I cannot force him though - I have tried to push for an explanation and all he does is get angry, defensive and starts a row with me!
We did not row once when we were together - that's what I don't understand?
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I cannot force him though - I have tried to push for an explanation and all he does is get angry, defensive and starts a row with me!
We did not row once when we were together - that's what I don't understand?
Maybe you two are overdo and need to confront each other!
Can't spread the love but I agree.
I don't mean to be harsh, be we need to deal in reality here to get the REAL answers.
I just have a strong feeling Pete will come around. Just my gut feeling.
The guys got short time to be a man about it and come clean. I'm so mad after reading this he's lucky that he's not in front of me.
Anger can easily be the reaction to being forced to face guilt, whether that is guilt from cheating or simply guilt from having to face his changed feelings. The strange behavior at the party makes me wonder if he's simply in an unstable place.
I had a 7 year relationship crash and burn similar to this. She wasn't cheating, but she was interested in dating other people. She knew I was good and true to her and her guilt basically made her upset and mad all the time. In retrospect, I'm glad it ended when it did... but that's little consolation now to you, I know.
As for the baby, take some time, gather your friends, focus on each day. You've got so much going on, but you are strong enough to get through this.
You just deserve to be treated much, much better than this.
Well, I've read over all this like some intence novel and I'm sorry it's real and it's your life. *hugs*
I suspect there is someone else. Peer pressure can be an ugly mean thing, and to an unsure mind it can be very powerful. Perhaps he wasn't sure, but his friends cohersed him into something with 'someone'...
I was married for 4 years, and thought everything was fine. I came home one day after work and found my hubby and all his things were gone.
There were some odd behaviors.. he had new friends he'd stay out with at night from his work and stuff,. I thought nothing of it until he was gone and said it was over.
I had to meet him in court for something only a few months after we had been separated and he already had some woman on his arm. I suspect she is the reason for the sudden change in his behavior and his leaving.
Pete I think has had something similar happen to him.
As hard as it may be, I'd try and move on. If he doesn't want to own up to the reason why he has suddenly broken things off, never mind him and move on with your life.
And the baby... never mind what is socially acceptable or not. What people may think. It's up to YOU. It's your body that going to be stretched and altered while this thing grows inside you... it's a life commitment. If you are not ready or able to give yourself to this permanent reminder of Pete, you know what to do.
I wish you the best in all this... we are just voices in the storm which now surrounds you.
I'm not going to get into an argument of what you should do. Most of the posts have said take some time to think things through so you won't regret a decision, one way or another.Quote:
Originally Posted by Blazingsun
The only thing I'd say concerning the above comment is that I think its wrong to consider the baby simply a permanent reminder of pete. My wife was pregnant at 19 from a man she later learned to be a south american mercenary... really, really scary stuff. They were never married and the father was not part of his daughters life. But I suspect that kaye was never looked at by my wife as a "permanent reminder" of that man, and shed never use those terms to describe her daughter today.
I am staying at my friend Kellys as she has gone on holiday - so I am house sitting for her. Pete is popping over to have a chat about stuff tonight. Not sure if he itnends to talk about what happened between us and the pregnancy or just the pregnancy!Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21
But when you say your gut reckons he will come round - what do you mean by that?
So many people think Pete and I will get back together because we are made for each other - but I can't be optimistic and grip onto a hope that just won't happen!
I am going round and round in circles where the baby is concerned. I don't know if I should keep it? Or if getting rid of it is the right thing to do? - boy I am so confused right now! Nothing is helping me with my decision!
Holly, read your post I feel you need to reach inside yourself and get away to do some soul searching on your own. Get away if possbile for a few days consider the pros and cons of the baby and Pete, What would be in your best interest, only you can say, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
I am glad to here that Pete is coming around to talk to you. Do not expect anything and I know it is hard trying to wrap around trying to figure out what he has to talk to you about but I think it is normal to wonder what he has to say. So I hope that both of you are able to talk everything out. If he is coming over. I would listen to him. See what he has to say. Here him out and hopefully he will have your answers.
Take it easy, and take all your vitamins.
Joe
I will joe, I will listen intently! Fingers crossed.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesushelper76
Trying to take things easy - but its hard because I am missing Pete and have so much on my mind.
What I meant by 'Pete coming around' is I believe he well be there for you.
Please fill us in on what happened. Very interested. This is kind of new territory for us here.
Its very new territory for me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21
Thanks for your support Wildcat! Thanks to everyone. I will keep you posted without a doubt!
Should be interesting. I agree on listening. I hope he listens to you!
No word from Holly yet... I really want to know what happened.
Same here wildcat. I hope all is well, and Holly will in time be able to let us know how everything went.
He did not say anything about the situation. He just turned up and everything was like it always has been between us and we got on really well accept we did not snuggle, hug or anything. It was also very awkward when he left. He looked at me went to say something and then refraineed from saying it and said I'll see you when I see you.
I had a film on when he turned up and when I was laughing at the funny parts I sw in the corner of my eye him look at me on several occasions.
I am no clearer and even more confused than before. It did not help me one little bit - if anything it has made me feel worse!
I think pete is being very unfair to you. Under all the circumstances he should know better, after all it takes 2 to tango not just 1, and besides the fact that you broke up he should be more realistic about the issue in hand i.e your pregnant with his baby!
I wish I could u more support you must be going through hell, due to the mixed signals he is giving you and the pain he caused.
Tell me about it! The thing that did upset me though (although did not let him think I was bothered) was him telling me about his holiday plans. He has booked two weeks off work to go down to stay at his parents apartment with his family. How he is doing this and doing that! - he is doing all these things and I am stuck pregnant with no way forward! Not able to make holiday plans and no one to go on holiday with! He does not seem to realise how alone I am and how much I need some help to make a decision!
MMMMM... I think you need to sit him down, tie him to a chair and yell at him about your problems.. your issues as decissions need to be made and he is part of this, and should be helping you through it! Not being an immature boy! Living his life like there is no tomorrow and being selfish and only thinking about himself.
Be strong and firm with him, make it sink in that these issues are not yours only but his too.
I tried that tact before the one yesterday - it doesn't work. He just end up angry, defensive and then switches off from me completely!Quote:
Originally Posted by Krs
I have tried every tact going! Nothing gets through and he just won't talk about any of it. Why we split or what he thinks about the pregnancy.
All I get about any of it is 'I don't know' - which is not very helpful to me. I am going round in circles all the time at the mo.
Looks like I really am on my own with this!
Honey, maybe the holiday with his parents will give him some time to reflect on what he has in you, and what he would have if he gave it all up. May I suggest that you give him some time to do this.
I know you're hurting right now, but he's also shocked. You should spend some time with loved ones and friends too - and not feel so 'alone in this'. Look for and grab all the supportive 'vibes' you can and plan something for the holiday.
Again, all the best.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif
Well, at least there wasn't a blow up. That was good. You were able to hang out. It was a start - key. Baby steps here - new territory for both of you.
You do need to talk about this with him. In a tactful manner... LISTENING IS KEY!! Even if he loses his cool at times - you can not.
I have tried he does not want to talk - always changes the subject! - but I guess you a right, we did take a small step in the right direction, even though it does not feel like it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21
His bro is supporting me, he was texting me last night making sure I was all right and offering me an outlet to talk if I wanted to. But he only knows about the breakup - not the pregnancy!
Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ 'H'
I'm glad to hear he's sort of talking to you... and I'm sure he's overwhelmed.
I just don't get the not talking about why he wanted to separate thing.
I don't know.
I'm not a fan of ultimatums. You shouldn't threaten something unless you are willing to live with that result. There just might be a point where you need to ask him if you are done, period, point of no return. This of course is not what you want. But if there comes a point when he's simply not going to give you the answers you deserve, well then maybe you need him to understand that you are going to be putting him definitely in the past.
Again. I know this isn't what you want and I wouldn't force this until you have had it. But at some point hell need to face the real truth. That this isn't a temp break and that he's at the end of his chances.
Did you say earlier his brother knows why? I'm not sure if I'm getting this mixed with a diff post... if so, can you talk to the brother?
I thought his bro did know but he doesn't!
Also putting pete in the past in not that simple - if I have his child I will never be able to put him in the past - he will always be there! - this is the very reason my judgement to keep the baby or get rid of it is clouded.
How can I make a decision?
Actually - I think it was a huge step - it's really good you have given him his space right now - it will be good for the long run - believe me.
You're going to have to talk about it - no question. It has to be done.
I hope so! - but that does not help me now! I have to decide soon because if I decide not to go through with it then I need to get it done before I reach 3months in my pregnancy - if you have it done after then it's more painful and the risks are higher. I am on a clock!
Well, you need to communicate that with him... maybe send him a loving letter - explaining everything - I know when I was that age I didn't know that much about this stuff... be real sincere - communicate nicely/tactfully. Say I love you - even if he's not willing to give his love now. You should spell out the complications - I bet he is clueless.
What do the other ladies think??
Personally, on a selfish stan point, I want to see you have the baby, but with Pete there.
I have tried telling him - so maybe a letter would be the way to go. Either that or I just make up my own mind regardless of him. If I am honest though, if I go through with this then I want pete, I and the baby to be a proper family. I don't want to be a single mum.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21
Holly,
Personally you know what my opinion is and if I personally had to make the decision it would be a very easy decision. Just because there are two parents does not always make it a proper family. Sometimes there is more love in a single parent environment. With or without Pete it is you that needs to make the decision. My advice is to hold off a bit and see if Pete comes around. No matter what though you might have to make the decision without him. I myself no matter what would keep the baby. That is my opinion. I was brought up with a step father. My real father was not really in the picture. I think I turned out pretty good. It all depends. Yes, there would be lots of struggles, but the struggles makes people stronger. I still say GIVE IT SOME TIME. You do need to get answers and maybe a letter would be best. Get all your thoughts and feelings out on paper. I am with Wildcat, Hoping Pete will come around. I know your still hoping for the same. Good luck in whatever you decide to do, and we are all here to support you with any decision you make. We are all thinking about you. We are all hoping for the best outcome for all that is involved. Remember you have the support of Petes mum. She will be there for you and I would think your own family would be there with you.
Joe
I hope Pete will come around as well...
I don't have much to add to all the great advice you've received Holly, but I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and feel very badly for you right now. This is Thursday already, and if I was having a fight with my husband (or any dear friend, for that matter) that carried on this long without resolution of some kind, I would be a mess right now. I like things up front, and I hate having to wait. Especially because of the pregnancy.
Anyway take care Holly... I'm not saying much on this thread, but I am reading everything and hoping for a good outcome for you, Pete and the baby!
All of us here, every single person wants Pete to have the time he needs to get his head together, as I do. Yes he's the father and he obviously is really thrown off. Part of me says be patient and part of me says kick him to the curb like I've told so many others in this situation. I really think you should wait and be patient with him and try to get yourself to a place to relax and stay calm. Yeah tell an emotional soon to be mother to stay calm... I'd settle for be patient!:cool: ;)
I think you should write the letter and have Chery take a look/see. Unbiased person.
Although as you say you are on a clock, giving him his time away. I think as chery said this could be the time he needs to reflect on the situation.
Giving space when asked for is very hard to do but from experience the best for everyone.
No word from Holly I see. Wanted to see if there were any new developments.
I think a letter will work well, sometimes I feel for me personally when I have to express my deep feelings I explain myself better on paper.
Hope this works.xxx
I am the same way. Especially with these types of matters.
Holly: ~ Mind if a Gramma jumps in? May I give you a long distance hug and hold your hand while I say a few things? "Another abortion"? How sad! Oh, Honey! How terribly confused, abandoned, troubled & alone you must be feeling right now! But PLEASE don't even think about eliminating this 'inconvenience' as 'an option'. Do I believe in a woman's RIGHT to 'choose'? ABSOLUTELY! But you DID, Sweetie! You CHOSE to indulge in the sacred act that is the miraculous vehicle that creates LIFE. [When will we otherwise CIVILIZED human beings accept the simple reality that the act of a man & a woman coming together is NOT a recreation SPORT!] As a consequence of that CHOSEN act, a new innocent life with a heart already beating is now minute by minute growing within you. Yes, pregnancy is an obvious potential 'side-affect' of intercourse; the creation of LIFE. And Yes, pregnancy is "the luck of the draw" so to speak. Sorry, Love, but the fact is, the opportunity for you to execute your RIGHT to "choose" is PAST. You MADE your choice, you just didn't think through the potential and likely 'consequences of your choice.If you're thinking about a Plan B: Literally THOUSANDS of couples desperately wanting a child would be DELIGHTED to see you through financially & be THRILLED to 'relieve' you & Pete of this 'inconvenience'. One way to get a 'reality' check is to visit a hospital nursery & take a look at the new borns & preemies. I've lived long enough to realize that nothing happens by ACCIDENT! ~ Blessings come in an abundance of 'packages' & disguises. Please don't think I'm preaching, scolding or moralizing. You'll be at the top of my prayer list. ~ Consider yourself HUGGED!
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