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Originally Posted by Mom of 2

Know that when the time is right, this too shall pass. You can not rush through it. Like I said, you will often go two steps forward and one step back. Just when you feel that you are making progress, something will throw you for a loop and you may feel that you are back where you started. This is COMPLETELY normal and should not frustrate you. The fact that you are going through these shifting feelings means that you are normal and that you are human AND that you are HEALING. Know that you are NOT alone. Again, acknowledge your pain, mourn your loss, as ignoring it will only delay the inevitable feelings that will show up eventually. You can't avoid it forever. Feeling pain means that you are still alive.

Although I agree that his shaving off his gotee COULD be a liberation move, you have to realize that focusing on why he does things is wasted energy. It is normal to wonder, as you had cared for him for so long. However, you need to refocus that energy on yourself. Trying to guess what he is doing, going to do and why he chooses to do things are wasted energy. You only have control over what YOU do. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can change and the wisdom to know the difference." This line from the Serenity Prayer has been my mantra for a long time and has saved me more than once.

You are a strong, intelligent and caring person. You will get through this. Vent here, that is what we are here for. To help you in any way that we can. Make whatever moves that you can in order to liberate yourself as well. This is a time of change, a time to heal. Be good to yourself. I know you can do it.

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Thank you so much. So much. I know that it shouldn't matter, but I did find out that he didn't shave, which for some reason made me feel better.

I wish I could focus on myself right now. I know that that would be healthy. But it's hard to switch off the mode of being so concerned about someone else.

I look forward to tomorrow when I am going to a city I love to be with a friend I love. I am going to be busy, get a haircut, go shopping, talk to people and be around someone who has always been there for me. And then I have a job interview while I'm there. I know that that'll be good for me. I am already dreading coming back.

Yesterday and today have been HARD. Last night, I tried to talk to my mom when I was feeling terrible, but despite her best efforts, what she was saying made me worse. "What did you think was going to happen?" "You should've seen this coming."
But last night I was walking back from my friend's recital, which made me cry and feel awful: beautiful music is the worst.
Anyway, walking home, I was feeling like and ran into my friend who was walking the other way. He sat down with me and let me cry and he gave me the support I needed at that moment. Then, I came home, and my housemate was up doing work and despite all that she has going on, took the time to talk with me.
This morning, I woke up early and got breakfast with the friend I saw last night and another friend. I am realizing now that friends are amazing. Despite all this crap and the loneliness and sadness and heartbreak weighing down on me, I am seeing that I am really blessed.

That is what friends are for. If they are true friends, they will allow you to vent and just listen. Sounds like you have a wonderful support system, which is what you need at this moment.

Continue to cry, as this can be very theraputic. Take what ever advice that they may give you that you feel is appropriate and helpful and leave the rest at the door. You know what you need and what you don't.

Take one day at a time, because that is all that you most likely can handle right now. Live in the moment and try to avoid the what if's. This is easier said than done. I sometimes find myself playing this game and it is so unproductive.

Continue to count the blessings that you have. I don't know if you like country music or not, but there is a song by Rascal Flatts that I always put on whenever I feel those down moments and it is very liberating. It is called "Stand". One of the verses goes:

Cuz when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend until you break
Cuz that's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand

Imagine me, a mom of 2 in my minivan with the stereo blaring and the windows down, singing loud and proud without a care in the world about who hears me. It is quite funny, and yes, liberating. This is such an empowering song.

Have a great time in the city. You deserve it!!

Stand is one of my favorites as well... an AMAZING song for an AMAZING woman. I was actually listening to it this morning on my way to work. :) YouTube - Rascal Flatts - Stand

You ARE incredibly blessed, Jami, dear. Always remind yourself of that. You will make it. You will be stronger because of it.

Oh lord.

Good news: I just got another job interview.
Bad news: This news seems so minuscule compared to the enormity of the break up.

I feel like even if I won an Oscar right now, it'd still be nothing compared to the badness I'm feeling and the fact that I'd want to share the news with him.

I know that this will in time get easier and I am glad that I'm working through this and experiencing it. Better now than "In a week, it will get worse." No, it's bad now. It may be bad next week, and it may be bad a week after, but it will get better.

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Originally Posted by jamimama

Oh lord.

Good news: I just got another job interview.
Bad news: This news seems so miniscule compared to the enormity of the break up.

I feel like even if I won an Oscar right now, it'd still be nothing compared to the badness I'm feeling and the fact that I'd want to share the news with him.

I know that this will in time get easier and I am glad that I'm working through this and experiencing it. Better now than "In a week, it will get worse." No, it's bad now. It may be bad next week, and it may be bad a week after, but it will get better.

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That's how I've been feeling. Since the break up, whenever something good has happened to me I can't feel happy about it. Before the break up I had a midterm for my one class and he seemed concerned about how it had gone. I got it back after the break up and I did well on the test and my paper but I only felt a little proud. Couldn't call or text to let him know how I did. Like he would care now anyway.
I hate that. I try looking at the positives and good things I have in my life right now to make me feel better. But that thing... that ONE thing I ended up losing just gets to me.

Like you said... it's going to be bad. You can't put a time limit on anything. Who knows how long it'll take to get completely over him. But you know it can only get better. I still feel so bad, but I start to notice little improvements. I still cry, but not as often. I think about him constantly, but I still haven't given into checking his myspace or trying to "check up on him".

Everything is going to be all right.

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Originally Posted by Chameleon24

That's how I've been feeling. Since the break up, whenever something good has happened to me I can't feel happy about it. Before the break up I had a midterm for my one class and he seemed concerned about how it had gone. I got it back after the break up and I did well on the test and my paper but I only felt a little proud. Couldn't call or text to let him know how I did. Like he would care now anyways.
I hate that. I try looking at the positives and good things I have in my life right now to make me feel better. But that thing....that ONE thing I ended up losing just gets to me.

Like you said...it's going to be bad. You can't put a time limit on anything. Who knows how long it'll take to get completely over him. But you know it can only get better. I still feel so bad, but I start to notice little improvements. I still cry, but not as often. I think about him constantly, but i still haven't given into checking his myspace or trying to "check up on him".

Everything is gonna be all right.

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When was your break up? When did you start to feel improvements? I am on the second week and it feels worse than the first.

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Originally Posted by jamimama

When was your break up? When did you start to feel improvements? I am on the second week and it feels worse than the first.

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Well, tomorrow it will be 3 weeks since the break up. I still can't believe it, it doesn't even feel like any time has passed. The improvements are small. Very small, but it's still something. I can't really say when they started. I just look back at the thinking I've done over the last 3 weeks and figure I must be heading somewhere. Sometimes this thinking makes me feel stronger, and other times it makes me feel so much worse. Maybe I would go a day w/out crying, but then completely break down at some random moment the next. Any time I feel any little spark of happiness... even if it's just for a brief moment... I see it as an improvement. Even if the next hour or two are spent crying or feeling depressed. It makes getting over this seem possible, even if I still have a long way to go.

One thing that's helping me a little is planning. I look at this month and the following and I'm trying to plan stuff for the weekends. I got tickets to some Indians games, a couple of concerts, and a trip over to Cedar Point in May. Sadly I didn't plan anything for this weekend :(

I've been able to get my mind off Evan for a bit in the city with my friend. It's been up and down. I don't have time for a real update, but I am definitely hurting. I'm having dreams where he either tries to get back together with me or I screw up getting back together with him every night. It's really painful. I wake up and feel so alone and sad. On the other hand, I got a haircut and bought some new clothes and it's nice to meet new people.

Breaking up is never easy on anyone. You will get over it when you allow yourself the time to grieve and to get over it. You can't put a time on it. Even if you were the person to do the breaking up, you would still feel a sense a loss. Maybe if you were the one who initiated the breakup it would be a little different, but there would still be a sense of loss that you feel. Don't fall into the trap of comparing how long it took you to get over someone to another person who is going through a breakup. Everyone is an individual and everyone has their own thoughts and feelings and ways of doing things. You will get over your breakup in your own way and in your own time. People may give you advice on what you can do to get over a bad relationship, but only you can ultimately decide what you are going to do, when you are going to do it and how long it will take to be able to move on.

You will feel good on some days and bad on some days. Even if you were not suffering from a breakup, you would still have good days and bad days. If you did not have any bad days, how would you know if you were having a good day?

An exercise that I still do to this day is to FORCE myself to think of at least two positive things that have happened to me every day. It could be something mundane such as having the time to put all of the laundry away or dusting all of the furniture. OR it could be something monumental such as getting praise at work for a job well done, getting a raise, promotion, or the fact that the sun was shining and you had 5 minutes to enjoy it, etc. Whenever something brings you even a second of happiness, this is a positive moment. These are blessings and each one should be counted. When I see that I have positive things, then this brings me positive thoughts. Yeah, it would be nice to be in a relationship and be able to share these special moments with that special someone, but don't let that stop you from telling someone. You should not give someone the POWER to take away any positive moment from you just because that person is no longer in your life. Give this power to yourself, not someone else. You have every right to feel positive about yourself. You don't have to be in a romantic relationship to share these positive moments. If you are not in a relationship, then share these moments with a close girlfriend or a family member. Be proud of yourself!!

Jamimama, whether you realize it or not, you are doing well. It has only been 2 weeks and it is probably going to take a lot longer to get over than that. Don't force a time constraint on yourself, as this will cause further stress on yourself if you do not meet that timeline.

I'm glad that you had a fun time in the city. Enjoy your new look and try to stay positive. You will get over these hurt feelings.

Update:

It's a beautiful day out so everyone was sitting outside in this one particular area in the center of campus. My friend asked if I wanted to go there to find one of her friends to sit outside for a while. So we went and as we were walking from one side of the grassy area to the other, I was telling a story and not engaged in what was going on. We stopped at the far end to look for her friend and I saw Evan, sitting with two friends. My stomach sank. He had seen me. I had passed him. I am trying to avoid him completely because I feel absolutely awful when I see him. Like crying and screaming and throwing up and all good things. But at least he saw me being social and looking good (I was wearing a very confidence-boosting dress) if he had to see me at all. So we went sort of at a diagonal... back up and around him and I talked to my friend Jon. After I did this, Evan waited a while and then he put on his shoes. He walked out of his way to avoid passing me, up this little hill and down again.
So he walks for a while with his friend, clearly avoiding me, and then I see Evan and his friend doing something behind a tree. Evan's friend is staring at me. And then I realize that there's someone behind the tree that Evan is talking to. Evan, who is not a very social person, is trying to pretend that he is flirting with this girl. He's smiling and trying to act all cool. But soon the girl goes to leave when a GUY comes and picked her up. This girl had a boyfriend and Evan was just hoping to make me jealous by flirting with someone and pretending to look happy.

I was wondering why his friend was staring at me to see if I had a reaction!

This all made me feel pretty frustrated: This is a boy who two weeks ago I was in love with and now he's trying to play games with me. I was upset so I talked to my mom who reassured me that he is acting childish and he is hurt and that regardless of what he does, I need to move on and realize that I made an autonomous decision to not let him string me along. I stood by him through a lot, I was patient with him, I was kind to him, and now he's playing games.

I did plan on saying “Hi” to him when I walked by him (this was the first time I actually saw him in public) so I was upset that it was in a situation where I couldn't say “Hi” and confront my fear. I will next time, I hope.

My mom is such a help in these situations. And I'm glad that I got custody over the grassy public area. I doubt he'll be going back there anytime soon if he couldn't stand to sit there with me around for five minutes.

Your mom is absolutely right. He is playing games and acting VERY childish. Continue with what you are doing. At this point, I would not worry about ever saying hi to him, as he will probably just try avoiding you anyway. In regards to his friend, he probably had his friend stand "watch" and report back to him on what your reaction was when you saw him talking to the other girl. I hope that you did not go and try to find him (although it sounds like you did), as this is giving him what he wants. He WANTED you to seek him out, and then ultimately find him talking to another girl. He does want to make you jealous because deep down he is regretting breaking up with you (the grass is always greener on the other side). Don't give him even this much power!! You are much stronger than that. Stop fixating on having an opportunity to say hi to him. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, then don't fret.

And by the way, if you are thinking that there might be a chance to get back with him, think about how immature he is acting right now. Do you really want to have a future with an immature person like this?

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Originally Posted by Mom of 2

Your mom is absolutely right. He is playing games and acting VERY childish. Continue with what you are doing. At this point, I would not worry about ever saying hi to him, as he will probably just try avoiding you anyway. In regards to his friend, he probably had his friend stand "watch" and report back to him on what your reaction was when you saw him talking to the other girl. I hope that you did not go and try to find him (although it sounds like you did), as this is giving him what he wants. He WANTED you to seek him out, and then ultimately find him talking to another girl. He does want to make you jealous because deep down he is regretting breaking up with you (the grass is always greener on the other side). Don't give him even this much power!!! You are much stronger than that. Stop fixating on having an opportunity to say hi to him. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, then don't fret.

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Thank you! I didn't go up to see what was going on but was watching from far away where I was sitting. I think it's funny that he was trying to make me jealous but all he did was make me realize that he acts like an idiot and is incredibly childish.

And I agree. Whether I say hi to him or not is no big deal. Right now I need to heal. Break-ups are so weird because there's the rational mind telling me how to go about life and the emotional/hormonal side that's going nuts. Luckily, the rational side will win out eventually! And it's great to be snapped back into it by my mom and people like you!

Today was much better. I feel like going through experiences like that, where I either see him or he acts like an idiot (or both), it solidifies my feelings of acceptance and moving on a little bit more.

It also helps that I'm busy right now and social and making a huge effort to do new things.

Of course it has only been 17 days but my friends say they see a major improvement in me from a week ago and I feel it too. I still think about him a lot but it's in a different way. Not constantly sad. It still stings and it still sucks.

Seeing him was the worst. Also bad: I feel lonely when I want to call him or know we'd be doing something fun. And I want to share good news with him and lie in bed with him and talk. I know it's going to be hard for a while, but I think I've done well so far.

Things I'm enjoying:
Setting my own schedule, all my free time, feeling liberated to make choices that only concern myself, meeting new people, making spontaneous plans, finding support in other people and myself, thinking up goals without limitations, flirting with guys and trying new things.

I couldn't agree with you more!! You ARE doing great. Just remember that the next time that you enter into a relationship, don't stop doing what you are doing right now. You should have your own life even when you are in a relationship, otherwise you could become resentful. It sounds like you had lost yourself for awhile when you were in that relationship. Don't EVER forget who you are.

I just thought I would check in and see how you are doing Jami. I really knew right from the start that you would make it through all of this, and be a stronger person. I got that vibe from you right away! :)

It looks like Mom of 2 has been giving you some very good advice, and comfort! She's got your back!

I can't wait to hear how well you are doing, once you have had time to go through all of the things you need to in order to move forward.

I'm pulling for you big time! ;)

Once again,. Best of Luck to you! I know you will come out of this on the positive side, and a great guy will be thankful that he met you!

:)

No gifts necessary... just a big group hug! :)

Now, get out there and flaunt your stuff girl! It'll look good on you! ;)

I know I'm doing well but I really missed tonight in a pained way. I went dancing with my friends and had an awesome time. It was great. But as the night wore on and people were coupling and going home, I started to feel awful. And I know that it's OK. But it's still hard. The weekend nights are proving to be particularly rough. I need to stop checking his Facebook. He made it so that I can't see anything about him except his college year, but he's friends with my pets who have Facebook accounts (laugh if you want. It's silly) and he made his info unavailable to one of my pets but forgot to do that for the other. So I could see that he was blocking me from his information. The thing was, he wasn't hiding anything. It doesn't even say "single." It was either to make me question or to protect me from a potential future "single" status. I blocked him from my wall last week. I KNOW that it doesn't matter. I KNOW that all this is stupid, yet right now it's affecting me. It's really frustrating.

Oh lord... I wish I could sleep.

I also need to voice a secret irrational concern because it will make me feel better to get it off my chest: Right now, I know that he misses me and is doing things to leave me guessing and try to make me feel jealous. I know that. And it helps to know that. To know that he's not dealing with this that maturely and that he's struggling with his feelings for me. But I'm concerned that he'll start dating or having sex with someone soon and I'll see them together and all these efforts he's making to appear happy will suddenly be real. I know that he shouldn't be the focus of my attention and that I should be the focus of my attention, but it's still hard. There's just a lot on my mind right now. I need to stop focusing on "what ifs" and my concern over what he does. I need to really concentrate all my focus away from him.

Everything you're feeling and thinking is SO NORMAL! I really empathize with you. I went through all of this myself, and even though the circumstances were totally different, I was with my ex for yrs. and then one day it came crashing down like a skyscraper!

It is hard enough just to imagine what he might do, and 100 times harder when the reality of it hits. It really sucks! And when it happens you feel like you're back at day one. I tried to stay away from the places my ex hung out at, but I know that's hard for you since you are both in the same school.

I wish I had some magic words for you hun. All I can say is it does get better. Sometimes it does take a really long time, depending on the circumstances, but the hurt lessens a little more everyday. Well, it does to an extent. Some days can be really bad, I know.

Do you want company? I'm here and wide awake if you want to talk, OK?

You can send me a PM or an email too if you don't want to talk it out publicly ;)

Wow, I didn't read through all 6 pages (Sorry, I'm a little tired) but EVEN just reading your posts on the 1st and 2nd pages, and seeing this I think everybody could agree that you are doing much better than expected. Hell, you're doing a lot better then I did when I broke up with an ex of mine.

You learn to take life's lessons and make yourself a better person. You're young and there 7 BILLION people in the world, and believe me there is somebody that you deserve waiting for you to find them. Don't let some childish, selfish guy get in the way of finding the true love of your life.

I remember, I was with this girl for like... 6-7 months, and after having a few year long relationships I had learned how to deal with it. I remember this breakup so well because it makes me laugh. Picture this

I'm sitting in my room, playing Halo 2 (Xbox Video game for some that don't know) on xbox live and my buddy is staying the night. The girlfriend calls me and tells me she wants to break up, I simply say "Okay, cool. I'm sorry that we didn't work out and that I hope she sleeps well" it was like 2 in the morning and she was a co-worker of mine (my stupid mistake) I hang up and my buddy says "what was that all about?" I tell him she broke up with me and he says "you look upset." I turn to him, say that I'm upset because I just lost the lead in scores because of her and we both laugh.

Come to find out she lied about breaking up, because she wanted to date ANOTHER co-worker (who had a 2 year relationship and told her that the girl was his sister LOL) And now even though we don't talk very much, we're cool with each other. And she was SO pissed when she came up to me at work (Ironically I worked at Starbucks for a few years) and asked if I wanted to get some food after work and I told her I can't because I have plans with my new girlfriend (who I've been with now for over 2 years... with some bumps in the road) and she realized that she messed up a relationship with a great guy (go ahead, call me arrogant ;] I know I'm good haha!)

The moral of the story here is that good things happen to good people, you may see this as a bad situation, but try to look at it from a better perspective. You're FREE now to do what makes you happy, to meet new EXCITING people without gettin' drama from your boyfriend. You and I are both young (I'm a sophomore in college) we shouldn't be worrying about who we're spending our lives with and marriage and all that.

Now, get out there because the world is yours for the taking!

P.S. I'm going to give my AIM screen name out here for anybody to message me, I trust that it won't be used for spam and all of that. Calithugshwshank, I know it's a weird screen name, my buddy decided that screen name for me

Kevin

That was a great answer and a fun read Kevin. All of us here know that Jami is a great girl, and someone is going to snatch her up before she knows it! He will be a more mature guy and will treat her the way she deserves to be treated.

We're all here to get you through the tough times hun!

Also, Jami? The late nights and weekends will be the toughest for you for awhile. It is hard to see all of your friends coupling up at the end of the night, and feeling the dread of going home with your own thoughts of missing him and being lonely. It's so heartbreaking, and hard to get through.

Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully it will be a better and easier day for you. I know how hard it is hun, but try and stay off his FB. It's probably a good thing that you can't read what he's up to. It would only set you back. And no, it's not silly for your pets to have their own page... mine does! She has a myspace page too, and she gets more messages than I do for crying out loud! ;) I guess (natural) blondes DO have more fun, :D

I hope you can get a restful sleep. Cry when you need to, but smile and laugh every chance you get! ;)

Again, thank you all! Starbuck, I will definitely take you up on your offer of a PM sometime soon.

A weird thing about the timing of this break-up is that I'm witnessing a lot of similar break-ups (people at my college who have been together forever suddenly realize that it won't work after graduation and split up) and then I see the guys in these relationships run off to have sex with new girls pretty soon after. It's just really odd to witness. I wonder if anyone else has witnessed a similar phenomenon of a guy jumping right back into sex after a long-term relationship.

I think I serve as proof of "What does not kill you makes you stronger." Last year, I lived abroad for five months. That was a really hard time. I was struggling to adjust, Evan broke up with me, I let myself be strung along, and I was wallowing a lot. Most significantly, my mom was diagnosed with a very bad chronic illness during month three of my time away. Having gone through the shocks of those things a year ago while isolated abroad, I feel so much better-equipped to deal with what life throws at me. If this happened a year ago, I don't think I'd be equipped to handle this nearly as well as I am now. I have so much more perspective and I really want to enjoy life.

I'm excited to enjoy single life. I'm enjoying life but not the "single" aspect yet. It's also a weird time because at the end of the school year, people are hooking up with random people or holding on to their mates while they still can. So it's an intense environment. I've had so many fun times this week and I've had so many moments of not thinking about him. The sad times are definitely getting fewer and farther between. I'm coming out of my haze and I'm realizing that I would really be limiting my new life by being in a relationship with him after graduating.

Still, it sucks to see him. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks.

Yep. My ex. 3.5 years. 2 weeks after we break up, she's into another relationship.

Single life is AWESOME though, isn't it? I haven't been single in 8 years... so this is good for me.

I know what you mean about people breaking up, as I have 3 weeks until graduation and I see people breaking up left and right... it's one of those "s*it or get off the pot" moments, I guess.

It's the three-week anniversary of my singledom. I don't necessarily feel worlds better than I did a week ago. Maybe week one was the big progress in healing and now it's smaller steps. I'm a bit frustrated with healing: all the thinking, sadness, loneliness, questioning: I wish it would all go away so I could enjoy myself fully. I am being active, positive and social and I am considering the break up and relationship objectively. I'm going out and having fun, not obsessing over him constantly (but when I am thinking to myself or discussing someone else's relationship, yes, my thoughts are always him-related). It's not impossible. I'm finding ways to have fun. But it's still hard.

In a way it feels like it's been three weeks and sometimes it feels like it's been three days. I can't believe that a week from now it'll be a month.

I'm also occupied with the idea that about a month from now I will be graduating and may never see him again, and this is someone I loved for a long time so it's scary that I'm not enjoying the last amount of time I'd have with this person. I know it's irrational but it's true. The alternative, of course, if we hadn't broken up would be a month of sadness and confusion because we'd be going our separate ways so soon. This is healthier.

Running around between commitments today, I thought to myself "I don't have time for a boyfriend." I'm so busy these days, I know I'd be missing out on everything if I were tied down. Meanwhile, I would still love to lie in bed and talk to him or go with him to a movie or fall asleep next to him or go on a hike or hear his laugh. As cheesy as that is.

I'm also extremely amused by how rude/cold his friends are being to me. I didn't do anything yet they look at me with such scorn because they see me out with friends.

Anyway,

Le sigh.

I made it three weeks. Kind of surreal.

You are going through so many normal feelings. The breakup is still so new for you. The reason that his friends are looking at you with scornful looks is that you are doing the exact opposite of what they expect you to be doing. They want to see you miserable and not being able to function. You are proving them wrong and they don't like it. The best revenge is showing that you are moving on.

Keep up all that you are doing. Yes, there will be some days where you will feel on top of the world, while other days, you will feel that you are sinking deeper and deeper. Acknowldege those feelings, but don't dwell on them. If you did not feel the hurt, that means that you are not healing.

The want and need to feel loved and held are completely normal. Just know that you are not the first and you are not the last one to go through a breakup. Keep posting your thoughts and talking to your friends. We have your back, as we have all been there. We have gotten through these feelings and you will too.

Jami hun, there is no set time limit, and everything you feel is sooo completely normal. There is nothing irrational or cheesy about how you think or feel. It is what it is! You were with him for a long time, and of course you are going to miss that.

Heck, I was with my ex for a long time and although there were totally different circumstances where there was physical, emotional, and verbal abuse,. I still miss the old him, and the good in him. (although that man went away, and was replaced with someone I don't recognise) We have been split up for 18 months now, and there are still nights that I really miss sleeping beside him, hearing him laugh, the smell when he got out of the shower after work, and so on.

I think if you DIDN'T have those feelings then that may be something to worry about. It's hard when you love someone, and it turns out you may never have known them at all.

Don't ever appologize for the way you are feeling! They are your feelings, and you are entitled to them, no matter what.

Just keep thinking in your mind, that this was a part of your life that you will look back on and be glad you learned the lessons that you did. Get up and throw that Grad Hat as high as you can girl, and think about all you have to look forward to! ;)

Keep on talking out your thoughts and feelings to us, but I am going to have to insist that you tell us how great Grad Day was... and maaayybe even send some PM's with some pics of your celebration k?

Take care dear girl! This too shall pass! ;)

Starbuck and Mom of 2, I need to "spread the rep" before agreeing with your posts, but WOW. Thank you! Starbuck's words brought tears to my eyes!

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Originally Posted by jamimama

Starbuck and Mom of 2, I need to "spread the rep" before agreeing with your posts, but WOW. Thank you! Starbuck's words brought tears to my eyes!

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Anytime girl, and I'm sure I speak for Mom of 2 also. We're here if you need to talk! Chin up! ;)

Starbuck8 is right. We are here for you. We totally understand what you are going through.

In addition to posting here, I would also recommend keeping a journal to help you work through your feelings and thoughts. I use journaling as a way for me to see how far I have come. After journaling for a while, when you feel that you are not progressing, you can go back and read your entries to see the improvements that have been made.

I'd like to vent about what happened tonight:

I went out with a group of friends and at the end of the night, a friend who has definitely had an awkward crush on me for a while tried to kiss me. It made me feel grossed out - I am still trying to let go of my strong feelings for Evan and I found that move inappropriate - but I also felt sad for this guy because I know he's going to have his heart broken too. From me.
Isn't it weird how you can get your heart broken and turn around and do it to someone else?

This is why I am able to enjoy my relationships with my gay friends much more than my relationships with straight male friends: there isn't this added weirdness.

Also, all my friends in relationships are driving me crazy! It's part my circumstance, but more importantly, they're all obsessing over their SOs now that there's little school left.

Just had to vent.

I saw him again on that public campus area. And I felt like s--t so I finished my Scrabble game, left... cried on the phone to my mom and went home.

I feel like absolute s--t.

Here sweetie... watch this... it's 80's and cheesy, but I love it :)

YouTube - Bonnie Tyler - Holding Out For A Hero - TOTP 1985

Don't settle for anything less... :D

just some words...
I thought I'd make another random post on here. I had a little urge to check his Facebook so I thought I'd come here instead. I've been good, it's been over a week since I last looked at it. I guess I only want to go there to see if maybe, just maybe, he broke up w/ that girl. I know I shouldn't even care. It's been a month since he broke up with me. Seeing where I am now I could tell I've improved a lot. I don't think I've cried at all this past week or the week before that. I've been feeling good about other things going on in my life. I still think about him all the time though. And all the dreams I have w/ him are sort of annoying. It's kind of like "get out of my head so I could just move on and live my life!!!" I think I sadly still have this tiny hope that maybe one day I'll see he called or left me an email. It's weird, I don't really want him back anymore but I guess I just want to talk to him again. Just to end things better maybe. Maybe I just want him to feel guilty or sorry.

Last night I went to see an advanced screening of 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall'. It made me laugh which made me feel a lot better. I recommend it for everyone on here struggling through break ups. It sucked though because the theater was next to this pizza place my ex and I used to eat at all the time. And to get there I had to basically go the same route I did to go see him. Memories came into my head but I just let them go and didn't let them get me down. I think I was more scared of maybe running into him, lol.

Hopefully by this time next month I'll be even better. I hate when I do start thinking about him and it makes me sad. The weather is getting so nice here and I just keep remembering how the two of us couldn't wait for spring and summer so we could do all these things we had planned. Sometimes when I think of him w/ her I get jealous and it just makes me sick. Like I said, I don't really want him back anymore, but I wish he wasn't w/ her. It's like... pick some other girl, just not her. It just seems so sad to me... he's 26 and wanted to start settling down in life and he leaves me for some 18 year old punk who's main objective in life is to party hard every night. I guess I just have to remember that people change. And just because somebody wants something at one point in their life doesn't mean they'll still want it five months later.
Sorry for my rambeling.

Here's something for you Jami! Try not to feel like s--t. You'll be OK hun! :)

YouTube - You've Got A Friend---carole King,Celine,Gloria,Shania

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Chameleon24

just some words....
I thought I'd make another random post on here. I had a little urge to check his facebook so I thought I'd come here instead. I've been good, it's been over a week since I last looked at it. I guess i only want to go there to see if maybe, just maybe, he broke up w/ that girl. I know i shouldn't even care. It's been a month since he broke up with me. Seeing where I am now I could tell I've improved a lot. I don't think I've cried at all this past week or the week before that. I've been feeling good about other things going on in my life. I still think about him all the time though. And all the dreams i have w/ him are sort of annoying. It's kind of like "get out of my head so I could just move on and live my life!!!" I think I sadly still have this tiny hope that maybe one day I'll see he called or left me an email. It's weird, I don't really want him back anymore but i guess I just want to talk to him again. Just to end things better maybe. Maybe I just want him to feel guilty or sorry.

Last night i went to see an advanced screening of 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall'. It made me laugh which made me feel a lot better. I recommend it for everyone on here struggling through break ups. It sucked though b/c the theater was next to this pizza place my ex and I used to eat at all the time. and to get there I had to basically go the same route I did to go see him. Memories came into my head but i just let them go and didn't let them get me down. I think I was more scared of maybe running into him, lol.

Hopefully by this time next month I'll be even better. I hate when i do start thinking about him and it makes me sad. The weather is getting so nice here and i just keep remembering how the two of us couldn't wait for spring and summer so we could do all these things we had planned. Sometimes when i think of him w/ her i get jealous and it just makes me sick. Like i said, i don't really want him back anymore, but i wish he wasnt w/ her. it's like...pick some other girl, just not her. it just seems so sad to me...he's 26 and wanted to start settling down in life and he leaves me for some 18 year old punk who's main objective in life is to party hard every night. I guess i just have to remember that people change. And just because somebody wants something at one point in their life doesn't mean they'll still want it five months later.
Sorry for my rambeling.

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We are here for you too Chameleon! I know you are posting because you can relate to Jamimama, but have you posted your own thread so the two of these are separate? It's hard when there's a piggyback. We all want to be here for you too, but it's easier if it's on your own thread. ;)

Lol, sorry about that. I did feel weird posting it on here. I think I meant to do it on mine but then I get sort of lost on all the threads. I'll remember that for next time.

I am extremely overwhelmed. I'm going to make an appointment with a therapist as soon as health services opens...

Today I saw him and he occupied my thoughts... I tried to be social and go out and do things but it was nearly impossible. Then, at 11pm, I was getting extremely frustrated with all this tension I was experiencing and the fact that all my friends were busy, so I went for a run outside - the gym was closed - which was extremely therapeutic. I know that that's really dangerous and I don't plan to make a habit of late-night runs, but I felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and I had to escape.

I went out with my friends and they dragged me to a party that was in the house next to his. Of course I didn't want to go and when I went, I saw Evan through the window getting food from his fridge. So I left and went to go hang out with some other people. Not healthy to be looking at Evan through his window... Only bad can come of this. I couldn't be there. After wandering around trying to find a party or somewhere fun to go without success, my two girl friends and I set out for a party a couple blocks away and...

...out of the darkness, this drunk, long-haired scraggly guy stumbles toward us and then abruptly turns left and walks away. My friends nudged me. I didn't even realize it was Evan. He looked extremely wasted and gross. I said "Hi Evan" and he didn't acknowledge it. He just (barely) kept walking with his head down, his step extremely unbalanced.

I find drunkenness extremely unattractive and I'm not a drinker so Evan and I didn't drink together except on maybe two occasions which were fun (and maybe a bad sign if I liked my boyfriend more when he was drunk?) but he would drink on weekend nights when we weren't hanging out... and of course smoke pot every night we weren't together. Anyway...

After today when he seemed to be relatively happy, he seemed to be a mess tonight. He's definitely come out of hiding and my friends and I are seeing him a lot more. It's making it so hard to get over him and start a new life when he's constantly around and I see him all the time. I wish he'd go away. Or I wish I could just graduate now. Or that I could go on a vacation. I'm sick of this school and Evan and these feelings. I wish they'd just stop. I wish I could stop this constant running background music when I'm trying to do other things.

I am worried that I'm completely boring and concerning my friends with what I'm going through. I am worried that I may be obsessed and that things are getting harder. But maybe 1) I am coping and the worse I feel now the better because it means I am coming to terms with this break-up and I am not in denial or 2) the more he hurts me post-break-up, the easier it is to stop romanticizing him and our relationship. If he's acting like such a jerk right now, what does that say about him?

Ugh. I maybe should take pride in the fact that I was out with friends sober trying to make the most of what's left of college while he's stumbling around looking awful, but I know that it could just as easily be that he's with another girl, and either way, I need to focus on me. Not him. It's just awful.

That sucks Jami! It's too bad that you have to keep on running into him like that all of the time. Well you know, on second thought, maybe not. It might help you to put an end to another chapter in the book of Jami. I know it's tough on you though. Believe me hun, I have been there more than once, and each time I thought I would never get over it. I once sat in a dark room, curtains closed, doors locked, listening to depressing songs, (and every single one would remind me of him) for 3 weeks in a row. I didn't eat and hardly slept. Then one day I "woke up" and looked at myself and said... is he really worth all of this?. conclusion... nope! ;)

Just try and keep your focus on graduation day, and all of the other good things that are out there waiting for you! :) One day soon you will be out somewhere and you'll see that guy that makes you say... Evan who?

Hang in there Jami! You'll get through it girl! :)