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I think she sent the text message to her boyfriend... but for some reason it came into my cell. I don't want her back, I'd rather be alone in life than be with her and I strongly feel that I need to tell her not to send me text message anymore.Quote:
Originally Posted by N0help4u
I don't want her to play with me anymore again and I want to make that very clear with her. Am I wrong to do that? I feel really strongly about it.
Then that is all you say
''Please do not send me texts to me or whoever you meant to send them to. Don't bother wasting your time''.
Can't you see that she is pushing your buttons for a relpy? Ignore her, and her texts, simply delete, and do not react.
Just a bit of an update:
So I did call my ex up to ask her why she sent me those texts and she said that the cell wasn't even with her. She was a bit stressed then started to ask me how my summer was, I was cold and kept it short.
I'm feeling a bit weird and down, nothing I can get back from though. But I do have my doubt about finding a future girlfriend. I know I shouldn't be concentrating on that right now but my mind keeps coming back to thinking about girls. I also had a "failed" date last week, it didn't end up too great (it seemed she was annoyed).
Why was she annoyed?
I think she was annoyed because I didn't continue the conversation. She thought that I wanted to become friends with her, this is why she was initially happy to hear me, until I was cold and distant. I think she is doing fine now without me but it's very probably that we will both fall in love with each other if I get in contact again with her. I don't want to get back with her and I don't want any feelings.
My main problem is to stop thinking about girls and wanting a girlfriend. I feel I'm just trying to prove myself. I've been doing lots of sports, some activities and uni is going to start again soon but for some reason when I have some free time walking or something else, my mind keeps thinking about girls. Any advice on how NOT to think about them?
You will do fine. Keep being strong.
Thanks, I know I will. You're right I just need to keep positive thoughts!
You will have those thoughts until you get one to give attention to, and get attention from.Quote:
Any advice on how NOT to think about them?
Darn girls, they know we like 'em so much, and that's all we think about sometimes. Especially after a break up, but moving from the last one, to the next one is tricky, because the healing process has to be complete, or you accept anything, just to have a female. That's where more problems start. Thank God for sports.
You're so right talaniman! But I do believe that I can limit the amount of time I want to be thinking about girls. The good news, as the day passes I'm not stressing as much about girls. Damm girls, we can't live with them, we can't live without them. At 22 I'm stressing about not finding a girl and afraid of being alone the rest of my life. I really need to be working on myself lol.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
It's been a while since I've posted here. Anyhow I've been doing pretty good, sport, school, I've joined a human rights group which I'm really active and I'm in charge of a huge fundraising. I'm also much more social than before and meet a lof of people.
I have quite a number of girls interested in me, but I don't want to date now. I've been doing NC for 3 month right now and it's been doing wonders. Everybody says I'm much better now then when I was with my ex.
Well with all that, I'm thinking more and more about my ex. I think about our good time passed together, our bad times and how the break up happened. I'm starting to miss more and more my ex, though I'm trying not to think too much of my ex.
I was wondering if it's normal that I'm thinking more and more about my ex and getting more and more feelings. I don't want to have anything to do with her but I can't control my thoughts. She cheated on me and they took a picture of it (they kept the picture) and it hurts if I think about it until know. She left quite a scar in me.
Ever hear the expression "its always darkest before the dawn"? That's where you are, you have come far, and the light will soon shine, so keep doing what got you through the dark times, and don't give up just yet... no matter how much, your mind tries to trick your feelings.
A bit of update:
A couple of weeks ago, I got a message from gmail asking me to change my email. The only other person in this world who knows my password is my ex (I haven't changed it).
Then not so long ago, I see some settings changed in Facebook (my chat went from online to offline, other stuff). My ex is the only one who has my passwords.
Now I have nothing to hide and I don't care if she found out stuff about me, but I want to call her to stop doing that. Knowing her, it's very possible she's still hang up on me ( there is no chance I want anything to do with her ).
The logical thing would be to change my passwords, but I have too many accounts to change and it seems easier to just tell her to stop doing it.
On my part, I'm doing extremely well. I'm overly busy with work, volunteering, friend, and sport. I don't have too much time for girls, but I do have some feeling of loneliness from time to time. I know it's much much harder to meet girls because I'm extremely busy with school (I'm in the hardest degree on campus) and there is only guys in my bachelor :s. I'm just rationalizing reason NOT to go out with girls but... it's really hard to fight nature's urges :).
I know your doing very well as its reflected in your other posts, but it may be better to follow your logic and do the work involved in changing your password, than try to confront someone to change their behavior.
Having said that though, I trust your judgment about which way to handle this.
Thanks Tal,
It's always good to have your opinion on board. I'll take into account what you said. My getting better is all thanks to you and this board actually. It feels great to go from utter shock and loss, to complete control on my life and complete happiness. I'm so happy these things doesn't affect me anymore :D. I'll buy a drink sometime if we do meet each other one day.
Paxe, I 'd just change the passwords if I were you,logic always makes sense.
You guys are right. It does seem that changing passwords is better, but part of me wants to tell her to **** off, kind of a personal revenge. Though the sweetest revenge is living a happy life.
Now coming to happy life, I feel kind of down. I think this may apply to other people. I am pretty charismatic, slightly shy but with a hint of confidence, good looking. The thing is I'm in a degree there is only guys and insane amount of work (electrical engineering). I just feel down where almost all my friends are partying and meeting new people, and I have to stay home and study...
I mean my social life is taking a big hit with that.
Even though you have this heavy workload can't you take time out to just socialize a couple of times a week?
We all need time off sometimes.
Ah! I'm in the hardest degree on campus in an Ivy league school (top 12th university in the world). For 4 years I have done only that, and it's getting hard on me know, especially without fallback (gf). During the summer I am in internship and the people are old and unsociable.
Mind you I still have my old friends and I meet people but I have to say no to everybody who asks me to go out. During free time, my brothers come and visit me and I pass time with them. I mean time... is an extreme luxury in my case. I'm graduating in 1 year... but it is such a long time.
Stay focused Paxe, but by planning and collaborating with your family, you can have some fun before you return to bury your nose back in your books. You'll be glad you made the sacrifice of a good time to get that degree, and open up the many options, and opportunities, that come with the hard work you have done... and completed. The world will be at your feet then buddies. Hang in there, its ONLY a year, as compared to the lifetime it sets you up for.
You guys are right! I guess I needed a little push. Everybody looks up to me so it's a bit hard to keep my way. You are right for the future though, better work for the future than enjoying only the present.
Gosh I'm pissed off!
My Facebook account settings changes for some reason, my gmail is hacked and I need to change the password, and then someone change my gmail password to put it back after that. This is too much coincidence and my ex knows my passwords (I followed you guys advice but it seems my ex also knows my other passwords).
Let me be clear, I feel perfectly fine. I love my friends, I'm very close to my family, I do volunteering which I love, I socialize a lot, I flirt a lot and I get a lot of attention and I'm concentrating on my future. There is nothing (coming from my ex) that could affect me, but I'm going to have to call her to... ask her to stop looking at my accounts (in a hard pissed off tone). It's not an excuse to break NC, but I won't have any peace of mind knowing that someone can access my accounts even if I change my passwords, even if it is new one, I have extremely important info in my emails.
I guess I came to vent here a bit and to ask if I'm doing the right thing here. How would you guys handle the situation? Bear in mind that I'm really not at ease losing my info and I don't know how many passwords she has from me.
Paxe,I can only tell you what I would do,which would be to write the ex a letter stating what had happened and that if it continues you'll talk to your legal advisor. I wouldn't make any phonecalls just keep it formal. I'm not trying to be a drama queen but it sounds like a kind of stalking to me.
This harassment, and invasion of your privacy has to stop, by whatever means you have at your disposal. Its no longer breaking NC, but self defense
Can't you change everything, so that there are all new passwords and no-one but you has access? I'd be setting up completely new accounts.Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
Problem is, are you SURE it's your ex?
Well I only have a couple of passwords that I always use and I think she may have all of them.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gemini54
I'm not 100% sure that it's my ex, but the coincidence are really strange. I mean Facebook, gmail, password change in gmail, then back on... The only persons who would know all my passwords would be my brother (but I trust him with my life and he has no reason to look in my stuff, I tell him everything) and her.
I may be paranoid but I'm an IT student and I know a bit about password hacking, it's far from easy.
Also it does seem like her. She knows she can't contact me, but I doubt she is over me. Actually I think she is doubting her decision of having broken up with me (no way I'm going back to her), and she would really do anything to get any info out of me. The reason why I doubt she is over me is because she jumped into a rebound after breaking up with me without knowing the guy and she is way too afraid to be single (she haven't been single in 6 years). Am I being paranoid?
Whether its your ex, or the president, you still have to handle your business. There is plenty of time for paranoia, or any other feeling later.
Change them then! I wouldn't hesitate. Who care it if it's her - and it may not be. Just get new ones.Quote:
I may be paranoid but I'm an IT student and I know a bit about password hacking, it's far from easy.
I did! That's the worst thing. I think she is hacking her way in for some reason, AND changing my passwords. I mean even if I changed my password, what makes you certain she won't hack in again. I do need to straighten this out as soon as possible. I'll let you guys know how it went.
It's been a while here so I guess a little update is necessary.
Today was my ex birthday and her best friend invited me (it was actually 3 birthdays that were celebrated at once). My best friend begged me to come, so to make him feel good I decided to go, but I would join late at night.
I had a very long and productive day (demonstration, meetings, night show and then birthday's), so I was really tired and not in the mood of seeing my ex.
Well it seems I was a bit wrong, my ex seemed lovely and there was no more tension between me and her. She really seemed enjoyable as a person and as a friend. I didn't feel any resentment or feelings toward her at all, it was as if she was a long time friend I haven't seen. I guess that's the beauty of NC.
Anyhow to make things short, I think SHE has feelings for me but I don't care, I know I don't want to get back with her. I talked to a wonderful and beautiful girl in the party and we clicked right away. I think it may lead to somewhere. In the dating department I have a couple of girls chasing me, but I'm not too interested especially since I have so much work.
Now my question is: Is it possible to become friends with my ex again? I mean I can take it slowly but I think I'll never have feelings for her again. I want to experience something different and she doesn't seem attractive to me at all.
I know that most of you guys would ask not to be friends with them, but NC and taking care of myself had made wonders for me, and I'm feeling great right now.
Do you really need to be friends with her?
And if you think she still has feelings for you, a friendship might turn messy.
I'm still friends with one ex-but that's because it was a very amicable split and he's not a close friend.
Mostly I believe the exes are exes for various reasons, and I see no point in attempting friendships with them.
One thing I'm sure is that I will never go back with her, and she has a boyfriend. Do I need to be friends with her? That's a good question. I was more thinking of increasing my social circle and we were good friends before that.
Yea... breaking NC is not a good thing. I just called my ex just to see what's up... and we talked for an hour or so. I don't feel too great, but it's not a major setback. I guess people do change and being friends with the ex is not such a good idea. I guess seeing her socially with other people is acceptable, but it's way too awkward to be friends.
I guess that's a good lesson learned today not to break NC.
Stay strong. These girls quit on us and don't deserve a thing from us. Though I do hope they find what they are looking for, we must focus on ourselves. I go through hard times and even so much that people on my thread are tired of me already but I take their insults and mean things because it's better than going through the pain of contacting an ex so I'll go through the pain of coming her till I'm over it. Hang in there and don't contact the ex. You will be fine!
I hope you've bounced back by now.
Stick to good old NC from now on.
Hand in there emopunk, you're doing great. Yea you're right guys, good old NC is forever. I don't feel too bad though, I just have so many things to do and think about that I almost forgot the phone call.
I guess a little update is needed right now.
I've been really busy with school and life has been good to me. I feel like everything went back to normal. I'm with a girl now, though I'm not sure if I see myself in the future so everybody told me wait and see what you decide. I flirt with girls and girls flirt with me, so my confidence is 100% again. I see my ex from time to time (friend's party) but it doesn't do anything to me at all.
I guess the moral of the story is this: NC works, but you need to actively work on yourself. One perfect love doesn't exist you just need to work hard on relationships. We grow stronger and wiser to every problem we encounter.
Do what you want. And if she is making this comlicated, then it's not worth it. THERE is more people in this world
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