ThanksQuote:
Originally Posted by ja77
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ThanksQuote:
Originally Posted by ja77
In the early days I always found it good to stay away and keep away from things that would remind me of my Ex.
Keeping busy with friends and family and work did it for me, and then one day I thought gosh its been like 9months and I never thought of that other person and then carried on moving forwards.
Running is a good idea. If you're crazy like I am you can take up distance running. Hard to think of a better way to blow off steam/clear your mind/expunge all of that negative energy you have.Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ28
Tomorrow will be day 2... it may not seem like it but you're on your way. Stay strong.
Did anyone there first few days of NC get no sleep at all? And totally over analyze everything under the sun, for instance is she sleeping with someone?
Try the first few weeks. I probably averaged 4 hours of sleep a night for a solid month, unless I got drunk and passed out... My mind over analyzes EVERY SINGLE detail of everything, and this was killing me. I found myself, at times, creating different images in my head just to make me cry... it was horrible.Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ28
It gets better, but it ain't no cake walk bud. I know it is hard, but the fact is, you cannot worry about things you have no control over. Worry about yourself, that's it. This is life, and it is too short to waste thinking about your ex... I wish I could go back in time and regain all of the wasted time, emotions, and other things I spent on her, and utilize it for something to better myself... I will never get that time back. Think about that!
Good luck!
Awesome thank you so much. Yeah I got maybe about 2 hours of sleep last night, I've been trying to get back to bed but I cant.Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
It is hard. I started taking Tylenol PM and that really helped me. Totally safe (I am also having some back issues).
I know it sucks man, believe me. I would sometimes wake up in the morning and almost puke thinking that she was with another guy (this is after I found out she was). You just have to let time do its thing, and detoxify your emotions out of you...
As kctiger said, first few days? You freaking wish. I didn't sleep or eat for about 2 weeks... forget 4 hours a night, try no sleep or 1 - 2 hours a night.
You can read about it here:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-161688.html
(sorry, shameless plug)
Things do get better though, really fast. So hang in there, you'll be fine.
Ok I have a question for everyone who has gone through NC. Lets say that you went NC and the next day you find out something like you have been totally lied to, and she is your best firned and you want to end it all on a good note and not like hate her. Because maybe sometime in the future you want to become just friends. Would you talk to the person to set things stright so you can go clear headed into this or just keep going like you have been lied to? Because I don't want to hate her, I just feel like if I dotn clear this up I will begin to not like her at all and never want to talk to her again.
I honestly think you will do more harm than good, as it is almost a case of you seaking closure to a reality that you haven't yet accepted.
You do what you feel the need to do, but, my advice, leave it alone and just worry about yourself. Don't be afraid to lose people in your life, as people come and go, a lot. It usually doesn't do any good to react off emotions, and your head isn't clear enough right now to act rationally. Get your sanity back, then you can think logically about a friendship.
Carry on... :cool:
Yeah I understand, its just so frustrating obviously you know what I mean. Err love makes me nuts.
Love is all consuming, but when it pays off, it is the best thing ever.
It happens. It gets easier, over time. Love doesn't make you nuts, it just makes you human. Keep your chin up! Everyone on this website is incredible at helping people like you, and me!
"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to kctiger again."
Definitely I totally agree with that.
This is a great answer to your problems, heal first.Quote:
Get your sanity back, then you can think logically about a friendship.
Well still doing the NC but man it is very hard today I feel so alone, there has been only like 2 times where I wanted to call her, but I stopped myself. I worked out 2 times today. Im trying to think of things to do to keep my mind off her, I can't stop thinking of her. I just feel so sad right now, I can't wait tell I'm over her.
What I did during NC to keep her off my mind...
Worked a lot. I mean, I clocked in about 30 hours overtime a week.
Worked out a lot. Morning run. Evenings lifting weights. Lost about 30 lbs in 4 months.
Read a lot. I did a lot of pleasure reading. I never read a whole lot before, but got really into it during the nc.
Music and movies. This got me through... quite a bit.
Cleaning. My place... was.. spotless.
Just calling a few good friends up to go bowling, watch a movie, go to a bar, go play some ball... etc.
I hate the feeling that she is out with someone else, it just makes me so down and depressed and I know I can't do anything about it. Is it normal to feel really betrayed and angry at her? I know a lot of this is my fault for even hanging on but I just feel like she didn't care one bit about my feelings and that is what makes me so mad. I don't know I would just love to know if this is bothering her at all, even though I really doubt it does too much. Honestly though I don't think I can ever speak to her again, she really hurt me so bad. All I know is that this thinking of her and wondering what she is doing is making me depressed.
Well DJ28, As much as you miss and love her it is clear that she is not bothered about your feelings at all.
It is very natural and human thing in wanting to hold on.
All you can do is look at her actions and say thank god you know what you know today- obviously she is not the person you knew or thought you knew. Take that as a positive point in moving forwards. Every bit of information will help you see her for who she is and not she was.
It is a horrible feeling and realisation when you see that the person you love so much is not who she/he used to be. Very painful realisation indeed!! Yet once you do see that, in time you realise you deserve so much more and better.
Yeah its hard right now to know that everything we had and how close of friends we were are all out the window. But really now I know that it was a mistake to even stay friends with her after we broke up, I do know now though that there is someone out there better for me and that will love me back, and have a balanced relationship where it isn't so lopsided. I think the hardest thing right now for me is just the wondering what she's doing with this guy.
It is tough alright- no point in thinking what she is doing with this guy as whatever will run through your mind- will not make you happy! At the end you will just end up hurting yourself more and more.
What they do now- is not your concern-- she is a different person now.
Instead start to channel your thoughts on what the heck your going to do today and tom.
At least this way you will be a bit more constructive with yourself- even if it is for an hour or so.
Yeah I agree, thanks for the replies.
No probs
I made a big mistake when I got home from the bar and called her errr, she didn't answer but I left a message and told her to call me. Why in the world did I do that I'm so mad at myself now, should I answer the phone if she calls or would it be rude if I didn't?
Why are you worrying about being rude to her? You called, she didn't answer, just leave it!
Lol you have a point thank you, you answered my question.
Drunks do stupid stuff, like call, and run there mouths off, but don't go there again, and ignore any call she makes. She can probably tell you where drunk anyway.Quote:
Why in the world did I do that
Yeah totally luckily I don't drink often at all, really never. I'm just beating myself up now for doing it but if she does call, which I don't think she will I won't answer. Honestly I'm so mad at her anyway for everything that I don't know if I ever want to talk to her again.
Why don't you switch your phone off and stick it somewhere - like in a drawer/cupboard and forget you had a mobile for 3 days or so-- you will be surprise on how good it will do you- I did and after when I did switched my phone on-- I actually had much better control using it... don't worry about what if othe people want to contact you during that time-- they are other ways- like email etc...
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to zeeniee again. You have a point I should do that.
It's got to make you wonder what could have happened though, if you might've just said or done the right thing.Quote:
Originally Posted by expat2009
I would not worry too much about your text you sent her -- just put it behind you as a minor second hic-up and no big deal and keep yourself busy in a nice way for YOU.
The thing is it does not matter what you say to her-- she has made her mind up-- you can tell by the way she is behaving, so don't worry about being rude if you don't answer.
You are entitled to change your mind and you don't owe her an explanation for your reasons now that she is an EX. If she was your girlfriend- fair enough but she is not. You don't treat an EX like you treat a girlfriend. Ex's don't deserve that!
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to zeeniee again... yeah you have a point thanks a lot.
Well today I feel a lot better for sure, I am so glad she didn't answer the phone last night. I am very confident that if she would call me today that I will not answer. Today I'm actually feeling really good that I'm not talking to her anymore.
So its really starting to hit me hard knowing we aren't talking anymore and that she is with someone else. It makes me so sick to my stomach knowing she is with someone, and might have a future with him. Of course I want her to be happy but I'm just so heartbroken. It just feels like everything we had, all the memorys and everything are gone. I know over time I will be better its just hard, its just really starting to hit me today. I started NC last Wednesday, err I'm so mad.
It will take a few weeks of 100% NC to make these feelings die down. Trust me get a few weeks or months of NC under your belt, and you will be amazed by the way feel then.
Hi DJ28,
It will take a lot of time and a lot of work from you to overcome this hurdle.
Every time you miss her, or think of what you had is a normal feelings as they are memories of a portion of your life-- as much as they are important, you must constantly remind yourself of what the situation is now and how she has changed.
It is what I tell myself a million times a day as well.
Hard work and perseverance. That is what it will take. Trust me, it is well worth it in the long run. A month or two down the road, you will be shocked at how much you have grown and how much better you are doing. At this point in time, you think that everything just sucks and cannot imagine this getting better... but it does, it gets a lot better! Just keep on moving and keep your chin up! We are all here for you.
Thanks a lot guys! I really appreciate all your help. By the way today I feel so much better then yesterday, I don't feel stressed at all so all is good right now.
It is one long roller coaster... up, down, up, down... makes you want to scream!!
Once the ride is over, you become so proud that you weren't too scared to get on it in the first place.
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