Think before you act. It is hard to do this, as anger is an emotion, and when you feel this emotion you react without hesitation. I have the same issue, but have gotten much better at it. It requires a lot of practice and discipline to manage... when you feel yourself getting angry, remove yourself from the situation, walk, breathe some deep breaths...

It is about being aware of things that make you angry, and also being aware of when you feel yourself losing control, then removing something that triggered it, or removing yourself.

You cope with your anger the same way you deal with all your emotions, don't get carried away by the feelings, and give your actions plenty of thought.

If you don't, there are consequences to pay, so be aware of that.

Being able to let go, and walk away from people, places, and things you can't control, is a good tool to have.

I was just wondering what are the chances that exes getting back together after at least a yr works out... personally I think exes should remain exes... just want some opinions, if you have ever gotten back with an ex and if it worked out or not... thanks

I myself have gotten back with a couple ex's, obviously none of them worked out again lol, but they did last longer this time, if its meant to be then its meant to be, think of why you to broke up if your not sure why you did then ask them. If its something little that can be fixed, then fix it, I'm not saying go and change yourself for them, because that's just stupid, but if you really think it will work out again, give it a shot

Would you mind telling what the reason was why you two broke up originally? Unless you'd rather not, your choice. I know couples that were divorced for 10 years, got back together and stayed together till death. I know couples that broke up, got back, but then broke up again and again. I want to tell you to go with your heart because each individual relationship is unique. If you both want to give it another go, why not? I agree with BabyBoy. If it's something that can be fixed, again, why not? You already said you feel exes should remain exes. It sounds like it's your call. I say go for it. Of course it can work out. It can go either way. Good luck to you and I hope it works out. Let us know.

Odds are, they don't work out. But there are exceptions.

The odds are greatly not in your favor and even less in your favor if you think the problems that broke you two up the first time can be swept under the rug and act like they never happened. Through communication and problem solving it can be achieved but it's not likely.

I'm not asking for myself is a friend of mine who wants to get back with an ex boyfriend, which I don't support, especially she is going through a lot of stress in her life right now, I think she is just looking for comfort right now but will soon realize it when her mind clears up..

Every relationship is unique; unfortunately there's no one-size-fits-all litmus test of whether there's a chance of it working out or not.

Best thing you can do is keep doing what you're doing and be there for your friend in their time of need. When their thoughts start to clear up they may realize they broke up for a good reason after all.

The one fact about relationships is, never say never. Can you get back together with an ex and make it work, sure, but it's not likely.

Quote:

---

Chances of working it out with an ex

---

1 in a million.

It's been 2 years since my ex fiancé broke up with me and the 5 years we were together she broke up with me 6 times. So yes ex's come back but if they have issues it's not going to work.

I have a friend who's been in a relationship for 7yrs and asked her boyfriend a yr ago to tell her if he's ready to make a commitment for marriage he was suppose to tell her in jan but told her he would let her know in feb. it is feb now and he has not said anything yet. What should she do now?? Send your opinion...

Wow, commitment with a deadline.

Why couldn't he tell her right away? Why the wait?

It seems like he's not ready for a long term commitment, if he was then he wouldn't have to think about it.

So the choice is hers, wait until he's ready or move on.

Thanks that is a good point I'll let her know

I have been in a committed relationship for five years. Pushing for marriage will not have any advantage except to drive a wedge in the relationship. Commitment phobia is a common occurrence in men and some women.

She has to decide if she loves him and what she wants, if she is not willing to wait any longer then she needs to move on. If she loves him, she has to accept this issue and work with him through it or accept him just the way he is. It's really her decision to make.

Why does she want him to marry her when she is having to force or ultimatum him into the marriage. Plenty of people get cold feet, how will she feel if her big push just ends the relationship in disaster because he is not ready?

I agree, putting a time line on something like marriage can actually push a person away.

It seems like the two involved are not on the same page with their relationship.. she is keen to take it to the next step and he obviously is not ready.

Best advice= COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION AND COMMUNICATION.
Only this way will she know what her man is thinking and wanting out of this relationship.

Yeah nothing says romance and love like a deadline!

Never been married and are both in their 40's and 50's I try to tell her but she thinks starting over with someone else is very hard

Why does she have to start over?

Is she that desperate for a ring on her finger?

Because if she forces this guy, or any other guy, into marrying her that's all it will be, a ring on her finger, no real commitment.

Tell her to relax and enjoy the fact that she has someone special to share her life with. THAT is precious and shouldn't be thrown away because she wants status or security.

I understand that but she's worried about not being able to have a child and does not believe in having a child outside marriage and age is not on her side either. She loves him a whole lot and wants to work away but don't want to make the wrong decision becos he's not telling her anything. She is giving him until this may to tell her something or anything... she is not forcing him but just wants an honest ans from him and if he is not ready for a comittment she is ready to move on with her life.

Is there a way to ask for an honest answer without the man feeling pressurized??

After 7 years she has her answer. She just hasn't accepted it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by odilians10

she is giving him until this may to tell her something or anything....

---

No she's not! It started as January, then February.. now May!



She's not going to leave him, she is just trying to get her MRS. She is forcing him into it, well she's trying to but it's not working..

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by odilians10

i understand that but she's worried about not being able to have a child and does not believe in having a child outside marriage and age is not on her side either. she loves him a whole lot and wants to work away but dont want to make the wrong decision becos he's not telling her anything. she is giving him until this may to tell her something or anything....she is not forcing him but just wants an honest ans from him and if he is not ready for a comittment she is ready to move on with her life.

---

You are very concerned for your friend, but the facts are he is not ready/doesn't want a marriage. It doesn't matter what his age is and there is a reason he made it so late in life without marrying.

SHE has to make this decision - ACCEPT just the way it is, no guarantee of children, no marriage or LEAVE and risk being single with no guarantee of children, no guarantee of marriage.

If she is unwilling to compromise having children out of wedlock, why does she expect that he should compromise for a marriage that he doesn't want?

So if she is ready to move on like you claim, she needs to do that, he will either appreciate what he lost and step up to the plate or he won't and she is free to find love somewhere else.

Hi everyone, I think I need help! I'm going through the phase where I miss my ex this morning I've a test tomorrow and I can't concentrate...

Pull through it. Your future is more important than your ex. Go for a long walk, cry it out, and get back to work.

Take my hand, and let's roll!!

Thanks KC, you are the best, I feel better back in the mood to hit the books... :) I was very close to texting, glad I didn't

I don't understand my ex boyfriend of 3yrs, we decided it wasn't working out so we broke up in July 08' but decided to stay friends and I even talked to him about my new ex boyfriend which he asked me a few questions about the new guy, all of a sudden I try to contact him every once in a while but he never responds. He was my first everything, though I've moved on I still care about him and want him some where in my life and don't understand why he's ignoring me... do any one have an idea

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by odilians10

i dont understand my ex bf of 3yrs, we decided it wasnt working out so we broke up in july 08' but decided to stay friends and i even talked to him about my new ex bf which he asked me a few questions about the new guy, all of a sudden i try to contact him every once in a while but he never responds. he was my first everything, tho i've moved on i stil care about him and want him some where in my life and dont understand why he's ignoring me....do any one have an idea

---

Not all exes can be friends, in fact, it's not the norm for exes to be friends.

Maybe he's decided that you need him too much, that it's not healthy in order for him to be able to move on, find someone new, live his life.

Maybe he's busy.

Maybe he has a new girlfriend and she's not comfortable with him talking to his ex.

So many possibilites. Sorry, but if he's doing NC you're just going to have to accept it and move on.

Good luck.

Thanks alt, it sucks & I just want to scream!! I wish my exes can be my friends ill be so happy, I've not contacted him in a few months but today was my last contact w/him, I sent him a text wishing him well...

I've been dating a guy for over 2months and we had everything in common, it's a long dist relationship since I'm away for sch, but we found out we had the sickle cell trait and everything has gone wrong for the fast 2 weeks, he said he cares about me so much but the relationship is not going to work due to the genotype fact. It has been so hard for either of us to let go, he wants us to be friends and find out what happens in the future, but I'm not too sure if I can handle friendship with him, becos he treats me soooo good. I ended the friendship or whateva it was, by texting him very very mean things just to hurt his feeling just like he did mine, 2days later I realized that what I said was too mean and immature, I texted him to apologize and asked that we end it in a more mature and in good term, but he ignored my text of course. I know he is hurt by the things I said but I need help on how to handle this issue or just let him be. I really care about him but I over reacted on something either of us have no control over... what should I do??

You said you already apologized for what you said so just leave him alone and go NC until one of you are ready to talk again, but in the mean time heal yourself by going out and do things with friends, family, etc.

You're not ready for a friendship with him. Don't try to force a friendship when that's not what you really want.

It's too late now, but in the future: "If you have nothing good to say, then don't say anything at all"

At least you realized that what you did was immature. In time he may realize that it was something dumb too, and may want to end on a better note. Til then just take your time to heal and let him do the same.

Now you move on because there is nothing left for you to do. You said your peace and now that's it.

Hopefully, you learned your lesson and would say anything harsh to someone in the future just because you want to hurt their feelings.

Once something leave your mouth you can take it back and it is hard to take your foot out your a$$.

I've been restless all day... I can't go hang out becos I've a test to study for and my mind is just clouded with the thought that he might never speak to me again... he is such a great guy and I want him in my life and don't know how to handle it

Even if he was in your life he would have only been your friend and some how I don't think you could settle with just being his friend.

So you need to work on getting past him and accepting the relationship you two had is over. So let go and move on.

I doubt you have healed from the last relationship, so jumping into a long distance one, didn't work. Time for you to do things for you, as you learn and grow and I hope you find happiness with who you are.

You have a lot to offer the right person, and that happens to be you right now.

Thanks tal, he's such a wonderful guy though, I'm so scared to loose this one... we have so much in common and we are same age and I've never had that in any guy yet...