Ask Me Help Desk - Got dumped

Quote:

Originally Posted by liz28

You're using the wrong set of words. Never say you"cant", because you can.

Your mind is playing tricks on you. Stop talking to her mother for the time being because it will only make you remember the past.

Visualize life without her not with. When she is in your head force your mind to push her out.

If you keep continue the way your going, it will lead to depression. Part of get over someone is realizing the relatinship is over and then take it a day at a time.

How long has it been now? Your mother, friends, and people on here gave you some good advice, so use it, if you truly want to get over her.

Thanks~ I am doing my best to avoid contact with her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rnfowl

Congrats to staying faithful to her even though you could have been different. This shows what type of person you are and in the future relationship you come into, continue to be the person you are and be faithful. Someday you will find the right one, and when you do you want to have been faithful to her. Trust is a big issue and sounds like you can be trusted. You sound like you are a strong person. Keep your head lifted and keep smiling. You are going through a rough patch but smoother roads lie ahead.

I do not understand why but all my friends, both males and females, tell me that I am the perfect guy for a lot of girls.. =/

But, I have only had one serious relationship and this is it.

Quote:

But, I have only had one serious relationship and this is it.

If you get busy, and be proactive in your healing, you can change that. Don't mean to be harsh, but you get nowhere in life waiting for it to happen. You have to get off your butt, and adjust your life to living without her, and regroup. When she sneaks in your head, get up and do something to change your focus. Its about the ACTION you take on your own behalf.
And for gosh sakes, why are you talking to HER mother? Not a good idea at all.

Life is not over and you will have more relationship, some will come to a end and some or one will last.

When you become involve with someone there no guarantee it will last. If it don't you reflect back on it and think and say"oh well her lost".

When your with someone look at actions whether words, think with your mind whether than your heart, things you have common goals they want to achieve, always follow your instincts.

So take a class like karate, to help relief some on the stress. It will also help you think with a clearer mind. Again what don't kill you makes you stronger. Also, delete any text/voice messages you have from her, pictures as well, you don't need reminders. If she have anything at your house, as simple as a shirt throw it away.

Thank you all.

I will get more help =]

any more ideas :)?

I talked to my sister and she said to give my ex space & time. No contact or communication at all.

That's good.
Reread your own thread and you will see some helpful tips that you might have previously overlooked.

-Sik

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sikativ

That's good.
Reread your own thread and you will see some helpful tips that you might have previously overlooked.

-Sik

Thank you :)

I also just got off the phone with my mom; her best friend is a shaman so I asked my mom to ask her best friend the situation.

It's pretty confidential, but it has something to do with my karma :O

Sik, thank you for your help~ I'll keep updating the situation :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

I talked to my sister and she said to give my ex space & time. No contact or communication at all.

PLEASE do this.

Just don't do this hoping to win her back. It Won't work.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbird213

PLEASE do this.

Just don't do this hoping to win her back. It WONT work.

Ok..

How long did it take to cope the situation for those who were in my position...?

That depends on how well you apply yourself and how bad you want to move on.
Those that can accept what has happened, and are through mourning, can move on quite fast. The whole thing is what you do to cope with your own feelings. That's where many get stuck for so long.
Learn what to do with yourself in these situations and you will learn a valuable life lesson.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Learn what to do with yourself in these situations and you will learn a valuable life lesson.

Vague..

You need to live by your own signature because Arthea Franklin saids it best. Stick to the words of the song and let that song be your motto.

Everyone is different and it mostly depends on that person mind set. Once you accept that its over you can get over it with patience.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ka1111

Vague..

The answer to this has been given over and over in this thread and others. You need to understand what happened, accept the breakup occurred, and know what your part in it was. You then need to get busy, move on, and try to see life beyond that person.

The four stickies at the top of the main page have TONs of suggestions and guidance on all of this. In fact, I believe there is one called "What to do after a breakup..."

Originally Posted by talaniman
Learn what to do with yourself in these situations and you will learn a valuable life lesson.

In knowing yourself its much easier to know how to act, and react, to what life throws at you. Knowing yourself, makes it much easier to make a decision for yourself, and what you want, and need, which are two different things, and what right and wrong for you. Knowing yourself, allows you to grow, be happy and healthy, and confident.

As you learn more you grow more.:cool:

Thank you all =]

Anyone know tips to get my life pattern back on again?
I sleep less than 6 hours or I sleep and wake up every two to four hours..
I eat really little; stopped eating for two days minimum.
My focus is out of range =/

Maybe instead of trying to get your pattern back you should work at creating a new pattern. Having a new pattern will allow you to feel as if your life is taking a large turn, for the better. If you remove the regular patterns from your life, you won't miss (as much) the other parts of your pattern, like her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbird213

Maybe instead of trying to get your pattern back you should work at creating a new pattern. Having a new pattern will allow you to feel as if your life is taking a large turn, for the better. If you remove the regular patterns from your life, you won't miss (as much) the other parts of your pattern, like her.

Oh :O~

Good songs to cope..?

I've got TONS... what kind of music you listen to?

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbird213

I've got TONS....what kind of music you listen to?

Techno/trance
Disco
little bit of rap
rock

We'll I don't listen to most of that, rock is probably the only thing on there I can help you with, but it really depends on your mood. But here are a few songs (angry-ish, not the sad, feel sorry for myself kind)

-Crossfade - So Far Away
-Breaking Benjamin - Had Enough
-Fuel - Last Time
-3 Doors Down - Going Down in Flames

That's a few for now, if your looking for anything else let me know.

I hope some of those help you. They always inspired a little bit of anger/determination in me, which is great for getting into NC...

Thanks

Does having sex with random girls at parties get my ex off my mind?

All my guy-friends are like "dude! you need to go out to parties & effe girls!"

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

My girlfriend of one year and five month relationship dumped me. She said she doesn't love me anymore and it freaking sucks. After all this time, I question myself why was I so faithful to her? I could have cheated on her with other friends but I did not. I cajoled with her a bit to find out, but she says she doesn't have the feelings anymore. Right now, I'm just out of my head and still up. I can't sleep, think, concentrate, eat etc.

What she said afterwards was that we should be friends and date later on.

I don't know what the heck I should do =/

Please, don't say "get over it" cause that does not help.
Give good examples and such.

Stop thinking about so much. And if she did say yous want to date later you should have just rejected her because what if u guys go out again and the same thing happens over. You'll be even more fustrated and out of your mind!

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

Does having sex with random girls at parties get my ex off my mind?

All my guy-friends are like "dude! you need to go out to parties & effe girls!"

Can't tell you I have experience myself, as I don't think it would help me but - If you look around at some of the stories others have posted here, it doesn't appear to help. It might take your mind off it for the moment, but it certainly won't help you cope with the loss any...

I imagine doing this would probably make you miss the intimacy you shared with your ex - my main reason for staying away from it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbird213

Can't tell you I have experience myself, as I don't think it would help me but - If you look around at some of the stories others have posted here, it doesn't appear to help. It might take your mind off of it for the moment, but it certainly won't help you cope with the loss any...

I imagine doing this would probably make you miss the intimacy you shared with your ex - my main reason for staying away from it.

Well there is a famous quote "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone new" . Basically it means just what your friends are saying.

It all depends what your outlook is, personally I've wasted a lot of my life wallowing in self pity and being depressed after break ups and it really doesn't do any good, you need to force yourself to get out and pick yourself up and move on.

Live by the golden rule 'They only get one chance! ' makes your life a lot easier, otherwise you sit there thinking ,will she come back ? Or Is there hope for us? When you should be thinking 'She had her chance!! ' I'm not wasting another minute of my life even thinking about her'!!

Just remember the only person that holds you back is yourself!!

Go out with your mates and meet some new girls, you'll be surprised there are millions of lovely girls out there, you'll meet a new one like I did and think whyever did you waste all this time!!

Quote:

Go out with your mates and meet some new girls, you'll be surprised there are millions of lovely girls out there, you'll meet a new one like I did and think whyever did you waste all this time!!

Hindsight is 20/20, but your so right, there are a lot of females out there, so healing PDQ, is the way to go.

I agree... meeting new people is exciting.. lol.. you may find someone you're really attracted to or some new good friends... and about the sex part.. idk, it may work for you.. I think it's just a "quick fix", you may forget your ex for that moment but maybe then you'll miss her more... but we're all different.. maybe it works for you... if its something you would like to try, then go for it.. :)

Sex with random girls is a panacea. It will distract you while you're doing it, but afterward you're right where you left off.

You need to SERIOUSLY date other girls. Random sex means pointless interaction with women, the exact OPPOSITE of what you need for your mind.

Just my take on it.

============
Side note: Random sex with random girls can always lead to random babies... something else I assume you don't need right now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hulena

stop thinking about so much. and if she did say yous wanna date later you should of just rejected her because what if u guys go out again and the same thing happens over. you'll be even more fustrated and out of your mind!

I understand.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Sex with random girls is a panacea. It will distract you while you're doing it, but afterward you're right where you left off.

You need to SERIOUSLY date other girls. Random sex means pointless interaction with women, the exact OPPOSITE of what you need for your mind.

Just my take on it.

============
Side note: Random sex with random girls can always lead to random babies...something else I assume you don't need right now.

Oh...

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Hindsight is 20/20, but your so right, there are a lot of females out there, so healing PDQ, is the way to go.

PDQ?

PDQ- old school saying for;
Pretty
Darn
Quick

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

PDQ- old school saying for;
Pretty
Darn
Quick

Oh :eek:

Yea I agree, random sex is never a good idea. It won't help you get over them will only create more problems and make you feel lonely after it's over

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Yea I agree, random sex is never a good idea. It won't help you get over them will only create more problems and make you feel lonely after it's over

Ok...

Anyways..

I called up my recruiter for the Army and asked for more info on training and so forth. I told him that my girlfriend left and I decided to join for sure, but I needed to plan out my time so I know when I am available for training, which takes about 9 to 11 weeks.

Dude, seriously... You posted the question, I just was reading the other posts and agreed so you give the attitude. Next time I'll just bypass one of your questions. Thanks for serving the military though