It will be clear to you, I fought and lost and I wish I didn't go through with it. When the circumstances are telling you what's up then you will know
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It will be clear to you, I fought and lost and I wish I didn't go through with it. When the circumstances are telling you what's up then you will know
I just finished my fight and I lost. But you know what, now that I look back, it didn't matter how hard I tried in the end, it's either going to happen or it's not. Our efforts can be fruitless. I don't believe that it should be such a painful process.Quote:
Originally Posted by none12345
Do you regret fighting for it though? Because now it's a little easier because you know you did everything you could?Quote:
Originally Posted by I wish
That would be a very bad move. BAD
Yes, keep up with no contact.
Seeing her on Facebook was bad enough, right?
Seeing her face to face, with his face... BAD
This does get better. You'll see. That's why they call it "first" love. It's not your last.
I did what I could with what I was given and she did not reciprocate. So if she doesn't reciprocate, then there's no point to keep trying... so in that sense, I did not do everything I could have... but I don't have any regrets cause at least I tried.Quote:
Originally Posted by none12345
Actually guys the more I think about the more I can't do this anymore. I can't be a puppy waiting around anymore and I can't just be her new doormat like everyone said. She's different now to me.
She thinks she has the upper hand when clearly I should be the one with it and if she wants to be with me this time she has to earn that chance not the other way around. Anyway so yah I told her I would come this weekend to talk but that was like 3 weeks ago before I started no contact and I guess she is kind of expecting me?
You know what... everyone's encouraging the no contact rule for you, but it doesn't work for everyone. You've made it clear that you feel like there's still more that you want to do. So if you don't do it now, then you're going to regret it later.
So maybe confronting her so that she can shoot you down face-to-face is exactly what you need.
Do what you have to do so that you can accept that you need to move on.
Yah that is exactly what my friend is telling me and he's pissed at me cause he thinks I am so stupid because of the no contact rule he thinks it is stupid. Its really now or never if I get the girl or I don't. I decided to go see her this weekend and to talk things out. Though everyone is telling me I will regret it later but to me I think I will regret it even more knowing I didn't fight for her till the very end. Maybe I am not at the stage of no contact yet. I think I need solid face to face closure before I can apply the no contact rule. I really do want to know how she feels about me if she still has feelings for me or not. The other guy is always there listening to her and I think I am just pushing her further away by applying the no contact rule.Quote:
Originally Posted by I wish
I think she wants to see who would fight for her. People tell me not to chase her or be her puppy. But I think its time to put my pride aside and go for what I want. My friend is telling me not to base my relationship on what people tell me. He says its more than that and I can't afford to lose her because of it. Chances are you guys are right. I might end up regretting to go see her this weekend but I feel like its something I have to do before there is nothing left in the relationship at all. I know I might seem stubborn and young but I do know what I feel for her is real. Its like I'm going into the war and fight for her even though I might end up losing but I know at least I tried my best.
My friend told me that she is still confused of what she wants because she told me she wants to hear what I have to say to her this weekend. I really do want to try to make things work. You're exactly right no contact isn't for everyone either that or I'm not just not there yet. Even though people said she made it clear that she wants to be with this other guy maybe she is just waiting for me to step up and do something about it to win her over. I know that's what it is because that's what I feel. I got to get my emotions together because this might be a long battle but I hope in the end I win. Wow... I still cry for her can you believe that?
I stopped no contacting her today and told her I would come see her this weekend to tell her things and she said she wants to hear me and my friend said its an indication that she is still confused and that I should stop making her confuse. Cause while I have been here no contacting her acting like a kid, the other guy is listening to her, comforting her and maybe starting to build something more with her but I don't feel like I can let that happen. I got to do something before its too late. Anyway just want to update you guys. Thanks for posting and helping me through it when I need it the most and I think I found the answer to what I am looking for.
It's obvious that you're not at the stage of no contact yet. People are just trying to save you extra pain by telling you to forget her and start moving on now. But the longer you drag this out, the more pain you will feel. So it's as lose-lose situation. Therefore, confronting her might be your best choice. But before you go into battle, keep in mind:
1) You might feel that you have a chance to win, but be prepared to loose. The worse thing that can happen is that things don't work out and you won't even be able to stay friends. It's the same as the no contact rule so there's not much to lose at this point.
2) Don't worry about her relationship/friendships with other guys, only worry about your own actions. We can't control the actions of others, only our own actions.
3) If fine to cry for her, it just means that you really like her. But at the same time, remember that if you truly loved someone, you would also be able to let them go and hope that they have a happy life.
Tomorrow ima go to tell her my feelings before its too late guys she needs to know how I feel about her... it might be futile but at least I know I tried my best. Just want to update you guys. It ll probably end up what you guys tell me and ill regret it but won't know till I try
Good luck none12345! Expect the worst, but hope for the best!
Iwish I fought but I lost >_< but I think I feel a little better now because I said what I had to and I did what I could and now there's nothing more I can do... yup just wanted to let you know
Now she is telling me that she wants to give me one last chance to be with her because she doesn't want me regretting and she wants to know if she can truly be happy with me... I told her okay I will try but I don't know everything doesn't feel right for some reasons what do you guys think?
What a mess you have, especially it seems with your friends also. Look guy you set this whole thing up for yourself when you broke no contact. If you think her giving you another chance so YOU will have no regrets is a good reason to be with someone, THINK AGAIN, and make no mistake her being curious to see if she will be happy is as bogus an excuse as there is.
Let me remind you of something you said..
Or read this about getting back together, things will be very different.Quote:
She thinks she has the upper hand when clearly I should be the one with it and if she wants to be with me this time she has to earn that chance not the other way around.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nd-332322.html
The whole point, better know if this was a last attempt to get her back, or a chance to vent your feelings and get closure to move on. Time to be honest with yourself.
Oh just to clear up a few things, No Contact works for EVERYONE who wants to heal.
If you need closure that bad, then bear the consequences of your actions, or the blessings. A risk we all have to take. Time will tell.
Dude I am just 3 weeks ahead of your situation. I just did all that and I told you the outcome. Details don't make the situation any different. Your just going to be disappointed. Check out the last 2 pages of my thread and you will see what you''ll be up for.
Guys you were completely right. Today she made it clear to me that she don't want this anymore. You guys tried to save me the pain but I thought things was different... but its all the same I think its time I learn to let her go and be happy because that's what I truly want for her... I've been crying all day. I should have just listened to you guys I think its back to no contact for me and its time I move on...
You are just human!! I cannot tell you how many times people told me to do the same thing, and I still kept causing myself more and more pain. No worries bud! Just know we have all been there. You aren't alone!Quote:
Originally Posted by none12345
Hey kctiger thanks for posting. I've read your post its been a while since u broke up with right? I'm just wondering how's things going now man? Is it getting betta? Anything happened between the two of you??Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
I said I needed closure to go see her and I ended up begging her to give me one last chance >_<. She says she realized she can't be with me anymore and I think we're officially over but she still wants to talk to me. Should I NC or talk to her because I don't want to be her friend to cushion her guilt for blowing me off? Wutcha guys think?
I guess you haven't learned the sweet art of disappearing from someone's life.
I thought you read the stickies at the beginning of this forum??
Which sticky are you talking about? I think I've read most of themQuote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Well if you know how others have handled it, what's stopping you from doing the same things??
To be honest I don't really know what to do. I really want to be with her and work things out but I don't know if things will work that way. There are so many factors, distance, the other guy, the constant arguments, her friends telling her they would be disappointed in her if she decides to be with me. Should I keep holding on? She says she have little faith me and she wants to give the other guy a chance because I had one already. We still talk and she keeps changing her mind between me and him. When he talks to her than she wants him and when she talks to me she rethinks it but she is kind of cold to me. She keeps on saying she don't think things will work out and all of those stuff...Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
I really want things to work out but its really hard because of the long distance. She tells me she doesn't know if its worth the wait anymore and I'm really hurt by that... but I really do believe I truly love her and I'm not sure if that means fighting for her till the very end. I got to admit when I had NC I started to have dreams of other girls and it felt pretty good but that was before I went to see her this weekend for "closure" I said I wanted but it turned out I didn't stick to closure I keep coming back for more I really don't know why. What do you think I should do? T_T
I would hope people value themselves enough to believe they don't need to fight for someone else. You are a multiple choice question right now, and I would be damned if I was ever a multiple choice question for someone. You have preached to others on this site yet you cannot take your own advice.
Don't be an option to someone! That is not how it works. Stand up, value yourself, and make yourself the priority.
Do as we have suggested, and leave her alone, since she is giving another guy a chance.
Leave her alone, and disappear from her life, is the simple solution.
There is your answer staring you right in your face. She has made her choice. You are not helping your cause by staying in contact. She doesn't know what to do, because she is talking to both of you at the same time and doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. She will never make a decision with you still in the picture, so will continue to feed you BS until you make your own decision. Each time you contact her, your value in her eyes gets smaller and smaller.Quote:
There are so many factors, distance, the other guy, the constant arguments, her friends telling her they would be disappointed in her if she decides to be with me. Should i keep holding on? She says she have little faith me and she wants to give the other guy a chance because i had one already.
You are the confusion in her life, and she is the confusion in yours. You need to end the confusion for both of you by disappearing!
She is dropping hints left and right about wanting to be with this other guy. If she wants to be with him, let her be with him and go pick-up another girl.
Time to disappear my friend and make your life how you want it with out her influence over your emotions and decisions.
Okay. You guys are right. How do I disappear? Just drop off the face of the earth? Or tell her stuff like I want her to be happy even if its with someone else?
Tell her nothing, just disappear. That's keeping it simple without the emotional drama.
Okay thanks for the advice. Its exactly what I'm going to do. It sounds easier than it is to lose someone that means so much to you but I guess some times its better to let go.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Yes, you are right. Sometimes its better to let go, not because it is easy, but because you have to do it for your own emotional well being.
Think of it this way, you didn't mean that much to her. So don't give her the satisfaction of knowing what's going on in your life. Usually the people who dump you want to keep in contact with you because they have guilt about hurting you. I had a dream the other day that my ex was still not giving me a chance, like my current situation. It was so vivid and so real that I woke up in tears wondering what happened. Then I realized it was only a dream and brushed it off. Weird how the mind works. And last night I had a few drinks and probably just missed her company . But I woke up this morning with the usual anger I have for her. So its an up and down thing for me. Im on my final attempt at NC, and don't have anything else to say to her but bad things about her that she already knows, so I don't need to and keep them to myself.
Yah. Maybe its time I do right now. She was my first love and first girlfriend and first kiss and everything I find it extremely hard but I believe it's the right thing to go into no contact for me to save myself from this hell. It just kills me to see her with another guy after so short we've broken up and all. I just felt like she loves me and if she does she ll know where to find me I guess...Quote:
Originally Posted by jmw0713
Oh. Do you still love her and want to be with her a lot? How's nc coming for you? And yah I didn't mean much to her I just thought I did more enough to do something like this to me... I just want to be with her so bad but I don't know if it ll ever work anymore. I broke nc once already. Im starting it again and today is day 1. if they truly love us they will come back on their own right? Otherwise if they don't we can't wait for them life still goes on and its not pausing for us I guess.Quote:
Originally Posted by heartbroke
You I still love her I almost proposed, but because of what she did, there's an internal fight inside of me, love and hate. I've broken nc 9 times, it caused me lots of pain, but I did it to myself. Seeing her selfishness contradicts my love for her. Ya I still want to be with her, but reality is she doesn't want me because of how she came up with her decision while she was depressed. She was depressed and people lose interest in everything... Even good things like me. In time she will realize what she had and I won't be anywhere in site for her.
Oh awww. That's the thing they don't come back until you don't want them back anymore... eventually for us they will realize that they lost the person that will love them the most and treat them the best but by that time we won't want them back anymore I think...Quote:
Originally Posted by heartbroke
You won't want them back because by that time you will have moved on to better things.
Update~
Hey guys basically I'm almost ready to let this go now and move on but there is one more thing I have to do to prove something to me and her. I need to do one last thing and see if she is willing to consider after this or not and if not than I know there's no point in me trying anymore. Basically for now I have set a date for a month from now that I am going to do something big but I haven't told her what it was yet but I told her the date. When school is over and I have lots of time.
The plan is I am going to walk 200 miles to see her. Basically I how I see it is that after this she might reconsider than fine, but if not I knew I did all I could for her and tried my best and I know its not meant to be for sure and ill be ready to completely move on after this. If I do follow through with this, when I get there it might take a week or so ill know if its worth it or not to walk that far. But if I decide not to do this when the time gets near than I know she isn't worth it and ill have my answers either way.
Right now I need some space to think about the relationship so I'm in NC I guess or I haven't talked to her much. Im doing okay right now but it still hurts but yea that's how I see it right now. I really do believe this is the last thing I have to do for myself and for her and see if the relationship is worth keeping or not. What do you guys think? Just wanted to update you guys
I say don't do it. You don't need to prove anything to her
You knuckle head, let go now, save the shoe abuse, and set that deadline for getting to the next level with yourself. I think that's a much more positive productive plan. Sorry guy, but your frustrating to say the least, and stubborn as a goat.
Just think of the great things you'll learn about yourself, when you can make good decisions for yourself, instead of useless ultimatums, and unreasonable deadlines.
I know I am so stupid and stubborn... but I really do love her and want to be with her. I feel like I would do anything to be with her pretty much. Is it really worth it? I don't really know. I'm very confused right now but I do know I want to be with her. I know I should let go of it. If I can? That's a different question. I know I deserve so much better than this but what if I don't find that? Ill just end up regretting. Sigh... I don't know anymore
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