Forget the past, and embrace the future, as an opportunity to be happy, and fulfilled.
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Forget the past, and embrace the future, as an opportunity to be happy, and fulfilled.
Thanks guys... I know I need to move on. I'm almost there...
Forget the past, you need no more reminders, lay it to rest. The present is what you are in, is she there? Nope... Is this girl? Yea, follow the path as the journey in life is more exciting than the destination.
So it's been been about 2.5 months since I got dumped by my ex-GF. Was rough at first but these days I'm doing pretty well. After a few small text messages/e-mails to work through some logistics issues, we've said all is needed to be said and It's been 2 weeks of complete NC so far. I can't say I've totally moved on and while not a day goes where I think of her at least once, I don't really dwell on her all that much anymore and have just been living my life. I've been watching a lot of movies of various sorts and what has been a little hard/annoying is all these movies that deal with love/relationships in them! So many of them portray it as a rocky road where the couple splits up and then after attempted NC, The guy (most of the time it is the guy) gets his eureka moment and decides he cannot give up on that one special person that easy and decides he is going to fight for all he's worth to win her back despite her initial rebuffs. And of course in many of the cases his persistence is rewarded and she either "sees the light" or is overwhelmed with his refusal to give up (which to me looks a lot like stalking). I got to say watching these movies just makes it tough to keep NC and move on gracefully!!
Damn Hollywood (though it's not just Hollywood, they are all like that around the world!)
Lol I agree, my friend draggeeeedd me to go and see the sex and the city film, and I thought it would be full of cringey not funny female humour (sorry women but most of us are just NOT funny) I didn't go to sleep as I suspected and it hit me like a TRUCK, I cried afterwards and desired nothing but my ex to have a revelation and ring me etc etc *sigh*
Hi Boris,
Oh the same thing happened to me. I found myself getting teary/misty in the theatre watching SATC. I loved it though, I thought it was good (especially the Manolo's :-) ), but wow, it hit home.
It was an amazing film, very realistic--- but that's the problem, really hit home! X
Watch movies like Bad Boys, Bad Boys 2... Action movies will be your friend! Don't watch the love movies, of if anything watch "The Break Up"... That is a good movie
Rome - it's not like I'm going to love movies all the time... it seems like every movie of some sort deals with some relationship issues that of course gets resolved at the end. I watched Hellboy to the other night which I wouldn't call a love movie but guess what? Hellboy and Liz are having relationship issues in the movie which gets resolved at the end. Maybe not the best example but it's the last one I saw and it kind of hit home because of the other issues involved in their relationship... :-P
Dinosaurs eating people, no sex, romance, or even nudity!!
What about if a dinosaur is eating a naked person?
Don't you go to movies? The dinosaurs are always naked, not the people. Pay attention!!
Then shouldn't those movies be rated "R"! This darn Hollywood critics
Great observation! I saw on recently, Definitely, Maybe. The guy is shown the way to true love by his 8 year old daughter. The only two movies where the guy has a pair is Rhett Butler in Gone With The Wind and the guy in Bridges in Madison County. I'm certain there are others.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigdee
Dracula never had a problem with the ladies! It was the jealous guys always doing him in!Quote:
I'm certain there are others.
I ain't talking about the pair in his mouth, you know.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Agreed! I cringe when it comes to today's romantic movies and the entirety of the "chick flick" genre. The idealization of love frankly pisses me off. All it does is help perpetuate (consciously or not) unrealistic expectations for those people trapped in relationships.
2 films about relationships and love that I did enjoy, however, were Closer and Annie Hall.:D
Never watch a romantic movie when you are going through a breakup! It makes you feel awful afterwards. Heck, even listening to love songs can tug at your heart string.
Just remember that these movies are "Fiction"
We live in "Non Fiction"
Very true.Quote:
Originally Posted by friend4u178
"I said "If love has these conditions,
I don't understand those songs you love."
She said "This is not a love song
This isn't fantasyland."
-Rush (from the song Cold Fire)
I prefer adventure movies like National Treasures, LOL. I don't watch much romantic movies just simply not interested in!
I used to like scary movies too.
Dinosaurs are romantic! That's why they have to lay eggs!! That's all they do is eat people, run around naked, and have babies! What more could you ask for? Besides romance movies put me to sleep, and make me snore, that's not romantic at all!
It's been almost 3 months since getting dumped and 21 days of hard NC and overall doing OK, somewhat moved on with my life. However been feeling a bit down recently... I guess it is a combination of a few things. I actually went on a few dates... one I met randomly and one that was more of a setup between friends. It went OK... no real spark. I guess it got me missing my ex because we had such good chemistry together. There was a spark from the start. It got me a little depressed because I began to wonder if I could ever find someone that I have that kind of chemistry again. I am not that young (mid-30's) and I've been through my fir share of relationships and never had that chemistry with anyone before. Never even close. I realize that I have a bit of a quirky personality, a bit introverted, and it's hard for me to feel comfortable and that close to any particular person. I only experienced it once where it all clicked. And it's gone.
I guess that is more of a rant/ramble than a question but it helped to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening...
I hope that you will find som1 that is for you and better suits you- I know how you feel.. but try and rreplace your pain with every day.. and I'm always her to listan... OwO
So let's be realistic. It's been 21 days. The remaining 2 1/2 months were up in limbo. Saying it's been 3 months may be true, but it's not giving yourself the credit you have earned. You've gone 3 weeks after a breakup.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigdee
It got you missing your ex because there was no spark with the others, if there had been you might still be saying you had chemistry with your ex but it wouldn't be as pronounced.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigdee
There are 3 billion men on this planet. I'm going with yes. You just have to have some faith, and to be honest probably some recovery time.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigdee
Uhhhh so am I and I consider myself young. It's all in your head and how you carry yourself. Furthermore in you 30's your smarter then you were in your 20's so you have that to your advantage. Putting a age on falling for someone only ensures you'll settle for the wrong person because you feel like you have to take who ever comes along.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigdee
I felt that way after I was dumped my girlfriend of 3 years. Years later I would not say the same thing. My point is give yourself some time and I bet those ideas will pass. The guy was not perfect, and he obviously didn't appreciate what he had, which is good enough reason for you hold a strike against him.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigdee
Oh my God. Your different from the average bimbo... no guy would like someone different. Different is good, trust me as a guy I can tell you anything that women do different from the pack is something to cherish and not be beating yourself up over. I, along with 90% of the males on this planet would take quirky vs. boring and shy vs. loudmouth.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigdee
It's good to rant, I'm all for it, but let's turn some of these non-powering beliefs around to your favor.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigdee
And maybe you shouldn't go on any dates right now. Dating will most likely remind you of what you had at this point. Plus, you won't find anyone you really like until you're done with the last relationship. I mean mentally.
Good luck! And don't worry about feeling crappy. Everyone has those crappy days.
--Cali
Hi there. I can empathize with you a lot. My boyfriend broke up with me about three months ago and we've been NC for two months. And at that point the only contact was for me to get my spare house keys back. I've been feeling in the dumps a lot lately too. I haven't gone on any dates yet. Not for lack of trying, just no one of interest has come up. I'm in the same situation as you in terms of the connection we had. Never have I ever had the kind of connection with others as I had with him. I've had my fair share of dating experience as well (I'm 28) and out of all the boyfriends/guys I've dated - he was by FAR the one I felt the most connected with. He actually contacted me last week to get together to "clear the air". I posted about this on here earlier in the week. I agreed to go to see what he has to say. We didn't have a nasty breakup, it was just very sad. Most of the breakup had to do with things I needed to deal with on a personal level. Which I have and learned a lot about myself in the past three months. I've made a lot of headway in my outlook on things and how I need/want to act in a relationship. I know he's not going into this meeting looking to get back together but I do want to let him know, somehow, that I've made efforts to improve my attitude and outlook on life. In a nutshell, I was selfish in our relationship, irrationally expected things from him, and was pessimistic about things in general. I'm just not sure how to convey that to him without it coming off like I'm trying to "convince him" to get back together. I would love to have him back in my life since I feel the downfall of our relationship was due mainly to my actions. In a way I'm thankful this happened because I did need something to push me to change.
Definitely... cause I'm a guy! I must write like a girl 'cause it's not the first time someone made that assumption LOL.Quote:
Originally Posted by chuff
But thanks for the good advice.
That was a great response by Chuff, couldn't have said it better myself. You have to go from a mindset that there isn't anyone else out there for you to a mindset that you have an abundance of choice.
My apologies for screwing up your gender, but taking gender out of it, the advice is still applies. Your not old, your have much to offer, you need to give yourself some TRUE recovery time, and you she obviously doesn't know what she had, so she's not worth your time, energy, and love. YOU deserve someone that will appreciate what you offer, and if she can't then that is HER loss, not yours.
I too have a quirky personality (people think I'm on drugs when I haven't touched the stuff). People like others for their perfections but they love them for their flaws (and quirks). Hang in there! It may be a while but you'll find that click!
What people don't understand is that its about being confident in who you are and what you have to offer 100x more than having what other people want. Learn to be happy with yourself rather than changing yourself to make others happy. Post breakup, everything you do should be done with you in mind.
Once you heal "old guy" you will be surprised pleasently, by all the options you have.Quote:
I only experienced it once where it all clicked. And it's gone.
Even though I have been dumped by my ex-GF 2 months ago, I still help out my ex financially a bit. A little complex and I don't want to get into all the details but basically I have a joint account with her for some services of which I pay the bill. Since I signed a contract of sorts, I'm kind of stuck for the duration of it. I could have opted out early with a penalty but at the time I decided to leave it alone as I wanted things to be amicable, at the time she was going through a lot of stress which was (fairly or unfairly) caused by me (background: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...e-214728.html), and genuinely wanted to help her out while she gets her feet wet with her new career. She's been going a bit crazy with the service and the bill has been quite high recently. She said that she will give me some money when she has a chance since she feels bad. Anyway I got to thinking... why am I doing this (paying her bills)? For whatever reason I was thinking of it tonight and I got angry! So am I doing this to help out someone I care about? I think the truth is that deep down I do not want to move on and have hope of getting back together even though I have told myself that I am moving on and looking to the future. Though I have been telling myself that I just want to genuinely help a friend out... a friend I barely talk to at all. A friend that sems to not want to have anything to do with me. A friend that I can't sleep right now because I am upset about... does this make any sense what I am doing?
I think you've answered your own question my friend.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigdee
I think your realizing the mistakes you made while under the influence of false hope.Quote:
what I am doing?
Renegotiate, or keep your word, and learn a valuable lesson.
Never make a promise you don't intend to keep, whether under emotional duress or not.
Unfortunately for me (in this case) keeping my word has always been very important to me... even if doing so is detrimental to me. Some people think I am stupid but I've always been stubborn about keeping my word once I give it. I did break NC to tell her about the high expenses and if she could keep it under control and she said that she'd try. And I'll see if she actually comes up with any money to give me as she promised.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Well I decided that I need to end this joint account. Even though there will be a penalty, the cost of that will still be less than if I continue to pay her bills. Even worse is the emotional impact on me. She finally contacted me to discuss getting together so she can give me some money sometime. But when I followed up with her on when to meet, she said she is not sure, that this weekend she is busy and she is really stressed out. I said what about Friday and she said that she is often tired from work and doesn't have the energy to meet me but maybe she will think about it and if she feels like it she will let me know. Since it will take all of 15 minutes to meet up, chat a bit about the bills and to exchange money, I felt fairly insulted that she finds it too much of a hassle to meet up for 15 minutes (right around the corner from where she is) when I have been paying her part of the bills for the past few months. She means well and I know she is stressed out but obviously getting a hold of me to pay me back is very low on her priority and after all I have been doing for her, I feel it is wrong. I've decided to let her know that I am going to cancel the joint account and while I feel bad since she is still struggling to get her life going with her new career and such, I have to do this for me because of the angst it is causing me.
Yes I have learned my lesson. Tal - you are bang on... I made a mistake under the influence of false hope. I am really giving up that false hope by canceling this account...
Glad to hear you are letting go of the false hope... It can really be a killer, especially when it was used in a decision that haunts you now, months later...
I think your making the right decision, and she really doesn't have much to complain about as it sounds as though you have been more than fair thus far...
Can she transfer the funds into your account? that negates having to meet up with her.
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