I'm in the same boat as you but we are at 6.5 years... she always talked about marriage up to the day before she wanted to break up.

Hey ldanny, sorry to hear about that man. Really. Nice to know were not alone though hey. How long you two been split? Did she give you the I need time and space?

Its been two weeks, she said the time and space thing and I broke almost all the rules in the first week and she told me its over.. so now.. I don't think its going to be anymore.. so pretty sad

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Originally Posted by ldanny

its been two weeks, she said the time and space thing and I broke almost all the rules in the first week and she told me its over.. so now.. i dont think its going to be anymore.. so pretty sad

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Life goes on so many great and wonderful people to meet, just keep on moving forward:)

Well u have closure at least ldanny. Mine won't even say its over for good. She said who knows maybe in a month or two she wants to give it another shot. Im not holding my breath though. Who knows if I will even want her back in a month or so. I am working out at the gym hard now. Joined an online dating site. Already got about 4 solid contacts on there. Im taking it slow though. Just friends with these girls for now. I realise I need time to heal.

I think your girlfriend had a revelation. You've written it:
She also said she feels like she has just been in a relationship for so long that she needs time to be herself and be independent again.
I would think that when you are in a relationship, you relate who you are to the person you are with. If she says she needs time to be herself, then she must be missing the part of her life that she gave up to be with you.

She wants to not always have to consider someone else all the time.
It seems like your girlfriend is struggling with her identity. She makes it sound as if a relationship with you is a burden on her being independent.

I'm sure it's frustrating for you to be facing this now. If you both showed your true colors from the beginning, maybe this wouldn't be happening now. Dating for 4.5 years is a long time, but it would have been more frustrating if you were married.

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Myuz;1694682, She said who knows maybe in a month or two she wants to give it another shot.

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What she meant by that is if I don't find a decent guy in the next month I will whistle and my old dog will come running back onto the leash, because I know what a sucker he is... don't give her the chance,

Well I'm moving on not thinking about her as much. Keeping busy, got a date on Saturday night. Im not going to contact her at least not for awhile. I can't help but find myself thinking and hoping she will come to her senses so to speak, and call me up. We broke up on the terms of we will still talk a bit and who knows maybe in a month or two we will try again... I know that isn't the best scenario for moving on... Just so hard to completely let go...

You.. I feel u... so told me we still had a chance to get back together... maybe in a month or two.. and she isn't looking for a relationship right now with anyone...

So I doidnt contact my ex for like 11 days and then she tried calling me Sunday, I didn't answer. Then she called me this morning(tuesday), I didn't answer so she sent me a text saying hey just wanted to call and say hey and hope your doing good. Si tell her call me now then if you want to talk, so she calls like 15 seconds later.

So we talk nothing to serious we kept it light. The thing is I have been seeing other girls this past few weeks. Now my ex is contacting me but I still love her lots. I asked her if she wanted to hang out this weekend and we would just do something fun. Like go to the casino I said or fro lunch. She says maybe I will see how I feel. I said um OK what do you mean by that. She just said I don't know but ill see how I feel about it this weekend. She's not sure if she's ready to be hang out or be together she said.

Like what's her deal? Sending real mixed signals. Im tempted to tell her I have been seeing other girls but still love you, call me when you figure things out. Like she broke up with me like a month or so ago and doesn't seem to want to let go

Any advice or ideas guys? Like I do think she wants to give us another chance. Im just so confused. I was doing well with no contact then wham she has to call me up and then give me I'm not sure ill see how I feel etc...

Not to mention I do think this time broken up has been real good for us. Kind of a breather and to realise what were missing. Just you would think a month and some would be enough to know what you want...

I am so sorry for your break-up... I too have recently going through what you are currently going through! I was in a 4.5 year relatioship was actually engaged and we were living together!
You are focusing on the words.. I love you... being in love... I can't live without you... and trying to make sense of them... you are on a emotional roller coaster! Step back... take it one day at a time... give your EX space! Either it will work itself out or it will be time for you to move on! I know it is hard... you had this person in your life always had something to do with them... now your wondering what the hell am I going to do now! Take this time to get to know yourself a little better! Keep busy! I know we all say this but it is true... Time will tell all! You will get through this... best wishes!

ADVICE:

Don't try to throw it in her face that your seeing other girls. And what's this by saying "wham she just calls me up" You said call me now! Is that not reason enough? Dude go NC! If she texts delete it, if she calls ignore it. You can't get over someone that you still have ties with. Break those bonds and it only gets easier...

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She's not sure if she's ready to be hang out or be together she said.

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Yes she is sure, but keeping you confused keeps you from moving forward, and having a normal life without her. She can't let go, because she doesn't have anything else to go to. You do, and she is making sure you can't enjoy it. Not her fault, its all yours, and that's why you think she sends mixed signals, because you let her. Do the NC, and make her let go, and stop the confusion. Have you not read the experiences of others going through the same things here at this forum? If you did you would know why your confused, and would know that its you who must take the right actions to break this cleanly for your own dignity, and self respect.

Is it possible she just truly wanted to call and say hi, and hope I am doing well? Like that's what she said at least. Like if she was moving on and wanted it over for good wouldn't she not call at all?

If you really believed that, you would be tripping over it you would have just let it go.

K so she calls me up this morning, she said she would like to see me this weekend. I agreed and I am going to pick her up this weekend. I am going to try my best to show her I've changed and that we should really give it another shot.

I don't even know what she wants still, however I'm pretty sure this is like a test date for her to see if I have changed at all. I don't think it is just hanging out as friends because it has only been a month and I don't see why she would want to hang out as only friends.

We have been broken up over 5 weeks now and have had very minimal contact. So this date in my mind is like a last chance for us, so I'm thinking I should go all out. I feel like it's a last chance for us because I have almost had it with her uncertainty and trying to keep me in limbo so to speak. So if she shows no interest in getting back with me I'm going to tell her I'm moving on I think and that we shouldn't talk until she knows what she wants, and that hopefully I'm still single when she figures it out.

I guess what my question is does anyone think I should attempt anything romantic at this point such as bringing her a flower when I pick her up, or giving her a kiss or holding her hand at some point etc.

Not to be rude man, but I don't think you've really paid attention to what anyone has said to you.

And now your about to put yourself in a world of hurt with her.

Again.

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Originally Posted by myuz

k so she calls me up this morning, she said she would like to see me this weekend. I agreed and I am going to pick her up this weekend. I am going to try my best to show her ive changed and that we should really give it another shot.

I dont even know what she wants still, however im pretty sure this is like a test date for her to see if I have changed at all. I dont think it is just hanging out as friends because it has only been a month and I dont see why she would want to hang out as only friends.

We have been broken up over 5 weeks now and have had very minimal contact. So this date in my mind is like a last chance for us, so im thinking i should go all out. I feel like its a last chance for us because I have almost had it with her uncertainty and trying to keep me in limbo so to speak. So if she shows no interest in getting back with me im going to tell her im moving on i think and that we shouldnt talk until she knows what she wants, and that hopefully im still single when she figures it out.

I guess what my question is does anyone think I should attempt anything romantic at this point such as bringing her a flower when I pick her up, or giving her a kiss or holding her hand at some point etc.

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How much can you really change in 5 weeks.You are setting yourself up for more pain.I am sure the date will go okay since both of you will be on your best behaviour, but what's going to happen if you two start a relationship? The problem you two had which caused the breakup are not going to disappear by themselves

Well you I have an update. We went out together a few nights ago. It went well and we kept it light. We shared some laughs had a few drinks. I stayed confident( being 190 lbs from gym helps, vs. a 6 weeks ago when we broke up I was 174) , kept my cool, was polite tried to make her laugh. I could tell as the night wore on she was warming up to me more. We didn't get physical however. No kissing only had a few hugs with her. After we were done at the casino I asked her if she wanted to hang out at my place for a little bit, she replied no and that we have had sex way to many times on my bed and that she didn't know if she could control herself. And that she wasn't ready for that yet.

I said OK so I took her home. Then we talked a bit, she said this has been just as hard on her. That she still cries about it every week. She said she picks up her phone all the time and wants to call me but that she can't yet. She said that she is still healing and needs to accept that things are going to be different this time. Told me she was still in love with me. When I said you know like its tough like I want to move on but one side of me thinks your going to come back, she said I think I'm going to come back as well.

I told her more or less that there's other girls interested in me, (which there is, one is this close to breaking up with her boyfriend to be with me, which I've told her not to) but that I want to be with her and she's my #1. She said well if you want to see other girls then go ahead.( which I don't really believe she is OK with one bit)

So after all this talk she says well I will talk to you in a week or something maybe, I said whenever, cause I wasn't really impressed. Then I left. Then the next day she says on a text "i had fun last night just hanging out with you and thanks again for everything"

Its been two days I haven't replied yet, I don't know if I should or not. I'm thinking I should let her wait a bit for a change and maybe not even reply...

I don't know what she wants still , like she wants to be with me clearly, but why won't she yet? What's the point in waiting, she knows I have already made big changes, she said so herself that night.

I know what you mean.. I say just don't respond... that's what I would do... it will be harder on you... I responded to my ex and helped her with all sorts of things.. then it was hard for me to part again... it will be better for you...

You will never understand anything about her, as long as your waiting for her to spend more time with you, and trying to figure out why she is doing what she is doing.

Only when your doing what you want to do and leaving her alone, will your confusion finally end.

Its been a month, have you gotten any closer to her?

K talaniman

So your saying just leave her alone don't say anything to her..

That's more or less what I have been doing, she has initiated contact the last few times.
Do you see us having a chance with the things she told me last time I was with her?

And I don't know if I should reply or not to her text saying she had good time hanging out thanks etc...

We have only been broekn up just under 6 weeks and you it does feel a little closer, she has actually opened up a bit , she is initiating contact, telling me she's in love with me etc...

Yes I am pretty confused though your right, like I just don't know why she would keep putting it off... like I kind of understand but not really...

Because you are already a fish hooked on the bait, why reel you in? You will enjoy the little bait she's given you while she goes out and continues fishing.

So she called yesterday morning and I missed it, so that evening I casually texted her "did you call earlier? whats up.." she texted back "just called to see whats up and see how you are doing".

Like I just saw her like 5 days ago, of course I'm fine. I think I will just reply something like "im doing good , hope you are too, -mike"

Maybe I shouldn't say anything though, I don't know man this sucks. Like I want to be with her and we are both still in love with each other. Just frustrating.

Stop talking to her!

Like should I maybe tell her point blank I think you are just keeping me around in case and I don't like that. Call me when you know what you want between us and hopefully I'm still available..?

But catch22, like she's shown lots of interest in getting back together, like we just hung out like 5 days ago and it went well. If we are possbily going to get back together shouldn't I at least be responding to her?

I'm in the same boat as you.. BUT I did not call her text her back. Read my thread for the advice one other member gave me, it might help...

If she wants to get back with you, she knows where you live, she has two able legs, which means she can walk her little arse over to your house and tell you this. You are reading too much into too little, it's called false hope and you are only prolonging the pain

So my ex called today she was asking how I'm doing lol, she was texting me yesterday and I told her I was good and hope she's doing well. She was asking me if I had plans this weekend I said you. She said what, I said well I'm hanging out with andrea a friend from work. She kinds got upset and was like what, are you seeing each other? Is she coming over? Are you taking her to a movie? I said I don't know what were doing yet , were just friends for now. I could tell she was upset then she said I got to go to work bye.

Like I'm not going to lye when she asks me what I'm doing tonight so she won't get jealous. Like she ended it with me and now she's mad I'm hanging out with an other girl lol, like go fly a kite.

I then received a text a few hours later saying I'm sorry I bothered you I won't call again. Have a great weekend!

Then another one a few mintues later saying my only wish is for you to be happy and enjoy life, please promise me you will. Smiley face.

Like is that all about. I really doubt she won't call again but maybe its for the better if she doesn't. I really think she is going through a tough time and is upset especially since I'm not sitting around waiting for her anymore. Like I'm not going to lie, I still love her and want to be with her. Just sick of the games and waiting around. I think she is kind of upset that I'm meeting new girls and kind of moving on too.

Any ideas what's going on in this girls head? I'm confused. Like on the phone she said again I can't be with you until I'm healed and neither can you be with me until your healed. Like is that even mean. Sounds kind of like bs to me. Why would you heal from someone to go right back to them. I don't know...

If you didn't answer the phone you would not have to worry about all this drama.Quit playing with yourself and her.

Dude I have to answer my phone, she's not the only restricted number that calls me. And like I'm not going to just hang up on her. Like this is a girl I was ready to marry and was with for nearly 5 years.

Damn.. that sounds soooo much like my ex.. asking if I have been going out a lot and bs like that.. and "like you saw the movie? i guess i have to look for someone else to go with me now." wth is that right?

I know its hard but I think WE need to go back to NC... I was really to marry my ex too.. so I know how you feel. I'm going to tell her tomorrow, I don't want to see you if you just want to hang out and feel better about YOUR actions...

At this point, you shouldn't have to worry about her feelings anymore... You don't have to do anything for her, it is all about you at this point. Well, that's what I'm telling myself LOL

If you didn't answer the phone you would not have to worry about all this drama.Quit playing with yourself and her.

WEll I thought I would leave a bit of an update here.. We are not back together... I was doing NC for a while.. Things were going OK, it was hard but I was slowly moving on... Then she starts sending me messages like I love you I always will I miss you so much.. I miss your smell... etc... SO we hung out... A few times.. Things went well... She noticed how I'm making changes.. ie more confident, more easygoing, more outgoing...

We ended up having sex again, we have about 4 times now... We hang out regularyl like m aybe once or twice a week... she sends me messages a lot... Its hard because she maintains that we are still just friends and we will see where things go... if its meant to be it will happen... Now when we were dating we ahd a two week trip planned together, and now it looks like she will be taking this trip with me still... AS friends she says... She says to me she wo nt commit to be anything more than friends until she has seen that I have really really changed and things will be different this time...

Like in all honesty it almost feels as if we are dating again... but were not... She even called us friends lol... I know like that is a pretty good deal for a guy is to have a girl who wants to have sex regularly but no commitment... I still find it kind of tough though... So basically she is taking this trip with me and wants to see that I really have changed before she will commit to dating again... And I don't even know she's just saying that to buy herself time or whatever... Like I kind of believe her... like why jump back into a relationship where you weren't happy... A part of me thinks it's a really bad idea going with her for two weeks... And she isn't coming for using me or anything like that because for one thing we are taking her car... I had a car rental all lined up and was fine with taking her in that but to save me money she pffered to take her car and save me the 6oo bucks... And also she could take this trip with a friend or anyone else... Why me right..

Anyway let me know what you guys think... I know it's a messed up situation... but I guess I'm going to have to see how things go... In a sense I have nothing to lose...

f**ck friends... is what she called us

Yea she's keeping you hooked until she finds someone else. You need a dose of reality here. You remember YOU right? She's using you for her lingering emotional and physical needs until she finds whatever she's looking for. Whatever it is, it's not YOU. Everything is convenient for her and her needs, not yours. You need to step up and remember that it isn't all about her... what do you want? She already stood her ground and said you are NOT together, so besides her, what do you want? Do you want to be treated like this all the time? Do you want this lack of respect in your life?

You shouldn't go on this trip one bit. It's going to continue to give you false hope. Fact is, if she wanted to be with you she WOULD be... she wouldn't be doing what she's doing now.

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f**ck friends... is what she called us

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I looks like that's what you are all right. You must not have anything better to do. For sure she isn't letting you explore any other options or opportunities that may present itself.

Even friends with benefits can date others, can you??

Edited.

One thing that's a bit off here is, she is defining whatever it is this relationship is about, and your just going along with it. May I ask where your input is, and why your happy with f**k friends? Okay its easy sex, but who's paying for it? And who is really getting f**ked here? What if your not the only f**k friend, or she justs gets a better offer? Now what?

Well she isn't stopping me from seeing other girls in fact she said she's fine with it if I did... Although I'm not sure if she really means it as she has made some pretty jealous comments to me... in all honesty though the sex has been great lol... but I see where you guys are coming from... It would be kind of hard to turn her down and this great sex and say no... ya know what I mean guys... But you she is keeping me hooked... But likewise to her if some better girl came along and wanted to be with me then my ex might get burned too...