Quote:
Originally Posted by busterite
Why did she contact you? Did she wanted to make amends? Or did she wanted to stay friends with you?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by busterite
Why did she contact you? Did she wanted to make amends? Or did she wanted to stay friends with you?
This is my 39th day. Why do I feel so down again? I want to call him so bad. I am missing him again. That keep in touch phrase is just killing me. What should I do?Quote:
Originally Posted by Ash123
If a person wants to talk to you - there's nothing stopping them.
Sooooooo, relax and stay on course -
I know this thread hasn't been posted on in like 5 months, but I figured I would bring it back and say that I'm jumping back on NC.
I am on day 1.. Day 2 tomorrow, which is the ex`s birthday.
Not sure the exact number of days over all. Basically since I left.. Over 100 maybe 120?
Although, there were 2 quick texts before xmas. One for some mail I had and the other for xmas wishes. But both were only once back and forth- so I don't count that really.
Day 4 when the clock strikes 12 :D.
One... great... I "mistakenly" sent a text last night.
Day 115
I quit counting. Every time I count I end up screwing it up. It has been awhile. I am getting better by the minute!
1 and a hald month...
Ps:counts the fact that he sent me a sms for good luck in my exams etc and I just answered "thank u,take care"?
After going 5 months, my ex and I usually talk about once every 2 weeks. Every time it is initiated by her, something about our past and I quickly change the conversation. Last text though was crossing the line. I'll explain...
She sent me a text saying nothing else but "Was that ring meant for my finger?"
As most of you long time forum goingers know, I am engaged to my S/O, the relatonships after my last one. This crossed a whole bunch of lines, I quickly responded with "that was crossing a line, to answer your question. No, obviously fate through a twist our way that worked out for both of us, we are both better off and happy with what path we have chosen."
She replied "maybe you're happy with the way things turned out but i'm not"
And I didn't reply to that.
Wow, very good job!
Most of us would come crawling back after a text like that.
And, you sir, didn't even reply, well done.
Misery loves company, and she is obviously bitter at the fact you have moved on and are happier.
Good for you! Life is just too short...
Thanks 411 and KC, I take it for what it's worth when she texts me anymore. I would love to had that text about 10 months ago when her and I first broke up. Ever since I met my fiancé, everything in my life has improved from job location and salary to personal appearance and overal how I feel about myself.
Like my friend told me after I told him about my exes attempts. "She should have been here months ago with open arms and honest face, she made her bed and now she's got to lie in it."
After all that she's done did she really think I would leave my fiancé, who makes me happier than anyone I've been with to go back to the same boring routine her and I were stuck in?
Totally agree :). I wish I was as strong as you man.
You are that strong, you just don't know it yet. Rome is an example to the power we ALL have once we take it back. Take your power away from her, and live YOUR life. She has no impact whatsoever... not anymore! Carry on...
You guys will all get there, when her and I first parted, I wasn't that strong. I would want her to text me and say anything at all, just to have a conversation. Then something changed, I realized that without her I am still the same person just don't have her in my life. It's a long hard road to travel on, but eventually you will find it smooth and easy to ignore those texts that you know you would have killed to have sent months ago. It's truly rewarding to see how far you have come.
Personally, I am a much better person now than I ever was when I dated her.
No text, email or phone call from her is needed... ba bye!
Hey guys,
Was just reading the thread... and Rome that is amazing dude!. You have come a long long way!
I have had 6 weeks of NC so far... and hopefully I can keep going and get to the stage you are at Rome... I am SO MUCH beter than I was on week 1 where I was struggling like a drug addict. I have now learnt so much and Im learning every day... things are looking good.
Anyway.. guys I was just wondering. Why is it that when your girl leaves you - perhaps for another guy, to live the single lifestyle etc or whatever... that she ONLY comes back once you have fully recovered and Don't want her back?. its funny isn't it... she somehow only comes back when you don't want her back.
Has anyone else had experiences like this?. and does this always happen when the ex leaves you for another guy or single lifestyle.. even though you were a really good guy... I suppose not. But I just found it funny that the world works in such strange ways - she only realises what she had until its completely gone.. wow!
Keep up the good work guys!
To be honest, I wish I knew the true reason, but I don't think we will ever know. But I'll take some stabs at it, at least for my ex.
When my ex left me, for another guy(which she denies to this day but was with him the same week) I was needy, jealous, possessive and didn't take care of myself properly(food and exercise wise) that was December of 2007
Fast forward to the time she started the texting about getting back together. I had finished my counseling, online courses for jealousy and made HUGE strides in better myself as a person, not for her but because I knew I had to if I wanted to have a healthy successful relationship for myself in the future. I also started taking out my anger towards her and myself on the gym, eating right and getting in shape. I have made huge gains in that regards as well, in the best shape of my life and still go to the gym 5 days a week. Everything in my life has gotten better which lead to my personal life getting better and finding someone who accepts me for my flaws and understands that overcoming jealousy is an everyday battle, that I will have slips where I overreact towards something but knows I am trying to make a difference in how I behave about it.
That is great Rome... you improved yourself and are now reaping the benefits. You're an example to many on this site..
My situation is similar to yours... My ex would tell me all these affectionate, loving things ALL THE TIME and only days later.. once she was at university, she wanted to split up. I didn't really get any closure - she just said 'she felt uncomfortable in a relationship'. Then only weeks after dumping me she was with a guy that she had met only 2 weeks before breaking up with me.
But the reality is.. I will never know why she left me - could be because she met this other guy, or she wanted to be single etc.. whatever.. I will never know.
I don't think she will ever come back, even when I am 100% better. Proabably because.. this is what she really wanted.. (to be single or date other guys etc).. and she probably wasn't mature enough for a long term relationship which is what I wanted and she needs to find herself etc. Although, I could be wrong.. and she may come back when I am over her, which is what has happened in many cases.
Right now, I don't want her back at all.. because I realised she doesn't truly love me, and the things she used to say to me weren't really true. But, I do find myself thinking sometimes that it would be nice if she came back when I am completely over her... I know I need to get this thought out of my head, because it shouldn't matter AT ALL whether she comes back or not in the future.. it shouldn't matter because she's not the one for me and I deserve better..
I guess it just takes time though and I will stop having thoughts like that after a few more months of NC... just going to stick to it :)
Day 18.. before I broke it through MSN (I have now deleted her address), it was like 16 days.. if only I had kept it going..
Once I had around 4 or 5 months until she contacted me again.. when I get that far this time, nothings going to stop me :D
2.5 weeks for me. We briefly talked on Christmas Day. I asked and found out something's about her plans and whatever. Needless to say that hurt. I am doing a lot better now. I don't anticipate hearing anything from her again for a long time.
Watch, now that I said something, she'll call...
It has been 17 days of NC now for me. Everyday is different some days better then others, up and down like a roller coaster. I also feel like KC that I am a much better person now then I ever was with my ex.
It seems like that's what happens huh?Quote:
Originally Posted by jmw0713
Every time you feel confident about yourself she ends up doing something like calling or contacting you.
I am on day 1, just met the her last night over coffee, the idea was to trash it all out, and give it another go, but I was less than satisfied with the smirk on her face when I tried to tell how unhappy I was with the way she treated me. Then I got it out of her that she had 'kissed' yeah right! Her ex boy friend. I know she is a bit damaged emotionally and she is using me as a pawn to get her old fella back. This is horrible I have been sucked back in SO many times. But like in AA its back to square one, Day 1.
I'm on day 6, it would be 2 weeks but I broke it to ask him who to give his stuff to. Its not getting any easier. Its like an emotional rollercoaster and I can't get off.
It takes a long time before we can call it "easy." I had been doing NC forever, but had never been on a streak of more than 13 days. In the past five months, I never even went two whole weeks without contacting her... finally, I am on a near month now. So, it takes a long time to even stick to it... but once you do, it will get easier. You just have to think of yourself as a better person. Why should we be so stuck on people who don't care about us anymore? We are special too, so no more lusting over someone who doesn't care about us! They should be contacting us...Quote:
Originally Posted by MiSSsy111222
Just keep it up, it will get better, and easier.
I have come to the conclusion that counting the days like a prison sentence, is not a healthy way to move on from a failed relationship. It indicates that one's life is nothing more than an obsession with one person, it is a better idea to discard the count and just start living again.having said that I'm on day 5, still torture : )
Day 8, Im feeling a lot better then I was on day 1, and I'm getting better everyday.
I feel like counting the days you haven`t talked to the person you love/loved can only give you more self confidence.
Lets keep this going.. was on day 19, before I bumped into her..
What number are you on?
I'm on day 25 now, and doing a lot better than I was a few weeks ago, although I still miss her.
I was @ 114 until she contacted me in September.
Then I was @ 32 when I contacted her.
We had 7 Days of contact (and actually sleeping in the same bed)... then she went into the whole "I want to be alone" phase again.
I'm currently on day 4 now.
I'm on day 60... Doing fantastic! Feeling great! Trying to better myself everyday!
Day 23... can you truly heal if you still believe that she'll come back to you eventually? Is that what is holding me back? I do think eventually she will realize that she could have been better to me and that we were really good for each other, so I feel like declaring it over is only hurting me. Do I need to let that thought go?
@dlowell08:
I'm wondering the same thing, I think I'm still hoping that me and my ex will get back together. It's probably not a good thing to be nurturing that hope, I think it's just going to prolong the healing process.
DAY 23 is still EARLY.
LOG 90 days.
There will be a change then. It may be big or small. But healing takes TIME. Will they come back? It does not matter. Until you stop thinking about them you are gaining nothing from being apart. IF they are the right person - and this is NOT the case almost 100% of the time - then don't sweat it... it'll all make sense one day. The universe is funny that way.
IT'S OVER.Quote:
Originally Posted by what2do27
So you are on day... whatever :-)
Enjoy your new life.
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