 |
Its weird because what he did, in a way, is a mature thing. He realized we were in different places with different needs and wants and ended it. My dissapointment is that we somehow grew apart. But I can understand that he just did what was best for us both.
What comes next is the scary part... not knowing if there will be someone better or if our paths will cross again.
But there's that building myself up for whatever comes next, right?
No looking back, you're right...
Fear of the unknown is normal for all us humans, and healing is what you do to deal with the next thing life brings, good/or bad.Quote:
What comes next is the scary part... not knowing if there will be someone better or if our paths will cross again.
But theres that building myself up for whatever comes next, right?
If somebody doesn't want to keep working on a relationship, they've already checked out long ago, they just haven't announced it to you yet.
I know this thread is a few weeks old now, but I felt compelled to say I am going through the same situation right now. Im 28 and the ex is 30, but we were together for 7 years. For the first few years, of course I wasn't talking marriage or children because I wasn't thinking it, then the last year or so I made it clear that I would want kids in the future, and subtly he began to pull away from me and started having millions of friends and a time consuming hobby of fixing up old mopeds and vespas and getting into that 'scene' without me. He had also been the less responsible one over the years so I managed all of our money and kind of pushed him to go to trade school and when he would procrastinate over making important phone calls or something I would have to remind him and nag and coax him to take action etc. It never seemed to bother him in the past, or he just never said anything... We finally broke up because he admitted he will never want kids. That was a big shock because he had always kind of skirted the issue before. Because I just couldn't believe it, I made him explain more after he had been moved out for a week or two. He admitted that he was feeling less attracted to me the last few months and that he was happy with his new life. Is been 7 weeks and I am only just now starting to believe a reconciliation really won't happen. He said does love me so it has been hard for me to really accept this, even though he said right to my face, 'Im not going to change my mind.'
Im sorry I know I am not really offering anything to answer your question, but it helped me to see such a similar scenario so hopefully it will help you that someone understands what you are going through. Hang in there
Hi jasmin-
Thanks- I wish you all the best in everything from here forward. The situation sucks. Its been 8 weeks and I don't know what I feel. He's probably not going to come back anytime soon. I wish he had just said 'im not going to change my mind'. It might have been easier. And I wish he didn't want children or a family- but he does. Its so stupid to be holding onto something that may never happen. But at least you've got solid answers.
As far as answers, I may not have them definitely, but at this point he hasn't called on his own (only answers when I initiate) and I haven't bothered in 3 weeks. Its tough. And I hope this gets easier.
Its nice to know someone else's point of view.
2 months post break up, 25 days no contact, still anxious.
This sucks.
He may never come back/realize what he had.
He has made no effort to contact me.
Hes probably over it.
I'm not and I want to be for my own sanity.
Time sucks.
I wish I could see into the future.
The anxiety is killing me.
People change all the time, right?
I'm afraid to let myself find someone new.
I miss him.
I want to be connected to him again.
I'm just angry/sad/tired/thinking.
Keep holding on... you will make it.
Someone new and better will come along and you will of needed this time to get over a past relationship.
I don't know your situation... but if it didn't work out.. and you didn't like something about him.. that's not going to change. Stop holding on to the thought of him..
Time does suck.. but it's the one thing that lets you heal.
Good Luck!
You will feel better soon enough, I know it sucks now but you will see how much better off you are in time.
Congrats on 25 days no contact!Quote:
Originally Posted by HopeDiesLast
Hiss loss?Quote:
He may never come back/realize what he had.
Good.. you guys are avoiding all the unnecessary drama.Quote:
He has made no effort to contact me.
DoubtfulQuote:
Hes probably over it.
Your working your way towards it - just stick to NCQuote:
I'm not and I want to be for my own sanity.
Today is just a bad dayQuote:
Time sucks.
That would be kind of boring though wouldn't it?Quote:
I wish I could see into the future.
Today is just a bad dayQuote:
The anxiety is killing me.
Its called growing upQuote:
People change all the time, right?
That should not be a priority - this time is about youQuote:
I'm afraid to let myself find someone new.
There's nothing wrong with thatQuote:
I miss him.
Are you sure about that one?Quote:
I want to be connected to him again.
Remember today is just a bad dayQuote:
I'm just angry/sad/tired/thinking.
One day in the future you will reflect on your relationship and be glad it was over. Venting is okay and do it when needed. Sometimes you wish you can fast forward time to where your completely over him but time moves slowly. Keep up no contact and soon your venting will be in a different tone because you would have heal.
Thank you guys... I really appreciate it. I've gotten to the point where, one way or another, I just want to be able to happy again. I'm so sick of being miserable!
Pragin-i would like my old Tony back. This Tony who left me blows. And change- that's the problem. He hasn't grown up and I have.
Where is this new person that will make it all worth while? I wanted him to be on the same page as me so badly. Now I just want him to realize or the new person to appear.
But first I'd like to be able to smile more.
I'm scared he's really over this. I'm scared he won't realize.
Sometimes I feel like his issue was really with me.
One step at a time.. work on the smile first.
Can't give yourself to someone when you aren't whole...
I really understand how hard it is and I also wish I could wake up and have completely forgotten about her but unfortunately its impossible so just keep the NC and stay strong.
You should not care about what he is doing or thinking. You should only care about how you deal with yourself and what you are doing to get over it.Quote:
I'm scared he's really over this.
Well that is his loss, but don't torture yourself until he does. You don't want to be with someone that can't appreciate what you had.Quote:
I'm scared he won't realize.
Do not bring yourself down. I don't know the details but do not do this to yourself.Quote:
Sometimes I feel like his issue was really with me.
The new person will come at the right time, but first you need to stand on your own two feet. Things can only get better from now on. Just keep the NC and take it a day at a time.
I feel exactly the same. 3 months. She has no regrets yet misses me sometimes.
Problem is that I know exactly where she is and what she's up to without having to ask. She works on my street and is friends with my sister in law.
She's living with her new boyfriend.
Just be glad you don't know what he's doing.
I'm afraid to admit he wasn't who I thought he was. I don't want to believe he can't give me what I need. I want to think this is just a phase and he WILL realize. I don't even know why.
I know what I want... I know he wasn't giving it to me. But I believe he can.
HopeDiesLast, you admit he wasent giving to you what you want.
He didn't think it was worth to give it to you.
You have wants, and you need someone to give them to you.. you are worth it.
Keep repeating it to yourself..
Thanks kissme! I'm normally so confident. I just don't get how one person can knock me down like this... or why I let him. It angers me.
Well, we are all human! :)
Full of emotional,physical needs and wants...
Sometimes those wants try to over come our needs...
I want to call him :( or at least text. I won't, but I want to.
Whatever you do, don't contact them. It pushes them away and makes you feel bad at the same time. I've just given up on her now. Close that door and look for another one I guess.
He was spotted on what seemed like a double date. He's probably over me. He was spotted at a bar he's never set foot in. he was probably meeting her there. Who is this person? Where did my boyfriend go?
I think it's a sign of me giving up. Reality is finally setting in.
HopeDiesLast... your post is so close to how Im feeling too. You are not alone. It's been 3 months for me... though I have had intermittent contact with my ex-GF due to some issues with joint accounts and such that I have only recently begun to decide to cancel. But I have (finally) realized that she may never come back and I have come to grips with it. It has made me very very sad but what can you do. I still miss her dearly and wish we could be together like we were. Stay strong. I am trying to be...Quote:
Originally Posted by HopeDiesLast
I feel exactly as you do. I had a really BAD day. But it will get better, we have to believe.
Sorry you feel this bad too!!
Don't try to figure out what your boyfriend is doing. It doesn't matter and you shouldn't care! Believe me because in my case I know she has already jumped into what seems to be a serious relationship with the guy she cheated on me with, after our 3 year relationship (She was my first real love and we both come from the same circle of friends back home which means I will always have to stumble over her, which sucks). So believe me when I say that its best you don't know! Its really important you keep the NC going on! Unfortunately your feelings won't change overnight and it will take a lot of effort but you are definitely on the right track.
Yeah the more I know about the ex the angrier I get that he's just done with me. The more I start to wonder "well, is he REALLY done with me?" The truth of the matter is actions speak louder than words. And if he wanted to try, wanted to contact me, wanted to get back together... he knows how to do it. He just doesn't.
It's hard to look at a situation and see it for what it really was. Because no one wants to admit they were wrong. Or that the person who broke your heart saw the writing on the wall first. It's a big blow to your ego.
I guess now there's nothing else to do but let go.
I agree that it is really hard to see the situation for what it really is and admit that you were wrong and that is what I am struggling with too. But it will only make you stronger for future challenges in your life. Although you might not believe it you are already in the process of letting go, its just that it takes time. Just have faith in yourself and your ability to get over this and it will all be fine.
I hate him. I really do. I hate him for letting me trust that this was going to work. And then when it came down to it- he couldn't do it. It makes me so angry.
It hurts so much doesn't it. I'm so unhappy right now.
When my ex fiancé broke up with me I remember the 2-3 months in was so bad, then 3-6 months in was getting a lot better, 6- 12 months the hurt and the pain you have in your heart went away 15 + months on the only time I think of her is when I want too. Just take the advise you get here it works. And I didn't believe it when they told me but it does get better.
I wish I knew that my situation was going one way or another. At this point its going the way I wish it wasn't :(
You are going in the right direction and the proof is that you are still maintaining NC. Its your mind playing tricks on you. Don't let yourself believe that you were being played all along your relationship, and don't let hate take over. It is really easy to hate someone but the hardest is to forgive them. It takes a much stronger person to forgive. I know it feels almost impossible and extremely painful but that is what I try and convince myself to do everymorning I wake up. It has been 1.5 months since we broke up and it's the 3rd week of NC. I am still struggling to come to terms with the fact that she is sharing all the things we were sharing 2 months ago with someone else, and although it is not as bad as the first week where I couldn't sleep or eat anything I still get some really bad days, where I feel completely lost and wandering whether I have made any progress and when I will finally be able to move on without having to think about it. Your signature says that things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they are right, so just believe in that and hold on in there.
He's said he wasn't feeling it anymore
He'd seeing someone casually.
He hasn't called.
I haven't called or text in 27 days.
So why the hell do I have this hope that he's testing the waters and will come back?
Someone please tell me how to let the hope go because I'm going nuts.
This is a lot like my other posts but I need a slap in the face... please.
*SLAP* You need to just realize he isn't coming back, it's over. He is moving on, as should you be. Healing is a time consuming process. You are doing well with No contact, eventually it will start to shed some light to you that this is for the best and there is better out there
Get busy learning to love yourself, and quite whining over someone who doesn't care, how dumb is that??
Well you asked!
Thanks... keep it coming.
I hear you... do I ever hear you. I've been doing the same thing... hoping that my ex comes back to me. So much so that I refused to cut all ties with her to my detriment. Recently I have been getting a clue that she doesn't really care all I have been doing and boy do I feel stupid. I have finally decided to cut all ties (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-242077-2.html) but it took 3 months for me to finally do it. All I can say is that it takes time and I wish I did it earlier. Stay strong.
Actually my slap is to remind you that IF he comes back, remember what you're getting back. You aren't getting a guy who "tested the waters and then came back to you". That's rosy-thinking and it's not accurate.
What you're getting back is a guy who looked at you and thought "eh, she's not it for me, think I'll go find someone better"... and then he DIDN'T find someone better. That's good that he didn't, but HE STILL WANTED TO.
Don't miss that. You'd be getting back a guy who would really prefer to be with someone else, but may be willing to settle for you. That sound attractive to you as a life choice?
JB, you forgot one thing... Or he did find someone better, but she didn't want his sorry @$$ and then he came crawling back
Well that would be when he'd have to do some SERIOUS proving of his craving for me! I wouldn't let him come back so easily after this Sh*t he's put me through. And maybe by the time it gets through his thick head... the tables will have turned. Who knows?
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:07 AM. |