Well, it's day 10 of NC... can't say that it's necessarily getting easier, but it doesn't hurt as much...

The problem is that her brother calls me last night and says that something terrible happened to her. He's not one to lie to me at all, or anyone else for that matter... I won't go into details about what happened, but it's not good.

I feel like I need to contact her, but when he asked her if she was going to call me, she said "No, it will just make him very angry and I don't want to do that to him."

So, I have tried my hardest since last night to keep NC flowing through like I should, but I after hearing what I heard, I can't help but be concerned about her well being and safety even though it's no longer my responsibility.

While you still care her as a person (and probably still more), you are doing the right thing by staying NC. She made the decision to no longer want you in her life, now she has to deal with it.

Yeah, but I feel so terrible not calling to check on her... I know she's scared that telling me the problem will make me angry... I guess if she wanted me to know, she would have told me... but at the same time, I almost feel that it is still my responsibility to check on her... even though I'm 500 miles away.

I've called one of my old co-workers at the PD there and he said that he would keep an eye on her and make sure she's okay... I'm still staying with NC that way, and I can be assured that she's all right...

Try to focus on yourself.

Meah one day you won't care anymore. Man I tell you I used to worry etc but now I honestly do not want to she her. I'd honestly cross the street if I saw her coming my way. You'll realize life is better and start concentrating on other things.

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Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo

meah one day you won't care anymore. Man I tell you I used to worry etc but now I honestly do not want to she her. I'd honestly cross the street if I saw her coming my way. You'll realize life is better and start concentrating on other things.

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Sounds like you hit the anger/jaded phase. :) I'm starting to hit it myself.

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Originally Posted by BrewCrew0981

Sounds like you hit the anger/jaded phase. :) I'm starting to hit it myself.

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Meah I don't hate her. I just see no reason to talk or see her. I have nothing to say she broke my heart and I'm moving on.

Find new hobbies.

For me, it's about tuning cars and drifting.

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Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo

Meah I don't hate her. I just see no reason to talk or see her. I have nothing to say she broke my heart and I'm moving on.

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I didn't mean you hate her. I meant you are angry/jaded you let this happen to yourself. When you know you're better than that, and her, and she doesn't deserve you anyway.

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Originally Posted by BrewCrew0981

I didn't mean you hate her. I meant you are angry/jaded you let this happen to yourself. When you know you're better than that, and her, and she doesn't deserve you anyway.

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Hmm to be honest I do not feel that way. I enjoyed the time we had and frankly look back at it as a learning experience. Only thing I'm upset at is not realizing the signs before it happened. But now I know and have learned.

Well, I still haven't tried to contact her at all. I went to work last night and stayed pretty busy... it helped me a lot, but after I got off this morning, I still feel bad.

One of my best friends and myself are starting to go to the gym and he's teaching me MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) and I'm teaching him how to play guitar... so it's kind of an even trade... so that's been keeping my mind off things too...

No matter how hard I try though, I still want to call her... it's hard because I can't just say "Oh, I'm better off without the person that loved me like no other for five years!" Yeah, I'm relieved that we're not fighting/arguing or whatever, but that doesn't mean that I can just turn off my feelings about this girl...

You can do it nc is the hardest thing I have ever done my ex MSG me a few days ago I just had to sign out I can't risk it starting ms over

Well, day 11 and quite frankly, I feel like crap. I slept all day yesterday and then went to work last night... work was horrible... had to talk to this girl who looked just like my ex... it sent me on a tail spin... I finally seemed to regain control around 5 this morning... but then I just had to turn on the da*n radio, and it was there again...

You're right Fred, this is very hard... I can't believe how hard it is to just simply not call/text/email someone...

Don't worry about what your friends think; worry about what you think. Most of the time we have the answers to what we know we should do in our heads but our hearts rule and so we take no action. Do you care for her? Are you at odds with each other all the time? Maybe you two were just meant to be friends? You don't say your ages or the length of this relationship and that can also play a factor here.
Moving on with NC does mean you need to stay busy; take on a new project or hobby; call an old or new friend; start working out, lean on your family and friends now; they are there for you but do not give them 100% of your emotions, that gets wearing on everyone... take a break every now and then and tell them tonight we have no talk about her; tonight is movie night or fun night and then try to stick to that... let them see shades of the old you shine through... AND if you really miss this girl after 6 months; then call and talk to her; ask her out for lunch on even ground. If the feelings are there which I'm going to guess you've have moved on by then.

Well, we were together for 5 years. I had asked her to marry me in March... of course I care for her, I care for her a great deal... she's the woman that I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with...

She's 24 and I'm 28... I know the feelings will be there in six months... not because I want them to be, but just because I know they will be...

Yes they will, but they won't be as intense.

Your still FRESH.

I'm sorry you are in turmoil. I know it's hard, you hear a song, see a favorite food, almost anything and there she is again... in your thoughts... YOU have to channel those thoghts elsewhere... Try the rubberband trick... everytime you think of her you snap that rubberband you wera on your wrist; it hurts and it helps you stop thinking of her... or turn of the TV, don't visit that bar or restaurant... you have to switch it up a bit... and in doing so you might just discover a new you... give it a try! Go visit that health club today, or whatever your hobby is... find one if you don't have one and throw yourself into it. There are plenty of fish in the sea; you're just channeling for one now instead of opening your horizong to what could be out there around the corner waiting.

I feel you pain all. 5 days with NC contact.

Well, it's day 15 and I don't really know how I feel right now. Went out with some friends last night, had a few drinks and ended up crashing at my best friends house since I was apparently in no condition to drive...

There is still some pain there, but not like it was... today I'm unsure if I would really want the relationship back at this point... don't get me wrong, I still feel the same as I did the day I left... I care for her like no other, but I have started to think; is it really healthy for me to be in a relationship with someone where everything seems to have a price on it? I don't think so...

Convince yourself, that you can go nc, and you don't need to know what she's doing. That is the first hurdle, 5 years in a huge amount of time, you clearly have the skills to maintain a healthy relationship, think of the good points that can help you move on and look to the future. Change your life plan, so that its all about you.

I'm trying really hard... after 5 years of seeing her every day, talking to her multiple times a day, and waking up next to her... it's extremely hard to get past this.

Like I said, I'm trying to do things that I never did when we were together... like learning MMA, teaching a friend how to play guitar, and things like that.

My work does a really good job of keeping my mind off her... but sometimes, I will go somewhere and be dealing with some people, and it brings it all back.

I said earlier, that I didn't know that I really want this relationship back, but I took a nap since I have to work tonight, and when I woke up, I knew that I wanted this back. It takes a lot not to call her (I took her number out of my phone) but I still remember the number, so it's not like I couldn't just call her up... but I'm trying very hard not to... I do know that she has called me and I just let it go to voice mail...

Hang in there, bud. You'll make it. You're doing all the right things. Some days, you'll have a really hard time. Some days, will be good days. You just have to make the best of the bad days.

I'm going on 6 weeks of NC now, and I am living proof things do get better. Also, I think what you want back, is what you envisioned your relationship to be/was. Unfortunately, that's not the case as it stands today. I know you realize, like I do, your relationship will/could never be the same, ever again.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.

Yeah, I know exactly where you are coming from. The relationship could never be what it was at one time... that's for sure...

One of her friends keeps emailing me and letting me know that my ex is a wreck, and even though I'm not there, she's always saying that she wishes I was now, but she's just too proud to call me up and say anything... and of course, as much as I want to call her, I can't because I know that unless we were to start over completely, it would never be a good relationship.

One of my other friends is also talking to her, but I don't really care at this point... Like I said, the relationship would never be what it once was... but they are all saying it could be better than it ever was... they are all confusing me and I keep on letting them talk about it, etc... I told one of them tonight that I didn't want to hear about it anymore...

She looked at me and said "You don't love her, do you?" I told her that she didn't even know anything about how I felt... it made me pretty mad... anyways, I'm on my MDC in my car... I got to get back to work...

Welp... it's day 17 and I slipped up...

I was sleeping today (I work nights) and my phone rang and I answered it without looking to see who it was... and sure enough, it was her... I took me a minute to realize it of course because at first I thought I was dreaming, but yep... I started to tell her that I was hanging up and she got her meat hooks in me and started talking...

Now I feel horrible again, just like I did the first day... I hate that I answered the phone, but it's not like I did it knowing who it was... but anyway, back to square one again... down and out, mind wondering... oh well, tomorrow's another day I guess..

Well, day 1 of starting over again...

I feel kind of numb today... I'm not really sure what to think about my relationship with her, or the way I feel about her. Maybe I'm getting used to the way things are and starting to accept that we're not going to be together.

I asked my friends to stop telling me things about her, etc... but sometimes it still comes up in conversation. One of them told me last night that she still has photos of me on her myspace and that she hasn't changed the text on any of them... I'm done with the false hope though, it's not worth what I have been putting myself through.

He also told me that she had written a blog saying how much she misses me and loves me, etc... this doesn't seem to bother me though... not sure why... I'm sure I'm just having a moment, but for some reason I feel at peace... and that's something that I haven't felt in 3 years.

Well, day one is half way over and I'm feeling better. I've started to sink back into writing music again, and have even started picking up my guitar more.

It was a great help that my friends have decided that it would be good for one of them to come over and hang out every day... they're kind of taking shifts if you will.

It's helping a great deal. I'm relieved at the moment, but not sure what to think about it either. I know the feelings aren't gone, but they seem to be suppressed or something... it just all feels strange... I don't have any urge to look at her myspace or Facebook... I have no interest in knowing if she's logged into IM or anything... just not sure where this sudden enlightenment came from and I have never really experienced it before...

Well, a new day has began and I'm confident, but hurting pretty bad right now... she sent me a text telling me that she misses me and is starting to think about things differently.

It's hard, because like everyone says; it's still fresh. I want so bad to respond to the text message, but I know that I'll probably be setting myself up for disappointment and more heartache if I do...

I'm really not sure what to do anymore... do I respond back and see where it goes? Do I try a new approach on things? Does she really miss me and is she REALLY thinking about things differently?

I was at work when I got the message. One of my friends called me and got my mind off it, but then said that she had messaged him too saying that she wishes I would just come back... but I don't think it's going to be that easy... there are a lot of things which are still wrong with us if we were to try and make this work... do I take the chance and return to her? Maybe things will really be different this time... maybe she's cleared her head, I know that I've cleared mine and it's helped a lot... I'm just really weak and missing her right now... I guess I should probably just keep trucking though, because it's a new day and I've come a long ways from where I was...

You talked a few days ago, and I think it may have triggered feelings in her. My bet, from all the others here I've read, is that she doesn't want a relationship, just you back in her life as a friend. Be honest with yourself, can you handle friend zone? Have you healed enough to just be a friend?

Thinking back to that last conversation, was she still confused, or did she just want to talk?

Just me, let this storm pass.

Oh I'm trying, I'm trying really hard to just let this all pass. When I last talked to her, she was confused and said that she is scared about what would've happened if we continued to stay together...

She tried calling twice today, and I didn't answer my cell phone at all. A couple of minutes later, I got weak and looked at her myspace... her status said "I'm frustrated with a guy" and it was apparently done right after she called me..

As far as being friends, yeah, I think I've healed enough to be friends with her... but I don't think that she's dealt with it enough to remain friends with me... of course, I could be wrong... I could see her and it spark something that is still there, but I could be ignoring...

NO CONTACT, her confusion, and fear, doesn't have to be your.

I know... I didn't call her at all and deleted the text message just minutes after I posted that.

It doesn't keep away from the fact that I'm still confused and not sure what to do... yeah, I could be making the right choice by keeping NC, but at the same time I still wonder if I am making the biggest mistake of my life by not following my heart.

That's pretty normal when we break a deep attachment, but weigh the good with the bad, and I think you'll see its time for a major change, and as hard as it is to carry it out, you will be happier later.

Yeah, I'm already making major changes to myself. My friends seen me earlier and said that they can already see the difference. They say that they're seeing the guy they used to know... the one who was around before my ex entered my life, which is actually really good... maybe this is what I needed to make me realize my mistakes and start putting me into the right direction...

I have all but quit drinking... I no longer smoke either, so that's a big start to getting back to who I was... I feel it, It's just been so long that I've really been myself that it's going to take a while before I'm actually sure that I'm seeing what I think I'm seeing now... but I'm still wondering if I'm making the right choice by keeping things like they are...

Well, I'm extremely proud of myself, even though it's only about 9PM here...

She tried to call me three times today and I didn't answer at all... I just hit ignore and let her leave the VM's... I haven't even checked them yet... I'm going to have my friends do that for me later tonight... she also called them afterwards, probably wanting to know if I was with them, but only two of the four of them answered...

I'm very excited and proud of myself. It's one of the first times she has called me that I didn't actually pick up the phone and start acting like a fool...

No contact with someone you aren't sure you should or should not be with tells me you really cared for this person so good for you that you're doing the no contact with her. You know in your heart what's gone on with your relationship and IF it could work... maintaining distance sometimes works to actually bring you closer together IF you both realize what you had and want it back... only better. Maintain no contact; you know her and know what's she prob doing anyway so tell yourself that.

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Originally Posted by Guidostern

Well, I'm extremely proud of myself, even though it's only about 9PM here...

She tried to call me three times today and I didn't answer at all...I just hit ignore and let her leave the VM's...I haven't even checked them yet...I'm gonna have my friends do that for me later tonight...she also called them afterwards, probably wanting to know if I was with them, but only two of the four of them answered...

I'm very excited and proud of myself. It's one of the first times she has called me that I didn't actually pick up the phone and start acting like a fool...

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Not acting like a fool, is a good thing.

Yeah, I know... I'm so glad that I didn't act like that... I didn't even give myself the option. I went and hung out with some friends and they checked the VM's for me and deleted them...

I was going to block her number, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm still not sure that I'm doing the right thing at this point, but I've got to do something. I still have some thought of us being able to work things out, because nothing's ever stopped us before... but then I just remember exactly what she said to me the last time I talked to her and realize that if she's wanting to hurt me that bad, then obviously she's wanting to push me away right now.

One of my best friends made a good point tonight during the three minutes I allowed him to talk about it... he said, "You know she's only doing that to you so she can make herself feel better...she still cares about you and has her moments where she calls one of us wanting you to come home, but you generally wouldn't answer your phone." Then he went on to say a few other things, but what hit me the most is the last thing he said. He told me "She's going to wake up one morning and realize what she had, and when she does, you'll be over her and there will be no way for her to get you back then."

Of course, I disagreed with him... but I got to remember that this is all still very new and I'm going to think things like that from time to time. It really sucks hearing all of that because I do want to go back to her so badly... sometimes I've told myself that we're not together because of foolish pride... our souls are both way too proud to ever give in to each other at the right times...

But, I'm working hard on getting things to where they need to be for me now... that's all that matters.

Well, another day or two has passed by and I'm feeling terrible again. No, I didn't contact her... but I still feel terrible... not really sure how to channel all of this out of me in a positive manner. I've been working out, but that doesn't seem to help, I've went out and shot skeet and that helps some, but there is so much pressure that I feel like my head is going to explode...

You are going to be all right man! It takes a lot of time. What helped me was taking LONG walks and blaring some music into my ears. I live in a suburb that has a lot of empty land around, so it is nice cause I can cry a bit and not have anyone looking at me like I am a freak. We can get through this... we WILL get thorugh this.

Yea man it's not easy. I am going through all of this crap for the first time. It's the hardest thing I have ever done in my life... so far. I miss her more than anything right now, but I keep going. I try to stay busy with all sorts of things, working out, Karate class, work, friends, family. I just picked up a shotgun about a month ago and have yet to use it. So now that you mention it, I think I will go out and do some skeet shooting when the weather clears up a little bit. Nothing like imagining the a-hole who stole her from me as being one of those clays! :D

You just got to keep plugging along and keep yourself occupied until the feelings pass, which for me and apparently for KC and you will take a while. I was with my ex for over 3.5 years. She left me for someone else while doing an internship in FL and strung me along for the last 3 months basically, all the while hiding the fact that she was talking to/see this other guy. So yea, I know how you feel and luckily you have family, friends, and people on here to help you through it. I know that they help me.

No one will say it's easy, but they will all say that everything will get better soon. Hopefully for us it will happen sooner than later.

Keep on moving forward man, you can do it. Don't be afraid to talk about with anyone. I have been finding, when I feel down about this, that talking it out with family and friends helps me feel better because they can offer an outside perspective on things that you may not be seeing right now because of the state of mind your in.