Oh absolutely "J" ;) Hhmmm... wonder if I would enjoy living in the US... lolQuote:
Originally Posted by HistorianChick
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Oh absolutely "J" ;) Hhmmm... wonder if I would enjoy living in the US... lolQuote:
Originally Posted by HistorianChick
?? Is that comment in reference to my question or someone else's comment?
:eek: sorry AmExp , just a little banter between myself and Historianchick :oQuote:
Originally Posted by AmExp
Didn't mean to threadjack:rolleyes:
Oh no problem... I don't mind at all but since u are the expert do you have an answer to my question?
Oh I'm no expert but HC is... LOL , sorry but which question?
Hello AmExp, I am telling you that he is not interested or wants you as a spare. Please for yourself move on and give him what he wants, SPACE. He is playing games not you. This guy will only keep you heartbroke. Go on with your life and leave the past the past. You can do it just come here and vent and read some question and give some answers. It has helped me a bunch. I was going through almost the same thing except it was a woman doing me that way. The call me and then I would call her back and she was like you call too much or I will get in touch with you. When nothing else was going on I was good enough to "hang out with" or "date" but only on her terms, that don't work keeps you hanging. No Contact, good luck and God Bless.
That one...Quote:
Originally Posted by AmExp
You are stroking his ego by answering whenever he calls , in my opinion it's just his way of finding out if he still has you on his hook.Quote:
Originally Posted by AmExp
You are his fall back girl. He calls to make sure you're still there if and when he needs you. By answering his calls you are reassuring him that you are.
NC, learn it, live it, love it. :)
Good luck.
Thanks... I am def going to have to accept this and keep it moving! I hate the fact that I have been running behind him like this. He just spent all that time telling me how he was so sorry and I am a good person that deserves more but then he acts like this... BOO! What is worse, no one wants to see me with this person. I don't know... I just want to know if I am being replaced for something better? I shouldn't care... but I do. :(
Exactly. Never look back, keep looking forward. :)
By caring you are just hurting you and making him feel good.Quote:
Originally Posted by AmExp
Now that's just the opposite of what you want so just let it go and leave this guy alone.
I just thought my return would spark some interests again... I guess I was wrong...
You created drama for yourself and that is why he told you to chill. You are friends, not dating. Friends don't act like you did, GF's do.
You sent him a goodbye text, he didn't respond.. friends would say "oh well I guess he/she is busy". GF"s feel slighted and get pissed. You did.. then you kept texting. You only end up fighting with yourself because since he doesn't feel as strongly about you I can almost bet he rolled his eyes at your ranting or explanation texts and just ignored them. Also the more you text without responses the more demanding, pushy, and desperate you seem.
He sounds like he is over any drama with you, guys get that way fast if you act like this a lot. Sometimes you just got to back off and let them find you if they want, if not you really would only be wasting your time and energy chasing someone who doesn't want to be chased by you.
Ok first off. Text is always a sure fire way to annoy a guy. I haven't read all of these posts, but me being a guy, when a girl is hitting me up non stop even if I want to be with her or not, to me it is like man don't you have a life. Give him space especially if he is acting like that. But understand if he said he will call you he will. It might take a couple days, but don't get offended that your not as high up on his petastool as you thought.
I bet you are the one who broke it off.
I agree with everyone that it is time to leave the past in the past and move on. He's your ex and it don't seem like you two should even be friends. Find someone that want you.
Ha ha, M... Come to my parlor, said the spider to the fly... ;) Oz isn't all its cracked up to be... my beach is muuuuuuuch better... ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by friend4u178
AmExp... sweetie, you need to (yes,I'm going to say it) work on yourself. That means, focusing on what makes you YOU, what makes you attractive to other people, what makes you happy, what gives you joy, what you like to do separate from being with a guy, what makes you smile, what upsets you, what YOU are. Don't worry about a guy. Take time to "get to know yourself" again.
Spend time being you. I recommend not looking for a guy, not trying to re-kindle romance with this guy, not pursuing a guy for a while. Relationships are about TWO individuals coming together to make a team, a unit and still retaining independence - not contradicting each other, but supporting and completing the other. It shouldn't be he said this, so did this - or, he DIDN'T respond to this, so I sent this. That's drama. You don't need drama.
Are you happy when you're by yourself? Do you feel complete without a guy? I'm not saying that you should NEVER have a guy, I'm just saying that you should be OK by yourself. You should be happy with who you are apart from a guy. He shouldn't be your identity.
Hopefully, you got a little sense out of some of these ramblings.
You were hoping it would spark some interest because you still haven't moved on. You are not over him so stop answering his calls and stop him from coming in and out of your life whenever he wants to. You should do this for your own good and not so that you can teach him a lesson. Whenever you get the urge just tell yourself its over. You will eventually accept it and only then you might be able to hang out with him without ending up analysing his every action.Quote:
I just thought my return would spark some interests again... I guess I was wrong...
There is no better or worse. One mans meat is another mans poison. You need to move on and eventually find someone that will make you feel sure for yourself.Quote:
I just want to know if I am being replaced for something better? I shouldn't care... but I do.
I just want to defend myself here... I was not CONSTANTLY texting the guy... I do agree that I did not need to send him the text regarding my frustration about him making things awkward but I was not a bug-a-boo. I also want to thank everyone for their responses!!! It has truly given me A LOT to think about. So far I am just leaving him alone.
And NO, I was NOT the one who broke it off!
Well even more so , give him space! And why would you want to stay friends when it is clear you still have feelings. NC is the best way to go. If he wants you back he knows where to find you.
I am an only child so I am definitely OK with being alone :) I live alone and I have no problem with shopping and exercising by myself. Sure, everyone wants to have a companion. Who doesn't? I had no contact with my ex for 7 1/2 months. I think what I am having a hard time understanding is WHY he doesn't want to be bothered with me. Like I said before in an earlier post, I am a good catch for him. I don't want to turn this into a "holier than thou" rant, but I gave him the world. I exposed him to things he may not have ever experienced without me. I am disappointed that means nothing to him.Quote:
Originally Posted by HistorianChick
Talaniman rule- Never look back when you get DUMPED!!!
Again, why should the ball be in his court... considering he was the one that did all the hurting. I know, sounds odd that someone would want to be with a person who has hurt them, but I can forgive (not forget). I feel like I am being blamed for everything. I think maybe one or two people have acknowledged how mean he is acting...
Yeah but I think I wanted to believe he had changed. Hell, he was the one that pitched the idea he was making a difference in his life... ( something told me that was a lie, but meh). He was the one that allowed us to hook up a few weeks ago... now this... come on.
So, bottom line, you feel as if he "owes" you?Quote:
Originally Posted by AmExp
Be honest with me here, would you be content with a love that is "owed" or would you rather have a love that is freely given? Do you want him to be with you simply because he owes you for the time spent and experiences given?
That's what happens in a relationship. You give things, you get experiences. You are exposed to things that you wouldn't be exposed to if you weren't with that person. You gained things, he gained things.
No one can tell you why he doesn't want to be bothered. But, hon, he dumped you. He let you go. That was his choice. Maybe he DID lose the best thing that ever happened to him and doesn't know it yet. But, don't live your life thinking that he will one day realize that and come back to you.
Don't make him a priority in your life when you are simply a possibility (as it says in Tal's signature). Don't wish for a love that is owed... wait for the love that is freely and completely given.
Let me break it down for you... I don't think he owes me, but there is MORE to this story than I am saying. I don't really want to put myself out there... but he caused great strife between my family and I. My friends hated him, tried to sabotage us by giving me bad advice, whatever you can think of. My mother did a background check on him, wanted to hire a private I to bring him down, he exposed me to a lifestyle I had NEVER seen up close and personal before, I HAD SPENT $11,000 on OUR relationship. I am a COLLEGE STUDENT! What do YOU think Historic... I understand that part of relationship was give and take... but I was just down right taken advantage of in the situation. He admitted that is what happened in the beginning. I did all of these things because I LOVE HIM and wanted him to be happy!
What do I think?
Bottom line, I'm not going to hold back here... so please forgive me in advance if this offends you.
You spent 11K on a guy, he dumped you, and you want him back? That's crazy. He did the best thing for you when he dumped you. Some dumps are harder than others, but looking at this from an outsiders opinion? You're much better off.
Cut your losses. Heal your heart. Don't leave the door open for him. You may have loved him, you may STILL love him, but for your own sake, let him go.
Don't be just another helpless woman. Stand up for yourself and stop trying to fix this.
I see...
Hopeless? I don't think so.
Helpless, not hopeless. There's a big difference.
Never be either.
Well the bottom line is that I do not have his contact information anymore.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AmExp
Okay, time for some tough love dear.
Did he hold a gun to your head and force you to give him money? Did he steal the money from you?
This guy used you then tossed you away. He chewed you up and spit you out, and the sad thing is, you want more.
So, do you want to be a toy for this guy? A little play thing that he can use, break and throw away whenever he wants? Or do you want more?
The secret is to learn from your mistakes and then move on. You know that you made a mistake, why do you keep wanting to repeat it? Did it really feel that great the first time around?
He has all the power, but only because you're giving it to him. Does he deserve it? Only you can decide that.
Either stick to No contact, forget him, learn from this experience and move on, or, go back, get hurt again, and again, and again. It's your life, you have to decide, but realize, people treat you the way you let them.
Good luck.
I miss spoke Boris... damn. There was no need to rate that.
If you want to really complicate things, continue to deny responsibility for your own actions. You can't blame him for everything that happened because you went along with it.Quote:
He was the one that allowed us to hook up a few weeks ago... now this... come on.
Save some anger and blame for yourself.
Whatever... I am not blaming him for everything, but there what is so wrong with me going along with it? Especially when I felt as though there could have been some hope or resurrecting the relationship.
You don't get to agree, and go along and blame him, when it doesn't work the way you wanted.
OK! Again, thanks everyone. It's whatever at this point. I am sick of men and all that goes with relationships. This is b.s.
Just know there are good guys out there, I've one. You just haven't found him yet and it seems that you settle for guys you shouldn't. Sometimes when your not looking your find it so just keep your eyes open.
I settle because like I said in my earlier posts... I have dealt with guys that I am used to and they still failed me. It appears to be a lose lose situation. So far I have not seen a guy that is worth a damn and has these qualifications:
1. COLLEGE EDUCATED ( at least)
2. NO RECORD/SEX OFFENDER
3. NO CHILDREN
4. FINANCIALLY SOUND
5. HAS A JOB ( Independently wealthy is accepted) Haha
6. RESPECTFUL TO ME AND HIS MOTHER ( obviously to people in general, but how he treats his mother is a sure sign)
7. CARING/LOVING/NICE
8. GOOD LOOKING/TALL (I prefer at least 6'0)
8 SIMPLE RULES TO ME!
Yet, I the guys always fall short somewhere... ugh
These are not unreasonable. You don't have to settle for anything less.
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