KC, I know your right. MY brain tells me your right, but my heart is keeping me from realizing that 100%. That's the difficult part.

Yep, me too. It is extremely hard for me not to email my ex during the day, cause I get pretty bored at work. You just have to make a promise with yourself not to do it. I know whenever I contact her and she doesn't immediately reply, I start to 'wonder.' I cannot keep playing mind games with myself. It isn't fair.

Your feelings are understandable, but do not act on them.

Be glad she is happy, and do what makes you happy.

We often get those feelings dredged up when we hear news of them, or see people, places, or things, associated with them.

Stay with NC.

No, it's not fair.

Tal, I wish there was a switch or something to turn my feelings for her off... because right now I would use it. It's really hard to fight them right now and I'm trying to suppress them because I'm on the edge of falling apart at work right now. I need something to do...

Yeah, I would use it too. The good thing is that you are human. Having feelings like this is a good thing, it really is. I means you have the capacity to love and to care. You cannot fault yourself for that. The one thing I keep reminding myself is that I LOVE A CHALLENGE. This is a HUGE challenge, the hardest I have ever had, but it only makes you better in the end.

Your right, your all right.

This has been the worst day since the day after I found out what she did!!

Thank god, I found something to do here at work for a little bit. Hopefully this will help some.

And thank you guys for being here for me, you don't understand how much this helps!!

You will have good days and bad, BELIEVE me. I am nearly three months into it and it ain't over yet, and I know that. Just keep talking it out. Whatever you do, don't contact her. I have done it time and time again. Only thing that does is raise more questions.

You are going to stay strong and just go with what your brain tells you because your heart at the moment is in no state to guide you. You need to give it time, not give up and for your own good do NOT contact her. No good will come out of it.

I went through the same thing about 4 months ago. At first you feel that your whole world is crushed. The first 2 weeks I couldn't eat or sleep and the first 2 months were the hardest thing I have had to go through in my life so far. Partly because although I went NC with her she kept on finding ways to contact me and get her message through. It gave me nightmares and endless sleepless nights. The hardest thing was that she managed to cut me off from our common group of friends. Its OK though and even after everything she did to me I still want her to be happy even if its with someone else. I know that I still have a lot to offer to the next person I am going to let into my life and that obsessing over something that I cannot change won't make me happy, it will just bring about negative feelings.

My advice would be to keep your head up as hard and as impossible as it may feel. Don't leave your job, it will only make things worse because you will have more free time to think. Keep busy with sports, going out, hobbies or anything that will put your mind off it even for a little while. And always keep in mind that the way you feel won't change from one day to the other but you will eventually feel better. Unfortunately there is no other cure apart from time itself. And this is coming from someone that at first thought there is no way on earth the feelings will pass.

You are still going to get your bad and good days but the bad will become less frequent as time passes by. Don't keep things bottled up. Just come here and vent whenever you feel you need the support.

A good strenuous workout, hot bath, two aspirin, bed.

What's going on? I hope everyone had a good weekend!

I had a great weekend with friends. I went out Saturday with some women from work (older women friends) to a college football game (Navy vs Notre Dame). It was awesome. We then went out to get some food and have drinks and whatever. I had a couple girls at the pubs noticing me and had one come up and actually talk to me. We had a nice friendly conversation about playing 8-ball. I got her name and introduced myself, but she was heading out the door with I am assuming either a guy friends or her boyfriend... I don't know, but it did make me realize that there is light at the end of the break-up tunnel. I know I am not at the point of dating yet... but I think I am at the point where I can start picking up numbers and talking to women again...

Sunday. I returned my ex's snake to her house. Her parents were really nice to me, as they always have been. They were like a second family to me, when me and the ex were together, so it was difficult for me to see them... but I got through it very well. I think her mom was actually about to cry as I was leaving. I don't think my ex actually told them the full story about the other guy, because her parents invited me to Thanksgiving... but I politely declined. It was still nice to see them and talk to them. When me and my ex's father put the snake back in to her room, I noticed that all the pictures of us were still all around her room... that kind of got me a little, but I held it together well. So I talked to them for a little while then went on with my day.

I went out to watch football with some of my buddies. That didn't end so well. One of my friends has a serious drinking problem and ended up getting kicked out of the bar... so we ended up all leaving then, although I wanted to go somewhere else anyway. So me and my other buddy went to this other place. Didn't have the luck I had Saturday though, but hey I still had a good time until the one of the friends I went there with got kicked of that place. So... that was a little crazy.

OK... so here is where I'm the idiot.

I didn't have my cell phone on the whole day because the battery died. So when I got home at 3am, I plugged it back in. Who should I see that sent me a text message... my ex. It was just a thank you for taking care of the snake. So me being a dumba$$ under the influence of alcohol I started typing a reply. Then a flood of emotion comes over me. Her parents told me earlier that day that she got ANOTHER 3 month extension at the place in Florida, but she is unsure if she is excepting it or not.

Anyway so I reply "Your welcome. Congratulations on the new 3 month extension!! I knew that you would be successful down there from the start." If that wasn't bad enough I then proceeded to write "Don't ever let anyone or anything hold you back from you dreams and from doing what you love. I will always love you and if this is the only time your going to be home for a while would it be OK if we met to walk and talk about things?" She replied "That would be very nice". Then I replied "OK...just tell me when. Be prepared because I still have feelings for you and this will be very hard for me. But I know this is how it has to be." Then I went to sleep.

At that moment it felt good... but now when I think back to it sounds so desperate. I feel like at that moment I just gave up all the dignity, self-respect, and strength that I had built up in the last 4 weeks. I am now questioning why I said all of that crap to someone that doesn't feel the same about me as I do with her. Sadly all of what I said to her in that message is true... and now she knows I still love her and my feelings haven't changed.

I mean I'm not sad that I sent it to her... I'm more angry at myself that I did. I feel like I failed myself and everyone here that keeps saying NC is the only way. I fell right back in her web... and now she knows it.

I can't seem to NOT love her. I can't seem to be angry at what she did for some reason... why? Where is the anger inside me? Where is the man inside me saying "Hey what the f*** are you doing!! F*** her!"?? I know that's how I should feel... but for some reason I can't. What's wrong with me?

Nothing is wrong with you. You cannot just 'fall out of love' with someone. You are going to fall many times during this process. The only that matters is that you get up and keep on moving. Keep your head up and keep moving forward.

Quote:

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I know that's how I should feel... but for some reason I can't. What's wrong with me?

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Nothing is wrong with you, and that's just the way you are, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Firstly there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You cannot force yourself to not feel a certain way. It will take some time.

You were drunk and just did something you regretted when you sobered up. It has happened to all of us and there is nothing to be ashamed of. Just learn from this and either stay off alcohol for a while or even better just delete or change the name you have her number saved to something that will remind you to stay NC.

So what if she knows how you feel? Will it make any difference to you right now? Just focus on yourself and how you want to see things develop in the future for you.

Quick Update... more like a journal entry but an update on my progress

Well I've been doing really well. I've been going out with friends a lot during the weekends. The only thing is all of these friends are also friends or acquaintances with her. I don't mind much... we just don't talk about her and have fun. They all think she is stupid for what she did, and one of them even told her this to her face... but that is neither her nor there. The thing I notice is how empty I feel with out her. There are SO MANY things that remind me of her or something we did together. I'm just handling those feelings as they come. I haven't got to the point of really pursuing things with women beyond casual conversation... but I know I will be there soon enough. Its funny, when I used to go out with her, I would not notice other women checking me out at all... now I notice it pretty frequently.

She called me one time about 2 weeks ago and gave me a corny excuse why she called, she wanted directions to try avoid Washington DC. I humored her talked with her for a couple of minutes... but it was hard. I knew then that I was not ready to really talk to her regularly... so I haven't at all. I think she called me to see if I was still around and willing to talk and I shouldn't have, but oh well. On the phone, she talked to me like nothing really happened between us. Thinking back to what someone said in a thread I replied to, this was probably because she is a few months further in the healing phase than I am. At any rate after I ended the conversation... I really missed her and she was on my mind the rest of the day. It set me back slightly but not back to day one.

Cut to a week later to now my feelings move from sadness to disbelief to anger to acceptance to excitement. I am all over the place mentally right now.

I have finally started feeling the anger that everyone has said will happen. Sometimes I get these thoughts like "F-You...Why did you make a dumba$$ decision to do that. Don't ask me for sh*t anymore. I can't believe you left for 1 or 2 nights of pleasure with some a-hole from Boston.":mad: I mean I really get pissed off about it. Thank god I'm usually by myself at the gym or whatever when these feelings and thoughts occur. They kind of scare me sometimes because that's not me at all.

Last week, she texted me on Turkey Day... I replied wishing her and her family a Happy Thanksgiving. I'm trying to be more civil than anything right now. That brought back some strong memories and feelings. Its like my brain is just purging them from my memory so they will not come back for a while... which would be good.

The gym and karate classes really help to relieve the stress. I been noticing results especially physically and confidence wise.

I still miss her, but not as much as I did a few weeks ago. I still think about her 2-3 times a day for a few minutes at a time. That either makes me sad, angry, or disillusioned. I know that since we did so much together that these thoughts and feelings will be with for a while. I think she is probably dealing with the same thing as well. Our relationship was pretty good for a while. Everyone envied us and always complimented on how we worked so well together. That was when things were good. In the end it wasn't.

I saw someone post in another thread about how sometimes relationships are all about timing in life. I really feel that is true. She is still in her wild party phase while I'm in between the party and settling phase. When we first met we were both in the same stage, but as time went on I started to move in to a different stage in my life while she was still in the party stage. Sometimes I wish we would have met when we were both a little older, but that doesn't mean it would have worked out for the better. Oops...there I go rationalizing things again....

I guess everything happens for a reason, a reason that I hope I find out soon.

So for anyone reading this... it does get better with time. I was a wreck when I found out everything, but time is doing its job. A few weeks makes a world of difference. Hopefully soon I will move on to the next chapter.

Thanks for the support and reading my long posts. Happy Holidays! :)

Your doing okay, and as you get to the point you can cope with things on the next level, you will be better for it.

Just keep plugging away, until your ready to grab the world by the tail again.

Dude you really like taking a beating from this girl. Don't you? This girl has completely lost respect for you. Now let that sink! You know what you need to do now disappear. Don't take her calls, emails, text. My friend, once it's over, it is over. Enough to conduct yourself with. It will take sometime but you will get over her and move on. Good luck

Well the New Year is almost here. I hope everyone has had a good holiday. Mine wasn't the best, but I am dealing with everything the best way I can.. I guess.

I've been reflecting more about what went wrong between her and I. I've been looking back to try and see what I did to aid in the break-up and I realized that everything started going downhill with us when I started questioning my trust in her. I remember when we we first started going out, I didn't care who she was with or what she was doing. Then for some reason, as time went on something changed in me that caused me to question that trust I had.

This lead to a lot of pointless arguments and fighting. I said a lot of hurtful things to her during these fights. It is tearing me up inside to think about that. It is tearing me up to think that this whole thing may have started due to my unfounded lack of trust and insecurities. And now there is nothing I can do to fix this between me and her. The only thing I can do is fix this with myself.

This is really eating me up right now because I think this is the reason why her feelings for me changed. I've been feeling a lot of guilt and regret for some of the things I did when we were together. I wish there was some way to show her what I have learned and prove to her that I am still the person she originally fell in love with... but I know that the only way right now is stare the future and my fears in the face and try again. I will at some point, but only when I can finally deal with and leave all of the pain and regret that I feel right now behind me.

I never thought that I would have turned into that person, a type of person that I had no respect for before becoming one myself. A jealous, insecure, and distrusting boyfriend who didn't know what they had before it was gone.

Now I know and it hurts...

I feel like I am back to where I started. I thought that I was making progress, when in reality, I was just suppressing what I was feeling. The dreams are back. I still think about her multiple times a day. The memories are still haunting me. I've been staying busy and doing all sorts of things, but nothing seems to be the same anymore. It's like I don't get the joy I used to get out of things I used to like to do. When I'm out with friends, sometimes it's like I put on this false mask of happiness when I'm with them. Then when I am by myself, alone with only my thoughts, everything comes back, just like now.

I am really trying to follow everyone's advice and my own advice that I give others. I just hope this passes soon, because I feel like crap right now.

Life is a learning experience. You can not turn back time or take back things that have happened. You can only take what you have learned and move forward with it.

The holidays always make us miss people more. Hang in there. Time will heal.

It feels like it's been so long already, and I still sort of feel the same way when everything happened. I mean I don't feel crappy for days on end like I did when everything went down, but for some reason days like today still happen all the time.

It is so easy to idolize the people that were in our lives once they aren't anymore. That doesn't mean that they were ever angels in the relationship and we were the devil, it's our false preception of events after the fact.

Don't beat yourself up about it, you may have made a few mistakes but all you can do now is learn from them and make your life with someone else that much sweeter because you will be able to appreciate them while they are still in your life. Everything in life is a lesson, just be smart enough to learn yours.

The holidays quanitfy all of the lonely feelings we have. I am doing pretty bad right now, as I can't even think about not being with her tomorrow night... midnight, you kiss your girl... that kind of thing. For the first time in five years I won't be kissing her, and that hurts.

Just get through from about now until after Valentine's Day and you will have made it through the roughest part. You aren't the only one who blames himself or suddenly has feelings rushing back into you. I feel the same way, just keep your chin up and keep moving forward.

Thanks, at least I know I'm not the only one going through this stage right now. I hope that we both get through this quickly.

Yes, from now until Valentines Day is the hardest.

Remain strong. If you can get through these next couple months, you'll be fine.

After answering one of the new threads, I have come to a realization.

As I sit here and think about it, my ex is the one that isn't happy with herself. She cannot stand to be alone and single, and that's pretty sad. She always has looked to find her happiness in others, hence the reason why she just bounces along from one guy to the next. I don't know if she will ever truly find out what she wants. She always claimed she wanted to be alone and single for awhile to find out who she is, but then ends up right back in another relationship with another guy. When we broke up, one of the last things she said to me after I said I couldn't be friends with her was "Why can't I ever be happy...". Now that I think about it, she never will be until she learns to be happy with herself. That may have been the problem all along, and no matter what I tried to do to make her happy, she wasn't because she was not happy with herself. She would always put herself down, and talk bad about herself. I would always tell her that the things she said about herself were not true to no avail. I hope that one day she realizes this and truly becomes happy with herself instead of looking for happiness in others.

This is why the next girl I find, I hope, will be happy with herself. Nobody can make you feel happy, until you are happy with who you are. I know this now, and I am happy with who I am. I know what I want, I just keep hoping I find it. I know what I need to do to get what I want. I just have to find it.

Update:

I haven't updated this thread in a while. I've been going strict NC for 2 months now. I feel a lot better than I did when first starting. I don't think about her when I'm awake. I've been talking to and meeting other women. I'm finally just starting seeing them for who they are and not comparing them to my ex.

I've been doing everything possible to have fun and stay focused on myself. However, at night (last night and the night before) I've had these dreams of her. Very vivid dreams that I can remember as I sit here and type this. I miss her, even though I know with almost 100% certainty she isn't coming back.

I've been falling in the false hope trap too, pondering the what ifs. I know I have to stop, but it's hard when the memory of us being together remains. I know I still miss her, and think about what she is doing from time to time, but this doesn't nearly disrupt my daily life like it did a few months ago.

Now, if her name comes up in conversation, I can talk about her and our past with out getting emotional. I find myself comparing situations, or places, with things we did or have been to. It is really hard to not think of her or what we had. The smallest things will remind me of something... and it sucks.

It's like she is still there with me, but not. I guess it's my brains way of trying to make sense of everything and get me back to a point of normalcy. It's amazing how many memories you have of someone you loved after 4 years. It's tough. I feel for the people on here who have 5, 6, 7 or more years worth of memories.

I am doing better! I feel as though I am almost there, but the memories and the dreams do little to ease the pain.

I am continuing to move forward with this the best I can and trying help others along the way. I hope I've helped some, even though I may come off as an @$$ sometimes. I just don't want to see others make the same mistakes I did.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jmw0713

Update:

I am continuing to move forward with this the best I can and trying help others along the way. I hope I've helped some, even though I may come off as an @$$ sometimes. I just don't want to see others make the same mistakes I did.

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Sometimes the best therapy to sorrow is through helping others. I know I come off looking like an a$$ sometimes, and I think that is because it is hard for me to sit back and watch people make the same ignorant mistakes I did... you are the same way. You have come a long way, and you are for sure better off going through this. Days get easier, day after day... I am happy for you, and proud of your progress. Although the skies aren't completely free of clouds, at least you know that the sun is starting to peak through!

Thanks to you, as you have helped me, and a lot of others on this site! I wish you continued luck in this process! You will get the happiness you seek! Have a great weekend buddy!

Carry on... :cool:

So it's been a few months since I updated my story.

Well over the past few months, I've been doing really well. I continue to go out with friends, have fun, go on trips, and go to the gym. I have recently started to become interested in some of the things I was into before my world got flipped upside down. I can't say that this whole time I followed strict NC with my ex, but the amount of communication we have had in the past 5 months has been minimal. I think I talked to her 3 times in that time. Each time I handled it WAY better than I thought... although I know I still have feelings.

A friend of mine was getting a big group of us together to go to an Orioles game. I told him that I was in as soon as he mentioned it. (Baseball is one of my favorite sports even though the Orioles suck) Apparently over the course of last week, some people backed out and he ended up inviting my ex... :rolleyes: I had NO idea she was coming.

Cut to last night... I meet up with everyone at the bar right outside the stadium. I'm standing there talking to my friend, who got the tickets, and I see my ex standing right behind him talking with some other people. My stomach dropped!:eek: I told my buddy that I didn't know that he invited her. He apologized, because he knows the situation. I told him not to worry about it.

I could have not said anything to her, and avoided her, but I sucked it up and made the first move. I said "Hi" and gave her a hug. We were talking and we were both glad to see each other. When we all went inside to get our seats, she was sitting in the row below me in a seat right in front of mine. So, through out the whole game we talked.

I can't say that I didn't enjoy talking to her. I was nice to find out about her family and some other things. I handled the situation WAY better than I ever thought I would. I could have easily went off and acted like an a-hole... but I didn't. I definitely learned something about myself last night. So she txted me later after the game asking for direction to a particular restaurant. I called her back and told her, and also told her it was great seeing her again. She then brought up the whole being friends thing. I told her it was hard to be friends because of the relationship we had before. She understood.

After seeing her... I now have "fresh" memories of things. It's a little hard to deal with, especially today, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I can't say I got knocked back to square one. I'm not going to say that I don't feel anything either, but I now know what it will be like if I ever see her out.

It's funny, my buddy came up from VA this weekend. I brought him, his girl, and his younger sister to the game with me. His younger sister is 12 years old, and she has the street smarts of someone my age. The whole game she kept telling my to stop flirting with my ex and pay attention to the game. After the game, she told me that it looked like that my ex still liked me. I told her that if things were different, I might actually believe that... Kid's are great. They don't over rationalize things. They always see things through innocent eyes and can really shed some insight on certain things. They take the simplest approach and make decisions based on the details at hand. I think as adults, we loose that ability and tend to over evaluate things. Sometimes I think its good look inside to our inner 12 year old and see things in a simpler light.

WOW... what a week!! :p

I have to applaud you on the way you handled yourself in this situation, and coped with your own feelings in such a positive way. Well done.

Sept 17, 2008, 03:04 PM - first post.

Today, 10:08 AM - 6/14/09

These are not the same person.

Thanks Tal for all of your help, and everyone else who helped me along the way. You are right! Now that I read back through this, I can see the way I've changed and how I've gone from some one who has felt completely dejected and hopeless, to a person who IS incharge of his life and his emotions.

I've learned so much about myself over the last few months, that many things that used to bother me don't anymore. This is life and things change... we have to learn how to deal with things the best we can.

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS HELPED ME ALONG THE WAY!!

Jmw, bro, you are the fricking man. Dude, letting people follow your story is pretty awesome. And its not even a story, its your life. I am kind of speechless in the fact that the emotions you have went through are so real to everyone who has been in your shoes.
I wish you wouldn't have talked to her or went to the game but with all said and done now I hope you never look her way again.

I have went through such agony these last six months, not counting how bad it was the prior six months to my break up in January.

Your journey has been a turning point in my life, this very moment, you have made someone better who really needed to be inspired.

I pray that you get the best in every area of your life from here on in.

All I can say is wow.


Thanks for letting us follow, let me know when you get married because I'll either send a gift or come down with it.

Elousia, I'm glad my story has helped you out. It makes me feel good, that someone else can look to my experience and gain some insight to there own. BTW... It may be a long time before I go the marriage route... LOL. I'll keep you posted if it happens.:D

I just re-read the thread again. I can still remember feel what it was like for me back than and what it is like for me now. I've realized how far I have come from the person I was a few months back and it is amazing. Back then, I never thought I would get to the point of being myself and living my life, but I have!

I hope more people like you will read my story and realize, after a few months, things DO get better. I'm not going to say that I'm 100% back to normal, but I'm WAY better off now than I was!

Elousia, just keep moving forward and doing things you enjoy. I will say the three biggest things that helped me through this struggle have been:

1. This website
2. Going to the gym and martial arts class
3. Not turning down ANY social invitations

This is how you distract yourself, have fun, and live life. Be spontaneous and do something for yourself that you have never done before. It's awesome and the memories you will get from that will last forever.

To anyone else who has been following this, keep you head up high and challenge yourself to get over this minor bump in your life. Life is so much more than girlfriends and boyfriends. Life is about having fun and doing things that make you feel proud and happy about yourself. It's about the relationships that form and relationships that fall. We all learn from each of them and get stronger after each bump and turn our road of life takes.

If you are reading this and you feel like your world is crashing down, remember that there will be a point when you get out of the rut and can start enjoying what you have. It will not happen right away, but it will happen. It will not be easy or painless, but once you get through it, you WILL be stronger!

Had to spread the rep JMW, but I am proud of you and I am happy for you! Keep on going man!

There is a movie called the "Yes Man" that I would recommend for those going through a rough breakup. It is about creating chances in life to experience new things, and open doors that you automatically shut when you are stuck in a depressed attitude.

Thanks KC! Hey, you have come along immensely on your journey too. Congratulations!

This site, and the people on it, have helped so much. I am so glad I stumbled upon it when I did. The advice I received her is priceless. I could have easily went out and bought one of the "get my ex back" books. I'm glad I didn't and chose to follow the advice here. The difference between the advice here and the advice in the books is unmeasurable.

Here, you get advice and support from multiple people who have been through, or are experiencing, every type of situation imaginable (each being unique, but similar).

In the books, you get advice from only one or two people, who claim to be experts, who are capitalizing on people's emotional pain, with advice that 9 times out of 10 will not work.

I'm glad I saved my money and stuck it out with the help from everyone here!

The advice from the 'Get them back' books, doesn't rectify the problem. They just promote continuing the dysfuction.

The advice here builds you back up and is by far the best advice around. You come out a better person then you were.

Great progress, by the way, JMW.

Time for an update...

Well, unfortunately my saga continues. I was doing really well over the summer. Then about two months ago my ex calls me. At this point I can't remember why, but she did, and we started talking again. We would talk about 2-3 times a week. I even got to the point of hanging out with her a few times... I should have known that the reason why she was talking to me was the fact that she was lonely after breaking up with the guy she left me for. Anyway all of this was a huge mistake on my part. Insert adjectives to describe me in this situation (emotional tampon, security blanket, second fiddle, love sick puppy, crumb catcher... whatever).

I fell into the trap of false hope and believing I could be friends with her. This was all a sham. I came to realize this on Halloween night. I didn't have any plans, and her and her friend (a friend of mine as well) were going out. I should have stuck to not having any plans. We all went out and basically I subjected myself to the painful experience of watching her moving on. It was absolutely horrible. I did all of this against my better judgment. I won't even go into details about the prior weeks and what I heard and did.

After subjecting myself to all of this, I made the decision to end all of this myself, once and for all. I don't know if I mentioned how everything was before this, but she would periodically call me to "see how I was". Usually that was her excuse to talk to me when she needed something. I've come to realize this all now, months later than I should have. So I drive her and her friend home (I was DD). After her friend left the car, I told my ex to never call or text me again. I told her that the I thought I could have been friends with her, but after noticing the feelings I still had for her and watching her dance and flirt with other guys, I had to end this for both of us. I was feeling awkward and hurt when she was flirting or whatever, and she felt awkward when I was doing the same. I told her that for the benefit of both of us, we have to truly split paths, instead of pretending we did. She thought I was angry at her and I told her I wasn't. She has to live her life with any complications from my end. I told her part of that life is meeting new people and hopefully finding someone who will be good to her and treat her with respect (something she has not found since leaving me). I told her I'm trapped in a place where my feelings for her are holding me back from living my life and that contacting her at all is detrimental to any progress I have made so far.

I told her that I love her and wish her the best and hope she finds someone who will respect and treat her well. She told me that she hopes I find someone who really appreciates me and is better for me than her. I gave her a hug and drove away...

That's how this chapter of my life ends. All the progress that I made almost feels like it is gone. However, I definitely learned a valuable lesson from this that I would not have learned better any other way. I believe that I am stronger and more aware of myself and am better able to judge what other people are looking for when I meet them. However, with the positives come the negetives... this has been the hardest experience for me. The thoughts of losing someone close to me have come back. I am also second guessing my decision somewhat, but only time will tell if it was ultimately the right choice. For me right now, I know it is, unless I was to have a pseudo-friendship with her. That would not be fair to either of us. I now know why they say, the best teacher in life is experiencing life itself... the good, the bad, the mistakes and the successes.

Now I'm left dealing with the hang over... I hope it doesn't last very long.

Naw, I think after learning your lesson, you will be more focused on what you need, and won't fall for that just checking line again. The good news is after you recognized your own feelings, you acted appropriately for yourself.

No I certainly won't. I finally know how I have to proceed, which I should have done so long ago. I just sucks that I've essentially wasted the last year of my life spinning my wheels and not moving on. I'm finally ready. I've shut and locked this door and am looking forward to the next one that opens down the hall.

I'll tell you one thing, I am NOT going to be such a push over anymore. I am going to stick up for myself and not let anyone control me or any decisions I make. I've become more of a man in the last week than I have my whole life, because I finally did something that was good for myself instead of suffering and taking hits for the good of others. I've realized that this is not the way to live. I've lived my whole life like this. It's time that I finally stand up for myself and get what I deserve!

Great story buddy. Man... a whole year of living and learning.

Yea... Hopefully my story will help others avoid the mistakes that I made. Time after time, people give out advice on here and no one listens. I didn't even listen to myself. Sometimes some people have to learn the hard way. I am one of those people.

Ya know jmw,

I was thinking tonight about how the dumper cuts the cord clean. That's what they want, however they planned or did it.

The dumpee now has to spend time and will, severing the same tie and cuts away until its 2 parts again. That's healing.

Its all up to how fast & whatever methods work to get there.

But the result, if you work hard is awareness and true self love.

I say this because I am at that severing point.

Cheers,
Van