Weirdest thing is that, after not talking to her for almost 3 weeks and re-evaluating everything that we've been through together, I am honestly not sure anymore whether she was "the one" for me or not.

I am beginning to think I was very naïve forgiving and justifying some of her mistakes/lies during the relationship (including her "cheating" on me by going out and kissing another guy when she felt I didn't care about her anymore, almost 9 months into our relationship -- I justified it because of her "insecurities"... again).

Plus, last time we talked, about a month ago, she also admitted doing a one-nighter with a married guy 30 years older than her (he was chasing her like crazy) one of the times we had broken up for 1 week in the past (I didn't mind that much though because I had also slept with another girl that same time we broke up... what a coincidence!! )

I honestly don't know anymore whether I wanted her back because I had lost "the woman of my life" or because of egoism and missing a girl I loved and just had a great time with (.. but not "THE ONE")

I believe that what kept me coming back again and again was the fact that she was objectively so f*kin beautiful, so f*kin sexy (everywhere we went, EVERYONE turned staring at her) and the sex we had was totally out of this world...

Strange what NC can do, I guess...

Sounds similar to my story. Still have regrets but I'm moving on.

DAY 21 of NC

It's been exactly 3 weeks now.

I feel so much better. Still thinking of her though (nothing like I used to, of course), however I am not sure if I want her back anymore. NC has given me time to think about our relationship and it looks like, although I wasn't treating her the way she wanted, she made much more serious mistakes while we were together and I have come to believe that she wasn't 100% honest with me all the time, the later being a real deal-breaker for me.

However, I have to be honest, I still want her to call me. I don't know why. Maybe it's just my ego talking here... Or maybe someone in here should again kick some sense into me...

It s a normal reaction, but you have been doing a great job and keep at it. I am more or less in the same boat and all though you have that feeling that oyu want them to call what good will it bring in fact it could just make you go a few step backs. If you still have her on your phone delete her ( I did and it helped). Look after yourself now. Maybe a year from now when you are over this you can start to communicate, but not in this current state. In in year I am leaving the city where she is so I think my choice will be very easy. In the mean time take care and stay strong... doing great

Get busy, and stay with NC, as your feeling better, but need to stick with what works.

Time heals.. u have to move on. It seems to me that what you are doing the right thing. You need someone in your life that wants to stay with you and not someone who is going to run away with someone else.. until she's single again No contact at all!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Onokio

time heals.. u have to move on. it seems to me that what u r doing the right thing. u need someone in your life that wants to stay with u and not someone who is goin to run away with someone else.. until shes single again No contact at all!

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Thing is I will never know when she'll be single again because, although she may then think of coming back to me, she is too selfish to call. But to be honest (and I never thought I would ever say that so soon after our breakup) I don't know if I honestly care whether she'll be single again or not.

That s progress, great!! I also want to add that if she is a selfish person, and has been that way why do you still want to anything to do with her. Now that you are out, you will find someone else it is just a matter of time, and someone who is willing to care about you and keep caring (I am sure she did not seem selfish in the beginning during the first couple months)

Just to give you an update, I am now at a month of complete NC and am thinking of breaking it.

The thread is here https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ml#post1235609

I would like your input since everything written in this thread helped me a lot and played a huge role in my healing.

Thanks a lot.

BREAK NC? Dude. have some self-respect.

Don't do it!!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ash123

BREAK NC? Dude. have some self-respect.

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I hear you. But, honestly, why shouldn't I ? Especially since there is nothing she can do or say to make me feel miserable, angry or depressed...

I bet if you look through Sneezy and my old posts, you can find a lot of reasons. Or hey I got 30 reasons right away, that's how long you've been doing it so far! Just let a sleeping dog lie

Call her if you want.

I was only giving you practical advice, based on a girl being with someone else and not talking to you, but if you want to go for it,
There is no law stopping you.

Let me now how it goes.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ash123

based on a girl being with someone else and not talking to you

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Then why the hell does she call me and hung up ?

Damn, she's weird... Or confused... I don't know.

Yes, she is weird. Yes she is confused. That's why you stay back. Its her move. Your work is done. If you cannot resist, ring her up. She will be weird and confused, but maybe one day she will not be... let me know what you do. I'm Sure its torture. Rent some funny movies and kill a couple days.hang in there.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ash123

Yes, she is weird. Yes she is confused. That's why you stay back. Its her move. Your work is done. If you cannot resist, ring her up. She will be weird and confused, but maybe one day she will not be...let me know what you do. I'm Sure its torture. Rent some funny movies and kill a couple days.hang in there.

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Nah, it's not torture. As I said, the days I wanted her back like crazy are long gone.

Thanks for your input there, buddy. I'm not going to do it, after all...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by broken_arro

Nah, it's not torture. As I said, the days I wanted her back like crazy are long gone.

Thanks for your input there, buddy. I'm not gonna do it, after all...

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Strip club helps a lot (in my opinion)

I haven't contacted her and decided that I will not do so.

By today the car her 2-month boyfriend bought for her should have probably arrived so hopefully she will be concentrated on him and not make these calls again, because, although I liked knowing that she's still interested, I feel like they held me back ! Which is a pity because I am starting to enjoy my life A LOT!!

Keep enjoying it! Make use of modern technology and screen your calls with caller ID.

Just because she is confused, and immature, doesn't mean you have to be.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by broken_arro

I haven't contacted her and decided that I will not do so.

By today the car her 2-month bf bought for her should have probably arrived so hopefully she will be concentrated on him and not make these calls again, because, although I liked knowing that she's still interested, I feel like they held me back ! Which is a pity because I am starting to enjoy my life A LOT !!!

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Spoiled girl...

2 months and her new boyfriend bought her a car?

WOW!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by hjpan

Spoiled girl....

2 months and her new boyfriend bought her a car?

WOW!!

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Well, it is not 100% HER car. He wanted to buy himself a car (he totaled his last one), had one ordered, however, when she told him what HER favorite car was, he canceled that order (losing a couple thousand dollars) and bought the car SHE liked and is going to give it to her for a couple months...

I'm telling you, this guy is a total door-mat... He knew that I was chasing her, he knew that she wasn't feeling things for him in the beginning, however he wanted to keep her with him using every means he got, hoping that feelings would develop on her side along the way. And maybe he was successful... Who knows.

She had told me that him ordering that car was the most beautiful thing anyone had done for her... DUH!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by broken_arro

Well, it is not 100% HER car. He wanted to buy himself a car (he totaled his last one), had one ordered, however, when she told him what HER favorite car was, he canceled that order (losing a couple thousand dollars) and bought the car SHE liked and is gonna give it to her for a couple months...

I'm telling you, this guy is a total door-mat... He knew that I was chasing her, he knew that she wasn't feeling things for him in the beginning, however he wanted to keep her with him using every means he got, hoping that feelings would develop on her side along the way. And maybe he was successful... Who knows.

She had told me that him ordering that car was the most beautiful thing anyone had done for her... DUH !!!

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And the most regretful thing is probably her getting pregnant and the guy running off

Quote:

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Originally Posted by hjpan

And the most regretful thing is probably her getting pregnant and the guy running off

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Nope, the most regretful (or funny, I don't know) thing is that he did everything he did by using his father's money ( a VERY rich businessman from what she has told me), since the guy is only 20 years old !

Quote:

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Originally Posted by broken_arro

Nope, the most regretful (or funny, I don't know) thing is that he did everything he did by using his father's money ( a VERY rich businessman from what she has told me), since the guy is only 20 years old !

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Wow... useless 20 year old guy

I'm 19, turning 20 in 3-4 months, and found a job right off the chart..
Got hired immediately =]

No questions asked... interview was signing documents :)

Pfft... I learned the idea that my parents will pass away in the future...

This old saying:

"It's ok for a fisherman to catch fish for their children. But, it's necessary for the fisherman to teach their children how to fish."

Quote:

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Originally Posted by hjpan

Wow... useless 20 year old guy

I'm 19, turning 20 in 3-4 months, and found a job right off the chart..
Got hired immediately =]

No questions asked... interview was signing documents :)

Pfft... I learned the idea that my parents will pass away in the future...

This old saying:

"It's ok for a fisherman to catch fish for their children. But, it's necessary for the fisherman to teach their children how to fish."

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Well, to be honest, he also has a job. He goes to his father's business for 2-3 hours each day from Monday through Friday ! :p :p :p

Quote:

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Originally Posted by broken_arro

Well, to be honest, he also has a job. He goes to his father's business for 2-3 hours each day from Monday through Friday ! :p :p :p

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His fathers' business can crumble any second or any day...

Unless all of his stocks are invested in cheap chinese stuff... I doubt that~

I learned the hard way... was too dependent on family business income..

Now, I'm working from the bottom to the top.
Regardless, find a guy whose going to be independent...

Ok, weird and UNEXPECTED turn !

I posted a message on my best friend's Facebook account two days ago, telling him that summer was great, I had a great time and autumn is going to be much better... Now this friend of mine has an ex with whom they are still great friends, talk almost every week up until now and have added each other on Facebook (i.e. they can see each other Facebook pages). His ex is best friends with my ex...

This is where it gets exciting...

Today, I got a friend request on Facebook from a girl I didn't know. This girl created her Facebook page just today and minutes afterwards she requested me to add her. I did and I am her only friend ! I checked her e-mail and guess what... It's the e-mail my ex uses on her secondary MSN account, the one she created to "have fun with" (at least that's what she had told me).

This girl on Facebook has only two photos of her... And it's not my ex. However the MSN account using the same e-mail has a profile picture of my ex and it's definitely used by my ex...

Now I honestly don't know what to do. This girl on Facebook is online all day today (what the hell is she doing, I'm her only friend!! ). I am THAT close to talking to her and ask her who she is and where she knows me from!! Even if she is my ex, I don't think it's considered a break of NC. I mean, if she IS my ex, she's the one who kind of broke it by requesting me to add her on fb and I honestly don't want her stalking me online. Yes, deleting her is an option, however I am curious as hell to find out what the hell is going on...

Suggestions ?

P.S. : She just added another guy as a friend, a guy who has exactly the same name and surname as me (and who is also on my friends list - I added him out of curiosity) ! Wow, she's weird!!

P.S. 2: If she is my ex (which is quite possible) I don't have any photos or info on my Facebook account showing that I am indeed moving on with my life and enjoying myself, which I certainly do. And I would honestly like her to know that I do... So I am afraid that now she'll scroll through my account and say to herself : Ha, nothing has changed for him, he's just posting messages that he's moving on and having a great time just because he wants me to believe so... Or maybe I am over thinking and over-reacting...

I guess you didn't get the message when we all said DELETE HER FROM YOUR FACEBOOK! Stop reading too far into her simple mind games, sure she wants to know what you're up to and you are letting her. This isn't really NC, as you are still getting excited over stupid little things. It's over man, stop trying to read into stupid mind games

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

I guess you didn't get the message when we all said DELETE HER FROM YOUR FACEBOOK! Stop reading too far into her simple mind games, sure she wants to know what you're up to and you are letting her. This isn't really NC, as you are still getting excited over stupid little things. It's over man, stop trying to read into stupid mind games

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I guess you misunderstood my post. I DID NOT HAVE MY EX ON MY FB!! Never did and never will... She didn't know what I was up to and I also didn't know what she was up to. Just today this girl requested me to add her and I found out what I wrote above.

I am over my ex and I am indeed leading a VERY HAPPY life ! I am not excited... I am just VERY curious what the f*** she is trying to pull.

Question is, do I contact that girl on fb and ask her who she is and where she knows me from ?

But you are reading far too much into the whole Facebook thing, if you are going to continue with doing that, it might be wise to stay off it for awhile. When me and my ex broke up, I went off my myspace for 4 months for my own mental stability

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

But you are reading far too much into the whole facebook thing, if you are going to continue with doing that, it might be wise to stay off of it for awhile. When me and my ex broke up, I went off my myspace for 4 months for my own mental stability

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Again, why shouldn't I be using Facebook up until now ? She was not one of my contacts, she couldn't see my page, I couldn't see hers, I have many friends to chat with on Facebook and it kind of keeps me busy when I have nothing else to do...

So why not ?

Problem is what the hell I'll be doing now. I think I'll just think of it throughout the day and decide. Opinions are always welcome.

I think you should take Romes advice as your thinking way too much, presuming and assuming, and allowing an avenue open (thru your friends) of keeping in contact with the ex, and she you.

What if this mystery IS the ex?? What possible good could come from this drama, or mind games. BUT, if you have nothing better to do, have at it, and get what you get.

My advice would be to remove this person from your contacts and continue doing what you were doing so far. You should not care whether this is your ex or not and you shouldn't even start thinking what she could possibly be thinking. If it is her all she is trying to do is stay on your mind for as long as she can. I know my ex has been putting status udates even on her gmail account because she knows I am not checking Facebook anymore but that I cannot stop chekcing my email. Some days it makes me angry but then I forget about it. Its not worth my time.

You are commenting people on your ex's friends list, you even claimed that. So what is YOUR motive behind it? You are writing these messages just so your ex will read them.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

You are commenting people on your ex's friends list, you even claimed that. So what is YOUR motive behind it? You are writing these messages just so your ex will read them.

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Nope, again wrong. This guy I sent the message to is my best friend for 24 years now (been knowing him since 2 years old!! ) He sent me a message Saturday morning and I replied on his fb. He is not on her friends list. He is not her friend!! She just became friends with his ex. Believe me, I had no intention or suspicion that what I wrote would reach her...

Reason why I have second thoughts about deleting this new girl off my fb ? Because she is so damn beautiful (I mean smoking!! ) and I would like to get to know her if it's not my ex!! ;)

I think you already made up your mind about contacting this mystery girl. That being said, once you find out who this person is, and if you are convinced it is your ex then you need to realize a few things.

First, If it is your ex, why would you let this childish girl play mind effing games with you? This is pretty demented that someone you used to love could now torture you like this and be so immature about it. Be strong and delete her as a friend on FB, no true friend would do this to another.

Second, It may not be your ex at all. 7 years ago I was dating multiple woman and just being a free spirit. Little did I know that I had an admirer in the background and had no idea that she liked me. Well, it took a co worker of mine to tell me that this girl is too shy to tell me how she feels about me and that I should ask her out. I did and we have been together since. We are going through a weird stage right now, but that's another story.

Don't read too much into all of this. And as for the 4am calls try turning your phone off right before bed. I'm sure you are not on call for work 24/7/365. Don't be the pawn in her childish game of chess.

Good luck.

Heh, this mysterious girl added 7-8 more guys as her friends, listed herself as single and looking for a relationship, and posted away messages like "why do we have to hide our true feelings" and "please send a sign you are still there" (the later are lyrics from a local song)...

Heh, I just really want to contact that girl, prove that it's my ex and just delete her off fb... Don't know if I'll do it though.

How about skipping the contacting part and just deleting her?

Whatever is going on, your sure working yourself up about it. Why don't you put an end to the assuming, and presuming, and get some facts for yourself.