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Originally Posted by talaniman

You need to see him for what he is, jumping from female to female whenever he wants, and he is not an ex, because he has many women and you were just one. You got played and would have been played some more had you not ended it.

When ever you think of him, thats a sign you need to find something else to do with yourself. Make a meal for your husband.

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Yeah I need to be extra extra busy, I've already walked the dog today!! But it's the uk and its flaming freezing out there lol. I can only stay out there for so long. Ive rung the hubby and were off out to ikea tonight to look at possibly a new kitchen in the future, I know its nothing extravagant but it gets me out of the house and keeps me occupied.

Im so fed up of him playing these mind games with me, him just disappearing off the scene when he feels fit.

The way I feel at the mo I really don't know how I'm going to get through each day, its really affecting my health, I've lost so much weight, I'm 6f tall and weight just 8 stone. Most days I just don't want to get out of bed in the morning as it seems a struggle to make it through the day, what's wrong with me??

I stupidly text the ex before, saying thanks for ignoring me after you know what I'm going through at the mo with the scare. I said that he can't even text me to say hoep all goes well, just cuts off all contact with me?? He just can't be arsed replying. How can someone be that cruel. This has to be the end of this mess, I'm going to end up dead if I carry on with this.

That's it, I'm NEVER EVER going to text him again, I just get the feeling that he don't care if I live or die and that hurts like hell. He probably loves that I've texted him in the first place knowing him.

Stop dwelling on him, and start doing something good for yourself, and your husband, like get a job, or take a class, or even better, volunteer at an old folks home, or hospital and see some people who have real problems through no real fault of there own.

Now you know how harsh w can get when we think your sitting on that pity pot, don't you? HEHEHE!! Get busy.

Click on the link in my signature thats says "stickies".

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Stop dwelling on him, and start doing something good for yourself, and your husband, like get a job, or take a class, or even better, volunteer at an old folks home, or hospital and see some people who have real problems thru no real fault of there own.

Now you know how harsh w can get when we think your sitting on that pity pot, don't you?? HEHEHE!!!! Get busy.

Click on the link in my signature thats says "stickies".

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I know how harsh you guys can gets lol, believe me I'm the 1st peson who knows that there are so many more people out there with a lot worse cases than mine. On a good day, I can't believe the wonderful life that I have got e.g. nice house,car, hubby, mates etc etc.

Im looking for a job and I'm trying so hard but being so highly qualified I'm being told that I isn't got enough experience and I have too high level qualifications which is getting me down!!

No more pity pot for me, I'm going to live my life to the full and try and look forward to my trip which is onlly a month away, I'm sorry for my moaning, you lot have helped to see that there are so many more important people out there, people that care if I'm alive and don't have cancer!!

It just hurts when he knows what I'm going through right now and just plays his mind games, yes I told him to go away but because he told me about the woman he slept with, how does he expect me too feel, to bring her to my house and il bake her a cake. At the end of the end I just think that a simple text to say look you told me too f&*K off and I'm going to do that and I hope your OK right now and the scare don't turn out to cancer. But that isn't going to happen anytime soon. I will happen in a month or so when I'm rebuilding the wall so he can knock it back down. Well when he comes knocking in a month or whenever the door is going to be well and truly SHUT IN HIS UGLY FACE.

We LOVE ANGER, and RANTS, to vent.

Ahhh you are NOT bothered that he is with somebody else... you are bothered with yourself for falling for his game BUT you project the bothered onto the other woman and THINK it is that he is with her when in reality you are bothered with yourself for allowing yourself for falling for his game.

NO MATTER WHAT you need to break away because he is really enjoying his little cat and mouse game. The end is going to be you hurt and him having the last laugh.

I think that if I understood why he has to treat me badly then it would be easier for me to move on. But I don't ever think that I'm going to find that out. Everyone has arguments and yes I told him to pi%% off but who wouldn't when I found out what he had done. He always does this, he is horrible to me and then I tell him to go, and he goes and I miss him so text him and then out of spite don't reply for a week or two.

What hurts is the fact that I could be seriously ill and he don't seem to care, no text to say hope all goes well etc etc. If I had that nice text from him saying that he wishes me well then it would be easier for me to move on, but he isn't going to make anything easy for me. For him, the pain and hurt I'm going through at this point in time the better.

Im sure il survive, no pity horse for me remember!! I don't know why I care when he so clearly does not for me by way of his actions.?

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Originally Posted by loulou1978

I think that if i understood why he has to treat me badly then it would be easier for me to move on. But i dont ever think that im going to find that out.

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That is exactly what he is banking on... YOUR NEED to find out what his real motives are.
In the meantime he is very most likely laughing that "he has you exactly where he wants you"

You need to gain the upper hand and not give a rats @$$.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

That is exactly what he is banking on......YOUR NEED to find out what his real motives are.
In the meantime he is very most likely laughing that "he has you exactly where he wants you"

You need to gain the upper hand and not give a rats @$$.

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You are completley correct, I text him and said text me back before 2pm or I'm moving on etc etc. He never texted me which I didn't think he would so I just dropped him a text saying... I see you have made you choice, I wish you nothing but happiness for the future, take care and goodbye.

That's my final text to him, no doubt he will text me at a later date saying that he was working so he couldn't text me or give me some excuse why he didn't text. Ive had eough of these games, I've told him this so many times. Its like it is all a big joke to him, life is far too short to be wasting on people that just want to play mind games with me I'm afraid.

I ask him what he wants from me and a couple of times he said that he wants us to get back together again, but his weird ways stopped me from doing this in the past. Its like he is with someone and then gets bored/cold feet and jumps ship. I don't think he is ready at 30 yrs old to have an adult relationship.

I need to try and concentrate on me and hubby now, its so hard not thinking of him, everything I do and everywhere I go reminds me of him. Im assuming that's natural and I'm not cracking up??

Its so frustrating having a one way text conversation with him. Ive told him I'm not ding this anymore and that I'm never going to text him again but I think he thinks I'm bluffi ng as I've always given in in the past and ended up texting him which makes me so so mad.

I need to put my mind right and be determined not to text him this time, make him see that I won't be a push over any longer in his life. How do I stop myself texting him?? Answers on a postcard please!!

When you finally start No Contact, you will start the healing process. Continuing to text him, "one more time" will keep you confused and miserable. Read those stickies!!

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Originally Posted by talaniman

When you finally start No Contact, you will start the healing process. Continuing to text him, "one more time" will keep you confused and miserable. Read those stickies!!!!!!!!

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That's true, when I did NC last time everyday seemed to get better and better and that's why I got so annoyed with myself when I texted him back after so long!! I could have been well on the road to recovery by now.

Any suggestions when I'm having a weak moment and go and think about texting him??

Ive been having a think about my situation, and know that when the ex comes running back in time that I will feel really bad if I don't answer his calls (I mean bad in the sense of being rude if I don't answer them) is this silly of me.

Im doing my best not to grab my phone and text him and ask him why he is treating me this way as I'm so mad!! I need to think of a way too not want to pick up the phone a give him a piece of my mind

Do something nice for you, or your husband when those feelings come up, and over time, they will fade.

I'm trying so so hard. It's the nights that are the worse, just lying there wondering what he is doing and who is with. I try blocking it out of my mind but just cant. Im considering going to the docs for sleeping tablets but don't know if that's the answer. Ive tried all these herbal remedies but they don't help at all. How do you get through the nights?? /

How many glasses of wine does it take to make the pain go away?? I'm going through a bottle a day at the moment and I'm sure that's not good when I'm not eating. I wouldn't mind but the ex has got a face that only his mother could love so why am I upset??

You have solid concrete good things so you need to focus on that.
If he calls, texts or whatever ignore it.
If you do happen to answer gain control of the conversation and don't let him wrap you around your finger.
Like if you happen to answer the phone not knowing it is him ask him why he is so desperate that he is after a happily married woman? Can't he find a free single girl of his own?
Concentrate on romance with your husband make a great candle light dinner and share the bottle of wine with him.

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Originally Posted by loulou1978

im trying so so hard. Its the nights that are the worse, just lying there wondering what he is doing and who is with. I try blocking it out of my mind but just cant. Im considering going to the docs for sleeping tablets but dont know if thats the answer. Ive tried all these herbal remedies but they dont help at all. How do you get through the nights??????/

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Try being a wife. That is what you are. The more of your posts I read the more I feel like never getting married again. How sad. You have a husband who is so out of the picture.

When you can't sleep, cuddle with hubby. When you think of texting the loser, sit down and write your hubby a love letter.

Seriously, do you think you need a professional therapist here?

I'm not trying to be mean to you, it's just so hard to read this. Imagine what your husband would think if he knew how you were truly feeling?

How would you feel if you found out your husband had something like this going on with another woman?

I can't figure out why you are so attached/drawn to this creep. There's got to be deeper issues.

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Originally Posted by Survivor07

Try being a wife.
Imagine what your husband would think if he knew how you were truly feeling?

How would you feel if you found out your husband had something like this going on with another woman?

I can't figure out why you are so attached/drawn to this creep. There's got to be deeper issues.

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BINGO.
She needs to do things with her husband and be there for him. The ex has to be 100% creep. She needs to realize the reality of that before its too late.

I don't understand where hubby is all day and night? Is this the problem?

He has to notice there is something going on OR more importantly what isn't going on--between him and his wife!

Maybe some background into the marital relationship, would yield some clues, as to what going on, loulou, what do you think? Feel like sharing that info with us?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Maybe some background into the marital relationship, would yield some clues, as to what going on, loulou, what do you think?? Feel like sharing that info with us?

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What would you like to know? Ive been with my hubby for nearly 10 yrs and married for 4 yrs in Sept. We have no kids and are both 31. He has a very good job in building surveying and I'm currentlylooking for employment haing been made redundant.

We had a happy marriage until I met this guy approx 2 yrs ago, we were going through a bit of a rough patch and split up hence my starting a relationship with this guy. At the time friends that knew the ex told me too be careful as he tends to "attach" himself to new people that start at work. I didn't really understand what that meant at 1st but now have an idea. He pays the ladies a lot of attention when they first start, one of my friends who was married was very uncomfortable that he asked her out for a beer after work knowing she was married, now maybe I'm wrong and he was just being friendly? But she decided to go with the guy for a beer but ask her hubby to join them.

I don't think this guy has a lot of friends, he has loads of Facebook (but to me there no real friends) as he probably as never met many of them. I don't think this guy has ever had a serious relationship, the longest he has been with someone is 5 months but that was long ditance and only saw her 3 times. He was with me for approx a month and that's the longest he has been in a relationship, he tends to get cold feet and jump ship.

Im feeling OK today, I didn't sleep with phone under pillow for the 1st time in ages waiting for him to text, (hubby sleeps in other room as he snores by the way, not because I don't want to sleep with him). My mindset is now that after all he knows how much pain I'm in and the hurt that he has caused me (which I've told him) and he still don't reply, well he can't love me that much can he?

I just don't feel the spark with my hubby, we go out and try and do couple things but my mind wanders onto the other guy, like I said he has a face only his mother could love so I don't understand why I think of him. Maybe it's the chase I like?? Now that I'm not being chased then it annoys me? I really don't know, I'm just throwing some ideas into the pot. Of course it feels good to be chased, but I know I shouldn't want to be chased by any other than my hubby, and it feels like he has got me so don't bother having to make an effort.

My hubby says he loves me and I am the most important person in the world to him and I do believe him, he gves me anything that I want. We haven't been intimate for 4 months, the last time that happened was whilst we were on holiday. I mean 4 months is a very long time, I tell my hubby that it seems to me that he don't care that we don't have sex but he says that he hates it and only sleps in the back room as he snores and don't want to upset my sleep. He has been to hospital to have surgery on his nose but it didn't work.

I just don't know where to go from here, I feel that I've tried everything and am at my wits ends and some days suicidal.

Please try to find a counselor you can talk to. Maybe it's a hormonal thing and you need some meds.

Sounds like a bit of depression. There will be nothing you can do to fix that on your own without some professional help.

Tell the counselor what you've told us, especially the last part.

Remember, you're not a bad person. Just going through something you don't quite understand. It's okay to ask for help. It's a healthy thing to do that. Take care of yourself.

Yes it is most likely a hormonal thing AND you have a real person to put to your daydreaming. Unfortunately you need to let the reality hit you what this guy is really about and he is anything but your knight in shining armor --more the opposite.

I really feel like a bad person, I mean to do this to my hubby. I don't want to hurt him hence this thread. I just can't sleep at night at the moment, I think I need some sleeping tablets.

Some days I just want to die to stop all the hurt inside of me, I'm OK today, I'm having a good day and don't care if I never see the ex again. Ive ate breakfast and just eating lunch and the dog has been walked. I wish everyday I could feel this free. I know that this guy is not worth me wreaking my health for and not eating.

I'm glad you're having a good day today.

It's good that you recognize that this other guy you're focusing on is not the answer to your problem.

Just think about what I've said about getting some additional help, help you won't find here.

You are craving attention----give it to yourself.

You need to look at things realistically
With your husband you have stability and you can work on the relationship.
With this guy what do you really have and what can you realistically expect?
If you are not happy with your husband you need to work that out one way or another even if it means divorce BUT this other guy needs to be OUT of the picture no matter what.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

You need to look at things realistically
with your husband you have stability and you can work on the relationship.
With this guy what do you really have and what can you realistically expect?
If you are not happy with your husband you need to work that out one way or another even if it means divorce BUT this other guy needs to be OUT of the picture no matter what.

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You are corrsect, I do have stability with my hubby and don't suppose I have anything from the other guy. If I was with the other guy then I would never ever be able to trust him, id always be wondering where he is and who he is with and that's no way to be in a relationship. I know that if we did end up getting a house that I would be scared that he would leave me when things got tough and then id be left financially as well as emotionally alone. That's the silly thing about all of this, even if I did hook up with the ex then I know he couldn't be trusted?? What the hells wrong with me when I having a loving hubby at home??

I forgot to put in my last post - thank you to everyone that has replied to me, it really does make a difference knowing nthat there are people out there that are going through or have been through the same thing. At times I think I'm going to crack up under the stress of it all. Ive even cut the grass today, something that I've never ever done in my life!! Hubby will wonder what's hit me when he gets home lol xx

I can understand your need for some attention from your husband, but you have to remove the distraction of player guy, to be able to focus on the actions you take to solve your marital problems.

Cutting the grass was an excellent start, and more activities along those lines, will help a great deal. Any thing you do positively for yourself will help, until you can get a plan of expressing your honest feelings of unhappiness, to your husband.

Only then can you make a decision to keep working on this marriage or not. Cheating is never a good option.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I can understand your need for some attention from your husband, but you have to remove the distraction of player guy, to be able to focus on the actions you take to solve your marital problems.

Cutting the grass was an excellent start, and more activities along those lines, will help a great deal. Any thing you do positively for yourself will help, until you can get a plan of expressing your honest feelings of unhappiness, to your husband.

Only then can you make a decision to keep working on this marriage or not. Cheating is never a good option.

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I know what I'm doing or should I say what I did is called emotional cheating and I regret that very very much. It just feels that this guy brings me down when I'm around him, he makes me into a person that I don't want to be. He just lies about every single little thing in his life and that's nots something that I want to be apart of at all. Even his mates told me to watch him as he tells lies!! And that's his mates?

I just want to be happy again, I don't want to try and be happy, I just want to be naturally happy if you understand what I'm trying to say. I understand that every relationship needs works and they don't just run smoothly without this, but I'm so fed up of trying to make myself happy, surely some part must come natural.

I know that this guy can never be trusted and that's the most silliest part of this, like I said earlier even if we ended up together I can't trust hima and know that he would scarper at the slightest problem. He is a totally different person to me, he has no qualifications and is in a dead end job and still living at home whereas, yes I'm unemployed but only through redundancy, I have a nice house, a high level of qualifications and haven't lived at home since I was 22!! That's 8 yrs ago.

He has nothing to offer me financially as well as emotionally so I'm baffled by my pain by him.

Your frustrations come from a lack of knowledge of self, as how to be happy with yourself. That's why, your DEPENDING on others to make you happy, and that never leads to anything good.

What's so telling, it always goes back to your disappointment with the so called ex, and never about the feelings for your husband.

Its an obvious pattern, and I suspect you never loved him to begin with, but loved being with him, just to have someone. Would I be right?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Your frustrations come from a lack of knowledge of self, as how to be happy with yourself. Thats why, your DEPENDING on others to make you happy, and that never leads to anything good.

Whats so telling, it always goes back to your disappointment with the so called ex, and never about the feelings for your husband.

Its an obvious pattern, and I suspect you never loved him to begin with, but loved being with him, just to have someone. Would I be right?

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Didn't love who? The ex or the hubby do you mean ?

I'm assuming that you meant that I didn't love the ex ? That's a hard one, I think if I think about it long and hard I don't suppose I loved the ex, like you say it was more of I liked being with him as he made me feel special and loved. The ex said he loved me and I was the one that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with but then just bolts at the 1st hurdle.

I love my hubby very much, this is the man that I would die for time and time again and he would do the same for me.

No I didn't mean the ex, but your husband. Not being harsh, but I questioned your love for him, because I feel you don't love yourself, and are dependent on others to make you happy.

I think your so focused on the ex, that your neglecting your true self, and not addressing your own needs.

The biggest clue that I have into your actions, was how vulnerable you left yourself, to the wrong kind of attention. And honestly your focus still being on the ex, is a big red flag to me that, your not telling us something.

Just a stab in the dark, why are there no kids in your life?

I love my hubby very much, as for why haven't I had kids? I'm not really the maternal time tbh, I've always put my career and getting qualified ahead of any baby.

I do love my hubby and yes I need to start loving myself again before I can love someone else.

That brings me to, what are you doing about that career of yours? You probably think I have nothing else to do but stick my nose in everyone's business. LOL, with all the questions.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

That brings me to, what are you doing about that career of yours? You probably think I have nothing else to do but stick my nose in everyones business. LOL, with all the questions.

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Lol, no I appreciate your help and maybe you can help me see something I can't or that's right in front of my nose.

As for my career, it's a non starter at the mo, I'm being told I'm too qualified and that's the problem, I've not got enough experience to get the top jobs (as no one will give me the chance so it's a vicious circle) and I can't get a lower end job as I'm too qualified!!

Im trying my best to find a middle ground as I think half my problem is that I've got too much time on my hands and this is where I start to think too much and start texting the ex

What hurt me about the ex is that he told me this girl was a mate and that nothing was going on with her, he promised me then I found out that he has asked her to go away with him on vacation, asking her to go away with him at the same time asking me to get back together with him. He text me one night and said that she was a mate "but you never know what may happen between them when they go away", I mean how horrible is that!! Then a week ago I found out he slept with her approx the same time he was asking to get back with me and telling me how much he loved me and she was just a mate??

I really want to hate him, that way it will be easier for me to move on and forget him, does that sound silly.
There has been plenty of times he has been nasty to me, like I mentioned earlier in nov he said he was going abroad to rome when he was in fact at his girlfriends approx 200 miles away, he was even texting me from hers saying that he wanted babies with me!! How can a guy have the nearve to text me whilst visiting his girlfriend.

The more I think of the nasty things that he has done too me the more I'm determined to run in the opposite direction, I mean how can someone be that mean too someone they suppose to love?? Or did he love me?

He told me in aug when I met him that he was sinlge when all the time he was apparently with this girl that lived a distance away, he wanted me to sleep with him at new yr when he was still with her?? Im struggling to understand how someone could be that horrible?? I know I'm no saint but id never do anything like that. My ex says there's nowt going on with him and the girl he slept with a month ago, that when he woke up in the woke he said it didn't feel right like it did when we were together and told her he wanted to be mates. Again do I believe what he says and quite frankly do I care anymore?? I think or should I say the answer is no.

Sorry to keep ranting but the more I type aout the horrible things that my ex has done the more I hate him and find it easier to move on and be happy with a man that treats me well like hubby. My priority has to be loving myself and my hubby and trying to get this loser and liar of an ex out of my life for good. But do you know what... I know him and I know that he isn't going to go quietly