry about finding someone else: whenever you're not thinking about it and just living for you, they'll come along when you least expect it.

Good luck to you, friend.

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Yeah its freaking awful. But people and feelings change, it sucks but I can't do anything about it. Im lost right now, but in the long run it ll be more her loss than mine. Since the breakup 2 months ago, I ve realized that in the relationshp, I loved her more than myself, and like you said, I swept a lot of things that really bothered me under the carpet and that was a mistake. I shouldn't settle and accept qualities I don't like in a significant other. Im upset at myself for not standing up to her earlier, but I believed our relationship had depth worth fighting. And when I finally stood up to her, she quit.

I am a really giving, selfless person but it became a horribly one sided relationship because she just took and took and gave back less and less. It's such a shame though, I fell in love with a good person and we had such promise, clicked really well, cared for each other alot; but the person I fell for changed & got lost.. that's the tragedy of it and what I struggle with the most. But it's good to be free from someone whose so selfcentered, negative, closeminded, and controlling.. I would have been absolutely miserable and empty spending my life with her

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Originally Posted by patbrown03

Yeah its freaking awful. But people and feelings change, it sucks but I can't do anything about it. Im lost right now, but in the long run it ll be more her loss than mine. Since the breakup 2 months ago, I ve realized that in the relationshp, I loved her more than myself, and like you said, I swept alot of things that really bothered me under the carpet and that was a mistake. I shouldnt settle and accept qualities I dont like in a significant other. Im upset at myself for not standing up to her earlier, but I believed our relationship had depth worth fighting. And when I finally stood up to her, she quit.

I am a really giving, selfless person but it became a horribly one sided relationship bc she just took and took and gave back less and less. It's such a shame though, I fell in love with a good person and we had such promise, clicked really well, cared for each other alot; but the person i fell for changed & got lost.. thats the tragedy of it and what I struggle with the most. But it's good to be free from someone whose so selfcentered, negative, closeminded, and controlling.. I would have been absolutely miserable and empty spending my life with her

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That's exactly the way you've got to look at it. You're <i>free</i> now from someone that in the end was out for themselves. And you know what? You're right. In the end, it will be her loss. One day, even if it's not today or tomorrow, she will be sitting around, lonely, wondering why she can't find that one special person who treats her well.

The biggest problem that people like your ex and mine have besides being selfish is thinking that we're replaceable. "Oh, well, you really went all out for me...but, eh, I can find better." Well, guess what? They can't. And when they figure that out, we'll be long gone... and HAPPY. The hardest thing in the world to find is someone that genuinely loves you for who you are. The worst thing is letting good people who love you go.

You're lost now, but I have no doubt you'll make it. See that? That's a bright future ahead of you. :)

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Originally Posted by Torrid13

That's exactly the way you've got to look at it. You're <i>free</i> now from someone that in the end was out for themselves. And you know what? You're right. In the end, it will be her loss. One day, even if it's not today or tomorrow, she will be sitting around, lonely, wondering why she can't find that one special person who treats her well.

The biggest problem that people like your ex and mine have besides being selfish is thinking that we're replaceable. "Oh, well, you really went all out for me...but, eh, I can find better." Well, guess what? They can't. And when they figure that out, we'll be long gone...and HAPPY. The hardest thing in the world to find is someone that genuinely loves you for who you are. The worst thing is letting good people who love you go.

You're lost now, but I have no doubt you'll make it. See that? That's a bright future ahead of you. :)

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Excellent response and very encouraging! I appreciate it. And you re right, since I treated her so well, understood her, and gave it my all, it ll be far more difficult for her to find better. But for me, plenty of better women out there : )

Struggling a good bit the last 2 days... day 21 of NO CONTACT. The loneliness (the lacking presence of a girl in my life) is getting to me. That and I'm really frustrated because I didn't do anything wrong to be in this present situation and it sucks.

Support please!

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Originally Posted by patbrown03

struggling a good bit the last 2 days... day 21 of NO CONTACT. the loneliness (the lacking presence of a girl in my life) is getting to me. that and im really frustrated bc i didnt do anything wrong to be in this present situation and it sucks.

support please!

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You're doing great, Take it one day at a time. DO you have plans today?

Working and hopefully seeing friends tonight, ultimate frisbee tomorrow afternoon, church and relaxin on Sunday...

Seems like the year I was with her went so fast, so much happened in that time, and now its like life is at a complete standstill

I feel your pain. It hurts to be in a ralationship for a long time. But it is better to let her go. If you love something you will let it go. Also remember (im not saing she isn't worth it) but the one your cring over isn't worth it and the one worth cring over won't make you cry. That one means the one you are destined to be with will not hurt you. OK give her some time if she is for you she will come back if not then I am dearly sorry.

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Originally Posted by Devi33

i feel ur pain. it hurts to be in a ralationship for a long time. but it is better to let her go. If you love something u will let it go. Also remember (im not saing she isnt worth it) but the one ur cring over isnt worth it and the one worth cring over wont make u cry. That one means the one u are destined to be with will not hurt you. ok give her some time if she is for u she will come back if not then i am dearly sorry.

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You're right. Its just the most frustrating & confusing thing I've ever had to go through. She told me I was perfect for her (even after the breakup she acknowledged that) But she is one of those people that only sees the world in her eyes and because I did not blindly agree with every opinion she had, I guess that equates to us "not working". But with the space I've realized that while I was perfectly compatible for her, she was wrong for me in so many ways in addition to being too immature for me, our relationship, and the challenges facing our relationship that could have been ironed out, but it just would have taken a little work. Sorry I feel like I need to vent and get some affirmation

ONE MONTH ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT! Thanks everyone for your support. Still frustrated and confused over the whole sitaution but I know I deserve way better than she gave

That's the best part! Knowing you deserve better, I found it about 3 days after my ex broke up with me when she called while I was out with friends and she kept bugging me about being out with my friends watching a UFC PPV. She flipped out on me, hung up on her, then she kept texting me so I turned off my phone. She then called my brother who was with me, and he hung up. She texted him, he go mad and then asked me "how the hell could you ever be hung up on her, she's annoying"

She made her decision, and it's over. Yes, it's disappointing and you had hoped and thought things would turn out differently. Move on. Also, keep in mind that it's generally not good to try and play 'rescuer' ; that doesn't form the basis for a healthy relationship.

It sounds like she's under a lot of stress, but that doesn't give her the right 2 push u away all she had 2 do was let you know how she felt rather than leading you on and then saying she needs space, however sometimes it does become like that in relationships we began stressing and going through a lot of things that we push away our loved ones, but I'm confused because you said you treated her like a queen n that's what she does. All you have to do is call her, n ask her what the hell is going on. Also tell her she's being childish by not calling you to let you know things, it kind of sounds like she's trying to brush you off but I'm not sure because you said things were fine. She could just be stressed.N using that ending your love as an excuse. 2 have time 2 herself But on its not enough time n the world damn all she had 2 do was let you know. Ask her, however if she continues to not give any reason for her acting the way she was then forget about her and try 2 find someone who can be on your level because you seem incredibly sweet, intelligent, mature, and completely innocent. I just don't advise you 2 walk away yet, not until you have full appropriate closure.

Do I say happy birthday (tomorrow)?

No contact since Mid June and I was the one initiate it then.. Of course I was always the bigger person in the relationship and it didn't pay off and not even close to being matched. Opinions?

It would only open a can of worms because trust me, if she doesn't reply, you feel bad, if she does, just to say thanks, all those old feelings get stirred up again, and may give you false hope, that she has changed her mind. I wouldn't do it.

Leave it alone

Thanks guys, just confirming what I was already planning on doing.. NOTHING

Forget about her mate,move on ,I d, say leave her alone, I did the same as you did,she left me one month before,I was trying to call her yesterday for xmas time she won't take my calls and texts anymore,then I just send her a texts f.. U I'm not waiting for you anymore,I'm moving on man,is not worth it with your ex mate,thei will do the same thing again even if you get back with them.if someone likes or love you,thei will come back if not fu.. them who cares.