Ask Me Help Desk - My Girl is Asking For Space

Listen to kp here man.
Don't be this guy you are being. She will walk all over you.
At this stage you don't need her. You have other things to do. Other people to see, other places to go. Bigger fish to fry.
Don't act like this girl girlfriend. Telling her to do what's best for emotionally blah blah.
Let her deal with herself. You look after you.
Don't contact her. And you know what. I wouldn't be in such a rush to answer her calls either. Its not playing games but she asked for space so give it to her. Because right now whether you think it or not you need some space to evaluate this as well. Look after you for a while and as kp said make you the priority! Not her!

No contact is for you to make time for yourself and to see how you have been putting all your eggs in her basket instead of investing in yourself. She is happy you backed off because as you've shown here you can be pushy and clingy and that can't be fun for her. I think she wants to relax and have fun and enjoy with out you holding on so tight because you don't have any one else. Only you can change that scenerio, not her, or us, only you. Get busy with yourself dude.

Going forward... remember - Less is More.

It's spounds like you do not need to completely shut her out of your life... jus tbe busy doing other things. Do you play a sport or workout?? I'd start working out - get in great shape - long work outs clear your mind.

That's true, I have learned more about myself and my relationship through this. Today I don't have to work, so I'm going to the studio to clear my mind, get my thoughts on wax.
Thanks keep the feedback coming

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skell

Listen to kp here man.
Dont be this guy you are being. she will walk all over you.
At this stage you dont need her. You have other things to do. Other people to see, other places to go. Bigger fish to fry.
Dont act like this girl girlfriend. telling her to do whats best for emotionally blah blah.
Let her deal with herself. You look after you.
Dont contact her. And you know what. i wouldnt be in such a rush to answer her calls either. its not playing games but she asked for space so give it to her. Because right now whether you think it or not you need some space to evaluate this as well. Look after you for a while and as kp said make you the priority! Not her!

Wow, love it Skell, yeah you nailed it.

I'm a girl and even I know you're being a little bit of a door mat right now. Don't. Nothing wrong with being nice and gentlemanly, but set your limits. Get busy with your own stuff. Write some more songs, I want to see your name on Billboard Magazine because you threw everything you had into your career (after you've done your homework of course, school comes first!) and gave this your all. Yeah, things are easier said than done, so what, does that mean you don't do it? Brushing your teeth is easier said than done but if you don't, you won't be rapping for long...

Your world will not crumble if you give each other space, it will grow.

You take the lead back - you see her whne YOU feel like it. You get your power back.

Hey Guys, she wants to come over tomorrow, what should I do

I don't mind, but maybe its too early, feedback needed

Well... you don't need to play mind games... but don't let the day be about her. If you want to have her come over, fine. Still, you should make her do some work. This is about getting some control back. Again, I don't believe in mind games, but I think the more you can be in control, the better for you.

And if you are ticked off enough that you don't know what to do, then why not tell her not tomorrow... that you are busy, and maybe the next day. Again, if you are pi$$ed about all this noise, and I think you are some, as she's playing with you in the "i want some space but i want you to be available when I want you" game... then make her wait. Up to you.

She wants to come over and you are OK with it? Fine I guess. But tell her when, don't ask her when she wants to come. Have something to do after. Make her stick to your schedule. Don't try to make it all about making her happy.

The best relationships are when two independednt people choose to be together anyway. Not when two clingy people wrap themselves around each other so much that you can't tell one from the next.

Most of my life IS wrapped around my wife and my marriage. But I have a marriage, a son, a daughter, and a different level of relationship. I have a life outside my marriage, but my relationship is just a different thing. And we really do function as two independent people who choose to be together and aim for the same goals. Right now, her goals are not necessarily to make you happy.

You are not married. Not engaged. And at this point, almost not dating, per her request. Again... if she wants back in, she needs to mean it and show it.

Anything less, and you are fooling yourself. And for some that's enough. I mean really... if you are not going to go out and get married soon then fooling around and making some mistakes isn't as big a deal.

But the biggest lesson here is to make yourself your priority... especially when she's is clearly making herself her priority.

So see her if you want. But stay in control.

If you really don't want to see her, then fine... find an excuse to be busy and let her stew over it.

She wants to see me because she believes that I want to see her, I kind of do, but don't want to show, I'm making myself number 1, and I want to see her, but I'm not trying to give her control, what do I do

Ok well, when she called for like the 5th time and I finally was here to talk to her, I brought up all the questions. I asked if they're was somebody else, and she hesitated, she said no, but very weirdly, so she says she's coming over tomorrow after work, and she says we can talk about the rest (I never spent the night, didn't want to) if she is messing with someone else, than as much as we went through,I'm going to end it. Because once a cheater, how do you trust them again right? Right, at least to me. And that's all I'm worried about, me, so if she come out and tells me the truth, than its over, and she'll realize the hard way that she's truly... Missing Out.

Plus she has this mind game going, then sneaking around too? I hope that's not true.

Well sounds like a lousy night in front of you.

Again, best you can do is simply be there for you and you only.

If she's got excuses for running around, you really don't need to listen to that in order to make her feel better. If she tells you she's crapped on you, then be done with it and let her know it.

Again, your job isn't to make her feel better. Its to make yourself feel better. And if what she has to say pi$$es you off, well then toss her out the door.

If what she has to say is that she's sorry about all the confusion, then you need to let her know you are pi$$ed and you deserve better than that and you hope she's up to it.

Good luck. Hope she's not playing you. If she is, well you know its time to let her screw up on her own without you.

You're 16 and she's 17 and you spend the night with each other? Your parents actually condone this? Add to that the fact that she was in an abusive relationship already in 8th grade. I hate to say it but you're dealing with an emotional time bomb here. I'd give her the space she wants, certainly don't go over to her house even if she asks and think long and hard about whether this relationship has any real potential here. Unless she's an exceptionally strong person it doesn't sound good to me, at least not until she gets some extensive therapy.

[QUOTE=Gillion]You are being arrogant right there by assuming she is going to **** up her life and make the mistake of "finding something new but not better"

Gillion, did you read the original post? Did you "read between the lines?" I absolutely agree that she's going to majorly screw up her life. I do agree with the rest of your response that he does indeed have to back off. But there's also a lot of red flags here that he has to be wise to or else he'll end up screwing up his own life as well.

She is strong, I was with her today, she came over before I even woke up "hi bay" cheesy face, smiling, I on the other hand, was not smiling, "dis sum bull****" (grouchy wakeup) I continued "we need to talk" so after we were on the bus, we were downtown, and I broke it down, told her all the sh!t she do that I don't like, I told her "listen, im doin my part for this realtionship, u need to meet me somewhere, i aint gonna continue doin this **** alone, u the one that need time apart but while time is taken, still respect me" BAM I lays it down

I Have No Reason To Think This, But I Have A Feeling She's Interested In Someone Else,Are They're Any Signs To Show That?

You've expressed how you feel now back off and put the rest of your life in balance. Whether there is someone else is her business, so to stop the games and the obsession on your part, work on you and see what happens. Reread the answers you've been given and stop worrying about her and focus on you. No contact, she may call or she may move on. No waiting by the phone either. Dude get a life without her. I really think the path your on will drive her away.

True, I was in the studio all day yesterday, it was a good way to get my mind off her, I'm going to work today and after I might go back

I think if you think she is cheating and the way she answered when you asked her if she was cheating, then she is cheating.
And you said that if she is cheating then you will end it. But will you??

Regardless, this girl is playing games. She askes for space but then wants to come over and you spend time together. What??
Get rid of her. Leave her. Go. She will continue to play game and I have a feeling you are going to continue to let her play with you.

If you do, you are in for a world of emotional hurt. We see it all the time. Guy / girl keeps letting their partner manipulate and play with them but never stands up for themselves and leaves.

You really have to look deep within yourslef and ask whether it is in your best interests to continue to go along with this girl.

Its hard for me, looking in from the outside, to suggest that there is much worth pursuing with this girl.

Just my opinion though!

Thanks Skell

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

You've expressed how you feel now back off and put the rest of your life in balance. Whether or not there is someone else is her business, so to stop the games and the obsession on your part, work on you and see what happens. Reread the answers you've been given and stop worrying about her and focus on you. No contact, she may call or she may move on. No waiting by the phone either. Dude get a life without her. I really think the path your on will drive her away.

No problems.
Now read and re-read this great advice above from Tal!
This is what you need to do now!

No Contact, I'm just going to move on, if she calls, she calls, if she leaves she leaves, if she decides to stop this, than we have to have a serious talk because I'm not going to go through it again

Hey, someone check out what I've been working on, www.myspace.com/damovements and www/myspace.com/youngkidfromdamovement
Spare time music. Sounds good let me know what you think

--------------------------------------------------------------------------Life Goes On

If you are serious about moving on then if she calls don't answer. She will just tell you what you want to hear and you'll believe her.
You will go through it again. No doubt! See it all the time.
She has no reason to change. You prove to her that you will tolerate her behavior bny continuing to accept her games!

Good luck!
Ill check out your site!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Time Apart

she wants to see me because she believes that i want to see her, i kind of do, but dont want to show, im making myself number 1, and i want to see her, but im not trying to give her control, what do i do

If you have thoughts like that then YOU are not ready to see her.

Everything is going aight, but I want to make sure, so I told her take some more time, I'm busy in the booth

Good - be busy with the booth more - her less. Important.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Time Apart

Everything is goin aight, but i wanna make sure, so i told her take some more time, im busy in the booth

Remember this time is for you to redefine and refine yourself.

To assert you identity for your own bloody survival.

You are not concerned about asserting anything to her, only yourself.

It is easy to become adsorbed into another persons' world at the destruction of your own, instead of developing interdependence between the two.

Guys, I don't know how long I can keep this up, depression and confusion aren't two of my friends, and they're killing me softly, I want this to be how it used to be, and it sucks that it won't, don't get me wrong I'm no soft guy, but what I went through to be with her, and all we've been through in this time, then this, it hurts, a lot. I don't know, but I don't want to push her away, even though I am, I just want things to be... how they were

Write some songs. Do anything you can to try and take your mind off her. It is hard and I can feel your pain but you are only looking foranswers that aren't there or that you won't like the answer to once you get them.

Just do what you have done now. Vent here. Don't call her. It will hurt too much and you won't get what your after. Trust me. We all know!
You need to look after you right now!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Time Apart

Guys, i dont know how long i can keep this up, depression and confusion arent two of my friends, and theyre killing me softly, i want this to be how it used to be, and it sucks that it wont, dont get me wrong im no soft guy, but what i went thru to be with her, and all weve been thru in this time, then this, it hurts, alot. I dont know, but i dont wanna push her away, even though i am, i just want things to be....how they were

Dude... it is not killing you softly. Your only going through withdrawl symptoms like any junkie. You need detox. Stick with the program.

Thanks Gillion

So everything seems to be all right, but I'm still doing my thing, how long do I do this before I go out sumwhere with her, she keeps asking me if I'm up for dinner next Friday, what do I do?

Oh, sorry, you've got plans Friday, how about lunch on Sunday, but just a quickie lunch cause you're a busy guy... remember, you control the sitch for a while, don't be so available.

Niice

She Broke Up With Me

Im sorry.

Why?
What where her reasons?

I still think you were too available to her after she said all this - way too available. Even still talking.

Do not contact her at all. Nothing. For like 2 months. Nothing. No attention.

You need to learn not to be her lap dog and always be there for.

I think you still need to learn to be busy. The last week or so you should have left her alone - believe me - yet you kept in contact with her.

I Did stay busy, I made like 20 songs during this whole time, and on top of that we were working on the group CD, I didn't talk to her since like the 27th, she called me yesterday and told me about her and her mom arguing, about OUR relationship, her mom was tryna tell her how she's doing me wrong, and so she got mad and stuff, but she spoke to me later, told me that we had to talk, she said that she doesn't want to hurt my feelings by having this break, so its best we break up, and she wants to be single for a while. *** Happened? No Contact, No Result