It's not stooping down. It's to clarify that you're not what the ex says you are.Quote:
Originally Posted by hjpan
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It's not stooping down. It's to clarify that you're not what the ex says you are.Quote:
Originally Posted by hjpan
You should give one rats fat cats... about what he say about you! If you think for one inkling of a second that SHE is NOT going to "let him talk so badly about you", you are setting yourself up for failure. Let him run his mouth, who cares. It might be a good idea to tell your source of information that you care not what your ex is saying or doing because that MIGHT be a ploy of your ex. Just know, Silence is Golden!Quote:
Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez
Michelle
Why should you care what they talk about, its none of your business, and you can't control what others say and do. Really just move on, and do your own thing.
I bet if he's talkin' smack a lot of it is that you are supposedly some 'bunny-boiling psycho stalker' (lol).
The best remedy for that kind of smack-talk is to ignore the heck out of him/them! Except that if you do have to run into them/her, just be nice, not at all hurt, and sooo happy for them.
You think the make the perfect couple. In fact he was a nice guy, but, unfortunately you felt that the two of you would make better friends instead of bf/gf.
Best thing to do in this situation is definitely to just stay quiet about it. Let him run his mouth all he wants. Believe me, what goes around does come back around and he'll get what is coming to him. By trying to defend yourself, you are only stooping to the level that he's at & is that really what you want for yourself? You know who you are, those that know & care about you know who you really are... isn't that what really matters? I absolutely 100% agree with RomeFalls' statement: "If you go around trying to set every rumor straight you encounter in your life you will spend all your time defending your life rather than living it." You can't stop people from talking about you but you can make a decision not to give them the satisfaction of responding. That's what he probably wants - to see you get riled up and question your identity. Don't give him that power. He doesn't deserve it. This new girlfriend will eventually see his true colors, just as you did so there's no need for you to tell her because honestly, she won't believe you anyhow. It will only make you look bad and believe me, you'd regret that decision to get involved somewhere down the road. You live your life and let him live his. Anyone who believes his lies aren't worth your time anyway - always remember that. And this ex, he definitely isn't worth your time if he's such a jerk that he has to badmouth you to get attention from his new girl. Stay away & know that you deserve so much better.
Don't say anything. Move on with your life. YOU know the truth, YOU know who YOU really are and that's all that matters.Quote:
Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez
Just let it go , she won't believe you anyway. The truth always comes out in the end anyway.
Since me and my ex broke up... I miss him horribly. He has a new girlfriend, and I've started talking to another guy... my ex knows exactly how I feel and just last week he said he still loved me, and just a few days ago he said he still cared. His girlfriend comes home from vacation tomorrow, and I just feel like my world is going to come crashing down. I have fun without him and I just hang out with my friends, and when it comes to resting my head on my pillow, I have dreams. All night about him.. .
Is there any advice that could make me just move on. I KNOW I don't need him to make me happy. The thing that bothers me the most is that he promised to marry me someday, when I gave it up to him... I know it was stupid of me to believe him but we were together for 2 years, and I thought maybe he could just make it work somehow after high school , etc. I miss him, and I still love him. I wrote him a long letter telling him how I felt about him still and that I would always be by his side when he needed someone to talk to, but he never wrote back...
I'm heartbroken... help?
Lgo life goes on got me threw all my problems and you spent so much time with him you will never forget him I say you should do this try to become just friends which probably lead to relationship so that way you can slowly work from love to a great friendship
This is going to be tough to hear, but you are doing exactly what you should be doing. You are going out, hanging out with your friends and keeping busy. This is the best way to get over anything that is bothering you. Keeping busy keeps your mind off him and allows you to keep yourself feeling better as time goes on. It will take time after 2 years, be patient.
I do think you need to rethink your situation with this new guy. It isn't fair to him for you to be talking or whatever your doing with him if you aren't totally committed, unless he is fully aware that you are still hung on your ex. It is understandable, but there is no reason to lead someone on...
Its only been a month, and believe me when I tell you that after 3 months my ex is still on my mind every day, at one point or another. It all takes time.
I've had a similar problem. If you having feelings like that don't write a letter you should go talk to him in person. I mean there's no telling if that letter even got to him!!
Thanks you guys, but he says he doesn't want to talk to me right now... but he wants me in his life, and if some time goes down the road, we can be together again. I told this other guy that I was talking to, that I still loved my ex completely and that I'm not looking for anything, he totally understands, but we've somewhat stopped talking. I thank you guys so much for the advice, but.. I know some don't believe that, but it feels like he was a soulmate. :(
I can believe that, and that's exactly why you must be patient with yourself, as your trying to heal from a very devastating loss.Quote:
I know some don't believe that, but it feels like he was a soulmate.
Hard as it is, you must keep moving on, and build a life that makes you happy, without him in it. You can do this.
You have to keep on the path that you are on, hanging out with friends and doing what it is that makes you happy. There is nothing you can do to convince this guy of his feelings, so move on and start healing yourself. The road is long and hard but the result is well worth the trials and tribulations.
Thanks again you guys, but lets just say he comes back, should I take him? Like I wrote before, it felt like I found a soulmate... so if he were to come back, should I take him back? Was he worth all my sadness? But at the same time why would I let the one I want walk past me again? I'm just lost. -.- thank you all anyway.
In time, he won't be the one you want - you'll come to realize that he isn't your soulmate, your feelings will adjust.
Its easy to see everyone for the best right after the breakup, but as time goes on, your emotions will stop clouding your judgement and you will realize that its not the end of the world.
And - for the record - don't worry about things that haven't happened :)
"The thing that bothers me the most is that he promised to marry me someday, when i gave it up to him" What do you mean by gave it up to him?? And to help you out, I have a book you may want to read. Its called, " THe Brains that changes it's self" It talks about the way our brains influence our thoughts. BY that I mean how the chemicals in our minds influence how we learn, act, and feel.Quote:
Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez
It talks about how when we are in "Love" our minds will over look some things that normally would repulse us, and that we can be in a eurphoric state, but when we break up, we are depressed. Upon reading this book I've realised that most people will stop seeing some one and rather than be alone for a time, get to know them self again, they will try to end the depression by filling that viod they feel, by dating or hooking up with some one else. If you ask me this can be a very destructive thing to do, becase you don't learn or grow, and as the book says, you don't learn to let go of the person you first loved. The book says that to let go you have to sit down and recall the times you were with this person, and try to take each memory and let it go, tell your brain that its' not going to be like that again. "Look at each memory, revealing it, and let it go." This is a very Hard and painful process. But to know if you love some one, you have to first know you are not in love with your first love any more, or at least love them, but know that it's over.
The book also says that "Nuerons that fire together wire together." In other wrods for your and my case, our happiness is tied to the person we loved, since love blinds us or dulls our sense of displeasure, or so we believe. It's as if we can't behappy with out them because our happy nuerons are wired with the nuerons firned in the thought of that person, but we can't be with that person. So our brain doesn't get that feeling of eurphoria it used to when we were around that person. In this state our minds releas dopamine, a chemical that helps the mind reward its self for doing pleasureable activities, thus making us "addicted" to a specific activity, such as running, looking at porn (the books example.), being with some one and manny more. (I"M sure i may have messed up in there and missed some key points, i'm a little rushed, but I sugest you read this book.) At any rate, we have to train our minds to let go of the person buy facing the memories, revealing them and letting go.
Now for the dreams, i'm having a simular problem, but that i believe is causeed by the lack of my own self disapline, see i too have not faced my memeories of all the good times, and bad, the make ups, and all i'm left with is the break up, reliving it over and over in my head. It's bin just over a year now, and i keep dreaming strange and futile dreams of us being together then her leaving me. This hurts soo much but i know what it means. It means i need to go through my memories, and let them go. Also i need to forgive myself for choosing to be with her, and doing all the things i did to try to make things better for not only her but myself as well. Keep your friends close, but dont forget to learn to let go of the past, and forgive yourself.
Always remember you "ARE" a Beautiful, intelegant, independant women. (no matter what your age is, time can always reveal that there is this inside of you. As it can reveal the oposit as well, but you can learn to recognize when you are heading that way and prevent it.)
The books name is "The brain that changes its self." Read pages, 93 - 131, or chapter 4 Acquiring tastes and loves. It has opened my eyes to a whole new way of understanding people. Especially myself, and how I think.
May we both find our way through the seeming ley never ending dark of our dreams long since past. Time to stop tormenting ourselves eh? Peace be with you my friend.
Feel free to contact me for more info when I have more time, so I can answer more questions, or just to chat what ever works for you.
Peace.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez
You feel like you found a soul mate because of the eurphoric state you were in. I asure you he is not the only good guy out there. Give it time to get to know yourself, and thus you'll be more confidnet, and you'll know weather he is the one, or not.
Peace sista.
Give it time and allow yourself to heal, you will realize there are much better guys out there for you
With my ex, just made me want to not wake up in the morning. We've been through so much, and now that he has a new girlfriend I asked him if he loved her, and he said he honestly did... they've been dating for only 3 weeks. 3 weeks compared to our 2 years? I asked him if he still loved me, and he wouldn't answer me. I told him to tell me that he didn't love me anymore, and he kept asking why.. I was already crying by then (I get emotional), and when he finally said it. He said it in a low voice, "i dont love you anymore, and im sorry for that."
... I lost it all. His love, warmth, and I KNOW that I don't need him, I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW.. but I just can't help but love him, and I just can't help but cry for him, and... as I type this he's still texting me.. he's being so supportive of me, saying that he'll always be there for me.. but.. not in the way I want to. And I know it sounds selfish, but I hate his new girlfriend for having what I want...
I just need some advice to help me move on.. I already hang out with my friends, and I'm busy with work, and I run on a daily basis, but just these thoughts and memories.. kill me.
Someone help?
Cut off all contact with him. Period. That's the only way you will ever heal.
I know it's hard, it's very hard to lose someone that you love so much. Especially when you don't understand why they stopped loving you, and how they could possibly move on so quickly. I clearly remember thinking it would be easier if my ex husband had died. Not that I wished him dead, just that I thought that would have been easier to deal with than having to see hime move on with someone. ( I feel guily for feeling this now, because we were just plain old young, and now he is in the hosp with terminal bone cancer, and only has a matter of days to live)
Although, I think saying he is "in love" with another girl after only 3 weeks is either a cop out, to make it easier on himself to say that he has fallen out of love with you, or he is just in lust, or the whole excitement thing, and fooling himself. I don't believe ANYONE can have REAL "love" in 3 weeks. There is no way of fully knowing someone after that length of time. Even two yrs is pushing it, as you found out.
The best thing that you can do, and believe me, I know this is sooooo hard... but the better you treat yourself, the more he may realise he made a horrible mistake. It doesn't sound like he is making it any easier on you by texting you all of the time. He may think he is letting you down easy, but he shouldn't be keeping you a part of his life this way, by constantly reminding you that he has moved on to someone else.
Cry to your good friends and beat up your stuffed bear, or your pillow if you have to, but don't cry to him. The most attractive thing, and the thing that confuses ex's the most, is when you look like you are confident enough in yourself to move on. Then actually do it, and he just may regret his mistake. Don't hold out for that though, do it for yourself.
Good luck, and I really do understand, and it hasn't happened just once to me. In fact it has happened 3 times, with the shortest being around 7 yrs, and the longest being more than 12 yrs,. the other one somewhere in between. I've gotten through them and come out on the other side, and you can too.
Don't torture yourself. Why ask questions that you already see where the answers are going. You are putting yourself in the position to let yourself down. Its not worth it. Like they say if you don't like the heat get out of the kitchen.
Tell him N0 more calling, texting or talking to you in any way.
Cut off the contact, and stop toturing yourself.
Why did you want to know the answer to a question you knew the answer to in the back of your mind? Then the second question, why do you care if he loves you or not. Love yourself first because you are a beautiful lady. Cut off all contact with this guy as it's only putting your recovery on hold
He's like an instrument you never learned to play, like a saxophone. No matter HOW much you love saxophones or sax music or any of that, you still can't play the instrument. You can't.
Comparing his fledgeling 3-week relationship to your 2-year one is you missing the point. A more accurate comparison is "They're dating and we're not". The time spans are completely irrelevant. Harsh, I admit, but true.
If you press him in any way he will have no choice but to hurt you. And that will be your fault. Stop giving your feelings control of you. They're just urges, instincts. Your MIND and strength of will is supposed to be in charge.
You love(d) him. Fine. You can't control that. Don't bother trying. But don't sit there listening to your heart strings all day about this junk either. Get up and go find something to DO with your time and mental energies. He has.
If it helps in any small way, the truth is he still has some feeling for you, too. And that is also irrelevant. This chapter has closed, time to focus on the new one that is trying to start for you now. Pay attention.
Thank you everyone. But here's a little more drama to add.. I went to the doctors and she told me that I was pregnant. And I just miscarried... it was his... this happened today
... and If you hadn't gone to the doctors and been told that?
Ur pain is understandable but just understand that Its not you. U did ur best, it didnt work. so move on.Crying over a spilled milk wont have any use. Making urself better? a BIG YES!Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
When I first joined here 2 months ago, i was heartbroken too.Out of my 200 posts, i posted more than half of it advising other brokenhearted.Dont get me wrong but Im kinda fed up advising same thing over and over. Do what I did, come here often and u'll be amazed. Others might be worse than what u go through. I hope it wont take months for u to realize what u've been missing and overlooked that u should be thankful for.
Thank you guys again.. losing my baby wouldn't have changed anything, we weren't together.. and still aren't.. but I just want to thank everyone again. I tried my best, and I'm starting NC all over again. In time, when I'm not so hurt, and he's realized what we all went through... maybe we can talk again.but I seriously doubt it.
Yeah sometimes you have to pick up the pieces and move on and it is rarely easy.
For those who read my posts, I had a problem with an ex..
Long story short, he's with another girl, but we had sex last week, he said I can't tell his new girlfriend because she's suicidal,after about two days I wrote her the truth. She hasn't read the message yet, but his best friend starts calling me asking me why I'm trying to break them up, I'm not! I swear I'm not! But I don't want him to continue what he's doing. He's a liar and a cheater and he doesn't deserve a girl like me, or his new girlfriend. I asked his friend if his new girlfriend was suicidal and she said not even close to it. And I got mad, because my ex lied again. He told me that I would be responsible for her death, and that's what kept me from not saying it right away. Whatever he told me, he told his best friend the oppisite. If he said he loved me, he hated me. If he wanted to be with me, he wanted nothing to do with me.
IM GOING CRAZY!
And now his other ex is calling me, threatening me to fight me at my house, and some bad words.. and said that he wouldn't touch me with a 30ft pole, when he actually touched me with his, just last week. If I'm just sex, then I am, but not when he still says he loves me, but he's with her. Im trying to move on, and I'm thinking about putting restraining orders on them both.
What do you think?
Don't see this guy anymore. He's nothing but trouble. And don't contact his other girlfriends anymore. I'm not saying you did the wrong thing. I can understand wanting to warn her. But this is way too much drama. Whatever else is going on in your life, focus on that and forget this man asap.
Good luck!
You know he is a conniving liar so why do you allow him to sleep with you??
What was the point in telling his girlfriend he will just deny it and who do you think she is going to believe?? Definitely not you. Love is blind and she has to come to see what he is like on her own.
What exactly do you hope to accomplish by sleeping with him when he is just using you for some sex?
Quote:
Originally Posted by N0help4u
I didn't accomplish anything, that's why I'm so angry. Right before we had sex, and after we had sex all he did was cry saying that he loved me and really wanted to marry me, I was stupid and believed him.he said that his girlfriend was nowhere close to his feelings for me and that he was just with her for the sakeof being with someone...
Yeah, like I said, way too much drama!Quote:
Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez
This guy is a total manipulator and drama king.
Keep clear of him.
And I hope you won't fall for that again will you??Quote:
Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez
What do I think...Quote:
Originally Posted by LostInHisEyez
I think that was a stupid decision to sleep with him, you really think he loves you? He loves knowing he can come back to you and you will be there with open arms and open, well you get the point. Why sleep with someone who broke your heart and is with someone else? You have become "the other women" and you wonder why you're hated? How would you feel if your boyfriend slept with another girl? You would be pissed too! You are just sex, nothing more, when will you realize that? You are someone he can just call, sleep with and then be thrown aside until he needs you again.
No you aren't trying to move on or you wouldn't accept his calls or anything. A restraining order on them both? Goodluck with that one, because it won't happen with just words. I have tried that road with my present girlfriend and her ex. JUST IGNORE HIS CALLS or have fun being in heartache for the rest of the time until he gets tired of sex with you. And yes, save yourself the reddie, I know this is harsh
You always see and know that this guy is no good and having sex with him was a bad call, so I not going touch that subject. Instead I would advise you to change your number and make a report to your local police station. I don' know how many times you contacted her, but she might use it against you stating your harassing her for her man but on the flipside if she threating body harm, it's worst for her. Go file your report and don' entertain these people no more, move on.
A month and 20 days since me and my ex broke up.
Maybe 6 days since we last saw each other.and spoke to each other.
I still feel that little feeling that it will never be okay, because I found out recently, that he always told his best friend that he wish we would break up, whenever they hung out, but when he was with me, all he did was be nothing but grateful and glad that we were together.
Just last night, I received my ex's girlfriend's cell phone number, (she gave it to me, and asked her to text her. That was at 11pm) she was extremely friendly, when I figured she would be mad at me for still seeing my ex(For those who read my other posts, the ex had recently spent a few nights in my house... ) and she was very understanding because she's still having second thoughts with my ex because she still loves her ex.(we then stopped talking at like 2/3am that night)
My problem is, that I don't know if I should trust her, because no matter how unhappy she says she is, because she misses her ex, she's with my ex regardless.
I remained my NC to my ex since I last saw him, and I enjoy talking to his girlfriend, because she's in my situation, and she advises me like I advise her. We've become friends in some weird way. But at the same time I feel that I can't fully trust her with all that's going on, her dating my ex, and all. So... what should I do?
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