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Who cares if she is holding hands with another guy? You shouldn't care! She certainly doesn't care!
Look... if something happened between her and another guy once... and by once I mean a single incident that lasted for a day... then maybe you could look the other way but... and to be blunt... It sounds like she really doesn't care dude.
Romefalls19's advice was spot on... forget her!
I'm not friends with any of them what I was saying is that I have her information on myspace and be able to log into it. Which Im working on not logging on and seeing the new things she says or anything thing like. Just throwing this in there His site is beginning to be a lot about her. But her's is nothing about him. Im not making anything out of this at all.
I already deleted her number but the thing that sucks is that her and my number are almost the same
5=matching numbers
mine- 555-5157
cheater- 555-5258
But I just had a long talk with someone and I know the right track I should be on and what I need to do. Every relationship I've been in it always ends this way and its like I start to wonder maybe it's me.
And it is because I let girls push me over because I treat them like a queen and give them everything they want and there's never any challenge with me and they just get bored and move on. So that is something Im going to work on so who ever I end up with I don't keep getting played.
I just wrote that one message to pretty much like use this topic as like a journal and express how I feel and hopefully if anyone feels that there in my shoes will be able to read this and let it help them out. So I will be putting updates on everything and letting you guys know how things are. And be able to take advice as well. Thanks so much everyone for continuing on helping me out. :D
If the number is similar, put it in your phone but under "lying tramp" and then you are reminded of her actions
I put my ex's number under "Rosie O'Donnell." Who the hell in their right mind would pick up that phone call? Not even when I am drunk!
^^^ LOVE both those answers :D
Haha I did have it in as **CHEATER** but I just ended up deleting it in general. But Rosie O'Donnell lol
Stop thinking the sun shines out of her @**#. SHE IS WITH ANOTHER GUY! Red flag!!
I agree with NC, however do it for yourself not to get her back. Because the point is that she hurt you. Most of us go through the stage of wanting our EX'S back, its apart of going through the motions.
So you don't want to hear about NC and don't want to move on... you want to know about how to make her genuinely come back and want to be with you, honestly.
Fine.
Its fair enough.
Been there, done that. It usually ends with way too much time wasted and a lot more mental baggage, but that's your prerogative. If I have half a clue now its because I had to get kicked in the mouth enough times to finally get that it was, at some point, my choice to be mistreated.
So... the ONLY way to make any relationship work, once its crumbled, is to face the real issues that caused the breakup. Hell... that's the only way to perpetuate a relationship that isn't broken... look at areas where you don't overlap and find middle ground or accept where there isn't overlap.
So... NC doesn't guarantee anything. Doesn't mean shell move on. You'll move on. Shell recognize her mistakes.
NC gives you and her a chance to see what it is really like to be without the other person and to focus on yourself. This also means she needs to focus on herself and her needs.
If that kinds of real evaluation leads her to be without you... I say "fine"... its real, honest, truthful.
But if you are against focusing on your needs... if you still just need to focus on her... again, you choice. If you cannot address the real issues behind the breakup, and find real solutions, you have no chance.
Period.
How to "get her back"... well, it needs to be more compelling than what drove her away. Good luck with that. Like I said... id rather live in crappy reality than to be her emotional butler...
Don't get me wrong... a relationship can have a break and reform... when dating my wife we had a period where we both had to step back, take a moment, think about what was next... we met one "last time" thinking we were going to call it off for good... instead we wound up agreeing to try again, and eventually married.
So id be a hypocrite to say a relationship with a break is always broken... but to fix it, you need to really understand what is missing from both sides, and to find common ground naturally... without one side bending to the whims of the other.
But don't kid yourself... you aren't going to "make her" anything... bend, pretend, fake it... if it isn't right, it isn't going to last. Even good relationships sometimes last for just a time, and not all time.
I understand completely on what you are saying. As I posted previously I said that I need to work on myself and not being a door mat with woman because it doesn't matter who I'm with. Eventually I will just get walked all over and treated like crap. And that's pretty much how its been my whole life with women. So this time that I have alone I'm going to be focusing on myself. Putting myself first and try not to wonder about the what ifs?
Of course it's going to be there but as time goes on I get a little better. Right now it's a rollercoaster ride and my emotions are up and down. As time is passing by I notice myself staying up longer and staying down shorter.
On getting her back well that's something that Im not ready for and if its really on to her. I don't know if you read about how I was the one always running back 1st. Well it's time to put her wait up and see. And know what a lot of people are thinking that all she has to do is say "hey i miss you" and I'll be running back no I won't. I'm not going to let myself be tortured anymore. I know these are words and I'm just saying it but the more I say it and the more I think it. The more I actually start to believe it. Its been less then 48 hours since this whole thing happened and already I (think) have come a long ways.
As for advice what are some good ways to work on myself? I'm joining a gym today or tomorrow. I'm hanging out with old friends keeping myself busy just wondering what are some other ways.
There is a sticky list on top of the relationship forum, that gives a whole list of things to think about doing to help occupy your time.
I love that you are getting in the right mindset. Remember these thoughts because you will revert back and forth for a short while, your break up is still so fresh. Just keep focusing on you. You see a problem with you and that is a great step, but also don't be too hard on yourself. I know that failed relationships can weigh on you as a person. Maybe it's not that you are a doormat but the women you have been dating. With your alone time you will figure out better what type of personality you are looking for. In the future it will help you be selective, you deserve that. I am happy to see you making the right steps.
I think your making some good decisions for yourself so far, at least you realize you cannot control her, and your tired of the crap she puts you through. That's a start. Do the No Contact, just hang in there, as you heal, regroup, and focus on building a life that you enjoy without her. Meet new friends and enjoy activities and hobbies that makes you happy without her in your life.
Overtime, you will find you think of her less and don't want her back. You will be to busy moving forward!
Boy that hit the hammer on the head because like an hour I wrote that I went the very opposite way. I just got really down and stuff and struggling not trying to talk to contact her. I did make a mistake though today... Me and my friend were driving around and we were like 5 minutes away and I couldn't control the urge of I just wanted to see if he was over there.Quote:
Originally Posted by Justwantfair
So we drove by and he wasn't there but I know it was something that I shouldn't have done but I did and just today hit me hard and just strugglin with the NC.
For every time that you break the NC, you will find that there is a severe punishment to be paid. There will never been any relief in breaking NC until you are emotional ready to tell her that she isn't good enough for you. When you are emotional ready for that, you won't have to say it, it will be enough just to know it.
Keep pushing ahead. It is still too fresh. Go forward with yourself and work every moment of time to the next moment of time that you can. We are here.
It's killing me not hearing anything from her. Still having those dreams about her which don't help at all. Just I don't know this NC sucks, first time I ever done this with any girl. That's why I'm struggling with this. Just wish Things will go my way sooner. If they even are going to...
They will go away... this isn't supposed to be easy. It is a process, and the ends justify the means. Just stay focused and keep moving forward. The benefits to this will be worth your pain, trust me.
Sorry don't mean to double post but I notice myself getting pissed off more I think about the situation I'm in and I just want to give her hell. That's why I want to contact her and just find out why and all that other crap. I won't but it's still an urge. I know as soon as I break the NC I'm going to have to make up the days I have already put into this and that would suck.
Your correct, you would have to lose what you have gained, and start all over, and that would suck!
Guys I don't think I can do this I'm literally fighting back tears and fighting back from breaking the NC. I'm so used to her being there in my life being able to talk to her about the stress and she be the one who is next to me yea I know she's next to another guy but it's a freakin rebound and mistake she know's it deep down inside. I'm just really weak and pathetic I mean look were on page six it seems that nothing has changed other then I'm hurting so bad... With this NC how long is it going to take for her to contact me??
Who cares if she is ever going to contact you.. She didn't care about you, she was letting another guy in between her rather than working on your relationship together.
You are not weak, and you are not pathetic!! NEVER call yourself that. We know it's hard. What else do you have going on? What activities are you up to?
Well I'm hanging with old friends, working out getting reeady for firefighter school which doesn't start until June-July. Trying to find a job which is next to impossible.
There was just some stress happening at the house that normally I would have help from her and just Idk I didn't to call myself pathetic but just saying I now I sound it. Any other guy would just say F*** her and go through the pain and move on and its like I don't know.. I want her back... I want to be able to talk sit down communicate and work through it out. I know I know if she loved me she would be here and not with him. Just I don't know anymore... at least I'm coming and talking about instead of just reacting to things which I would normally do.
She is moving on, she is not waiting around on you because she decided to use someone else to get over this relationship. There ISN'T ANYTHING to work through at this point. If you crawl back and get rejected it will hurt that much worse. You are idolizing a relationship, it happens, someday you will have clearer judgement.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dunkonya21
For right now, get out of the house and do something for you. How is the gym? Did you join?
You know it's like I can give some good advice but I can never apply it to myself well because of emotions and stuff. And right now if I broke the NC that's something she is expecting to happen and it's just it's so hard for me to accept that we are done... and I can't even think about were done forever. And I didn't even get to talk to her about anything at all.Quote:
Originally Posted by Justwantfair
This is still too fresh for you to have ANY perspective on it. You will just have to continue in the moment to moment. You will regret ANY contact, it will not go the way you are hoping it will.
Breakups are difficult. Be patient... go eat some ice cream and veg out with some music or TV. You still have the right to call an off day.
I've calmed down from that. Like you said I know I will regret any contact to her because I know how it will go and I would be kicking myself in the butt. I talk to my mom about this also and she is really good at giving me advice and she know's how the girl and even told me that if she was me she would know how play her and all that. But thanks for being there guys for my up's and down's. I think I might go to the mall today and go shopping and rward myself with something. Lol
Retail Recovery, works for me. Good plan!
That is a fabulous idea. Anything to occupy time. Read some other thread too, sometimes when you are involved in helping others, you take the focus off your problems, might find some humor out there and you will feel better about yourself just for helping someone else.
Wise idea to talk to Mom, they are the best solution for their boys ;)
Dude - you are dwelling a lot. You mentioned stress at home - think of how much stronger you will be dealing with it yourself instead of having your regular crutch (her) to help you through it. It sounds like you need to work on you right now instead of worrying about what she is doing. Remember, you don't have to CARE about anyone right now, just you! That's the most important thing. I broke down in tears the other day because I almost called my ex and stopped myself, then thought "No. For the first time in my life I am going to do something healthy for me, not anyone else." That's powerful stuff buddy. It's taken me until now, 28 years old, to realize that I have to work on me before I can make anyone else truly happy, and that if they rely on me for happiness, then they aren't worth it!
Just had to spread the rep, that is EXACTLY the thinking that needs to happen here.Quote:
Originally Posted by coyne740
Well so far its been 3 days not that Im counting but I am proud that I haven't contacted her in anyway. The longest that I have was 4 days. So still have one more to go but I have a question is it normal, well since day one Ive been having rollercoaster feelings ups and downs.
Well they seem to be getting worse. Like When Im feeling good and confident I pretty much don't even think about the NC and that everythings is going to be good. Even to the point where I think I won't have to struggle anymore about her. And when I get down it is a very struggle to not call her. It just seems my emotions are coming out stornger I don't know it's weird.
Here's something that has worked for me in the past. If you feel that you absolutely have to talk to her, then write her a letter. DO NOT GIVE IT TO HER!! Rip it up or burn it. Make sure you get rid of it somehow. It might help getting your feelings out so you aren't dwelling on what could have been.
To add to the great idea above In the past when the going got tough I wrote down all the negative things about my ex. We tend to romantize the good parts and somehow ignore the bad parts, so write them out and remind yourself.
The first week is the worse and it is a roller coaster, we have all been there.
You are doing the best thing for yourself, just keep sticking it out.
I'm realizing why in the past why I failed because it is the hardest time. With the roller coaster feelings I am learning that when I hit my downs I just need to hang in there because eventually my spirits will climb back upQuote:
Originally Posted by Justwantfair
I've been using as a way to get back with my ex, to make her miss me and realize this rebound guy is just a fix of something that she wasn't getting from me. But like I have been reading Nc isn't about getting her back at all. Its about making that change in your life and realizing what needs to be done in the next relationship with whoever you end up with.
Will I be back on these boards boohooing to myself about I miss her and love her and that I eventually wanted to have kids and marry this girl? Yes I sure will but as I read others posts and can relate to things I see that the NC makes it so when that time will come when she does contact me I will Truly know what I want in life and if she is the right girl for me.
Thanks for putting up with my BS and heartaches. Today Im going to the gym and to work out and hang with my friends. I'm taking my mom to the hospital and she will be admitted so I'm just scared of how I'm going to handle being alone but Im sure you guys will hear from me soon =).
Oh and tomorrow I'm going to the beach with my friend and my sort of ex that didn't work because of her dad. But is a really awesome girl which I'm not going to try to go after just nice hanging with the opposite sex kind of blew off all my friend girls.
Just wanted to add that I just officially broke my record with not talking to her... yay? I don't know kind of feeling the blues again.
You should be celebrating everyday making it through. You are one step closer to a happier, healthier you.
How was the gym?
I am I'm really proud that I haven't broken the NC. I see in that way that I have learned from the past from what I have done wrong. Just hard as I've said 17772668890 million times before. I'm staying strong and I'm not going to break the nc. But yea kind of brokedown earlier today had to call the ambulence for the to get her and so I'm pretty much home alone for the night so I'm just getting used to that. But just hanging in there.
Google Cubix 3D, time will fky before you know it.
I just took like an hour to read all this. I've been married 2 years and you just brought back so many memories of when my wife and I were dating. Ok I admit it, usually I would mess things up and we would break up and she would use the nc on me. The first couple of times she was the one that would contact me and after like 4 times she was like I'm not having this anymore and wouldn't call or text me at all. Then I would miss her so much I would call her and she would be serious on the phone and would just be like literally hello, fine and you, nothing, nothing, no, no, bye. Seriously It was torture but it made me value her so much. Then when we would make up it was great just having her smiling and talking to me! We had a very close group of friends so if we were broken up we would still see each other and I would just stare at her and she would stare at me then we would end up talking and everything would be better. But going through that and learning from our mistakes made us stronger and our marriage wouldn't be the same if we didn't go through that. But here is the important thing >> It was mutual. I would do my best to keep her happy and she would do her best to keep me happy. Neither of us got through the point of cheating but I would get so jealous if I saw a guy talking to her or even looking at her because I would be like ugg I messed up! She could be talking to me and laughing at my jokes. And she would also get jealous if I talked to another girl even just as friends. Well anyway bottom line find someone that values you for who you are. You sound like a good guy any girl wouldn't would be lucky to date you. I know that sounds girly it's because my wife wanted me to write that!
Well it's almost been 2 weeks and just thought I would update on the progress.
Well I've been hanging out with old friends some friends that I thought I would never see. I met this awesome girl that were just starting to talk only problem is that she lives about 45 min. away. She is someone that It is the total opposite of my ex and just really opens my eyes of "there are more fish out in the sea". I remember when I first wrote on here my goal was to get her back and things be "normal".
Well now I can say I don't regret doing NC because it was probably one of the hardest things I had to go through but boy did it work magic. I'm hardly ever thinking about her or anything. I have stopped looking at her myspace profile.
She ended up texting me yesterday asking for a dress that's at my house. I just never responded back to it. I don't even want to see her or talk to her. I'm not ready and really I don't want to go back to day one. Well I will keep the updates coming if anything else changes.
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