Ask Me Help Desk - I talked to him... told him everything

I also don't agree with a lie detector test BUT after reading all this thread maybe in this instance it should be taken.

She needs re-assurance, and unfortunately this is the only way that will prove to her if her gut instincts were right or not!

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Originally Posted by goldnugget

you sound like you are in a similar position to me. i have recently separated from a good liar and cheater and am still in terrible pain. he also raised taking a lie detector test which surprised me because i had never heard of anyone actually doing that before. he even called up and booked the test. i told him not to be so ridiculous but he was determined to go ahead with it. needless to say, he cancelled it the day before it was scheduled...he was very good at playing with my head and still is. i am taking steps to let go of the relationship but it is very hard as i still love him so much. i spoke to the agency with whom he had booked the test and the tester told me that it was very common for men who are expert manipulators and liars to do such a thing and then cancel the test. it would be interesting to know if your partner does the same. i hope you are okay. i know how painful it is.

Gosh, I am so sorry to hear that you have gone through this! I feel as though I can relate, however I was the one that brought it up as a scare tactic to see his reaction. He was a bit blown back by it, but then he was very confident that he would do it to prove that I may be misconstruing situations and that I could trust him. The next night, we went to the pub after work to chat and I brought it up again and said that I had looked into it and was going to book it! He went extremely nervous and was bringing loads of stuff up like - what if I am so nervous that it can't tell the difference (I spoke to the guy about this and he said it happens all the time and that is where his skill comes into interpreting the three reports), he was squirming for a while and said very nervously when are you going to book it? You need to tell me! I want to know when it is and are you going to book it one evening, as we need to have dinner too! He squirmed for a long while, I have never seen him look so nervous! He went to the bar and on return, he said - Look I'm just scared that you'll leave me!

I am booking the test today, so I will let you know how I get on. If he cancels it, I am going to jump on the next flight home (as I have previously mentioned) and take some time out before coming back to say goodbye!

I just can't stop thinking that why would he do everything else include put a lot of savings away in a joint account if he was being unfaithful! But it could all be in the scheme of things to make me think like that!

Did your partner do these things?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krs

I also dont agree with a lie detector test BUT after reading all this thread maybe in this instance it should be taken.

She needs re-assurance, and unfortunatley this is the only way that will prove to her if her gut instincts were right or not!

I understand why you think it is wrong, but somehow it seems right. I only used it as a scare tactic initially, but seeing as he was so confident about it, I decided that I would truly look into it and when I did and insisted, I watched him squirm! He was the most nervous I have ever seen him, so I'm going to book it to see what happens!

I'll let you know x

Hey everyone, I forgot to mention that I am on the other side of the world from everyone and everything I know and have built up a huge life with this man, so its very difficult x

Watch this space x

I've booked it for Sunday, so we'll see...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aussie

I understand why you think it is wrong, but somehow it seems right. I only used it as a scare tactic initially, but seeing as he was so confident about it, I decided that I would truely look into it and when I did and insisted, I watched him squirm! He was the most nervous I have ever seen him, so I'm going to go ahead and book it to see what happens!

I'll let you know x

Im with you on this one.
Trust doesn't occur over night and you need lots and lots of re-assurance, and him taking this test and hopefully all is clear and OK, then you can hopefully learn from this experience, and learn to trust yourself more and others ;)

Good luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krs

Im with you on this one.
Trust doesnt occur over night and you need lots and lots of re-assurance, and him taking this test and hopefully all is clear and ok, then you can hopefully learn from this experience, and learn to trust yourself more and others ;)

Good luck.

Thank you x x x x x x x

We had the lie detector test 2 weeks ago and it came back fine! He was so nervous, I ended up getting upset! I had to go out while the test was on. The guy who did it is also a psychoanalyst, who really interegated him! The result was that He is extremely flirtaceous, but had never touched a girl or slept with one! I felt so relieved afterwards! My fiance' admitted that he is extremely flirtaceous but didn't realise how his actions affected me and our relationship.

I am still struggling to come to terms with this, as perhaps the things I have seen I have misconstrued!

Well - he should never make you feel this way. Ever. The lie ditector was pretty irrational and if it came to that - well you have bigger problems.

I really think you need to work on YOU right now - insecurities, low self esteem etc. - seriously that's what you need

Although this is a huge he took the test.

Quote:

I am still struggling to come to terms with this, as perhaps the things I have seen I have misconstrued!

You saw correctly he was flirting you were RIGHT.

Quote:

We had the lie detector test 2 weeks ago and it came back fine! He was so nervous, I ended up getting upset! I had to go out while the test was on. The guy who did it is also a psychoanalyst, who really interegated him! The result was that He is extremely flirtaceous, but had never touched a girl or slept with one! I felt so relieved afterwards! My fiance' admitted that he is extremely flirtaceous but didn't realise how his actions affected me and our relationship.

His actions are at the heart of the problem, he is the one who needs help so don't let anyone, especially him, put any blame on you!

Yes this cofirms what you thought.

He flirts with other girls.

Now he has passed your lie detector test but admitted he is a fliort what is to stop him cheating on you now. After all he'll only think that he has convinced you he doesn't cheat so he'll never expect you to accuse him again.

I think the fact that it even got to a lie detector test speaks volumes about this relationship.

You can't trust him and as far as I'm concerned rigthly so.

As cat says you have a lot to deal with yourself and I don't think he helps matters!