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You worry too much SweetGuy. You are way too good of a guy to do that. Look, just date as many girls as possible. Seriously. Dating is all about having fun (no, not sexual) and getting to know someone. Don't go into every relationship as if this could be the 'one.' Usually, it isn't! Get to know yourself, and other women, but casually hanging out and doing things.
Yea I do tend to worry a lot. I just never had an experience to through me into a loop as my past relationship did. You know!Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
Date as many girls as possible? I can could do that, and have fun doing it.
Now I kind of do go in to an relationship thinking that she could be the one. SO USUALLY, IT ISN'T!?
No wonder you can't enjoy yourself, relax, have a good time for as long as you can, and let things happen.Quote:
Now I kind of do go in to an relationship thinking that she could be the one. SO USUALLY, IT ISN'T!?
You don't go into any relationship thinking they are the one. Thats a recipe for heart break and disappointment.
One date at a time is all you can handle.
Yea I have a hard time really enjoying myself at times... I need to learn to relax next time. But after all the hurt and confusion she sent me through... I know things will be different next time...Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
It was really EASY not to think she could be the one at first... but when things were going really good with her (when she telling me a lot of wonderful stuff... in love... etc... ) I started to think maybe she could be... you know?? And I ended up getting really disappointed and getting my heart broken because it turns out that she didn't love me... and my feelings for her was greater than her feelings for me... One thing that I kept doing was rationalizing the negative vibes that she was sending. Some of things she did and said I just kept giving her the benefit of the doubt... RATIONALIZING BIG TIME!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Rationalization is the down fall of man!
I did the same with my ex. I rationalized all the stupid crap she did... I even find myself rationalizing why she slept with the other guy she left me for!! LOL... messed up isn't it?
Your next relationship will be better. You will use what you learned in from this one in the next one. The knowledge you gained will help you see all the Red Flags and stupid crap a female may try to pull while your in love. Then you can stop rationalizing things, see things for what they really are, and stand up for yourself and end the BS.
That what I'm hoping for. No more will I be a rationlizing push over. I will see the situation for what it is and stand-up for who I am and what I believe is right!
Try to get yourself in that frame of mind. I just did and it feels good!:D
Yep... I kept giving her the benefit of the doubt, and rationalizing bigtimeQuote:
Originally Posted by jmw0713
Can you explain that more...???Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Its really simple, instead of sitting in a corner thinking all sorts of things, deal with what's in front of you. That way your mind doesn't have a chance to play tricks on you.
I was in the same situation. It took me 2 years to get over him but only bc/ he kept coming back and I would take him back over and over again and he would do the same thing like it was no big deal to hurt me and leave me hanging with no reasoning at all. I believe the reasons in this situation we feel this way is because that person just brushed you off their shoulder like it was nothing but before they showed effection towards you and in the end it made you feel deceived like you did something wrong and they just leave with nothing to really say. In conclusuion this girl has you wondering the reasons and you want answers. And she seems like she don't even care but the strange thing is that before she acted as if she cared. I say forget about her because you will never get your answers and don't waste any minute thinking that it was your fault and that you were the stupid one when in fact you were not at all! If I were you I wouldn't let this bother me and move on with my life. But the No contact rule is a great idea keep up with that!
Yep I felt used emotionally and led on. Because before I could tell she really cared, because her actions spoke very boldly. But then it was like she didn't care anymore. That just threw me into a loop. I didn't know what to take from that or what to believe or think. It hurt the crap out of me. Its like she didn't understand how what she did just confused and hurt the crap out of me. And its like even though it was her... I was still blaming myself... and because I didn't have that closure my mind went wild. She probably thought that I was really tripping or crazy but she just didn't understand.Quote:
Originally Posted by kitten420
I even felt like I had to prove to her that I cared and loved her, and I also felt like I had to explain to her why I was hurt bc it seemed like she just didn't CARE!!!
Believe me it was bothering me for at least the past 3 months, but now things have calmed down because I have been doing so good with NO CONTACT but at times I still find myself thinking about the situation. I just hate things ended so harshly...you know? But I'm trying to not let it bother me. You know the day before Thanksgiving I was feeling really bad because I had gotten so attached to her family, and she has a great family, they included me in on everything. But who knows with the next one it will be even better...Quote:
Originally Posted by kitten420
But I will be alright...I've been making progress thus far...
But the weirdest thing is that because of that situation I've been thinking about different things that I've never thought of before.....WEIRD!!!
Yep I felt used emotionally and led on. Because before I could tell she really cared, because her actions spoke very boldly. But then it was like she didn't care anymore. That just threw me into a loop. I didn't know what to take from that or what to believe or think. It hurt the crap out of me. Its like she didn't understand how what she did just confused and hurt the crap out of me. And its like even though it was her... I was still blaming myself... and because I didn't have that closure my mind went wild. She probably thought that I was really tripping or crazy but she just didn't understand.Quote:
Originally Posted by kitten420
I even felt like I had to prove to her that I cared and loved her, and I also felt like I had to explain to her why I was hurt bc it seemed like she just didn't CARE!!!
Believe me it was bothering me for at least the past 3 months, but now things have calmed down because I have been doing so good with NO CONTACT but at times I still find myself thinking about the situation. I just hate things ended so harshly...you know? But I'm trying to not let it bother me. You know the day before Thanksgiving I was feeling really bad because I had gotten so attached to her family, and she has a great family, they included me in on everything. But who knows with the next one it will be even better...Quote:
Originally Posted by kitten420
But I will be alright...I've been making progress thus far...
But the weirdest thing is that because of that situation I've been thinking about different things that I've never thought of before.....WEIRD!!!
I know exactly how you feel. You just have to take this day by day and as much as you would like to know why things went the way they did and as much as you would like to sit with her and talk about it so you can understand more on her feelings and why they so drastically changed you will never know the answer to that and it will drive you mad and I personally believe that that's why you can't get over this relationship. One day you will move on as long as you keep out of cantact with her and eventually you will find that perfect somebody you always looked for. Just I warn you if she tries to take you back don't go for it because you will end up in the same situation believe me this happened to me for 2 years on and off with my ex and he did the same thing every time even when I was pregnant with his kids. He acted as if he never even cared and he wasn't even there for me while I was pregnant until after I lost my babies and then he wanted to be in my life again and he mest my whole mind up I don't know if I can ever trust again. Just stay strong and I will be here to support you. We all will.
Sometimes there just isn't an explanation to things... or better yet the explanation isn't what we want to hear. Just don't worry about why she did what she did. Worry about yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Everything is a learning experience. Humans are humans and complications will always be there. You are doing great with NC! Keep it up. Everything happens for a reason. Believe that.
Yea things happen for a reason, because I would have never thought that my relatonship with her would have went that way. Wow!!Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
Life is full of strange, and bewildering twists, and turns. You have to keep making adjustments, and stay focused, on what you want from it.
That's the KEY word, staying focused on what's really important, and making adjustments.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
I think the more you avoid her, the more you will miss and will take longer to get over her, there's going to be a time when you will bump into her withput being able to avoid a meet.. U must've loved her very much to feel this way, but you mus maintain strong and move on, there are so many girls that would like to have a man that will love her the way you seem to love, if you know you don't want anything to do w/her stick with it but NEVER HIDE!
Yea... shes a member of a church that I associate with. It's a guarantee that I will bump into her. But I won't say anything if I ever cross her.
Sometime ago before I really stuck with the NO CONTACT, I contacted her and told her I was sorry for how things turned out, and that I was just confused and hurt... but I didn't have any bad intentions. But she wasn't trying to hear me out or anything so I gave it up. God knows how geniuene my heart is.
So does everybody that has read your posts and so do your true friends. I have had to deal with being the "nice guy" my whole life, putting women before myself, and not even realizing what I'm doing until it's to late. It has caused me a lot of pain but I have to tell you as much pain as I've gone through, I'm glad it wound up that way, because if a woman can not a appreciate man with a genuine heart towards her, then she doesn't deserve that man, and that man deserves a better woman, despite how she may portray it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23
Thanks glad you guys can see the geniuene side of my heart... I only 23yrs old but I've been the "NICE GUY" for the longest, just like you putting woman before myself... and because of that action the "PAIN" I went through. But it was all for the good. I mean I made my mistakes in the relationship but she should know that my heart is genuiene (Crazy thing is that her family saw how genuiene my heart is but she didn't)...but I guess she doesn't see that or she just thinks I'm just over reacting.Quote:
Originally Posted by chuff
I didn't feel appreciated by her at all. After a while it was as if she just didn't care...Quote:
Originally Posted by chuff
Yea I do deserve better...
Thanks glad you guys can see the geniuene side of my heart... I only 23yrs old but I've been the "NICE GUY" for the longest, just like you putting woman before myself... and because of that action the "PAIN" I went through. But it was all for the good. I mean I made my mistakes in the relationship but she should know that my heart is genuiene (Crazy thing is that her family saw how genuiene my heart is but she didn't)...but I guess she doesn't see that or she just thinks I'm just over reacting.Quote:
Originally Posted by chuff
I didn't feel appreciated by her at all. After a while it was as if she just didn't care...Quote:
Originally Posted by chuff
Yea I do deserve better...
I need yall's help on this one. I am participating in a church event which is the same event that my ex-girlfriend (The girl whom all my postings have been about... hurt and confusion) is participating in. I thought about just not doing it, but I need to... you know. I can't allow her to hinder me in participating in anything that she may be apart of. I am going to have probably interact with her. Maybe communicate. You know??
But here's the catch, I 've been on NO CONTACT with her for the past couple of months. And back when I was trying to communicate with her she kept ignoring me... she told me that she needed space and time to think things over. While in reality her mind was already made up. I know she views me as being weak... and insecure... and when she see me... shes probably gon think that "Here he go...he gon try and come TALK to me!"...
She hasn't seen me a long time. What should I do just pretend that she isn't there??
If you see her, aknowledge her, but be quick and be polite. Short and sweet, and then move on, as if it doesn't even bother you. First class baby! All the way. Don't make it a point to talk to her, but also don't make it a point to make things awkward. Casual and friendly...
Yea... if I see her I will speak, keep it quick and polite. Short and sweet, then move on. Its crazy because she is going to be expecting for me to come say something to her. Because I took things very hard. And I was basically chasing her. All I did was give her a self-esteem boost... it feels. She didn't understand why I was hurt. The event calls for that church group to do a stageplay... which will be fun for me because of my personality... I like being silly... Its gon feel so awkward. Its next week and every time I think about about it... I get nervous... or maybe I'm thinking way into it.Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
No... you, over analyze things? Never! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23
Yea... you right... thinking way into it. Its not that crucial..!Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
And now is when you get to see the value of NC. She is expecting exactly what you described, so you have to give her exactly what the opposite. You have an advantage here in that you know this is coming. If you have practice in front of mirror, but when you get there smile all the time, smile if she's not there yet, smile if she's not standing in front of you, smile if she's not in the room. For one, smiling has been shown to actually make you happy, and more important, women communicate through emotions, if you are smiling she will notice or someone will tell her. That will make her wonder what you are so damn happy about.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23
Do not approach her, but if she approaches you do not get upset... even if you feel it inside, keep smiling and be polite and be short. If possible, be the one to end the conversation, as that will send the message you are no longer needing to speak with her since you can walk away. Then do it.
She is never going to admit this to you, but if you are happy and short with her, then she's going to wonder what the hell is going on? What she expects is for you to be nervous and kiss her butt, not wanting to upset her. You have to give her a confident, happy, and free spirit who is in complete control. You may not feel that way inside, but pretend and it will come true. If you have to practice in front of a mirror, but this is now you time, take it and through the game back at her.
Dude, you are talking yourself out down, when this is you chance to prove to not only her, but more important to you, that you are the one driving here. Talk yourself up, even thouh we are not there you have a whole board that is behind you against one selfish girl. The odds are on your side, you have to start believing it and accepting it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23
Back to lesson ONE! It doesn't matter what she wants, expects, or is thinking about... what you do is what counts, nothing else is relevant, and this is your time to put your most appealing self forward, and charm everyone out of their socks, and enjoy yourself.Quote:
Its crazy because she is going to be expecting for me to come say something to her
She gets treated like everyone else, no better, no worse, but be brief, polite, busy, and emotionally unavailable. That simple, and nothing to sweat over. Be yourself. Her chance is over, so wave hello, and keep it moving.
Yea... I need to stop talking myself down. Yeah I need to take this opportunity and be confident, and let my personality and charm do the talking... and have fun doing it. Glad you guys are supporting me. I can do this..!Quote:
Originally Posted by chuff
So you think she is selfish..
Who cares what people think she is? I can tell you what she isn't:
1.Your Girlfriend
2.Someone that you should care about
3.Someone that is even remotely relevant in your life
Let's take this in reverse. Hell yeah I think she's selfish but you know what? It doesn't matter. We don't worry about the ex's. Their problems belong to them now. This is the attitude you must start accepting. She's selfish, your thoughtful, charming, kind, considerate and to good for her. The good guy odds are stacked in your corner, start accepting them and don't worry about the selfish... you can't change them so let them become her own problems.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23
While we are happy to support you, the truth is you've had this all along, you just have to start accepting that your confidence has been hiding behind the emotional pain. It's nothing we are giving you, it's yours at all times to take, you just have to use it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23
I like that way you put that chuff... I do have the those qualities... So I had them all along..?Quote:
Originally Posted by chuff
But you know... I know she is not my girlfriend anymore and that her problems are for her to deal with but she still enters my mind at times. Whatever is going on in her life... its for her to deal with and learn from. I know. Still going through the process, in due time I know she won't enter my mind anymore...
As for as being thoughtful, charming, kind, and considerate... I really try to up hold those qualities.
And as for as being too good for her. For some I feel like at times that I'm losing out on something not being with her... even though I know there are other GOOD, and CLASSY girls out there... you know?
Hey man its so easy to become bitter angry and shut off due to bad relationships
But the only one that really suffers is you amd future relationships
Hardest thing to do in this life is to be yourself
Quote:
Originally Posted by TrueFaith
Yea... its just I wish I wouldn't have took things as HARD as I DID..! I hate I reacted that way... I was chasing her hard... and pushed her away...Quote:
Originally Posted by TrueFaith
But you are right... Ima be the only one who suffers from putting myself down. What I should do is pick myself up... dust myself off... turn a blind eye to my ex meaning whatever her views of me are, they are not relevent to me, or what she may have told someone else. I do have self-worth, and I am a catch... she just didn't see that or maybe I did something to mess up the relationship or the situation....that doesn't matter anymore. I don't have to prove anything to her, or explain my hurts to her or anything. I know how good of a guy I am, and how good of a heart I indeed have. Yes I admit I made mistakes in the relationship that maybe turned her off or whatever. But you know I am HUMAN, and I HAVE SURELY LEARNED FROM MY MISTAKES, WHETHER SHE SEES THAT OR NOT IT DOESNT MATTER. For the longest I felt like I had PROVE to her... that I loved her, or that I cared for her... not anymore... She doesn't matter to me anymore...
But you know being yourself shouldn't be so hard if you LOVE yourself enough...
its tough over the holidays :)
if it makes you feel any better.
ill be all alone for X-mass
no family no friends no girlfriend
as I am away from all of them working.
So be thankful that you got yourself and close people that will always stand by your side ;)
regards
Hey guys, just like I told you guys... I saw my ex-girlfriend this past weekend. When I walked into the room, everybody was speaking to me saying hi. At that particular time her back was turned to me, then she turned around and looked at me, didn't say anything but she looked. But her mom spoke and gave me a hug.
So after that we started the rehearsal. During the rehearsal she looked my way a couple of times. So after rehearsal she quickly went outside trying to get something out the car but I didn't approach or say anything to her (you know why should I have after all the times I tried to talk to her and she ignored my messages). But her brother spoke to me. And her mom yelled at me telling me bye.
But after her brother spoke to me, she walked back into the church, and then when I was driving off she walked back outside.
But I didn't say anything to her, I did GOOD not looking at her when I noticed she glanced over.
But she didn't say anything to me or anything.
She did look at me a few times but those looks probably didn't mean anything. So I won't BUY too much in to that.
But during the rehearsal I was thinking to myself when I did look at her... "Wow, I can't believe I chased her SOOO HARD, and reacted the way I did, I put her on a pedestal. This is the same girl that was CRYING when she first told me that she LOVED ME...then once time passed by after she went off to school, she doesn't answer when I asked her do she love me... told me I was TOO EXCITED... she didn't care enough about me to understand why was I as hurt as I was... she told me I ask too many questions because of the fact I was trying to understand why she changed and switched on me... I was only asking because I actually cared about how she felt, but she was annoyed by the fact, and kept telling me I DONT KNOW" It felt kind of weird at first but I quickly got over that.
But I was being myself laughing and being silly...
But here's the thing... the performance is January 31. So rehearsals are every Saturday until then. SO IMA HAVE TO SEE EVERY WEEK...
So should I keep doing what I'm doing??
Why not, and remember she has to see you too, and you'll be the one having fun.
Yes.
Dude, I wish you could see what the everybody else sees from that last encounter. You are winning.
This is not exactly a game, but she was expecting a certain behavior from you and you gave her the exact opposite.
Also, you know when her mom talked to her later she said, "did you say hello to sweet guy 23" and her response was "no." Then her mom said, "why not, he's such a great guy." Her own mother gave you a hug. Her mother is always going to choose her... hey it's her mother you can't blame her for that, but her mother didn't dis-own you so to speak, in fact she was thrilled to see you. Do not think for one second that wasn't noticed by the ex.
You asked what do you do and the answer is you keep doing the same thing. You keep your distance and if she comes to you, then you smile, say hello, and excuse yourself politely. DO NOT get mad or sad, because if you get mad or sad she's going know she still has control over your emotions... and even if she does you can NOT let her know that.
When you hear that women are emotional, this is what that means. She's thinking with her emotions (and so are you to be honest) and to show her that you've moved forward, you must be polite (and yes, this part sucks), happy, mysterious, and quick as in get away from her quickly. If you start talking to her and you pull off the rest, she's going to know your still interested. So excuse yourself and go. Because all this is going to is confuse her and make her start thinking emotionally, such as "why isn't he talking to me?" and "is he over me?" and "why is my mom giving him a hug?"
She's had her emotional way with you, it's your turn now, and silence with a touch of happiness is the way to show her who's ahead in this.
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