I have an aside question, what does the symbol mean next to the topic when your at te list of questions page?
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I have an aside question, what does the symbol mean next to the topic when your at te list of questions page?
Do you mean the half lit light bulb?
No the gold speech bubble thing
If you hover your mouse on it, it gives you information about that post...
(Tal, I think he means in the User Control Panel - next to subscribed questions)
Yeah that's what I mean lol
Nice catch BB, I was lost for a while. Hey its summer!!
That's my story, I'm sticking to it, LOL!
Tal... A smile? Say it isn't show ha ha JK
I won't lie, it took a little investigating...
I had a little free time :p
Hi Bigbird,
Okay, now I have a question. What does OP mean when people write that. I've seen that referenced in several posts along the way:D
Original Poster
Thank you Rome!Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
I have a date with some girl who has had a crush on me sinnce September 2m.
Any tips? Its been awhile since I went on a first date lol
Of course we will never forget, they just get filed to make room for newer memories if given a chance.Quote:
Originally Posted by pol5019
Speaking of chances, dating a new girl with old memories is very unfair and risking rebound and comparing. Do you this is right? Would you like it if a girl met you, started a relationship with you and you later find out that she has been comparing you with her ex and when physically close she is thinking about him? I seriously doubt it and it would not be fair or respectful toward you - so 'do unto others' here and get on with your life.
The reason we have our memories is to make sure that we don't make the same mistakes again and learn how to be more compassionate and communicative so that the new relationship has a chance. Those old images are nothing but fantasies now, and it would benefit you to treat them that way - and create some newer and better memories as we grow and mature.
Good luck, and keep us posted.
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Treat her with respect, communicate and have some good clean fun and don't treat her like a one-night-stand. And don't talk about being treated badly by your ex, or anyone else. Let her do some talking and listen instead of thinking about someone else while with her. Everyone deserves a chance - just look at yourself - you are looking for another chance, so give other's the same as what you would expect.Quote:
Originally Posted by pol5019
Good luck.
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I would quote u but I don't know how, u said The reason we have our memories is to make sure that we don't make the same mistakes again and learn how to be more compassionate and communicative so that the new relationship has a chance", but my memories with her were not mistakes. I mean sure we had some fights, but everyone has those. Even though we broke up, I don't consider my ex a mistake, or a bad time at all. She was amazing, and I guess at the end she just got bored with me. I had no control over it =/
And thanks for the date advice for 2m, I would never bring up my ex in front of her. They hated each other!
haha~Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
thanks :)
I have no time for girls now
Same here D;Quote:
Originally Posted by pol5019
it's hard, isn't it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by pol5019
Rules for dating:
1. KEEP YOUR SNAKE IN YOUR PANTS!!! Majority of the girls HATE guys who get their snake out... Well, I made love to my ex on our second date (LDR)
2. Communicate. Keep your ears and eyes open~ ask her if she's comfortable, hungry, thirsty etc.
3. BE FRIENDLY. Don't grab her hand and twist it or put your hand on her hot .
4. Maintain yourself. Think before you speak.
OK sounds good. I'm actually taking this girl to a john mayer concert so it should be fun
That's good =]Quote:
Originally Posted by pol5019
I just want to say thanks to everyone for your advice. I'm so glad I found this website, u guys have been awesome. Ill try and keep u posted, and when I'm having problems, u KNOW I will be back here complaining=]
THANKS!
Quote:
Originally Posted by pol5019
Not at all.
Just let yourself vent a bit from the previous relationship.
For me, I need to focus on community college and advanced training school.
When u say vent u mean talk about it?
More of focusing and concentrating on something elseQuote:
Originally Posted by pol5019
OK yeah that sounds good. I used to play music all the time before I dated my ex. I have been playing the drums for 14 years and stopped cause I had no time cause I was always with her. So I can start that up again I guess. And umh she has been in my dreams 4 nights in a row. Is that bad? I never dream this much ever
All I have to say is that girls will most likely come back to you, after you stop caring, and don't need them there anymore (aka, happy and healthy)
Just be thankful that she had the balls to break up with you before cheating on you or something. I promise you that everything will be fine.
Didn't want to be mean and give you a red one, but I totally disagree...Quote:
Originally Posted by FilthyDFC
I don't think that girls will come back when you leave them alone. And if they do, I tend to think they aren't relationship material to begin with. Personally, I would consider actions like that to be fairly immature and beneath what I would desire in someone.
Sure, if they want to talk slowly and maybe hang out once in a while I guess that might be okay, but if they come back crying and begging saying that they realize that your what they want now?? I'd call it bs, they'll just get tired of having you around again in no time.
Your still fresh from this break up, and your mind is just filling the void of her not being there, that's normal, and rather healthy as long as you know the why of it. That also happens to junkies that quit doping. It shows how addicted you were, to her, and its time to balance your life with other people, places, things, and activities, that make you happy. Beating that drum is a good start.Quote:
she has been in my dreams 4 nights in a row. Is that bad? I never dream this much ever
Perfect analogy - First time relationships, especially, tend to think that giving everything you have, and then some, is the best way to keep a relationship healthy and going strong. Unfortunately, this is not the case. I, and many of us, have been there ourselves. It truly is an addiction.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
So take heed, and next time around - keep your space, keep your independence. Find that balance.
Yeah one of my problems in the relationship was I was very clingy, which I know now is a very unattractive quality. I guess next time I have to keep my space and distance like you guys said before.
And filthy, your right about her breaking up with me before she cheated on me. I don't think she could ever bring her self to cheat on me. But then again I didn't think she would break up with me the cowardly way she did...
I can tell your still angry, but I don't think what she did was cowardly. She did what she thought she needed to do, and you need to respect that. In time you will. Most people are angry after the breakup, but in time the emotions fade and you might actually respect that person for doing it. It takes a lot of strength and courage to deal a blow like that to someone you love.
I think it was cowardly. After a year of dating she does it online? And I went to call her when we were talking and she said she wasn't going to pick up cause if she heardmy voice, she wouldn't be able to do it. I don't know I thought after all the time, money, and effort I put into a year dating her, I deserved something more than that.
I will agree with you there, it hurts. I was dumped on the phone after 4 years and I thought that was cowardly. I was out with my friends at the time too, bothered me for a while, but I got over it. In time you will be able to move past it.Quote:
Originally Posted by pol5019
I know the feeling. I felt that I deserved better than I was given, at least to see her and talk with her about it in person. I got the same "It will be too hard" excuse. "Well hey, as long as its easy for you......"
Erg...
Just give her space and don't push her too much. Try giving someone else a chance and you just might find out if she really does care about you. And it just might be because she's still farely young and would like to live her young life while she still can. I totally understand what it feels like dealing with a breakup. I'm 23 and I've been with my fiancée for almost 3 years and we've also got an 18 month old little girl together. So I've definitely been in your shoes before.
My ex is in my dreams on & off...Quote:
Originally Posted by pol5019
OK guys so I just came back from the concert. John mayer was awesome, but out of all the people there I run into my ex, YEH I know bad news. Well I reli didn't run into her, I saw her two sections over with her mom and brothers. But it was very awkward, espcially when her brother started texting me asking me who the girl I brought was. Me and my date did nothing, just had a good time, which I'm verryyyy happy about. I don't think ill be seeing her again anytime soon. But just seeing my ex's face when she saw me with this girl was hard for me. I still care for her and I don't want hurt her, even though she has destroyed me. It's a very weird feeling I'm having so. UGH =/
Quote:
Originally Posted by pol5019
Who cares?
She's your ex for a reason... leave her at the end :)
Of course it hurts like heck when we get dumped. After investing time, it's hard for the dumper as well as the dumpee. Dumpers will feel guilty and hope that you won't hate them. Dumpees will get angry, want them back, then want to get even for the 'indignation' and wish the dumpers will never show up in the vicinity again. These are emotions we all had or still have - even though unrealistic to maintain.
My ex lives right upstairs from me - he dumped me when he found out I had cancer - we share the same backyard and his son is my ex-son-in-law who I get along with quite well. I know he does not have anyone special, goes out once a week to a bar and pick up a regular drunk and goes with her to her place for a few hours and then comes home. It does not bother me at all because I know he has no friends and the neighbors all tell me he's always been a jerk. Every time I get company or go out, he's at the window watching... who is bothered more by the break-up? He is, but I don't care and am glad he's no longer demanding my time and attention for free. So, those that hurt people and are generally cold-hearted get paid in the end.
She dumped you, so her brother should not even have asked who the other girl on your side was - unless your ex encouraged him to find out. No matter what reason, she needs to either sh*t or get off the pot and let you heal and start living your life and enjoying things again.
If you have read the stickies you know that you are not the only one this has happened to and it will probably not be the last time, so accept the fact that you are an emotional human being who can learn from mistakes made by you and others. Also, please give the next person the benefit of doubt and enough respect - don't ever compare a new one with the old.
Now, go out and have a good time, and set new goals and keep busy living - not in the past, but towards the future.
Time heals, I promise! You too will get over this and find your share of happiness, so don't be so hard on yourself. You are still too occupied with her so you have to do something about it.
Stay with us dear, we will help you get through it.
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I can understand how that situation would be tough... No matter what she has done to you, you still don't want to cause pain to her and hurt her if you don't need to. If I were going to be out with a girl, I would certainly want to ensure that my ex wasn't going to see me, I guess that's being a nice guy, but I don't see a need to hurt her if its avoidable...
You have to be honest with yourself as well... It sounds like you still have too many feelings for your ex to involve this other girl, so don't lead her on. Using her as a rebound will only hurt her in the end...
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