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You won't like to waste all the energy needed to take that leap- right?Quote:
Originally Posted by Depressed in MO
So you won't !
Like Jayjay says: DON'T forget the bad times and what he did to you and your children.
You have to be strong and not to give in
Remember he's begging but it's a show
Have courage and good luck
Millie
What the hell is wrong with me? I get so angry with myself! HOw can there be people like him in this world? Then again, how can there be people like me?I know I am smart, I know I am beautiful-the other day on my way home from work-feeling like crud as I usually do, someone in the car that pulled up next to me rolled down his window and told me that I was very pretty. He has no idea how good that made me feel. And he was very good looking too. I've always depended on the current guy I'm with for myself worth. Problem is he has always treated me like I am not good enough for him. I think that is another reason I am still with him. I can't leave him only to have him think that HE CAN DO BETTER. I'm a good person and I need him to know and respect that no matter what.
What do I mean? I do not know of anyone who has such a louse, scumbag, loser, user, feelings manipulator, liar, chaeter for a boyfriend.
It saddens me to death. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
And now he is using you.
See, you're young... and that 'bad boy' image is such an attraction for you. Why? I don't know.
I know you suffer from low self steem. You can work and fix that. See a therpist.
You keep picking the jerk/bad boys. They don't care about you - they just tell you crap you want to hear to sleep with you.
WHO CARES WHAT HE THINKS?? WHO CARES?? HE'S A LOSER!! HE IS ABOUT TO GO TO JAIL!
Hey I don't mind having a good guy. I would LOVE to have a good guy. Just can't seem to land one. Believe me, I would love to have an Engineer or a doctor or just someone who works everyday no matter what they do-with good moral values. But I feel like it's too late and no one like that would want me because of my history or my current situation. I don't think I'm too wrong on that theory.
I totally disagree. It's the guys your choosing to be with. Now I would not want to be with you if I knew that creep might come around. Step one is eliminating him from your life. No contact - no helping him. I don't think you will do that though - he has something over you and he says jump and you say how high. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
You can move forward once this scum is out of your life. Of course no one would want to be with you if this guys around - he IS the problem - always has been. He's why you are where you are at - it's not you.
You're a sweet heart and there a ton of guys who woul be with you. You just keeping picking the JERKS and BAD BOYS because the turn you on. You can't quite come to terms how horrible these guys are. Losers, thugs etc.
:cool: If you don't know by now you have a lot of people here who love and support you! We know of the good in your heart and the misery in your life. Don't take this wrong but you need to take control of your life to change it. You need actions not words,so I expect you to get help from a professional and get rid of that loser. Only then will life get better. Now get busy our prayers are with you.:cool:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Depressed in MO
Hi Depressed!!
Even if you find a guy who is successful or who just has a regular 9 to 5 gig, he could still be a loser!! I was married to a very hard working man, but it is still true, he was a loser in other depts.
I'm telling you-no man is going to want me-even if he is not in the picture. They are going to think I have too much "baggage". I know this, because it has happened to me before, I've been told that. Guys want to have their own kids, or think that they will be pushed into raising my kids or something along the lines of that and I just can't take that kind of rejection. People just don't give chances so easily like that, it would be very hard for me to find someone else, no matter how great of a person I am. Hell, I had a guy break up with me one time because he said I was "too nice". Whatever that means. It was a good thing, actually, for him to do, but it still hurt me. I'm not good with the dating scene-obviously. People don't give me a chance to get to know me, they just want to sleep with me and then if I turn them down, they go on to the next pretty girl. Guys don't want to mess with me because I have too much going on in my life-(kids, responsiblilites)Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21
That is completely untrue. It's been said before in this thread - and I'm going to repeat it - you are just going out with the wrong men.
There are men out there who don't mind that. There are also men out there who have children of their own and are single.
Also, if you give yourself a chance, you'll meet a man who loves YOU, and won't mind that you have children. It has happened a million times before to millions of people, and it will continue happening.
Hint: A positive attitude really helps in these kinds of situations. I know it's difficult, but with time, it will get easier.
Good Luck
"Take a deep breath, count to ten, and tackle each task one step at a time.
-Linda Shalaway"
Hi dear,
I found this on a mail I gat today, and I thought it may help you. Remember that "stair" I wrote you about last week? It's basically the same idea. -by the way: how is your chin?-
You should NOT worry about your next relationship now. Just solve your present problems. "the future is not ours to see"- deal with the present right now. Things will fall in place in their right time. For now, you MUST take care of yourself and your kids.
Take one thing at a time, we're too small to comprehend the whole jigsaw puzzle, and so we must deal only with what we can see right now, other wise we're overwhelmed and paralyzed and we can't accomplish anything.
Be brave!
You are, you know? With what you've out up until now!
BUT you used all your assets to someone else's benefit - unfortunately, someone UNWORTHY of it!
Pick yourself up!
I find you a great person - and believe me, only shallow people will overlook this, and concentrate on all the "external" issues.
I gather you've had enough "shallow" men in your life to recognize them now from safe distance.
(is he in jail?)
You can ALWAYS send a pm to me IF you think I can help.
I'll do my best to encourage you and help.
Millie
He is not in jail as of yet. He has been somewhat good to me lately as in he has been taking me places during the weekend-however, then he leaves and he is gone all night long and doesn't answer his calls or calls me either. I don't know what to make of it. He says he really does love me, but I just can't trust him. My chin is healing but it is ugly. It makes me feel even worse about myself.Quote:
Originally Posted by milliec
Depressed!
Sounds like he could be seeing someone else
He was seeing someone else-then I found out about it-this was a little over a month ago. I'm sure he still sees her from time to time.Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetface
I am a guy who is going through a divorce and have 2 girls. I know how you feel. I have been separated from my wife for 5 months now and things can get very rough. I have seen a counciler for a couple of months now and 2 very important things I have learned isQuote:
Originally Posted by Depressed in MO
1. You can't change people you can only change yourself.
2. Negative thinking, brings negative actions. Positive thinking, brings positive actions. (This is very true I have learned from my own experiences)
If you say it won't happen its not going to happen.
One last thing, you don't have too much "baggage". Unless you own a entire travel set. All 64 pieces. Your kids, problems, and values are a part of your life. You obvisouly love your kids and worry about there happiness but if your not happy they will never be happy.
Good Luck
From someone who knows the feeling
OK, I've read it all up to now. In my opinion, you don't have a very good opinion of yourself!! Something in your past has blocked you and given you the feeling that no matter what you do, it always wrong and that it will never work out, therefore you'll never be happy. This is plain BS. Stop doing this 'self-destructive' brainwashing on yourself - someone in your past has already done that to perfection. Please, if at all possible, see a professional and get yourself to the point of finally liking yourself and also liking the person you've become - despite all the stumbling stones you, and others have placed in your way.Quote:
Originally Posted by Depressed in MO
You will probably never find 'mister right' as long as you don't give yourself a chance (you don't need others to put you down, you do that yourself and one hell-of-a job doing it!) You say men only want your body... and would probably not believe it if he said different.
You say men lie to you... you EXPECT them to lie to you, therefore it must be a lie.
You say that they still find you attractive... but you probably talk yourself into thinking ahead, and BAMB... talk yourself into thinking it will never work, all they want is ONE thing...
You need to know where your man is all the time, what he's doing and with whom... because you know that you cannot trust them, as you say to yourself that everyone just lies to you and, no matter what they tell you, you cannot trust their answers. And, you do all the worrying, and all the solving of either petty or real problems... because you think that's what they expect from you.
Whoever tried to mold you into meeting their expectations of what you should be, and whoever downgraded every attempt you've made in your life to continually prove you are worthy, really did a good job at it.
NOW.. it's time for you to gain some self-respect and confidence in YOURSELF before you can give it to others. Please seek professional help as soon as possible and get rid of the 'baggage' that you've been carrying around for so long - and I don't mean the kids or current problems. This goes a lot deeper and it's time for you to clean it up.
As long as you keep up the super-negative attitude of yourself, you'll have a negative attitude towards all future things and encounters in life. Please don't let this happen.
Since you know yourself best, please try to sit back and look at your life from a different perspective - of a total stranger who just met someone like you. - What would you see and what would you advise?
If your choice is to break up and raise your children alone, what strengths can you pass on to them at this time - None... You'll transfer all of your doubts, fears, and insecurities to them, and not even give them a chance. So, again, seek professional help, with or without him, and get that self-respect of your's a chance to grow up without the feeling of constant failure.
Hoping you'll at least think about the possibilities open to you instead of condemning yourself to everlasting doom. You are the only one that can do anything about this - so for you and the children, please do it.
Wishing you all the best,
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_11_7.gifTHANKS WHILDCAT... I THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT READ THIS IN IT'S ENTIRETY....
Wasted time here...
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_11_7.gif
Are you saying I drove him to cheat on me, or to continue cheating on me?Quote:
Originally Posted by Chery
D in Mo,
Let me let you in on a little secret... you MAY be shocked as hell... life changer for you...
Wildcat right now sees a woman with 3 kids. Wonderful, beautful, loving woman. Ok? She is fabulous... strong... funny. You can do this too... plenty of guys out there that would just love to be with you and probably loves kids like I do.
"leaves and he is gone all night long and doesn't answer his calls or calls me either" - you KNOW he is out partying and being with other woman. As you are home with your kids.
Please throw this guy to the curb for good - YESTERDAY!! Hello??
Chery - did you see my last post before yours??
No dear, was busy writing and did not post soon enough for you to see it, your's got there before I had finished. Since I've been out for a while, it's taking me a bit to catch up, and I like to give all my concentration to what I'm saying. Stay with me partner, and don't run too fast because I'm a little slow and my spine is still healing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21
"C" "U" again soon.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif
I still get the impression that you are stating that I "drove" him to continue cheating on me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Chery
Look, I've given this guy chance after chance after chance... Believe it or not, every time he goes out, I don't blow up at him and say things like "I know you are going to cheat on me"-I've heard the expression "Well if you are going to accuse me then I might as well be doing it" one too many times to continuously set myself up for more heartache. Each time he goes out I tell him that I love and trust him (even though I really don't trust him a whole lot) and that is all. I understand what you are saying and I'm not offended-but I have to defend myself to the fact that I don't drive him to cheat on me-I am a wonderful person, and I've learned through my years of what and what not to say.
Well I deleted my post because I didn't see you post right before I did. But the statement did confuse me, though I followed all the other stuff. I will say this about cheating. In no way, shape, or form can cheating be any body's fault but the cheaters. Cheating is a choice and in my opinion is the ultimate act of disrespect.
Much love , You have the power to change your life,get rid of the loser and the baggage he brings and think of YOU and the way you want your life to be!:cool:
You are so right.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kryc
D in Mo... did you see my last post??
Once a cheater, always a cheater - they never stop.
The thing of it is, I feel like they all cheat. And when does that rule apply? At some point, everybody cheats, whether you are fourteen or 24-does that mean they are always a cheater? There are so many definitions of "cheating" so at what point does the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater" apply?Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21
Update and a question: the night before last night everything went real well between us, we spent some alone time together, we talked about things, he came out on his own and said he wanted to quit what he was doing (not referring to cheating... ) and get a job and make things right (this is all without me bringing it up) and that he loved me and wanted to be with me forever... everything was great and I went to bed happy for once in a long time.
Yesterday, I get home from work, he was real sweet, asked me how my day went, fed the kids, then took a shower, got dressed and left to go "handle some business". He left around 7:00PM. Well he calls me about 9:00PM because he was "just thinking about me" and wanted to tell me that he loved me (aw how sweet right?) and then he said he had to do a few more things and he would be home. Well guess what? He never came home. Am I surprised no? Hurt-hell yes. Even though he does this all the time, why does it hurt in the same amount of pain every time?
No the post about the woman I have been seeing.
BTW - WHY are you still with this guy?? Why?? He just keeps pooping on you.
I for one think that you should move on. He doesn't show you respect because he tells you one thing and does something else. Now sometimes things like that are unavoidable but not on a constant basis. You said it yourself you are hurt and come to expect him not to do as he says. You are not happy with the way things are at the moment. You can't change the way he treats you but you don't have to put up with it.
Yes Wildcat, I noticed the post; however, I have three babies. I don't know the woman you are with, but I am guessing her children are teenagers or older, not babies that require most or all of her attention.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21
But it did give me some hope...
Yes - a little older. In school. There are guys out there that love kids and are compatible with you - no question.
Yeah they are called homosexuals. Doesn't work for me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21
You are being unfair to yourself.
Dear!Quote:
Originally Posted by Depressed in MO
That's not fair.
One thing for you to remember, that there are SO many kinds of fish in the ocean.
What you've just done I in your last post, you slammed the door to future possible relationships - I know, it's a kind of defence for future "failures"
But why presume them?
In any cast, you shouldn't stay with him. Even when he's nice, warm, tender, caring, swears to be THE romantic husband IN PERSON, meets all your dreams, and more, what else? You name it.
EVEN THEN- he's just playing with your feelings!
I won't even try to attempt to answer the question if he means it: it's irrelevant. He's not going to be like this. He can't.
Of course it hurts: because you trusted him again, I'm not talking about being faithful - I'm talking about the way he behaved, when he was with you - you went to sleep happy, because you had hope, which means you trusted his intentions and words.
BUT!
It didn't last, because it couldn't.
He's put you, once more, in an emotional roller-coaster.
And he makes sure you can't leave it.
It's the worst relationship you can have.
You reached this marriage with a very low self confidence, during the years with him he did his best to make you feel even worst about yourself.
I think that if we look at both of you through impartial glasses, we will find out you are above him in many aspects: your character, your intelligence, your creativity, your compassion, your honesty, you're probably hard working and the whole house is on your shoulders. I don't know what more, but I'm sure we can have a booklet filled with it.
Am I right?
At least a little?
If so, he might feel INFERIOR to you, and will do his best to put you down.
How have you changed since you're together?
Lost, maybe , you sense of humour?
Does he ridicule you, the things you say, the things you do?
My dear!
YOU MUST GET A THERAPIST TO HELP YOU REACH THE RIGHT SELF EVELUATION, TO HELP YOU GET THROUGH THIS ORDEAL, TO SUPPORT YOU AND HELP YOU LEAVE HIM
And don't take blame TO ANY OF HIS ACTIONS!
I'm sorry if I'll hurt you now, but he wasn't nice because of something you did!
AND, in the same way, YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE for any
Actions he took.He's cheating because that what probably gives him a sense of worth: having his way with woman. He thinks he's so smart he can eat the cake and still keep it!
You must stop taking part in the play he wrote, don't accept to go on with the role he designed for you.
Be your own master, stop being his slave.
I wish you all the best luck in the world.
And write us.
We shall all support you here, but you must be helped by a therapist. Someon beside you, to hold your hand.
A good one will make wonders for you!
Take care,
Millie:)
The fact she keeps letting this creep back in her life says in all. She doesn't want to help herself. We've been knocking our heads against the wall for this gal.
This guy just keeps pooping on her.
I am done with it.
I think others have been writing her part in plays all her life and they've all been 'bad parts'. She needs to find herself before she can even look further. I hope she gets the help she needs for her and the children's sake.Quote:
you must stop taking part in the play he wrote, don't accept to go on with the role he designed for you.
Yes and the children DO NOT, under any circumstamces, need this loser in their lives - ever. Period, end of story.
Hey I am just here venting like everyone else. When I need a place to go, someone to listen, I post here. That's all.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21
You don't understand what it's like-not that I expect anyone to.I don't need anyone to hold my hand or baby me, just some good friends who will talk with me and not judge me.
No one judges you here, we just want the best for you,sometimes it means telling you things you might not want to hear but it is only mean't to help, from those who care! Much love!:cool: :)
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