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I think having an open mind sets your possibilities to an endless margin. Some people are different... for me, the last thing I want is a girlfriend (which is why I find myself in an awkward situation as we speak), and to others, having a girlfriend is a really big deal.
What else makes you happy? Life is not a fairytale written by some stranger, it is a journey written by you...
That is why kc gets all the ladies, because he doesn't want one. :D
Wow... totally blushing now... :oQuote:
Originally Posted by Justwantfair
I think it's worth it, yes a relationship has ups and downs, but if you are with the right person you can really share a lot of great moments and help each other with all the challenges life brings at you.Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
Even though my girlfriend and I were not very compatible, I loved to share moments with her and help her and care for her. I am going to miss when she called me ''babe'' and phoned me at night to talk before going to bed. I know it's small little things, but just the fact she was thinking of me, I'm going to miss that.
PirandelloLuigi, no offence, but you've come across as being shallow, seriously, you got turned off by her height? If it really was a big deal for you, you shouldn't have gotten into a relationship with her in the first place, knowing you would be so INCOMPATIBLE anyway, gosh, there're million other ways to be INCOMPATIBLE, and then you went on about petite girls... well, everyone has some sort of a physical type, but when it comes to love, THAT'S NOT AT ALL THE IMPORTANT PART, what if the most compatible girl in the world for you in terms of personality, interests, tastes etc is a foot taller than you? So you'll cast her aside just because she's taller? I know you mean no harm to taller girls, date whoever you like, tall, petite, blond, brunette, white, asian, black, hispanic, mixed whatever.Just want to point out that at the end of the day, PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES MEAN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.Quote:
Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi
Good that you've got rid of her photos, good that you've moved on, but your attitude doesn't help, it'll become a big relationship issue in the future if you don't add this certain DEPTH in yourself.
I understand that, and I missed that more than anything when I broke up with my ex. I do think, however, that you are searching for something that you, yourself, should be able to fill. I caution you on getting a girlfriend just to fill a void in your life. Being alone isn't bad at all, and it is much different that being lonely.Quote:
Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi
Are you happy with yourself? Are you happy without a girlfriend?
I never had a problem with her height. She was the one bringing it up all the time, because she wanted to wear high heels. I told her go ahead, wear them, I don't mind. But she never did, she did not like to feel taller than me. On our first date she said '' you don't look like your 5'11'' and then asked me to show her my hand and she measured with her hand and looked dissapointed cause her hand was a little bigger. On our first date. She was already looking at physical attributes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hathor
I would never refuse a woman for these things if I am in love with her. I accepted these minor things and I loved her with all my heart.
I am happy with myself yes, a girlfriend compliments my life and I compliment hers, doing things that couple do, spending time with family and friends. It's always more fun as a couple than alone I find.Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
I also know that now I have to move on and work on myself again, to get myself confidence back and not blame the failure of my last relationship on myself. I just can't believe this happened to us, it feels like a bad dream, we did not deserve this sad ending.
Like you said KC, being alone is not that bad. I have less pressure financially, I can do what I want when I want, I don't feel drained anymore, from all the arguments we were having.
I don't have to endure temper tantrums and ultimatums anymore. I can be myself again, not somebody I wasn't. I just have to work on the missing her on week ends part. The hardest part. Damn I'm gooing to miss her.
That isn't what being in any relationship is about.Quote:
Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi
What a great thread Rome , well done!!
Great information, insights, and solutions. Good job!!
Brilliant thread Rome!. hopefully the newcomers on this site can use this info and all the other stickies to recover from their time of grief... NC helped me actually see things clearly for once, with an objective mind - I was finally able to get closure through NC and realise that my ex actually left me for another guy (she never really told me why she left apart from 'I feel uncomfortable in a relationship and don't know why') and now I'm well on the way to happiness and its all thanks to this site and people like Rome, KC and Tal among others!. thank you very much!
Arzy99, My ex told me the same thing, she said she didn't want to be in a serious relationship at the moment. I think she is with someone else too. I am not sure 100% but it's the gut feeling I am having. If she is, she would not tell me right now anyway and I do not want to know. That's why I chose NC with her. I think she prefers casual relationships to serious ones. I think it's for the best, we can't do anything but accept what happened. If they love us they will come back one day. Sometimes they feel crowded or smothered and they need to get away to see if they miss us and test their feelings.Quote:
Originally Posted by Arzy99
Hi guys!
I have a question concerning no contact. This coming Friday I have to go to my apointment at the dental clinic where she works. I have to pay what I owe them and ask if I can continue my treatments at another location.
Am I breaking the no contact rule by going there?
Since she works as a receptionist there, I will probably see her again and she will try to talk to me.
What should I do?
Contact the office via phone and pay your bill via phone or mail.
You know there are ways around the in person contact.
Can't do that I have an apointment.Quote:
Originally Posted by Justwantfair
But the fact is you have known about the appointment for a while. The appointment could have been cancelled or scheduled on a day that she was not scheduled. Breaking NC only hurts you.
If I just act like another patient, I won't break NC, as long as we don't get into personal details it should be OK. It's the last time I go there.
Good luck to you, but we all know you are not just another patient.
Most importantly you and she know you are not just another patient.
Wishing you the best.
But last time I was there she acted like nothing happened. I can do the same and show I am not weak and depressed anymore. I will show her that I moved on too. Why have fear to go pay my last bill and change location for my next apointment?Quote:
Originally Posted by Justwantfair
OK, what about if you have had this dysfunctional relationship for years and you are to the point where you can't even see your life without them. And, it's not the same burning love like it used to be, but you still feel so attached & secrelty hope they will care about you; but its buried far, far, down ( to the point you don't even realize it sometimes) You know they are not going down the isle, but you know they have a significant other, but that doesn't stop either of you from seeing one another still.
You know its dysfunctional, but you keep in touch and don't recognize the dysfunction until you allow yourself to think about it.
It's like you know it is "healthiest" to let go; but then you are not sure because after 8 years the person has grown to be a odd, but lasting part of your life... like a sweet fungus.. lol
Is NC the best for that as well?
That's not healthy for you, and yes NC is the solution. It's all or nothing. You deserve better than being a 2nd option.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kia
Your partner has a significant other... They are OFF LIMITS.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kia
It's beyond NC, it's RC (Restricted Contact)... You are in a toxic, pointless relationship that you never should have started.
If I understood your post correctly.
Hey all,
Thanks a lot for sharing this method.
I have a strong feeling that this will also work for me get over my girl
Starting it now...
I was wondering if you have advice for people like me who can't have NC because of a child with your ex? He calls to say goodnight etc... she is almost 2 years old but I have to answer and he will always ask how she is and all these underlying things when he really wants to talk to me.. or flirt. In fact I am about to move but he wants us to stay here so we can be a "family" and keep the 3 of us together, we have broken up too many times and I just want to be done but I know he won't see our daughter if we move. He doesn't get visitation of his other 2 children. I feel like maybe I should keep us all together? By the way.. he cheated on me and said he is not IN love with me but loves me
Ah, the perfect time to indulge into this, as my fiancé has two kids by another guy. What we did, because she does not wish to speak with him, is tell him that they will call him(at a certain time) and we dial the phone, as soon as he picks up we let the girls talk to him. No communication takes place between us and him, only between the girls and him, when they go, we pick the phone back up and then hit the hang up button. If he has a problem with that, tough. You have be strong for yourself and your child. You still let him talk to the child, but don't let him play head games with you
I agree with Rome, you monitor and watch the phone assist with the call, but don't converse with the ex personally. All information that must be shared with my ex, is shared via email.
Email communication can extremely limit the conversations that go the wrong direction and stay on track, making sure that you make your point, making sure that you listen to the point of your ex. It allows for a cool off period if you don't agree with an email and an opportunity to address written issues, not tones and undertones.
I'm not sure if this issue was brought up, but it's touched upon in the main post. It's about getting updates about the person. Mutual friends should definitely help out to keep the two people apart. But furthermore, it's important not to get updates about the other person life from anyone (friends, family, acquaintances, etc.). Any type of news can hinder the progress, because it will just make you over-analyize the other person's life.
I wish, my friends knew not to talk about her life to me. And friends who didn't know, I quickly informed them. They obliged and things went smoothly
Do I have to say hi to my ex when I see her in person? She's going to live 5 doors down from me in the fall and I honestly don't even want to talk to her. To me she is dead. What should I do?
Oh, I was just trying to add it to the list somehow, because I notice a lot of people believing that they are in no contact, but are somehow still getting updates about their ex, which is hindering their progress.Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
What do I do if the girl he started dating has the sam name as me?
You do nothing! What is it you think you should do?Quote:
Originally Posted by melly07
Being that your name is probably used by several different citizens of the various countries. You do nothingQuote:
Originally Posted by melly07
So it doesn't matter ?
Nope not even a little bit
Please refrain from asking the same question on multiple threads.
Yes, it doesn't matter that her name is the same.
You think he sought out someone with your name just to date them? That isn't even rational or fesible. You need to let go, you are the obsessed one.
I assume you are wondering if it means he still has feelings for you by dating another person with the same name right?
My ex did this fairly quick after we broke up... dated a dude with the same name. I can tell you that she had ZERO feelings for me, and her dating this guy had nothing to do with me.
Hey rome, awesome thread you had here. :) Would you mind helping me? Visit my thread: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...me-370092.html
Any help from you like hints, tips, guides is much appreciated. :)
I'm looking for an answer... I'm trying to start the no contact phase (ex just broke up w me today) but there are obstacles.
I have already cleared her stuff out of two rooms and I have two more to go and a closet... Im putting everything in the laundry area...
I have deleted every email from her... I still have more to do like the phone and other social network sites... I break down balling my eyes out every time I get rid of these things and erase her completely from my life
One is that her stuff is still here and she still needs to come get it and move out...
Second we got this dog together and she wants me to keep it until she can pay the pet deposit... I love the dog and spent 6 months training it... I know she is going to come get it and I'll just be that more attached to it
Third... what do I do about any joint belongings
Fourth... how should I handle photos on the computer from our vacation that I want to keep... should I just get rid of anything with her in it? I don't want to lose memories... what about holiday video tapes with the rest of my family and such...
I have to allow her to contact me to move her stuff... I like the thought that things will work out for us and don't want to make the break up worse...
What should I do about these situations?
How should I act when she comes to get her stuff?
How hard should I make it for her to get her stuff?
How do I handle the phone calls and such?
To find out about our relationships history just check out the only post I have made... I could always use more answers.
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