I have been in nc for quite some time and some days like today are really hard.this one question keeps popping in my head "why wasnt i good enough or what was so bad about me that he couldnt love me" I just wish I could get an answer
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I have been in nc for quite some time and some days like today are really hard.this one question keeps popping in my head "why wasnt i good enough or what was so bad about me that he couldnt love me" I just wish I could get an answer
When relationships end all too often we look for blame... of us, of someone else... that is natural but not right. Sometimes things change and we have to cope with that no matter how much we resist that change. Just keep on the NC trail.
You will come to the point when you realize you just got to keep living and moving on regardless of what you feel. Its part of life. Time does not stop for you.Quote:
Originally Posted by ByeBye
I am in the same boat of the nc.. just actually started.. and believe me when I say it is hard as hell. I have never been so upset in my life like this, I even broke down to her twice I think just couldn't take it, but I getting there a little bit. Its hard because we both had our discussions about our future. To go from that to her needing space and being left out in the cold. I must admit after a while she did have my balls, I am so crazy in love with her and she knows that believe it. She tells me she loves me too just wants to miss me and needs space, so let your wish come true. I had contact today after several attempts last night. But gave her the word of nc.. and I won't because she will be further away from me. So if she contacts me or texts me what should I do? I hate playing games of this.
Here are the no contact rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html
It's not about playing games. You have to understand that no contact is a healing procress. So until you've healed, you have to ignore her, otherwise it's going to prolong the pain and suffering. Now tell me, how is that fair to you?
Remember, no contact is a healing tool/mechanism, it's not a mind game. Make sure you have that distinction clear in your mind as you go into no contact.
Really trying to not to break the NC rule again. It's hard because I want to react in anger. I know that won't get me anywhere but I want him to know that I think he sucks. I just get so angry because I think messing with someone's heart is the worst thing you can do. It's funny because I even said that to him at one point referring to someone else! Fill my head with BS when he does not really mean it. Wait until I fall for him and then he is out and runs right back to his ex. He tried to hide that from me but I found out. I found out she was never out of the picture. I don't care but don't fill my head with junk about how we will have a future together. Ugh.
Be strong! Don't react out of anger, it's not worth it. Block him from anything and everything that you can, delete his phone number, and change yours so that he can't talk to you anymore. It will help, I promise.Quote:
Originally Posted by Luckylucy09
Been split up from my ex two month now and have tried the no contact rule a few times but neither of us managed to stick to it. Well we are trying it again now and on day 4. Its hard because there is so much I want to say to her but I think I am able to stick to it.
Have you been following the NC rules which some includes, having absolutely no contact with her, delete her number, her IM. If children are involved than it's a different story but if there are none, than following the rules will help you follow through with NC till the end.Quote:
Originally Posted by MrGr8
I've deleted her number, also deleted her off Facebook etc. I can get her number back easy enough though if I wanted it and can always send her a message on Facebook if I felt the need.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nk-397148.html
His whole story.
NC is fine but you still fing yourself pining for them, I don't understand how, after being really sh*t on you still pine for them and miss them... im still at the stage of wondering where they are and what they are doing and who with!! Hope it passes soon
So you take more time for yourself. This isn't a sprint, it's a marathon.Quote:
Originally Posted by destiny09
Some friends tell me the best way to get over one man is to get on another!! Is that true
That is like covering a scar with another scar... it just doesn't make sense. No, it isn't true.Quote:
Originally Posted by destiny09
Sounds like a rebound to me.Quote:
Originally Posted by destiny09
If you're not completely over the last person you liked, it's not a good idea to start something with the new person, because it's not fair to the next person.
How would you feel if your new boyfriend was thinking about his last crush while being with you?
No its not a good idea.Work on healing yourself first and get rid of whatever baggage you have until you do you re not ready to meet somebody else.
The baggage I have from my last relationship is shocking... ii don't think I could go into another relationship for a long time... can't picture the hurt stopping yet let alone loving again
You will it ll just take some time.One day you ll be ready again.
There's no reason to rush the healing process. Take whatever time you need to recover.Quote:
Originally Posted by destiny09
Look on the bright side. You're single. You can do whatever you want. No strings attached.
Go enjoy the single life again!
My relationship has been rocky for the past 2 months... We dated for 13 months. Just ended lastnight with her saying "i like another guy" she says she has only liked him for 2 days... I don't see how she can ditch her boyfriend who she claims to love for another guy.
Anyway NC is so hard for me, I haven't broke it yet, but it's just so tempting. I love her so much and I thought she was different from most girls. I don't feel like I could feel the same way and act the same way with another girl. I'm going to the beach with this other girl today who I used to have a crush on, but we have been just friends for 2 years.
I need help to keep it NC, my friends are saying she will try contacting me within a week.
The below statement is all the motivation you should need for going NC.Quote:
Originally Posted by snippy07
As much as it sucks to hear that, once your GIRLFRIEND says that to you, get the hell out of there. No looking back and no losing your dignity. That is a free pass for you to move on without regard for her anymore. Most people who break up feel they have no closure, well, this is your closure. For her to even say that to you shows how heartless she is. She could have just ended it by saying her feelings have changed, but she chose to actually tell you she likes another guy.Quote:
Originally Posted by snippy07
I would do anything to get over the anger I feel. When my ex and I were together he got upset when I went hiking with a male friend and told me he stops talking to female friends when he has a girlfriend. I told him that was silly and he should be able to have female friends as long as they did not have a current relationship past or if she was in love with him. I found out recently that he was lying and he had a ex who he told everything to. She knew everything about me and every time we were together. Plus, he went and had sex with her right after we broke up. He hid her existence from me. I have no idea if he cheated with her when we were together. Probably because he would go away for weekends and have no cell phone reception. I just feel so scammed and angry. He filled my head up with so much BS. What gets me so mad is I meet these men who have such high expectations of me but are not willing to give it back. Argh. He is not the first guy who has said that he fell for me because I was honest and real but why do they fake they are the same? Why don't they expect that sooner or later I will find out who they really are? :(
Thye probably want to be with you, because you are a representation of what they want to be, and you are safe. They aren't willing to give up their crap, so they keep you around so that they can sory of "live through you" It's like hwen a kid makes an imaginary friend, Say it's a flying cheetah for example, Many kids will pretend that they, themselves are a flying cheetah too. It makes them feel good. It's a game of pretend, and they might not even know they're doing it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Luckylucy09
I was sticking to no contact but my ex called me on Thursday from a withheld number. She asked if there was anything else I had to say and just started to talk about general things, we ended up talking for 2 and a half hours. She phoned again yesterday and the conversation started OK but then she started to get moody and kept going on and on about things in the relationship that I did wrong, things we have gone over and over. I had to hang up in the end. I ended up sending her a few texts which she replied to but then suddenly stopped which really annoyed me. Why get back in contact and then just stop dead? This is a game to her and I wish she wouldn't see it like that. I feel angry now and that things have gone backwards.
If they call you from number withheld simply say I'm sorry Im busy and I can't talk to you.Stop buying in to the mind games and ignore them.They re pushing your buttons because you let them.. No contact and I mean one hundred percent No Contact works but you have to stick to it.
Read the no contact rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html
If she called you with an unknown number, then you just politely say that you're busy and hang up. Don't allow the conversation to drag on any longer than it has to be. Otherwise, if you talk to her, it will just add to the confusion and drag out the healing process.
Why do we waste time on people who are just not worth it? Why do we pine for someone when we know we deserve much better? There would be no urges to break NC if we were to just think logically instead of reacting on emotions.
Because we had once love them and it takes time to heal.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenn24
It's easier to think logically if you're not emotionally attached to the situation. Sometimes feeilngs can get in the way of logic.
It's not a good or bad thing. There's no right or wrong. It's just how it is. That's why we seek advice from others, because people who are not emotionally involved in the situation can able to view
The circumstances more objectively.
Additionally with the NC rule... when you think you should be responding remember that:
Silence is a strong response.
In fact there is an old song by that title from the late 60's great song. You may feel like you need to rub in the fact that your OK and don't need her all that crap. But when she doesn't hear from you, she wonders. I love that quote about relationships are like rubberbands. Keep the tension... and they always come back... good luck!!
I Wish, these ideas are very smart and useful!
I haven't read the thread yet, so sorry if I'm repeating.
Essentially, this process allows a person to go from being upset over a breakup or a rejection -- to having an added dimension to their personality.
Example: guy breaks up with girl, in the time he used to spend with the girl, he now works out, coaches little league, reads 2 books a week, and has keyboard lessons 3x a week. This not only distracts him from the pain of his breakup, but it makes him a better person because he is gaining experience, skills and knowledge etc.
Exactly, when we break up, we're in a very depressed mood. So the best thing to do is get busy so that we're distracted from feeling so down. It's also a great opportunity to do the things that we didn't have time to do while we were in a relationship. Furthermore, when we are single, it's a good time to improve yourselves. What better way than to combine personal growth along with the healing process of a relationship.Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyingViper
I kant get my ex out of my head I love her so much . I've tried doing things but it just reminds me of her
It's definitely tough in the beginning of NC, but it will get easier with him. Be patient with yourself. Keep on doing things for yourself. Try to do as many things on the list as possible.Quote:
Originally Posted by quick_boy
A tip is that whenever you feel like you want to send her a message or something, write it down and wait it out for 1-2 days. Then you'll realize the mistake you'll make if you send that message to her. You'll know that it was just a moment in desperation.
Urges tonight are strong been out in town when I see couples all I do is think of her. Its my fault our relationship ended me being nightmare to live with for the last year but I have asked about a week ago you want to meet she says maybe now I have an urge to text saying can I take you to dinner to talk its hard.
Find something else to do so that you're not available for dinner. Make plans with other friends. Otherwise, you're going to reset all your progress.Quote:
Originally Posted by hoppy1403
Fight the urges buddy, we're with you on this.
Thanks can I ask the NC rule is for those wanting to get over there ex I using it to give her space and time to make her choice does it work on bringing her back for other guys.
You are in pain. NC is to heal, regardless of the situation that you are in.
Once you've healed, you will be in a better position to approach your situation, because you will feel more objective because the emotional dust will have settled down.
NC is also to help you gain some perspective, without the influence of the other person.
Conversely, if you continue to keep in touch, you will over-analyze all the details and generate false hope. Both of which are very unhealthy behaviors.
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