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You are hurting, and I understand all too well. You thought this guy really loved you. He is nothing more than a heartless jerk, and now you are seeing that. Do not feel like an idiot at all. None of this is your fault. You will have the last laugh when you are feeling better, and arm in arm with a real man who loves you.
Thanks starlite1 for taking the time to offer advice at this difficult time, I do appreciate it. I just can't see the day that I'm not going to stop hurting, the last time I stop hurting he came back in my life and the pain was dug up again, every time he comes into my life he promises that he won't hurt me again!!Quote:
Originally Posted by starlite1
Yes, but he does hurt you over and over again. And if you keep letting him back into your life, he is going to keep doing this to you, because he knows he can. He's not going to change, sweetie. But, you are... you are not going to allow this guy to do this to you anymore no matter what he says and no matter how many empty 'I love you's'. You may hurt for a while, but you will get through this, and just think, this is the last time that this guy will ever hurt you again. Now you can heal your broken heart, and make yourself stronger.
I just understand how someone can say to a person that they love them so much and then treat them like this?? I could never treat anyone like this. This is the last time I'm going to be a door mar for this loser, his arse is going to be for the high road the next time he comes runningQuote:
Originally Posted by starlite1
Exactly! He doesn't know how to love, let alone the meaning. He used that word to get what he wanted from you. I can't stand people like that!!
Thanks starlite1, for everything xx
Anytime Rooster! Anytime you want to talk and keep us updated, we are here!
My faith in humans was waring a little thin until I came on here, it shows that there are nice people out there, not just scum bags like him around. Thanks to everyone that has posted inc starlite1. Il keep you updated, I'm up to 3 days, even though I'm dying to tell him how much I love him I know that he won't reply and it will make me look like a desperate bunny boiler!! So I'm not going tooQuote:
Originally Posted by starlite1
Sweetie, no problem. I'm here for you. And do yourself a favor and don't contact him again. No more I Love You's to him. Take care of YOU and love Yourself! Hey, why don't you take yourself out, by a new outfit, get your hair done, and a manicure and pedicure? Treat yourself special! And who knows? You may run into a nice, caring hot man along the way ;)
Thanks again starlite1, today is day 4 and I'm feeling a little better today, lets just hope I continue to go forward. I know that I'm better off without him but that does not make the pain any less sharp. Ive just been made redundant so have loads of time on my hands at the moment, I'm desperatley looking for a new job but its tough out there at the moment. Anyway the only way is up so they say, il keep you informed, thanks everyone for there help :D:D:DQuote:
Originally Posted by starlite1
Hi Rooster,
You will be fine. Go out today, go have some fun, GO SHOPPING :)
Thanks starlite1, I'm trying to be brave and carry on regardless of my feelings. When your ex tells you that him and tis other holiday woman are just mates then you see them on Facebook sending each other "naughty poker" messages e.g I want to make you wet, I want to make love to you it does hurt!! And he still says there friends?? But I'm trying to move on hun,
I know you are sweetie, and you will move on from this. Right now this is so pain staking, but each day you will get a little stonger and the pain will soon be removed.
One suggestion I have... don't go onto Facebook anymore. Delete your account if you have to. It isn't worth having it, because it could tempt you to keep checking up on him, and he isn't worth your time or energy sweetie.
Facebook account deleted and never to be reinstated xxx let them get wet, see if I care xx
That a girl!! EXCELLENT!! Who cares what they do, if anything. Let her see his true colors, then him coming running back to you, and you SLAMMING THE DOOR ON HIS FACE! And in your sweetest voice, as you are slamming the door, you give a little wink and simply say "F*&^ OFF"
That's so true starlite1, I'm keeping busy, if they want to send stupid poker messages then that's up to them. Ive had my fill of his bd behaviour and I'm moving on and up!! Im better than him and deserve much better, even he has said that too me (and I should have taken note and listened!! ) but I suppose better late than never. I feel for this other woman as she has a 12 year old daughter, but if she won't listen then what more can I do. If I stick my nose in I will just look like the jilted ex, so I'm not going to bother, I'm going to look out for ME for a change, I always put others ahead of me and ow its time for me, that may sound selfish but I think we need to be at time. Thanks again for all your help xxQuote:
Originally Posted by starlite1
You are not selfish at all. You are finally going to take care of you! Keep that positive attitude, you will do just fine!
Just a quick update, I'm a bit confused on what to do and need advice please. My ex has just text me you see, apparently one of my friends emailed him the other day and said "im assuming that you have heard about Jackie, i hope you are finally happy" (I made the name up for obvious reasons), and he has text me today saying that he has heard that something bad has happened to me and has asked what's wrong.Quote:
Originally Posted by starlite1
My friends said she sent the text when I was very ill and had the cancer scare, he obvioulsey wants me to text him back, but I just don't want to dig this all up again. I think my friend was trying to scare him (which was wrong I know, but you know what friends are like when they are trying to help, or think they are helping)!! Into contacting me.
He probably wouldn't hve contacted me if he hadn't received the text, I'm dying to text him telling him I'm OK, but the jilted part of me wants to leave it and make him wonder what's the hell wrong with me (not that he probably cares tbh)
I'm stuck
He is now constantly calling me as well, I've not answered any of his calls but I'm dying inside and would love to speak to him again, but I've been strong and not picked up xx
I think this is an easy one.
Contact the friend who messaged him in the first place, and let her take care of fixing the mess she has created. Tell her to phone him and tell him the truth. She is not much of a friend to do this to you.
She has tricked him into calling you, and if he is sincerely worried you might have cancer, he needs to be told you don't. But, not by you.
I don't know what he thinks is wrong with me, she just said to him, I'm assuming you have heard about /... hope you are finally happy, so he could be thinking anything tbhQuote:
Originally Posted by Jake2008
You said he probably wouldn't have contacted you if he hadn't received the text from your friend.
You have no control over what other people do, say, or text. The point is he sees an opening, and is being persistent in getting through to you, giving you the impression that he cares.
You have no obligation to respond to a situation that will leave you in a position of thinking twice about your independence, and him in a position thinking he's managed to wear you down and win at getting through to you.
Just my opinion, but if it were me, I'd block him. You are under no obligation whatsoever to speak to him under any circumstances.
I know he would have contacted me eventually, this is so hard. He keeps ringing me but I don't answer and my mobile has the answerphone turned off so it just rings and rings when someone calls me. I know that if I speak to him that my emotions will be stirred up again (not that they arnt at the moment). When he finds out I'm OK (not that I am the way I feel) he will disappear again for a while no doubt.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake2008
My head says that both my friends and I should just him the hell alone and let me get on with my life, but at the same time I find it flattering that he at least cares enough to see if I'm OK, does that sound wrong??
Rooster, you are not wrong to feel the way you do. That you are honest about it, is a good thing.
Now you have to figure out why you feel flattered that he cares about you. If he really cared about you, and couldn't get hold of you personally, logic says he would, if he wre sincere, call your mother, your best friend, your sister/brother etc. If all he really wanted was to know that you were okay, he would have found a simple way to do it.
He is a person who wears you down, and is used to getting what he wants. He was given an excuse to badger and drive you crazy via phone and text, but seriously, do you really think he is concerned about you, and/or your health.
Or, do you think it is more likely that he is up to his old tricks, knowing that you will be flattered, and/or just fed up, and you will break your resolve.
Either way, if you have contact with him again, regardless of why, is it going to change anything?
I know you're hurting, and all it would take is to pick up that phone to feel better, but each time you do that, it is going to be wose the next time around.
My opinion is, history will repeat itself if you don't stand firm.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake2008
Jake2008, thanks for your response, in answer to your questions, he has no way of contacting any of my family members and my best friend has blocked his email address so the only way of contact is through me. A sfor you asking does he really care for me?? I don't really know, if I did then I probably wouldn't be in the state I'm in tbh. He says he loves me but I just don't know if there words, all he seems to do is want to be with me and then hurt me, e.g. when he said he was going on hol with this girl and that something may happen between them. He said this a day after he was wanting to get back with me??
I haven't been in touch with him, I've been at a hen night tonight which was a good distraction tbh, I'm keeping busy. I think you are right when you say if you have contact with him then what will change, he will tell me what I want to hear then walk away when he feels fit.
I just don't trust him anymore, and I'm beginning not to like him very much either, when he rings now I want to pick up the phone and tell him to f$%* off rather than I love you. He just thinks that he can treat people like dirt and then walk away when he pleases and then just swan back into there lives when he sees fit.
My last texts to him where to say that I loved him but he didn't want to try and it takes two etc etc and he never replied, I sent him so many texts and none of them got responded too, to me that's just plain rude. He don't think twice of ignoring my texts for a week then getting in touch.
He plays mind gams with me all the time, he thinks he can come in and out of my life as he pleases and that annoys me so much, he must think I'm a fool in love?? Or just a fool
I love hen nights. I have them regularly in the summer with my girlfriends in the backyard, with a nice fire going. Very therapeutic!!
I think you are wise to keep talking. The more support you get the better.
Like anything major this all takes time and once you have gone from thinking about what a jerk he is to knowing he's a jerk, the rest starts to come easier.
Stay strong. :)
Thanks jake2008, I thought as soon as he text me id be texting him straight back, I've surprised myself that its nearly 24 hrs since his calls/texts and I haven't replied. Im just fed up of the mind games he plays with me, and then to admit to my friend that he has been playing mind games for his whole life so he is good at it really threw me. One of the last things I had said to him was that I was changing my number (which I didnt) and that if he wanted to speak then he would have to have done in by a certain day, he never text me back so for all he knew id changed my number. Then when he had that email from my friend he called my old number. Its like he knows that I won't change my number and he can always get hold of me. I don't want to change my number as its far too much hassle but maybe its an option now I may need to consider.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake2008
If I'm honest I probably like him calling and texting me, but I know it's a bad thing in the long run as its just prelonging the hurt and pain he will put me through if I'm being honest. Thants the thing with me, I'm a realistic person, I know he is a liar and someone I can't trust but I still love him. He knows I love him and plays on that fact
Just a bit of a update really since my last rant above, he ex has rung me twice again and I've not answered. I got my mate to email him and tell him that I don't understand why he is calling me, that when I text him last week he never replied so she don't understand why he is calling. If it is because he is worried about me then he don't need to be, that if if I wanted him to know if something was wrong then I would have told him myself.
My friend also said that I have moved on and met someone new and that I'm happy (which is a lie as I haven't but thought it may have put him off ) but this afternoon he rang me after he read the email I bet. She told him that he has no business ringing me anymore, he made it clear that he had moved on and now so had I, but he still rings.
Sorry to rant, it just gets me down so much
My ex has now found out I'm seeing another guy and is starting to get interested again, he always does this as I'm moving on
Hi Rooster,
Sweetie, you are doing great! Don't give in to him. Let him wallow in his own sh*&. Keep moving on and away from him. Don't answer his calls/texts/emails whatsoever. You are doing great!
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