Ask Me Help Desk - I think I really messed up! Not giving space.

I know that you are so right.. I really want to learn how to be more self-focused. But somewhere I stiill have the idea that we will be OK again... *sigh*

It has been bugging me that she lied to me about the trip. She logged on to my laptop and left the expedia confirmation page open. So that is how I found out about the trip. So I told, "that is so cool that you are going to Florida, have fun!" She first denied and tried to hide it. Then she was like, how do you know? So I told her. She was like "I'm not sure if I'm going. My friend booked it for me." but it was under her account, under her log in. She then said that I don't know the person that she is going with. Then she said "I don't want to talk about it." Later, she said that she is going with some people she met from work but she doesn't know them that well... and has no idea who else is going.

I am just kicking myself, because I feel like I helped her move for TWO weekends in a row so that she can make it on the trip. She was nice to me for those two weekends. I even went to her family's mother's bbq, she acted like we were still together in front of her family. So a few days later, I thought I would be nice to just drop by her new apartment because I had an appt near by. I came with cards (all funny cards) and flowers just to be nice... But she flipped out, started to cry, and told me that she needs space and don't call or text her anymore... I was really shocked and surprised. I guess, she was done with my help and was ready to go on her vacation...

Ahhhh... I need to learn how to be selfish and focus on myself...
I returned to the gym and started to learn the piano and guitar again. But it still makes me think of her... my goal is May 28, I have to be in the area.. that's when I'm going to drop off the rest of her stuff...

THANKS again!! I just have so much in my head and my heart is so empty... I really appreciate the support...

She just txt me that she is back from her trip... I'm going to NC...

Time to let her go and respect her request. All of this contact, cards, and flowers is just pushing her further away and re-enforcing her decision to break-up with you. You need to concentrate on your life and surround yourself with things and activities that bring you happiness.

Don't respond to any of her texts.

I don't plan on calling or txting her anymore.. it just hurts me too much... I know I need to focus on myself but it is just so hard to do.

I know how you feel! Though I didn't date my ex for 6 years, we did date for a year and a half. Everything seemed promising... great, in fact, except he just broke up with me on my birthday and on the same weekend as my graduation from law school. He says he needs space. He said that to me two weeks ago before we broke up. I thought I was giving it to him, but apparently not. It's hard, isn't it? And it sucks, doesn't it? All I can say is that we both need to learn from these experiences and practice what we've learned in the future.

Best of luck to you!

That is HORRIBLE timing! I'm SO SORRY you went through this!

One day you will be glad to be rid of such a jerk. Space this buddy!

I am on the same boat. I still think about him a lot. We broke up about a week ago and we had some contact. The last thing said via text was that he had secured tickest for his graduation, because my family and I are attending it. So I texted him back saying, "ok, just let me know when to pick up the tix." He didn't respond after that. That was just 4 days ago. His graduation is tomorrow night and I still haven't heard from him. We had all taken time off work to go to his grad. My family loves him like a son and helped him get a loan for school. I especially helped him throughout this whole journey, I can honestly say that without me and my family he wouldn't have studied what he really loves, cause his own mom didn't support him. And the thought of her taking the pleasure of going to his graduation, sharing this special moment, after she didn't even help, and us not going, is truly sickening. All I have to say is that if he does not contact me by tomorrow morning or noon, I will assume he does not want us there and we will not go. I would not forgive him doing this to us, me. I have given him 4 years of my life. I was devoted and loving. And although he was loving too, It always felt a little one-sided. I am taking time to think about myself and loving me, and although I love him more than anything right now, I have to suck it up. I guess if he disappoints me with the graduation thing, I will decide to move on for sure.

I won't say it's easy, but its been done. We all were designed to withstand some difficult times, and believe me, you are not the exception. I will pray for you and everyone here who is suffering like I am.

Blessings.

It didn't kill you, therefore you are destined to press on to better things.

You... I started to go to church again after not going for a long time. I just can't believe that a person that you gave everything to can be so heartless. I know I am still in the relating to pop song phase, because I heard the Kris Allen version of "Heartless" and was like it sounds like me. Lol

I liked that Kris Allen version of "heartless", and its ironic because he sang it the night after we broke up. It hurt to hear it because I was feeling so much at the moment. But, I'm doing my best to cope. This weekend I'm going to visit some friends I neglected over my time in this relationship and I am really excited. I just hope that I don't spoil it by talking about my ex the whole time. My wound is still so fresh...

If they are real friends, they will listen to you, and then slap you back into reality when you start getting to deep.

That's what my friends did and still do if I attempt to associate something we are doing with memories of my past relationship.

you.. but I think one of my pretty good friend is stepping with my ex.. =(

If he is sleeping with your ex, then you need to avoid him.

I think if he was a real friend, he would know how you feel and NOT be sleeping with her right now.

Then he wasn't a real friend to begin with. He was just a snake in the grass. Follow our advice, you see where following your own head and heart have gotten you. Absolutely no where, give our ideas a try. We're steady proof our ways work

You have a lot of adjustments to make, to your life, and social circle, goals, and attitude.

Embrace it, as a chance to find out who you are, so your whole life can reflect why your happy with yourself.

Your friend is doing his thing, as is she, Do your own thing, that makes you happy.

I know... all of the advice you are giving me is what I need to do.. I'm trying to focus on myself but I keep thinking about her... sigh... I didn't return her text or anything, so I'm going to stick to my NC... don't know why this is so hard

I went to drop off something that belonged to her today at her parents' house. Apparently they still don't know because they asked me to stay for dinner. But I politely said that I had to pick up my mom from the airport.

She called me twice but I did not answer, and I don't plan to return her calls... I need to stay strong like you guys have been telling me.

Thanks for the support..

She just txt me asking me why I didn't call her when I stopped by. I want to txt her back.. don't call me anymore until you are ready to talk... but I'm forcing myself to the NC...

Stick with NC, whether she wants to talk or not.

Ahhhh... she left me a message said that I should have called her and that she just wants to see how I am doing, but she sounded very serious. She called me again this morning but I didn't see it. I want to call her back... but I'm going to try and stick it out...

Stay NC or risk your mind being more confused, personally I'd like to stop being kicked in the balls and would just ignore her.

She is trying to alleviate her guilt from breaking up with you by attempting to see how you are handling things. She is trying to get a win-win situation for herself by working back into your life as a friend, when she knows all to well that you want more. Don't fall for that!

She is being very selfish right now and is only caring about herself. Why should she demand that you call when you dropped by? You didn't demand that she not break-up with you! She is trying to still hold a place in your life with out adding anything useful to it.

You are not a part of her life anymore! She needs to understand that choices come with consequences. She thinks that life works the way it does in movies, where everything is hunky-dory and the people live happily ever after. That's BS. You don't owe her anything. The only person you owe anything to is yourself. If you were that important to her, she should have thought about losing you from her life before she broke-up with you. Just think about that! It may make NC a little easier.

Wow... I need to heed my own advice! LOL!

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmw0713

She is trying to alleviate her guilt from breaking up with you by attempting to see how you are handling things. She is trying to get a win-win situation for herself by working back into your life as a friend, when she knows all to well that you want more. Don't fall for that!

She is being very selfish right now and is only caring about herself. Why should she demand that you call when you dropped by?? You didn't demand that she not break-up with you! She is trying to still hold a place in your life with out adding anything useful to it.

You are not a part of her life anymore! She needs to understand that choices come with consequences. She thinks that life works the way it does in movies, where everything is hunky-dory and the people live happily ever after. That's BS. You don't owe her anything. The only person you owe anything to is yourself. If you were that important to her, she should have thought about loosing you from her life, before she broke-up with you. Just think about that! It may make NC a little easier.

Wow...I need to heed my own advice! LOL!

It's always easy to give advice from the outside, seldom do we follow it when we are involved.

Shoot shoot shoot shoot... I responded to her call... we talked for a few minutes... then I got of the phone... someone shoot me... I CAN'T BELIEVE I BROKE NC!! I was doing so well...

Quote:

Originally Posted by ldanny

shoot shoot shoot shoot .... i responded to her call... we talked for a few mins... then i got of the phone... someone shoot me.... I CAN'T BELIEVE I BROKE NC!!!!!!! I was doing so well...

It's OK man, there will be setbacks. You will learn from it, stay strong buddy, you can get through this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ldanny

shoot shoot shoot shoot .... i responded to her call... we talked for a few mins... then i got of the phone... someone shoot me.... I CAN'T BELIEVE I BROKE NC!!!!!!! I was doing so well...

Give yourself a break. This is a great moment to let go of self judgment. Just get back into the saddle and relax.

Thanks so much guys... I keep slipping... she wants to see me.. but I don't think it's a good idea... that will set me back more

Ing girls man, its ridiculous how they break your heart and then feel the need to call you every week to "see how your doing"

Like obviously we are OK, were not going to shoot ourselves or something over this. I have a close girl friend and she was telling me the same thing as some members have as to why girls do this. They haven't found anyone new yet, and they don't like being alone.

Danny its pretty frustrating though hey, like I almost find myself resentful now for her dumping me then trying to string me along like this in case. Like if you dump someone leave them alone , let them heal. Why make things worse on them by calling, texting, hanging out. Just gives your poor guys false hope...

So what did you guys talk about danny?

Maybe u need to tell her straight up, unless you want to be with me(assuming you want to be with her still) You need to stop contacting me and let me move on with my life. You are only making things harder on me. Im thinking myself of saying something like this to my ex.

That's exactly what I want to say to her, don't contact me unless you want a relationship.

She asked me if I was ignoring her calls... I just told her I was busy and giving her the space she wanted... she wanted to know if I found someone.. we talked about her trip. And how she was trying to get a hold of me for a baseball game, and that she wanted to meet up because she miss me. She wants to meet up on Saturday but I told her to just call me. And she said, "pick up your phone."

I'm just so tired of this, I'm not a safety or anything.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ldanny

i'm just so tired of this, im not a safety or anything.

Yea you are, and you're proving that.

STOP STANDING BEHIND THE HORSE and then complain about getting kicked

In a way this makes me thankful that my ex certainly hasn't had any issue with not talking to me at all. It hurts, but it would be even worse if she was calling and stringing me along.

For your own good you really need to suck it up and tell her you don't want to talk unless you are in a relationship. Talking to her, hanging out, letting her know that you're OK, are just ways for her to feel better about what she did.

She asked for no contact, but she wants to get together and hang out? That's messed up! Your conversations only leave you feeling worse than before.

It's clear that she's testing your limits. She has no doubt that you'll come running in case this thing with your buddy or whatever falls through. When you didn't respond, she felt that she lost her power, so she became more persistent with her texts and calls. Don't be her safety net, danny. Ignore her texts and calls and get yourself back again.

You.. she is suppose to call me on Saturday.. I have no reason to explain myself to her... I don't like playing games with my emotions so, back to NC!! I was going 8 days. Reset. Lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Yea you are, and you're proving that.

STOP STANDING BEHIND THE HORSE and then complain about getting kicked

Its like playing with fire and complain when you get burnt :(

Quote:

its like playing with fire and complain when you get burnt :(

Or running into a brick wall, and wondering why your head hurts.

I understand why you anwer danny cause I'm in the same boat. There's that little part of you hoping she has changed her mind and maybe she's trying to get back with you.

She's talking out of both sides of her mouth... come here/go away.

You are the one who has to take control otherwise she is going to lead you around by the nose forever. Tell her NC. Period!

You.. I'm going to tell her tomorrow when she calls... "if you want to see me because you just want to hang out.... please don't come." then NC