Awww, that's sweet. Stay friends then, but not now!!
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Awww, that's sweet. Stay friends then, but not now!!
That's what everyone thinks. The only hitch in your plan is that she is not thinking, she's feeling. Emotions are guiding her, not thoughts. You're going to dig yourself deeper if you continue on this course. What the two of you need right now is time apart. During that time you will find out what you really had.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gearhe4d
Look, anything you say or do will push her further away Don't you see? She is thinking--or feeling ONLY about herself now. She probably does love you, but not the same way you want her to. Give her space and let her be. Let her see what life is like without you. Let her do her own thing and live your life at the same time. NC is a chance for you to heal, find yourself again, and see things more clearly with time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gearhe4d
Your judgment is clouded at the moment, you have way too much emotions messing with your head. Let things sink in at least before you make any decisions.
How old are you?
Don't want to lose her? Well you don't have to. There is a greater chance to have her in your life later down the road, but you need time for yourself. You cannot be her friend while you feel this strongly about her... you will only hurt more and more. Your life will be on standby for someone that clearly is not thinking about you.
Sigh.
I just wish there was something I could actually do, not acting at all is going to be the hardest thing I've probably ever done. I've never felt this strongly connected to someone in my entire life, and even after all of the things of read here, those words "It's just a break, I promise" keep grinding away at my head.
Am I to expect this type of nonsensical psychotic bull from future relationships? It just feels like "what's the point?"
You think NC was going to be easy?? It's probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. I probably talked to her pretty much everyday for more than 600 days. Then the break. And no calls for weeks. From ALL to NOTHING, just like that! It was sooo hard not to call her even just to hear her sweet voice for 1 minute. Each night felt like pure agony. But everyday it's getting easier even though I still check my phone every now and then looking for her missed call --less and less everyday. Any SMS I received I opened wishing it was her asking me back or saying she regrets it. But it's subsiding. NC is helping me live my life without her in my mind 24/7, now it's more like 23/7. It's a slow painful process but it WORKS! Trust me!Quote:
Originally Posted by Gearhe4d
No, not all relationships will be the same. But once the dust clears you will find that you have learned a TON about yourself and your relationship. You will gain wisdom that will help you in all of your future relationships. You will be likely to avoid getting yourself in a similar situation again. Pain will come, but you will be better prepared to deal with it.
You know her better than any of us. Maybe she is in fact an amazing wonderful person. But nonetheless, she's a confused person that needs to grow up and find herself and what it is she wants. You in the picture asking for a 2nd -or 3rd- chance will not help the situation, it will push her away. She asked for a break because she wants space for herself and time away from the relationship. You love her? Then show it by giving her what she wants. But don't wait by the phone. LIVE!
There is nothing you can do and it will be difficult to understand that. But ask yourself one question: Do I want her to toy with me until she finds someone else? Because if you think what you're going through right now is hard, how hard do you think it will be once that happens?
Honestly, you can probably expect this to happen again, or at least keep this in mind because you have now seen all the tell tale signs leading up to this moment. Heal yourself in whatever way you can and move on bro. In the end you'll be glad you did. It's her loss.
That is another thing that worries me, I care about her deeply, and I don't want her to just wind up in some new relationship where she won't be treated right.Quote:
Originally Posted by itried
I know I treat her the way she should be treated, with respect, and care, and love. I always put her needs before mine, and I never neglect or fail to be there for her when she needs me.
She must realize this eventually right? But would she act on it?
You are acting, on your behalf.
Yes, this kind of bull can be expected from most future relationships.
But if you didn't experience this bull, how will you learn and grow? How will you sort out the bad ones from the perfect one? It's not pointless, she's out there somewhere.
And at 20, you have plenty to look forward to.:)
Hey Gearhe4d,
Give yourself some time and space- maybe you should swtich of and let you mind rest for a while- go and get out of the house and go for a walk or clean your room or go to the gym.. it will be good to switch off and rest and maybe when you think later you will be in a more positive way with yourself and mind. Make time for yourself and try to switch off various times during the day and as each day goes by you will start to work things out for yourself.
Take care
Man, you sound exactly like me. You obviously have a different philosophy on love and relationships than her. This is where your compatibility ends. You'll do whatever it takes to make it work and she won't. YOU think this is true love and she doesn't. If she did she would try to make it work wouldn't she? She is not willing to compromise in her life for you. Know this and find someone who will.
You're looking for TRUE love. Maybe this quote will help you know it when you see it. This is the philosophy your true love should have, in my opinion.
We only regard those unions as real examples of love and real marriages in which a fixed and unalterable decision has been taken. If men or women contemplate an escape, they do not collect all their powers for the task. In none of the serious and important tasks of life do we arrange such a "getaway." We cannot love and be limited.
- Alfred Adler
Hope this helps. Sometimes a good quote can put everything into sharper focus.
Who knows what she will realize or act on. You cannot guess what's on her mind. And you shouldn't care. The only one who can is her --and by the sound of it I doubt even she knows a the moment. It's her life and she must learn a few things for herself too. If she gets involved with someone who isn't good for her, well she will do what she thinks is right. Let her make her own mistakes and learn for herself. FOCUS ON YOU now. You have given this girl way too much already. What has she given you apart from a broken heart and shattered dreams? You are putting her needs ahead of yours why?? Why should you if she doesn't? LOVE YOURSELF first, then you will be ready to love others in a fair way.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gearhe4d
It's true that girls like guys who are confident, strong, and independent. Guys that command respect and have dignity. Yes, you can be sweet and give her all you want also, but not more than she gives you. You can be the nice guy without being a doormat you know.
A healthy relationship goes two ways not just one. You need to get this guy back, the guy that caught her eyes when you first got together. Get him back first, or your future relationships --with her, or another-- are doomed to fail.
Hi Gearhe4d,
Read my story... I think it will help you, its kind of a similar situation. And just like expat.. I was you about a month and a half ago.
I initiated NC... and I REALISED SO MANY THINGS. When you are alone, and looking at things from the outside.. only then you realise the truth of the relationship - yes it hurts to know your perspective of love wasn't the same... but at least you can take comfort in knowing SHE Didn't TRULY LOVE YOU. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't give you the same things you give her?. YOU Don't DESERVE THAT MATE!.
You deserve someone that will love you and give you everything you are able to give them - the relationship should always be equal. You will learn so much, trust me!. you will learn to never make a girl YOUR LIFE, but to have your life and your own fulfillment without her... then you can SHARE your life with her!. never give a girl EVERYTHING!. you can still be the nicest guy and still treat her right without putting her first.
We all make that mistake - we've put our ex's first.. made them priorities, and done too much for them. One of the most important rule of a relationship is... you ALWAYS put yourself first - and that's where you can get meaning of the saying 'love yourself then others will love you and you can love others more fairly'... trust me, give it some time in your head and you will figure all this out just as I have.
Im in the process of letting go, I still have bad days... but I know they will pass... just remember - in life and love YOU ARE NUMBER 1, love yourself, never make a girl a priority and never put EVERYTHING into a relationship.. OK?
These are the things you should learn and take with you.
Don't feel bad though, and feel as if the break is because you were so nice - us nice guys all make that mistake! Its just, we have to learn from it.. and learn to love and respect ourselves more, because that is when we will truly find the one that loves and respects us the same way. Cos.. right now - your ex didn't truly love you the same way you loved her... the same way mine didn't truly love me the same way I loved her...
We are all in the same boat, you'll be fine!. don't worry.. keep up NC!
I'm a mom with 3 sons 41, 38, and 33. I have watched women tear there hearts out with divorce, and the dating all over again. The same thing your going through. Listen to the advice that is being said to you.
The sooner you realize the love is gone, believe me being friends is just the next thing to go. Why set yourself up for two broken hearts. Once is enough. I feel like my sons are back in school again, but the question and the heartache is the same no matter how old you are. I feel for you, but you got to keep your chest up, and move on.
Hi Gearhe4d, I totally agree with arzy99, I was in the same situation as well, loved someone v much only to realised he did not love me that way and went and cheated 3 months before our wedding. All the advice people have posted are the best and so fingerscrossed you will be fine in time. Just remember all the good qualities you have and that one day you will share them with a much better girl who will appreciate it.
You keep going on and on about how you are perfect for her and she just needs to realize it and blah blah freakin blah. Have you given any thought to the option that she has thought about this and realized that you are not perfect for her? I mean come on, at 20 years of age nothing is so complicated and stressful that she needs time. I would say that she is playing you but on further review it seems that you are playing yourself by dwelling on this "I'm perfect for her and she is my soul mate" nonsense. Man up!
Oh OK, cool, I'll just MAN UP then, wow, problem solved, no more cares in the world I guess.Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkwithaK
Sheesh, what was I thinking, I guess I haven't lost anything at all, you know? I feel great now.
Time to get back out there and find some new random girl! Life will be a lot easier if I just love myself right? I don't need anyone or anything I guess, being a MAN is incredible!
I'm curious about the details of the break during your relationship, did you two still meet up and spend time together at all, did you two say that you loved each other? I need to know if we might be on the same track as you were. I really believe that she just needs some space right now, but I have to know how to treat her during this break, if I expect her to keep her word.Quote:
Originally Posted by compsavvyimnot
Listen, I doubt you came here for advice or for any insight or perspective into your problem. I think you just came here to be patted on the head and to be told everything was going to be OK. It seems that everything goes in one ear and out the other if it's not what you WANT to hear. You need to get a grip on reality. You're being so played by this girl. And I'm starting to see why it's so easy for her do it. She has you on a leash and is loving every minute of it. Wake up kid! Being sarcastic when people are trying to help you out is not going to get you anywhere. You're being given solid gold info here and you won't take it. It's your life so do what you like. Regardless of what is said on this site, you're still going to do what you want anyway. Am I right?Quote:
Originally Posted by Gearhe4d
The funny thing is... everything WILL be all right... just in a different way than he thinks.Quote:
Originally Posted by itried
You said exactly what I was thinking. I think this kid needs a few weeks still for things to sink in. He is in a state of denial. It's sad, but I went through something like that... seeking comfort, success stories, and hope. I thought NO-ONE in the world could possibly be living my same situation. My situation was surely different. My girl was more amazing than any other. I read thread after thread on this site seeking a happy ending to a story similar to mine. After a while I realized many of you guys --like 'A La King' and you for example-- were on the same boat as me. Slowly It sank in and things started to clear up. Maybe I wasn't as hardheaded but I guess it's part of the process. Sooner or later he'll realize it and he'll come back and read the GOLDEN words we've given him. As if it mattered to us what this kid does with his life! We give him advice and he rolls it into a ball and throws it down the bin.Quote:
Originally Posted by itried
As Tal would say, if he needs to get a pie on the face to realize it, then so be it! But we'll still be here to help when he comes back for advice--if he does.
We have all been there and it sucks. Exactly in the same spot, with the same feelings, hopes, reactions and plans. It's the absolute worst. And I feel bad for the guy. The best thing I could have done is get on this site and share my thoughts and experiences. It's the best therapy, and in the end I think that's all people like us need. Just to look at it objectively. Step out of our heads for just a minute and look at what happened and hear similar stories to ours. It almost makes me laugh now when I think about my relationship and how I felt when I first came here. I don't think I was as hardheaded either, but everyone handles it differently. Hopefully she takes him back and he can laugh at all of us. But if not, I'll still be here.Quote:
Originally Posted by expat2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by expat2009
I'm THRILLED my misery is bringing you comfort ;) heh..
OUR misery--we're on the same boat remember? ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by a la king
I feel that after a month of my breakup I'm almost a different person. Amazingly, I see things so much differently now. The pain is still there, but it's subsiding slowly, and I feel much better. I can eat better, I can sleep, I can laugh and thinking of her less and less. I also feel wiser and more self aware. This site has been much like group therapy, don't think you can find so many guys in our same situation in one place. It's good to know people are there for you. Hopefully Trevor will get what he wants--if not dude, we are here for you. It helps us to help you.
By the way, the misery is only temporary... we'll be all right.
Hey Gearhead,
Seems to me like you have a lot of support here. You have people here that have been through the same thing you are right now. Don't you think they have something to offer?
This is funny how life works. When we are heartbroken, there is nothing anyone can do or say that can make anything better, (unless they give you false hope of course)
Right now you're at the stage where you don't want to hear anything about moving on, you just want to hear that it's going to be OK, that you're the exception..
Instead of putting 100% of your efforts into why she did this or that, why don't you look at yourself..
Ask yourself why she constantly wants time away from you.. maybe you two spent WAY too much time together.. maybe you didn't let her breathe and see her friends...
I believe that it takes two to break up a relatinoship.. look at your part here... then maybe you won't make the same mistake again...
This is life man, it's not easy or fun, it just is how it is..
Don't you think you deserve someone to love you just as much as you love them?
Don't you think that you should be with someone who wants to yell from the rooftops that you're together, not play with your emotions and keep you around for if she "gets herself together" or "finds herself?"
As a woman, maybe she really does just need to find herself, maybe she is one of those amazing women, maybe she is the angel of your dreams... but bottom line, she is hurting you and making you toy on the verge of depression... THAT is not love. That is selfishness...
Love is not selfish.
So, I would agree that we did spend too much time together, I sat down with her a week or two after the break and talked to her about what she would change when we do get back together, and she said that she only wanted a bit more space and time to herself. I told her that I fully understand that, and that I too need to be more focused on other things and getting further in life. Better job, more schooling, etc. This is one of those things that keeps telling me that she does intend to pick our relationship back at at some point. If the only real problem that she had with us was that she didn't have enough space, then it just seems like, why wouldn't she want to be together again? (Under new circumstances of course, and just seeing each other less) I would have no problem being around less, and making it more exciting when we do get to see each other, but we used to see each other basically every other day, and she told me herself that she felt like that wasn't enough, and she wanted to spend more time with me. (This was before she got her job) and I guess like an idiot I agreed and started seeing her basically every day. I know now that I should have kept going at that rate, just to make her miss me more, and she probably would still be together with me now.
She seems like a confused girl
You know, everyone is telling you to pull back because for one if it's truly over it's for the best for you to heal, or the second, it could make her realize what she's missing
When I went on a break with my boyfriend, he said "im not going to be at you disposal every second of the day, you can see me when you've made up your mind"
That gets her thinking what she's missing out on.. and it might spur her to talk to you..
But either way I do suggest you move on and don't wait for her.. if she wants you back she will let you know
Well I think you have gotten the idea from what most people have posted...
None of us can honestly know what she is thinking or if this break is for good. All we can do is give our opinions from experience. The numbers aren't in your favor sadly, I myself was given the ol break line about 8 months ago... and here I am single, but you know what, I am now happy and content with it.
Now who knows, she could come back, but she also might not. You must remove yourself from her life! Think about what you are doing, you are allowing her to have you at her beg and call and fill in as the "boyfriend" while she remains single. She is having her cake and eating it too.
You are making yourself more miserable by sticking around, let her have her break and do your own thing, if she wants you back SHE WILL COME AND GET YOU!! But for your own good try and move on right now, you will never feel better at this rate.
Your life did not start with this girl, and it won't end with her either. I know its hard to think now, but one day you will be OK, we all go through this.
I've been doing a lot of research on what I'm going through and other relationships that have gone through the same thing, and I'm trying to get a bigger overview of all of my options here. I am keeping everything I've heard here in mind as well, but I do still feel like there is hope, and maybe I've just been looking at this the wrong way or something.
Right now, I could really use some more feedback from people who have been in similar situations and DID get back together after a break. I understand that there is a very low chance of this happening for me, but it is still a chance, and I need to know exactly what to do to increase my chances of this happening. Too much of what I've read and learned up to this point is just saying that "Oh, it's basically going to hurt forever, but slightly less everyday!" So, I've decided that I won't just give up on this. Eitehr way it's going to hurt, and I'm not going to just give up the person that I truly believe is perfect for me, and meant to be with me. I can handle this pain as long as there is hope for now.
So please, anybody with similar experience of taking a break and getting back together, toss me a bone, and let me know your story, or any tips you have. Also, thanks so much to everyone who's been trying to help so far.
Sorry I'm so hard-headed about this. I'm not a quitter.
I went on a break. Last November, my girlfriend suggested we take a break. It killed me. She was everything to me. I don't mean that I didn't have a life without her, but I mean, she was the love of my life, if there is such a thing. The break lasted for about a month, and I tell you, there was no better tme in my life than the first time I hugged her again once we reconciled. I can remember it like yesterday. It was the best hug I had ever had. We got back together about three weeks before Christmas, but she refused to say, "I love you." She waited to say that, as she said, "I want it to mean something."
So, on Christmas day 2008, we were sitting on her grandparents couch, and she took my hand, looked in my eyes, and said, "I love you." I don't think I had ever been that happy before. Like I said, that was over a year ago, and I can remember every single detail of that exact moment. I lit up like a candle.
Flash forward to now. We have been broken up since last August. Things were going good, but in the end, the same problems occurred, and neither of us had really changed. We had grown apart. I mean, I was at her high school and college graduation. We had some really great times together, and I imagine we both have a spot in eachother's heart. Unfortunately, it just wasn't meant to be.
That is my story, in a nutshell. Could you guys get back together? Yeah, you could. Are the odds in your favor that it works long term, no, they aren't. But, we don't play poker or craps with human emotions. Vegas doesn't have odds on our heart. All we can do, on here, is offer up our advice and do whatever we can to protect you, because I can tell you, I NEVER would wish the kind of pain I experienced the past five months (and pain that so many others on here have gone through), on anyone. Good luck!
Before the two of you got back together, I'm sure you went through the same doubts and fears that I am currently going though. I'm sure you felt like the best thing that could ever and would ever happen to you was slipping through your fingers and there was nothing you could do about it.
But. If you knew that the two of you would eventualyl get back together, and even if it wasn't meant to last into marriage or the future, but just a short while, would you choose to go through with getting back together with her? OR would you go the rest of your life without ever hearing her say "I love you" again?
This is where I'm at right now, I don't know if we will get back together, but I feel like if there is a chance, and if we did get back together, even if it was just for a short while, I would give everything and anything away to just have that time with her again. To know that she loves me again, and that I get to spend just 5 more minutes in heaven, before I go back to this uncertainty and pain that I'm enduring right now.
I don't regret anything that happened. I know how you feel, and you are going to do what you want to do. I will tell you FLAT OUT, that the pleasure of her saying, "I love you" once more was nowhere near the pain of finding out, on my birthday, that she was seeing someone else.
Damn! That must have been hell... yet you are still here, helping other people, and recovering well. You've earned my respect! Good one mate.Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
As for you Gearh4ad, I have only tried once to get her back and it was more like an eye-opener for me than anything. I realised what she wanted and that she was already moving on while I was hanging on to a very thin thread of hope. You see, with a situation like yours there is no difference between giving up (not calling her) and not giving up (not calling her) at this point because anything you do or say--believe me--will more than likely just push her away--therefore, not giving up means NC as well. The difference will be when --and if-- she decides to call you and get back with you. That's when you will show if you will give up on her or not. She knows you want her back, balls on her court now, let her decide.
Well there's another thing then, she still calls me and still wants to do stuff with me, we went out and had dinner a couple of times already, I just try to play it as cool as possible and make it as much fun for her as I possibly can (No don't worry, it's not apparent that I'm hurting or trying to make her happy with me, I just try to be natural and make sure she is enjoying my company, which she does seem to be)Quote:
Originally Posted by expat2009
This however is the longest I've gone yet without seeing her, and it's been something like 5 or 6 days I think. She still talks to me on MSN and I ALWAYS wait for her to talk to me first. She does know how I feel about this and we have talked it over (and yes, she's still telling me that it's a break, and she even went as far as to take my hand and making full eye contact tell me that I'm not losing her). On New Year's Eve, she invited me over and she had another guy friend of hers there, which she even asked me about and wanted to make sure that I wasn't against her hanging out with her friends who happen to be guys. I told her that I didn't mind at all and I perfectly understand that she has friends that are guys and that it was totally cool with me. That night, we did a bunch of fireworks at the guy friend's house and then I drove her (Rachel) home and dropped her off. I told her that I needed to go inside and grab a movie that I had left there recently that needed to be returned, but she insisted on just running in and grabbing it and bringing it out for me. She did this, and then instead of going back to the passenger side of the car (which was closer to the door of her house) she came around to my side, handed my the movie and then asked if she could have a hug. (This sort of blew me away a bit and I got out and gave her a semi-long hug and then I said goodnite and she went inside.
Stuff like this is what's driving me completely insane. It keeps sort of telling me that she does still love me, but really just needs some time to herself for some reason.
Does this sound any more like it might be a possible thing for me? It certainly doesn't seem like your regular ol' breakup story to me. She keeps initiating contact and wanting to do things, and inviting me over, and I have now (twice) asked her if she would like to hang out and once we saw a movie, and the other time we ate dinner. Sorry this post is so long, but I'm afraid leaving out details like this might affect the entire situation on your collective point of view.
I think it is really sweet that you are so in love with her. This is coming from a 14 year old girls point of view, so you don't have to listen to me of you don't want. But I think that you can't let love slip away. If you still love her in time, you can't let her go. Just follow your heart. If this is true love and not just infatuation, you will love her after time. So give it a month or 2, and then your heart will tell you. A fool would sit and watch while his true love left him. Don't give up. Love is the most powerful thing.
Gearhe4d --
Your story sounds just like so many I've read here. My own. KCTiger. Northern Nice Guy. Expat2009. A La King. ITried. Your situation is not special - and you have to realize that there is nothing you could have done t change the outcome other than the timing. If you had of refused to spend more time with you when she asked, she probably would have broken up with you a few weeks later.
Guys start into relationships based on instinct and attraction, but after a while they become very rational about them, in my experience of MOST of my male friends and most on this board. That's why the logic doesn't make sense to you - because you (like most of us) want to look at the situation through a rational lens. You'll get past this in a few weeks.
She, like all of our exes, is doing what many women (especially younger) do in relationships - she's working off emotion and feeling. There's no logic to it. Plus, she's like 20. As much as men are criticized for wanting to "sow their oats" - I can assure you that at least a subset of young women in the population feel much the same way (and that does not entail sex alone).
The best move I made during my breakup was repeatedly telling myself it was over on the night it happened. That way, regardless of how much I wished otherwise later, deep down I didn't believe it. The sooner you realize that, the sooner it will become manageable. You will have bad days.
Gearhe4d --
Your grasping at straws champ. If she wanted to be back together with you then she would be, especially considering all the things you have done AFTER the break-up. You're reaching kiddo, and if you reach to far eventually you will fall down.
Very true words wolfgang. Girls that age want a loving relationship but at the same time they want to live life freely and experience as much as they can. Now, it's hard to make this balance work because most of us got too much into the relationship after awhile. We dedicated way too much time and effort to the relationship and at the end gave more than we received. Why? They drifted away trying to find what they were looking for.Quote:
Originally Posted by wolfgangqpublic
The girls didn't have enough time left to experience the other side of life they wanted --friends, travel, hobbies, family, school. As they drifted we gave more and more in an effort to get them back --probably even smothering them some of us. In the end, our excessive giving led them to the "breaks" and in some cases to other guys --"stronger" guys (like the ones we were at the start) that would challenge them, get their interest, and form new and "exciting" relationships which will eventually run into the same issues the girls had with us. They claim they still love us and care for us, but the reality is they don't want to be with us anymore, they don't feel the same way. Simple as that.
What to do next? If they are still contacting us --like with Gearh4ead-- wanting to see us, chat, or whatever, then what sort of space is that? The space is not only meant to be physical but also emotional--otherwise were's the growth? Where's the gain? If you keep seeing or letting the person that asked for space contact you over and over than it sounds to me that they just want to have you close to them at their disposal in case their "new" life doesn't workout. If they find that this "new" life makes them happier then kiss her goodbye buddy because she's only thinking about herself while you are thinking nothing about yourself. Now, it's up to you if you want to be led to more pain because if the girl does decide to get back to you, then shortly after, your relationship will run into the same problems. You really think this is worth it? For "five more minutes in heaven"? I'd rather move on, give her COMPLETE space and rebuild my life without her. At the same time I left the doors open to her in case she wants to come back--if she does, I'll have the power once more. IF she doesn't I'll still have complete power over my own life.
The advantages of this reasoning are two. First, you use the space to your advantage also--to rebuild your life without her, pain goes away, your confidence comes back, independence, freedom to talk-or do- whatever you want with whomever you want. Everyday the pain will be less until you actually move on and dig yourself out of the hole. Second, you are giving her space, it's what she NEEDS and WANTS for her self-development, maturity, learning, etc. This space will let her experience life without you and decide if she needs you in it or not. If after some time ---several months usually-- she doesn't miss you then so be it. It's finished for ever. But you won't care because you are moving on fine without her already. If she does want you back--not only will you have the power to decide, but by then you both will have become stronger, happier, more mature, without the scars you gave each other. Your old selves.
Following your heart is one thing but exposing it to someone who is not caring about your feelings is another. They will --perhaps unintentionally-- bring pain and more pain. Over and over. Until you decide to move on. If she's unsure about her feelings well then let her sort them out by herself, no need for you to tell her what to feel, she's already proven she's looking out for herself she doesn't need your help to decide she wants you or not. You love her? Well maybe the best way to show her is by letting her be. If she loves you enough well then let her have a chance to want you back and find you --if you are still available.
As a female I will give you my opinion. I do not know this girl so I cannot say what is in her head nor can I tell you what her plans are.she may need a break no one can know that but her. And I also am in school and work and I need all the time in the world to study and such.
But in reality what you do not want to hear... the others are correct most of the time a female or a male says I need a break its over for good and she probably really loves you but for some reason its not working for her. And the reason she is still being your friend is because it is easing the pain for her its her way of making it easy. And the excuse of time or school and work if you guys are still hanging out as friends and such then what is the time away doing any good? You could still be dating.
Like I said this could go your way but chances are slim to none the best thing for you is to cut all ties... you can't be friends with someone you really reqally loved because it will only hurt you forever any time she dates , etc.. You need to juss go have fun do things you couldn't when you were dating meet new girls even though that may not be easy... its not fair that she's making you hurt so bad juss so its easier for her... if she wants you back she will let you know... as long as she knows she has your heart and she is your friend shell never lose you but yet she can go meet new guys and it won't be cheating... go have fun!!
Sorry about all you are going through!
Well, after a lot (and man oh man do I mean a lot_ of careful consideration about all of this, why the hell would I ever just completely break contact with her and not even be her friend and get to see her at all anymore? Now that I've had some time to think on that, it seems crazy to me to just completely throw away a relationship with someone so perfectly connected with me. She still seems to want to hang out every now and then and still makes contact with me first, I feel like I'd be an idiot to throw away such a special relationship, even if it's just a friendship. I do truly and deeply love this girl, but she's also one of my very best friends, she understands my brand of humor, she likes everything I like, and we have so much fun together.
If I can still have her as a friend, and even if she did start dating another guy, at least I'll still get to spend time with her. People like her are very rare, or at least they have been in my life. It's not like I won't know she's dating another guy (that's even if she does) by just breaking off from her. I will find out I'm sure.
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