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Originally Posted by Genuineforce

I can see right through you, and I'm sure some others here can as well wheather they
keep it to themselves or not.;)

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Don't take your frustration with your love life out on me. Just get a puppy dog, and get all the unconditional love you need.

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Opinions please! I'd love to hear any and all!

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HMMMMMM??

You still here?

This must be why you advise people, like hearing yourself talk... well I'll humor you.
There's this really great scene in an 80's movie called Beverly Hills Cop. Its where you
Have Eddie Murphy talking lots of s**t while being carried out off a building. He continues to talk tough, yet he is thrown through a glass window onto the sidewalk. Reality begins to set in... I let you have the last word though, since you are all talk. We see right through you...

Goodnight fella

Did you get it all out or are you still in need to vent? Go ahead, I do understand.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2893679

I Think You Did The Right Thing
You Don't Really Know What That Girl Did
If She Was Smoking Weed
And I Don't Think You Should Trust Someone Who Smoke Or Uses Drugs

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Originally Posted by BABYCAKEZ55

I Think You Did The Right Thing
You Dont Really Know What That Girl Did
If She Was Smoking Weed
And I Dont Think You Should Trust Someone Who Smoke Or Uses Drugs

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You are right on the head here. Thanks. Obviously Dr. Phil, ahhhemm, I mean Talaniman
Sees this situation otherwise. People love giving hypocritical advice. They wouldn't deal with this situation the way they advise me to at all. Truly ridiculous. I feel great on the other hand, and am going out to breakfast. Thanks!

Talaniman is one of the relationship experts you asked for input from here. Posting on this forum targeted him specifically.

I've reread your posts and his. His responses were clear and unthreatening.

You're taking your dislike for his response (which I actually DO understand, we are pretty straightforward here responding to what posters provide), you're taking your dislike for his response and actually disparaging his entire worldview and you've even called his successful marriage a fake.

You're being unreasonable in the faces of people who spend time on this site actually trying to help. You don't see that as a problem?

Meanwhile, though you're acting like a spoiled child, everyone here, including Talaniman, keep treating you civilly and trying to help.

As I said before, places like this forum are about reasonable people interacting. Everyone talking to you is being calm and reasonable because we only want to help you, if we can.

Are you capable of doing the same? It would be awesome to know you can disagree with someone without an accompanying hatchet-job. I think you can.

Talaniman (and I were both) agreeing that she was not right and you did the right thing.
Talaniman was just basically pointing out that maybe you were somewhat controlling or possessive but that was before Tal realized the rest of the story.
We both said setting aside who is right and wrong your values are different and you are not compatible.

That's why I posted your other posts so people can recognize your patterns and judge for themselves.

If your happy so am I. Enjoy your breakfast.

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They wouldn't deal with this situation the way they advise me to at all.

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I wouldn't have a strange female living with me in the first place, and 4 months is a stranger still.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Thats why I posted your other posts so people can recognize your patterns and judge for themselves.

If your happy so am I. Enjoy your breakfast.

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Heh, you posted "parts" of my other posts to form a basis for a ridiculous comment. Without that you could not get a "jury" to agree with you. This isn't a courtroom however, and nobody trusts the character of a lawyer. I have already made you eat your words to these REAL perople here. Anyway, the point here is that I, yes I said "I" (meaning NOT you) had a bad relationship, and had a list of good reasons to end it with this particular female. Enough people here were REAL, and understood the situation on a level that you clearly do not. Your motivation here is to "disect" peoples words, and play tit for tat (SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT ADVISOR) to prove that I have dealt with this woman in the wrong way. You do not wish to lose rank on this site with people who trust your advice (not saying that you haven't given good advice to other people with issues, but your advice on this issue was no good). You are not perfect, and will not receive an A+ every time with your advice brotha. Sorry that's not how the world works, just as we all don't get an A+ in each relationship.

I spelled people wrong, I typed perople instead. Lets see how you continue "TIT FOR TAT", because you can't be wrong. Great Advisor

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Talaniman is one of the relationship experts you asked for input from here. Posting on this forum targeted him specifically.

I've reread your posts and his. His responses were clear and unthreatening.

You're taking your dislike for his response (which I actually DO understand, we are pretty straightforward here responding to what posters provide), you're taking your dislike for his response and actually disparaging his entire worldview and you've even called his successful marriage a fake.

You're being unreasonable in the faces of people who spend time on this site actually trying to help. You don't see that as a problem?

Meanwhile, though you're acting like a spoiled child, everyone here, including Talaniman, keep treating you civilly and trying to help.

As I said before, places like this forum are about reasonable people interacting. Everyone talking to you is being calm and reasonable because we only want to help you, if we can.

Are you capable of doing the same? It would be awesome to know you can disagree with someone without an accompanying hatchet-job. I think you can.

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Maybe I was not clear on what advice I wanted here, I can agree with that. I'd like advice from people who have ACTALLY dealt with this type of situation hands on. Not someone who read a book only. I may have not pleased everyone with my comments to Talaniman, however I have expressed having NO interest in his advice on this issue. Nobody here would accept thei partner who they live with to stay out all night till the next day without any form of communication. Sorry

Talaniman's first response to this issue was after I gave all angles to the situation. I can understand the other peoples comments before that. Being controlling does not come into play once you read more on what lead up to this with her. Perhapps you are a more passive male, regardless to that I came to a mutual agreement with this female before starting the relationship. When you brake these agreements with your partner, they have their right to act according. Has nothing to do with being controlling. It has to do with what is and isn't OK for ME to be in a relationship with this person.

Hi Genuineforce,

In reading your post and the additions to it, I do understand why you got upset with your girlfriend. It is disrespectful on her part for sure. But, realize that she may not be ready to settle down at this time, and perhaps it would be better for you to find someone that is more compatible for you.

Now, please pardon me for stepping in here and adding my 2 cents, but, Talaniman is great. He might not give you the answer(s) that YOU are looking for, but I assure you, he reads everyone's posts in there entirety. He is wonderful, and I am thankful to him (and everyone else) for ALL of their responses to me and for their advise. Sometime the answers and/or opinions are not what we really want to hear, but, I value each one. I am not trying to force you to agree with him, but putting him down? NO WAY! The man is married, successfully, for 30 years. Obviously that says that he knows how to have a successful marriage (as does his wife), and knows how to deal with ups and downs. Maybe he did or didn't have heartache in the past, but he does have a long, beautiful marriage. Who wouldn't appreciate advice from this man!

Kudos Tal!

We are all hear to help each other, that is what makes the people on here so amazing. Its great that you are here too, but, just because we may come off harsh sometimes, we do not mean any disrespect. We just are trying to help. You strike me as someone who demands respect, and that's a good thing! Please respect the other posters in return. We demand it too. :)

I think your ex's behaviour was unacceptable, and I think you are much better off without a girl who is using drugs with her MOTHER.

I know that I am a bit too controlling and I can admit it. I must also say that I share your views of communication and respect and my relationship of 1 year just ended 2 weeks ago due to problems of this kind. I guess I am too old-fashioned for a 21 year old, but I dream of a girl who does not drink heavily every month and has to drink each time she goes out. :(

GF,

Others here may not be familiar with you at all, but between you and I we have been through this before, as this isn't the first time my advice has piszed you off to the point of blinding you, and your insane logic. Unfortunately your tirades change nothing, and you will never see the part you played in sabatoging this relationship as you have others, again you will repeat this same pattern over again until you get it right. Take some good advice, and stop trying to make some one over in your image, and pick a lot more carefully your next victim.

Don't get me wrong I honestly want you to be happy, but until you make better choices to begin with, No way.

So rant away buddy, if it makes you feel better, Don't like my advice? Pass on it. When enough people read your whole story, they will agree with me, no doubt. Even if they don't doesn't matter, I'm here to help, and so are many others, what are you here for, beside spreading bad attitude?

You wanted support that you were in the right you got it even from Tal and me and others.
Seems you like to dwell on minor details instead of focusing on the main issue.
A preacher once told me when you eat meat throw away the bones.
Meaning get the over all message of what Talaniman said and don't squabble over the
Small stuff. This has gone from you wanting reaffirmed that you did the right thing to defending yourself that you are not controlling. In the process you are turning this into a thing about who is in control. Maybe that is a problem you have --having to make everything all about black and white/right and wrong?

Yes, the issue went far from where it needed to be. This was not intended to be an issue between Talaniman and myself, however it has. I still see some valuable comments here none the less. It may be my error in even angaging Talaniman, who's advice I have at this point at least made clear that I do not want. Talaniman is an advisor on this site, and has the right to be. Regardless on this issue, I wanted opinions, and mainly those from people who have been in this situation before. Those who did give their opinions from this standpoint I greatly appreciate. I've said what I felt towards Talaniman, just as he has toward me. Name calling took place on both ends, regardless to who started them. When you put "you" before an adjectvie it can become name calling. Regardless this is Talanimans style of giving advice. It is not even that serious, that's the point...
If anyone has any other points of view to share, or experiences with their partners who put them in a similar situation, please feel free to contribute.
Thanks!

I also felt it important to mention that I have lived with this female for 4 months. I did not say that we have only been together for 4 months. This is not the case

Hi everybody.

Can we get back to the issue and a follow-up now. I hope this thread is not turning into a b*tching session because it would be such a waste of time and energy. I too have a few posters on here that totally irritate me (intentionally or not) and I try not to take it personal because each of us is entitled to our opinions and no two personalities are alike - but let's all go back and respect that.


So GF, can I assume, that:

You have broken with this relationship?
You had consequent conversation with her mother and she agreed that what they did was wrong (at least by your point of view)?
You are irate about this loss and will probably need some time to get over it and go on with your life in hopes of finding someone compatible?

I hope you can find appropriate and amicable time and place to vent your frustration - because we all need a 'punching bag' when pushed to the limit. I Just hope that this site is not your current target.

Let us know what next step you have planned toward your future.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

Hey Chery. At this point in time, her mother has went back home. Flight left yesterday afternoon. I have talked with this woman about this whole thing more thoroughly. She understands what she did was wrong, and has expressed regret for her actions. I believe her. So as a follow up, I would like to say that I have taken our relationship off hold, and are working on our communication. I had to put it on hold before because her mother was still here in my house, and I could not think comfortably. I may like to hear more of your opinions here as others may like to speak on this type of relaitonship issue. Other than the spats that I have had here, I enjoy this website, and enjoy reading and sharing experiences

Hey there Genuine,

When I read your first post for this thread, I too felt that maybe you were being somewhat controlling, assuming that this was a one time ordeal and that you just jumped the gun basically without hesitation.

However, I too would be fairly angry if my girlfriend told me she would be back at a reasonable time and couldn't even call me or text me letting me know she will be out longer or won't be coming home that night.

Do you think that if she were to have contacted you that you wouldn't be so mad, or mad at all?

People make mistakes, that's how we learn. I'm young, but I have some old-fashioned values myself. I expect that if someone tells me they will do something, that they do it or at least alert me ahead of time of changes.

I do think that you didn't need to go off on a rant about Talaniman though for giving you his advice (it wasn't like it was fact, laws, or anything you must abide by.) There will always be conflicting views, or other peoples opinions/advice that you may not agree with. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. At least then you can see something you may not have thought about.

Controlling and being possessive are different, controlling is not as harsh, more of an issue that can be worked on. Being possessive is dangerous and would need serious help to turn to the better.

Though you have already expressed your concerns with your girlfriend, and things seem to have gone better. I hope she understands where you're coming from, and that you were worried if anything bad had happened to her, and I hope you understand that this may be her personality and the way she does things and if you intend to pursue this relationship for the long run, that you may have to learn to deal with this from time to time.

At least she came back, right? I wouldn't have thought she would do that with her mother in my opinion, but I also don't know what kind of relationship they have with each other.

Talaniman gave you his advice, no need to bring childish insults and bad mouth his reputation into the mix just because you don't necessarily like his response to your issue. He just calls it like he see's it, and never once has he told me that my actions were a cause of my own issues and that I am at fault. Most people here will vouch for Talaniman as he has taken time out of his day to help random people (who could all be jerks out in the world, including me even though I'm not) with their problems.

I hope things go more smoothly for you, I know it's hard dealing with your situation, feeling betrayed because of the other persons carelessness and disrespectful actions. As long as you keep a good line of communication and make your issues known (as well as be open to any concerns she may have of things you are doing, and see what you can do about them) then you should be fine.

Good luck!

Dude-

I know this is an old post, but I feel the need to respond anyway. To make this really simple... ask yourself one question. "Would I put up with all my girlfriends crap if there was no sex involved?" If you and here were not having sex, would you put up with her lying, doing illegal drugs and partying all the time? My guess is probably not. So, the answer is - you were only in that relationship for sex anyway. If that's the case, it's good you dumped her because her baggage isn't worth it. Find a woman who is emotionally healthy, honest, loving AND good in bed, and you should be much happier.