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Honestly, even if she didn't respond in a way that shows she cares or didn't respond at all, I think I would be OK with it. She spent the night with that guy on our 3rd year anniversary and that gave me the strength to bag up the memories in my room, but for some reason I couldn't hate her for it. Even if she's with someone else, even if she hates me, I can't seem to stop loving her. I still want the very best for her. Am I just confused?:confused:
You will never stop loving her as a person, I doubt, however you contacting her or giving her warm well wishes serves NO PURPOSE at all for your benefit. Love yourself, and worry about yourself. It is good you want her to be happy, so leave her alone and focus on your own happiness. She isn't your problem anymore, you are priority number one.
So my ex who broke up with me 13 days ago just sent me a text: "Merry Christmas!!"
I wasn't going to send her a text because everyone here told me not to, but I felt rude to not respond to that so I replied: "I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas:)"
Did I just screw up? I obviously still love her immensely and honestly, this was just a friendly text. Not trying to give myself false hope or anything. Does this mean I should also send her a birthday text, card, or gift? It's coming up in 20 days. Should I not stay civil? Should I not stay friendly? Should I not stay sane?
There is nothing wrong with being civil, but it only having been 13 days, you need to be careful. You might not feel like you are giving yourself false hope right now, but over the next few weeks or so, those feelings may set in. if you can be civil and not give yourself false hope, then go with it, but depending on how it ended, you may need time to heal first. To be honest, the fact that you had to come here to ask the question (which is a very normal thing to do), just goes to show, that still having contact with her, affects you. I would give it some time and not bother writing the happy birthday message... if she wanted that, she shouldn't have ended the relationship. I would go no contact and give yourself some time to heal.
The advice is leave the exes alone, and that's for the best, as it does make you think of them ,and any sign of caring gets the mind racing with false hope, or confusion.
If done in the spirit of the holiday, or event, and not to reach out, and seek contact, then nothing wrong with being courteous. Everyone has to judge where they are at honestly, and do whats best for them.
Advice is only food for thought, not a rule.
Imagine your feelings had she not wished you happy holiday, or had not responded to your greeting.
Still best advice, don't read the ex's texts, just delete, being civil or polite can lead to months of hope for something that is just not there.
It may have been a personal text, or as I did, send a Merry Christmas to everone on my phone list, they may have not even thought about it going to you.
Or worst, doing it, to mess with you
Tal is right - I see no hidden message here. She still cares about you even if she knows the relationship is not what she wants, and wanted to be civil. And you replied in a civil manner.
I WOULD, in this case, send her a similarly brief text message on her birthday. If it was further away in time I wouldn't advise yet.
Do not buy her a gift - she's not your girlfriend.
It was probably a mass text sent to everyone in your phone. Why are you so concerned about it? You are reading way to far between the lines, relationships end for all sorts of reasons, it means they weren't working out for one person or the other. Very rarely do they get back together and even less cases do they stay together. Whenever your try to pick up the pieces of a relationship its like trying to glue a broken mirror back together, you can still see all of the broken pieces and it will NEVER be the same again.
If you guys decided to remain friends then don't think too deeply about it, they're being friendly.
And as far as doing ALL that... ummm... idk, depends on how cool you guys are. However, if it hurts too much try to avoid it... distance yourself from them until you can text them without feeling like you want them back.
Girls LOVE nice guys even though you may be ex's you should still talk to her and Definitely be friendly!
Why can't he heal first and be friends maybe later? What's the rush to be in the friendzone, knowing good, and well, his feelings are hurt? That's not nice.Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxosquare
I sugest to just act friendly and maybe shell like u back in the time
But I am a nice guy, I'm not just acting friendly lol. I actually didn't think too much of the text, just kind of surprised me as she sent it at 2:13 am. I did, however, have dreams of getting back together that night... Guess I did over think a bit after all. I think I will send her a birthday text. I was going to give her a gift through a friend anonymously, but what do I have to gain from that? She'll find out it was from me and instantly fall back in love with me? That would be awesome... :D
Look, your first major problem is this girl became your mom... she did everything for you and became dependent of her. She is gone now... and if you truly love her it is totally understandable you wish her the best BUT its time to use this as motivation. Pick yourself back up... and get out there. LEarn from the mistakes and be a MAN and stop depending on women to take the roll of your mother. You'll be fine... and December is the worst month to break up (along with February) because is usually cool and you've lost your cuddle buddy and no cute gifts.
The only thing you could do right now is forget about her and find yourself. It seems like you've lost yourself and you lost who you used to be. You have to be a Man. Find a way to be happy and care for yourself before others. Think! When you first met, were you that same man you are today? Were you even a man at that time? If not then it's time to become one. Get over her. You need balance in your life. She can't be the only meaning of your life. You have friends, work, hobbies and your own life. Go be happy with yourself before you're happy with someone else. By reading what you wrote, this could be the reason she left you. Because you became needy, a little child, and someone who you weren't from the start. And if she really did love you, maybe one day if you two met again and she will see how you changed and maybe start to fall for you again. But never do HOPE for that. Do it for yourself! Don't worry bro. read all these post by people who's going through the same thing as you. You are not alone my friend. Be strong! ALOHA
Don't count on it, but I guess stranger things have happened. Just do your best to protect yourself! Good luck.Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatGuy2
So my ex, who initiated a break 21 days ago then broke it off 2 weeks afterwards, became really religious all of a sudden. She goes to church all the time, quotes all these bible verses, and always mentions God if she texts me. She sent me a text for new years and said:
"Happy new year !! Another year of happiness and good health! God bless!"
She has only sent me 2 texts, one for Christmas and now one for new years. I texted her back and said:
"Happy new year ex's_name. May this year bring you good fortune to your health and well being."'
Too much? I'm being civil just like during Christmas time, not trying to give myself false hope or anything. Just this whole religious thing kind of got me thinking about stuff again. Is it a cult or something? What gives? I'll probably send her a happy birthday text since it's coming up in 14 days. If only I could hate her for what she did, it would make things so much easier...
Sometimes you just can't compete with the Big Guy! Seriously, be civil and kind, but if she is serious about this change, then she's made a wise choice. Very seldom does a longterm relationship work out between someone who has a deep commitment to being a Christian and one who has no idea what's going on or what being a true Christian is all about.
Maybe she finds a place of refuge within her beliefs. There is no need to worry about as long as it is not too excessive. There is nothing wrong at all to believe in God and to think of a supreme being that handles all. It can actually act like a positive aspect in your relationship (even if normal friends or lovers).
My girlfriend (or ex, don`t know yet) is also very religious, sometimes it brought me to the edge too, but I tried to be calm and respect her decision. Think you should do the same.
Maybe, you shouldn't send her anymore texts messages and move on unless the two of you decided to be friends.
It's better that she turned to a religion than doing drugs or anything illegal. Don't you think?
I don't know. She spent the night with some guy she had known for 3 weeks on what should have been our 3rd year anniversary just 12 hours after she officially broke up with me over a text message. If she's turned to God then so be it. But I hope she's not just out there looking for a rebound to replace me. We may not be together anymore but I still love her dearly and care about her. Which makes it so much harder to stay as friends. I'm not hanging out with her or anything as I am healing from the breakup. But I do respond to her annual event text messages. Which is why I'll probably send her a Birthday text as well.
You need to focus on your life instead of hers. If she decides to see or sleep with someone it's her decision to make. If she starts a new relationship with someone, whether it' a rebound or not, again that's her decision.
She is an adult and therefore can do what she wants and capable of making her own choices. And if she makes mistakes along the way then again it her mistakes to make. When all have choices and have to live with the choices we make.
Even though you care for her, it's best you stay out of her business.
Quote:
Even though you care for her, it's best you stay out of her business.
I have to agree.
So we still have a joint bank account right now and we are still on a couples mobile plan that I'm paying for. After the text breakup, she said she would contact me the next week to deal with this. She has not yet contacted me and it's been about 2 and a half weeks? Should I call her to deal with this or continue to wait for her to call? I would really like to call her up now and tell her how much she has hurt me. Is that not a good idea? I just found out today she is officially seeing the other guy that tried and succeeded to break us up and she still doesn't have the courage to tell me yet. I had to find out from someone else, man that hurt. So what should I do at this point? We need to talk eventually on how to split the money up so do I keep waiting? Can I tell her how much she has hurt me? That would feel good.
That's enough! Your crying over a female that has left you for someone else, and not handled your business??
That's digusting!!
Talaniman rule- Handle the business first, and then cry in the corner
It will not do any good talking to her about your feelings. In fact, it will make you feel worse in the end. She made her choice, now is the perfect time to move on. There are many girls out there that are worth so much more of your time, effort, and love. You don't need to contact her anymore, if you need to handle your affairs then so be it, get it out of the way as soon as possible so you can move forward from all of this. Remember, she's moved on. Whatever she does with her life is her problem and the least you know about her the better. Now, it's your turn to do the same and let yourself heal so you can enjoy all that life has in store for you.
Good luck mate,
Expat
So what does that mean? Should I contact her asap and talk about how to deal with our bank and phone accounts but avoid telling her how I feel? I feel like the bonds are not cut yet. I kind of forgot about our accounts because I've been busy doing my own thing trying to get her out of my mind these couple of weeks, but I just remembered now that we still have all these ties. Do I wait for her to initiate contact for our financial stuff, or do I contact her now and cut these last bonds?
Take care of the financial connections you have with her, then be done talking to her.
I get my money, and my phone out of her name and then I disappear from her life. You don't need her approval, or opinion, just do it!!
She doesn't care about your feelings, so what's the problem with handling your business?
Get your priorities straight my friend, or pay the consequences of being STUCK!!
Ring her up and ask her to meet you on her own at your bank so you can close this account and sort out where the money in it is going. Sort out the phone contract too, its not fair for you to be paying her bills anymore (not that you should have been to start with! ). This should be your priority, it will get easier to get over her without these unnessisary ties... sort them out quickly and fairly! Good luck xx
Take your money out of the account, take your name off the list and leave. Call your cell phone provider and take her phone off the list! Eat whatever fees come along with this and pick your pride back up and walk away. Cut her out of your life!
So I was calling my cell phone company to cancel our couples plan and they told me I owe them over $300 for the month of Nov to mid Dec. I was like , that's triple the amount I usually pay each month for our plan. They directed me to the e-bill online to find out why I was over so much. Turns out the ex had spent over 35 hours on the phone with this "really good friend"(they are now officially seeing each other but she still hasn't told me, though I shouldn't be expecting her to tell me anyways) while we were together before the break and during the break.
I'm not trying to be petty or spiteful or anything because the money doesn't mean anything to me (right now anyways), I just feel like I should not have to pay money for her method of cheating on me while we were still together. I unintentionally found out about this, I wasn't trying to spy on her or anything. But I did notice that she would talk to this guy for hours, call me for 4 minutes, then call him again while we still together. F@$# that made me frustrated.
I don't think you necessarily need to have sex with someone else for it to be considered cheating. I consider this cheating, what do you guys think? Anyway, the real question now is:
Should I suck it up and be the bigger man by ignoring this fact and just pay for this bill and probably the next one too since it's already Jan?
OR
Should I tell her I will pay what I usually pay each month and make her pay for the extra cheating time she had used up on our bill? (Obviously with this answer I will acknowledge the fact that I knew they were in contact the whole time when we were together)
Any advice is appreciated.
Hello,
Reading all the pages of your story has made me really sad and almost caught tears thinking I have something similar after a long term relationship.
Related to the last post of yours, that is an ouch, she did this financial problem for you after all the time together? That is certainly something going on with her, and take my advice, if she still cared for you she would not have done this. She planned all this leaving and break thing from some time now since calling that guy.
Of course cheating does not involve sex, I too considered cheating on my girlfriend (at least I still hope she is my gf) if she talked a lot to a guy or hang out in town with him etc. (Mostly because I never knew what the 2 of them were doing).
You can either FIGHT BACK by telling her to pay and say about the other guy, or you can WITHDRAW with DIGNITY and pay but then never ever speak to her again and try yourself to enjoy life and forget about her, simply show her you TOO can be with other girl if you want.
The decision is up to you, but if I were having such problem, I would probably pay it, and never speak to her again, for the love that she once had for me and for all the happy memories together. Let her remember you like a nice, calm and polite guy which does not care for the financial part, but for the principles that stay at the basis of a relationship. I know you would buy the whole world for her if you can, and if she really loved you! That is what I would have done too in the good times together :(
Cheer up >.< That is how life is supposed to be and there is nothing we can do about it. It has positive and negative aspects.
Hope this helps!
HELL NO! You tell her about the unusually high phone bill and let it be known that you are aware of her cheating. Do NOT pay for her share of this bill. If you do then you may as well go out and buy them a big o' box of condoms while you are at it. There comes a point where it is OK to stop being nice. Do you really think she is concerned about your feelings or being nice to you? Be a man and stand up for yourself dammit!Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatGuy2
Use the money in the bank account to pay the bill, and free up your own finances, if its still there. If her share is gone after that, oh well!
I'm just venting right now. I'm going to post a conversation that took place with my friend. Hopefully in a couple months, I'll look back on this and laugh.
Yeah '1', it just sucks because I was doing so much better. I tried to channel the calamitous feelings within into something more productive like working out or school work. Everything was going fine, but something always seems to find it's way to me and knocks me back down on my a$$. I'd be surprised if you didn't know yet though. After being "really good friends" with this 30 year old douche '2' for a couple of weeks, X has already moved in with him. He's even labeled as her spouse in the YMCA system. Hah wow? Are you serious? I know what she does now is absolutely none of my business and that I should only concentrate on myself. It is her decision alone and her path to take, but unfortunately, it still hurts me immensely. The disrespect, after 3 years, was unfathomable. The fact that up to this day she still lies to me and tries to hide the truth, is something I'm starting to get a grasp of. She is selfish and only thinking of herself, which I guess is human nature. My self deluded thoughts of her being the perfect women had cheated me into prolonging my love with the idea of her. I know she is no longer the woman I fell in love with, yet these lingering feelings refuse to subside. I only wish she could have told me the truth when I asked her to, but she had to conjure all this BS and placed the blame on me. God give me the strength to forgive her and myself for not letting go.
Hi ThatGuy 2,
I just read your post from the beginning to the end. I am sorry to hear how your ex treated you- you did not deserve that at all.
I think it is v clear that the person you loved and the person she is today is different- v different. Take that as your first step in moving forward.
Every time you miss her- tell yourself no- I must look at how she treated me at the end- all the lies, cheating and then trying to blame you for it!
Regarding bank accounts, phone bills- if I was you- I would just pay it off, close the account, remove your name,take what is left etc- Just go and do it- GO!! and before you know it- you will have sorted it all out by yourself and you will feel great and better for it.Once that is all done- you don't need to answer anything!
Read my post- I had to do alot- cancel the wedding, loose so much money, send a cargo back etc and I did it all by myself- glad I did it! And now I will free- still v sad and hurting, but feel a bit free- which helps a lot.Everytime I see flash backs of my ex- good times- I block it and remind myself of what he did- it helps a wee bit!
Ahh man, she is really taking the piss. I would never do something like that... she must have some inkling of what she is doing!?
My opinon, confront her about the phone bill and ask her to pay for her calls as this is unreasonable and unfair. Its up to you whether you mention the fact that this was going on when you where still together, I personally wouldn't bother, by the sounds of it she doesn't really care anyway and there is no point in causing an argument that may result in her refusing to pay the bill. If she has even the slightest bit of desency she will pay for it, I know you said its not about the money but in my opinon it's the principle... you where paying her phone bills but she has rawley taken the piss!
Let me know how things go...
Hey sorry guys, I guess I forgot to update as to what had happened. I actually took care of the bank and phone accounts 3 weeks ago. I sent her this email:
Hey X,
I called Telus again and apparently there was a bit of miscommunication with the teller and I. I transferred ownership instead and they waived off the $25 so now we both have our separate plans again. As for the $70 that you left on the account for cancellation, maybe you can just deduct that on the next check you give me for the phone bill. I need to tell you that you must contact them within 5 days and confirm this change of account. You may stay on the same plan you have now or you can amend it to something else, check with the teller.
They told me the balance for Nov-mid Dec was about $340. I was a bit shocked as that is 3 times more than what I usually pay for. They directed me to the e-bill and I completely went through the records entirely to see what the problem was. Everything was completely accurate and you can actually check the bill online as well. Just follow these instructions:
1.Type in web address: TELUS Mobility - slash mytelusmobility.com
2.Login top left side- Username: -----Password: -----
3.Under my info, click on view e.bill on the left column
4.Under my info, click on view PDF bill on the left column
5.Under Bill date, you can choose the monthly records so click on December 16, 2008
Here you can see what incoming and outgoing calls you've made during that period and how much air time you've gone over. It seems you were over $208.95 in local air time with your phone calls, but I'm sure you can see that as I can. Please feel free to go over the receipts. The January bill should be coming out soon and I suspect it to be around the same amount if not more. Let me know if you come across any problems.
I will head down to TD fairly soon to withdraw the remaining amount and close up the account.
Thanks!
-ThatGuy2
Too much? Did I go overboard? I gave her subtle hints as to what I knew even though I know I have nothing to gain by doing so. Too late I guess, sent this 3 weeks ago. But you, things aren't too bad right now. All ties are cut, except that I still have her running shoes in my car... Forgot to return those.
I've evaluated all the malicious actions that the X has made up to this point and I keep thinking, what more can she possibly do that would cause me pain. Guess she could get married next month and invite me to the wedding. After all, she has known this guy for about 2 months now.
I don't think about her as much anymore and the dreams have stopped. I've come to accept who she is and am trying to accept what she has done. But do I need to forgive her to truly move on? How does one accomplish such a feat.
GREAT strides man! I am happy to see that you have finally reclaimed your life back from her! Keep it up!
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