I just want a good guy, no games... some how that seems impossible.

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Originally Posted by AmExp

I just want a good guy, no games...some how that seems impossible.

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A regular contributor on AMHD has a signature that says something like "Insanity is doing the same thing again and expecting different results." What you're doing is not working so change some aspect of what you're doing. Where do you meet all these "bad" guys? Look elsewhere.

In college... and it's one guy... not many... but I learned that many guys are like that because of my friend's experiences. The guys I dated in the past had their hang ups but they were not like this guy at all.

Now that you've experienced a player, have you thought about how you're going to distinquish a player and the nice good guy you're looking for in the future? The player is going to make you feel oh so wonderful. The nice good guy will probably be uninteresting and have trouble communicating with you because he's so nervous and doesn't want to blow his chances. The player doesn't care what you think of him and can be bold. The goal is bedding you as quickly as possible. In fact, if it takes too long, he'll move on to easier prey.

Do you realize guys don't just *poof* morph into a player one day? Many actively train to be a player because they have been utterly unsuccessful with women - the nice good decent but ultimately rejected and lonely guys. How many nice guys have you turned down that just didn't do it for you? There are entire websites devoted to the art of the pick-up and seduction. The Karma you're counting on to "even the score" isn't selective.

There you go again with your assumptions... I don't turn down "the nice guy" if he comes my way and he is what I am looking for then clearly he will get a chance...

Have you ever turned down guys that weren't what you were looking for? If so, there's a good chance at least one of them was a good guy - what you say you want. My assumption is only incorrect if all the guys you've turned down were "bad" or you've never turned anyone down.

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Originally Posted by bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE

I have not been played before but can only imagine what it feels like.

I have been hurt so that sort of ties along with getting played.
Getting played=Hurt

Romey, I have read a lot of your posts and are so estatic with the kind of person you are: understanding, compromising, sweet and a real gentlemen! Whoever finds you will be so luckey to have you. And you aren't that much older than me. Guys around my age are so immature and don't give two sh*ts about feelings. You are truely one of a kind!

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Awl, why thank you Brunette:-) I have always just been brought up with the believe that you are supposed to treat women with respect. And yea, we are right around the same age. It seems you have a great head on your shoulders and know what you want out of life. I appreciate the compliments and look forward to having another discussion with you again. :-)

I feel as though I must interject into this conversation yet again. A lot of the good guys(I like to think of me as one) do feel as though we won't measure up to the standards that great women have set. We don't have the crafty lines that the "players" have because chances are, we have been in long term relationships so the whole idea of approaching a women is strange to us. Granted, I'm only 21 but when I approach a girl and talk to them for the first time, I get that nervous feeling. Sweaty palms, practice what I'm going to say in my head praying that I won't screw it up. I hate seeing these "players" get with really good girls, then they hurt them and the girl becomes so guarded, the nice guys can't get in anymore.

So while girls have something against players, trust me ladies, the good guys out there, have something against these "players" because they ruin things for us as well. He may tell you your beautiful to get in your pants, so that when the nice guys says "you're beautiful or pretty" we are immediately thought of as trying to do the same.

I know a player when I see one.

Trust me, I don't fall for that crap.

PS. You're welcome Romey. You deserve it! :) :) :)

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

I feel as though I must interject into this conversation yet again. A lot of the good guys(I like to think of me as one) do feel as though we won't measure up to the standards that great women have set. We don't have the crafty lines that the "players" have because chances are, we have been in long term relationships so the whole idea of approaching a women is strange to us. Granted, I'm only 21 but when I approach a girl and talk to them for the first time, I get that nervous feeling. Sweaty palms, practice what I'm going to say in my head praying that I won't screw it up. I hate seeing these "players" get with really good girls, then they hurt them and the girl becomes so guarded, the nice guys can't get in anymore.

So while girls have something against players, trust me ladies, the good guys out there, have something against these "players" because they ruin things for us as well. He may tell you your beautiful to get in your pants, so that when the nice guys says "you're beautiful or pretty" we are immediately thought of as trying to do the same.

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Of course the nice guys can 'get in' as you say. Be brave! There is NOTHING stopping the good guys to catch the game.

Romey (mind if I call you that?), you will do just fine. Sweaty palms and worrying over saying the 'right' things is normal, player or not.

Nah, I don't mind what you call me :-P lol... Ha ha OK, as long as it's just not only me about worrying lol. I try to make the right impression with women, I have friends that are players and they are constantly trying to get me to have that "one night stand" and stuff, I just happen to take into account how someone feels. It may seem like a bad thing to them, but if it is, I'll take that bad thing anyday.

Like a situation I'm in right now, this girl I am kind of interested in, is distracted by this "player" who treats her like crap! Left her at the mall once, says she looks fat in certain things(which she isn't), parents don't like him and then she will call me about it and says she does like me, likes hanging out but something keeps her trying with him. So I have lately just backed off and let her do her thing. My aspect on life is, whatever happens... happens. My life has already been pre-determined. I could become that a*hole to her and treat her like dirt. But like I've said, that's just not my personality. I wouldn't want to see a guy like that do it to my mom(because well he would get his jaw popped :-)) or any other girl I am close too

Well, guys I would like to say that now adays roles are changing, In my opinion.. again MY OPINION, I would prefer to approach a guy rather than a guy approach me, that way I already checked him out and know that is what I want... and to tell you the truth all of my married female friends, actually approached their husbands... I mean its just from my observation... I notice that we as women start to pick our men versus them picking us and broaden our expectations, we can possibly save ourselves from many ruined relationships, hell it worked for my friends, and many other women I know.. Again it's my opinion, try something different..

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Originally Posted by Scleros

Any woman that thinks herself female perfection incarnate, is likely to be very intimidating to any regular guy that might actually care what she thinks, afterall nothing is too good for her, she's a princess! He'll have endless opportunities every day to not meet her expectations. The player on the other hand will use her self-absorption to his own advantage feeding her what she wants to hear until he tires and moves on.

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I sure hope I don't intimidate anyone :)

I think you are referring to 'high maintenance' girls here because every woman is a precious jewel. As for every man is a 'prince' as you say.

We are all in a fairy tale. My prince will slay the dragon and I will be faithfully waiting for him. The roles balance each other my good friend Scleros. If a woman is loyal, kind and respects herself, then the man should treat her like none other. There aren't that many women who do that. Now if a man had the same qualities, then he shall be treated like the gentlemen that he is. Not all men are like that either.


You see, when both male and female roles balance each other, why not treat them like gold? They act it. Do you think that a lying, cheating, disrespectful girl should be treated as if she is the best thing on earth? IMO, no because she doesn't value herself therefore she isn't going to respect others too.

I agree with you Romefalls... it's not fair but it really makes a girl question a guys motives when he says thinks like that sorry to say.

I wrote this... yet, how did I forget this so quickly? I am still trying to deal with the same guy.