WILDCAT, u said this in another thread :It probably has something to do with the way she was brought up. Her parents may have been abusive, so she is used to being treated poorly - she doesn't have to worry about NOT hurting his feelings because he is a jerk and it doesn't matter. You - being the 'good guy' - she has to worry about ALWAYS being nice.

This is my situation bro. this girls ex treated er like **** and cheated on her. Her parents treat her like **** too,like she's a failure. So I guess your statement applies to me as well. This girl would be scared to tell me she made plans with her friends and I would say well why don't u just say it from the start, she wsould be I'm afraid to hurt your feelings. I guess that's bull****, because what she's doing now is really hurting and disrespecting me a crap load.

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Originally Posted by mattvit

i know i am leaving her alone now. but she just called me. she was like who is this # thats calling my phone. i was like i dont know. she said well r u calling me and stuff. i say well no. she said uve been doing good giving me space like i asked. she said if i find out ur calling me and ****, im gonna break up with u with out a doubt. then i was like what the hell i didnt do anything. then her voice went all soft and she was like o crap, im sorry i accused u, i know uve been doing good so far. then i said, well ya. then we said buy and thats it.

I DIDNT CALL HER!!!!! I SWEAR.

so what do u guys think of the situation now? is she just needing time to herself to go shopping with her friends and stuff and will get back with me, is she testing me? what the hell is she doing? i know when she called me she was out shopping cuz i checked her online banking and she had spent money at the stores. im so pissed off. please let me know what u think

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OK, there is no need to use the 'h' word, you can use heck if need be. But, if I found out my b/f, or anyone else for that matter, checked my online bank account, I'd turn the person in and press charges. This is invasion of privacy, and I don't really care if you are p'd off or not - you have no right to be. Like I said before, you DON'T own anyone but yourself, and once you get used to that fact, the better off you'll be. I don't know where you got your upbringing from, but to me it's evident you need some serious help, before you'll be liked by anyone the way you act at present. Get rid of the 'control freak' and the 'green jealous monster' or you'll wind up alone many times in your life.

Instead of asking if we think she's testing you - you should ask yourself what type of games you are playing and for how much longer. You need to learn to understand where this distrust in people in general is based on and work on it.

Put yourself in her shoes for just one minute, and then you'd not need to wonder why she needs space - you are probably smothering her to no end.

Dear, you really need to work on yourself first, honest - because if you keep this up, you'll never, ever be happy. Understanding, trust, and compassion should be your priority within a relationship, and if it's not there - ask yourself why.


Hoping you'll get there before it's too late for her to give you a second chance, and wishing you lots of luck.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_22_19.gifMake sure you like what you see before expecting others to do so.

I know all that already, thrust me I have had a lot of time to think about mmyself and what I've done to cause her to want space. But imean people make mistakes and we learn from them and that's wnhat makes us better people. And I realise that now. And she knows that because we talked about it when we spoke last week. I would like for her to believe in me because I won't be the dumbass I've been sometimes, and she knows once I know my mistakes I won't repeat them.thats what killing me. We have been together for so long without ANY problems, its only been a few weeks of little fights. If she wants a break from me because of it and that's the reason, I know that I will do things differently and we can work on it to get through it. And she knows that I'm like that that I will look at myself and see the wrong doings and do something about it. I know she has strong feelings for me, and we had many oppertunities to break up and go our separate ways through all this, and she did not want to. She said I just need a break. And I said it will be one for me too so I can reflect on how I've acted sometimes. You guys all say there is another guy. I really don't think so. I honestly feel that she just wants to breath a little or else when I told her, OK lets just break up and make it official, she refused and said I just want a break. So there must be a reason for that. Its only been 2 weeks. And I know she hasent had that much time to get out and do stuff, because her friends aren't available all the time. So I think I should give it till Vday, and see if she contacts me. And then go from there

Well, see - it doesn't work that way with women. She needs to feel attraction for you - you pushed her away. SHe's done with you.

You seem real needy and that's repulsive to women.

Well dude, if I was smothering her and she said she needs space from me, and she's confused about what she wants then space I have been giving her. Its 3 weels we don't see each other and we talked once last week. And she was crying really hard on the phone. But yet she still didn't make a decition. So she must be conflicted about something. Because I told her OK man I don't want to play these games its been 2 weeks already and I'm not going to go on, so lets just break up and that's it. She still said I just need more time to figure stuff out. Is she doing this as a test to see if I will still be needy if we stay together? Does she not love me or care about me anymore? Y didn't she want to break up after I told her OK lets do it?

Dude - it's not a test. She is seeing someone else - about 99% of the time it's that.

I'd forget about this one - I am big on winback, but this gal is not worth after the crap she has told you and put your through.

I know your right, but a part of me doesn't want to let go. And I really doubt she would be seeing someone else. But if she is, how can I find out?

You don't find out unfortunately - YOU CAN'T ask her friends - it comes across as jealous and insecure. You will find out one day.

The sooner you let this one go, the sooner a better woman comes into your life. Believe me - I struggled with this stuff for years.

You can't ever put another woman with too much importance in your life. Again, women are part of your life - not your life - you need work, school, friends, family, hobbies, workouts - ALL equally important - make time for all - especially now.

And get out there and meet new women.

Forget it Wildcat he isn't listening to anyone but himself he wants what he wants and you can't change his mind so let him bump his head against the wall and be miserable,after 40 threads,he still doesn't get it!:cool:

I get it, its just a hard blow.

Hi, I've been thinking about everything and I'm getting use to the fact that this has happened its almost a month now that the "space/break" thing started. I was wondering if it would be wrong to call her up and tell her that I want answers for her actions and that I'm moving on and to have a happy life? U guys say that people want what they can't have. This past month she knows she has me, so if I tell her I'm not waiting for her to decide aanymore, and say "CIAO HAVE A NICE LIFE" so she will know she doesn't have me anymore. Will this mes up anything?

Your assignment Matt,Get a life and leave this girl alone,your starting to sound a little whiny and that ain't good.Leave it alone and find something else to do and think about .It sounds like all you do is moon for a female that is loooooong gone.Hate to be harsh but is there anything in your life beside one lousy female sheeeez.The reast of us males are thinking of taking you "MAN"card so srtaghten up already!

Leave her alone. Period end of story.

She WILL see right through you. Women have extra senses that guys do not have... one of them is WUSSDAR (much like radar) - she WILL know it's a ploy.

The only thing to do is LEAVE HER ALONE NOW!!

Hey, I haver an update on this BS. I know for a fact that she IS seeing another guy. The same guy I caught her with in the car 2 months ago when she gave me SHI* excuss it was her friends brother driving her home. So on Vday she went out with him ans I saw her get out his car with flowers. I don't know about you but that's major proof something is going on. Anyway she called me to blast me for seeing her and was all BITC**. Wtv we talked for 3 hrs about all kinds of crap. She totally denide ever cheating on me or seeing someone on this "break" she was like I'm still thinking and need more time. I said, you because your messing around with someone else stupid . We ending the conversation with her still wanting time and that she isn't seeing someone. Anyway, I called her back yesterday to put an end to this BS. I called, no answer. She called back after 2 hrs, talking all nice, hi how are you what you doing? Anyway I got right into it, saying I though about lastnite and that this BS she's doing and her accusations and games, and I said, you know what I'm talking about you know what your doing I don't need to tell u. then she was like I'm not doing anything I swear, were just on a break, I just wanted to be alone for a little. I was like you, alone to be with someone else. Anyway I really gave it to her. I told her I'm breaking up with you and leaving you for good. I said you had more than enough time to yourself and to think so your time is up, GAMEOVER. As soon as I started to get into it, she aFREAKED! She started to get emotional, started to cry and was like OMG, why are you getting mad at me,why are you doing this, please don't go, where you going? Don't leave me, I swear I didn't do anything blah blah blah... FING LIES!! Anyway at one poiint she was like well we shouldn't see each other then, I want to break up with u, I was like sweety, did you not understand that IM LEAVING U AND I JUST BROKE UP WITH U 5 Minutes AGO. FING girls man, they always try to get the last word, well not with me. Haha anyway, in the end she was all upset and I at least had the decency to wish her a good life, goodluck. CIAO! She totally freaked out. She was like please don't go stay and talk to me. I was like oh, I have homework to do my life doesn't revolve around u, so good bye. She still was trying to hang on, "y r u doing this please dont go"... so I said goodbye, and hung up. She imidiatly called me back. I did not answer. She then called me another 5 times within like a 2 hr spand. Anyway, so that's what I did. Good or not, I had no choice I had to put my foot down for my own sake. So whether she was fooling around and holding me on a string in case that did not work out, she was having fun playing her game, but its game over now. Garunteed she was totally upset and did not sleep last night. Anyway, I still don't know what the hell she was trying to do. I don't know let me know what you think. Was she genuanly freaked out, you think she will try to come back?

Dude - stop stalking this women leave her alone!! She WITH another guy for a reason.

WHY on earth are you ever on the phone with a women for 3 hours??

This gal is NEVER coming gbacl after your stalking. Trust me. Move on.

Stop calling her. It does NOT help.

She wanted you to break up with her - it's easier on her.

Your post is very creepy.

Y would she call me back 5 times?

Bro, Possibly because she doesn't want to lose your friendship... Your not going to change her feelings.. she needs time to herself... Even if she does change her feelings do you think everything is going to go back to normal?? By the way your acting now it may not seem like it but your pushing her farther away... I'm going through the same thing as you are and I know its hell... But the most productive way to fix this relationship is to give each other some space... Don't call her... When you have the urge to call her go to the gym or go over a friends but don't call... Go date other people... Who knows maybe you'll meet a girl who's 100 times better than her, maybe she's doing you a favor... and if you guys were meant to be then she'll find her way back to you... I'm going on my second month of not talking to my ex who I was with for 3 and half years.. she left me for another guy as well... It sucks man... just focus on yourself and keep your head up... She doesn't deserve your time anymore...

She has you as second fiddle in case this other guy doesn't work out - guys can turn real creepy after a month or two. She knows what she has with you.

I agree with confused - you are pushing her a way.

DON'T answer her calls either. She doesn't deserve your time right now.

I been through it as well - AND I met a gal 100 times better.

And please stop insulting her and calling her names. Be the good guy - the fun guy - the guy you were when you first met.

Yea I agree she also wants to string you along just in case it doesn't work out between her and that guy... You got to man up and cut the string and move on with your life...

I have been acting like the guy she fell in love with. She wanted space and I didn't call her, or bugg her, and she was happy I was respecting her wishes. It was her that called me. So I did not chase her. I was decent enough to wish her the best. So I'm not totally messed up. Maybe I have pushed her away more, but I don't think its as bad as it could have gotten. So I don't think I've totally messed up. For sure she has been stringing me along, but after telling her I'm leaving for good, the string is cut. I did it for myself to clear my head. I'm sure she was upset because it happened all so suddenly however, for sure she still knows that I'm here and I still have feelings for her.

Ok your saying that you have cut the strings and your not going to have her pulling your strings? So why the hell you going to be there for her!! You need to get on with your life and enjoy yourself...

Set your caller I.D and let the answer phone take her calls, if you are saying that you have both split now then I would say issue her the " NO CONTACT RULE " this is a good thing to do for you both as your both going to feel pretty screwed up right now... Go and find that nice girl that ain't going to give you b/s all the time!! Start to LIVE leave HER *** in the PAST.

I didn't say I'm still there for her, I meant that she knows I still have feelings for her, and that she knows where to find me. You can't just lose feelings for someone overnite, no matter what they do.

Matt that's correct my bad sorry I miss read what you had put...

Yea the feelings are going to be there and cutting deep inside you, but you have to get your head 110% straight or you will always be living in the past our wishing or trying to get things back on with her... She probley feels as bad as you do now that things have blown up head on!

But you will find that as you move along with your life, she will slip a little further back of your mind each day. Until you find oneday that you don't even think of her at all... There is a good saying, she won't know what she has lost until your gone....

Break ups are hard on all side's no matter what.

Lol, well maybe now that I told her that I'm leaving her and not waiting around, her security is gone. So she will start to think about what it is that she has lost now that she doesn't have it anymore.

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Originally Posted by mattvit

lol, well maybe now that i told her that im leaving herand not waiting around, her security is gone. so she will start to think about what it is that she has lost now that she doesnt have it anymore.

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Your correct it will really kick in now that your not on that string that her security blanket is gone;)

I know its going to be hard for you, but keeping yourself busy is always a good way to keep your mind off her -- visit friends etc -- have some fun... Now is the time for you to start to live :)

You, for sure she will actually start to really think about things and start to realise things in a way she didn't before now that her serurity is gone. Guaranteed she won't enjoy being with the other guy now that this has hit her really hard, she will probably be thinking of ME. HAHAHA. Anyway, I have been going out and it helps, but I still think of her and find myself wanting to be with her still but I can thelp it, I'm only human. Thanks to all who help/lisetned to my complaining .

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thanks to all who help/lisetned to my complaining

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Come on a problem shared is a problem halfed... There are always people her 24/7 ((365)) willing to listen and help you out.

Matt just keep that busy lifestyle up and you will find it does get easy with time, TRUE not an overnight fix but time...

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Originally Posted by mattvit

i have been acting like the guy she fell in love with. she wanted space and i didnt call her, or bugg her, and she was happy i was respecting her wishes. it was her that called me. so i did not chase her. i was decent enought to wish her the best. so im not totaly messed up. maybe i have pushed her away more, but i dont think its as bad as it could have gotten. so i dont think ive totaly messed up. for sure she has been stringing me along, but after telling her im leaving for good, the string is cut. i did it for myself to clear my head. im sure she was upset because it happend all so suddenly however, for sure she still knows that im here and i still have feelings for her.

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Dear, I still have feeling for my very first boyfriend and we email each other at least twice a year, but I don't think I'd ever want to share a different part of my life with him. Once a 'special' feeling is gone, on the man or woman's part, that's it. There is nothing that can be done to regain that 'tingle' or trust, as it has been 'stabbed' The only outcome could evolve into an amiable friendship which is not all bad, if you can emotionally handle it. Most adults can and it's healthy to be able to remember people we shared special moments with. But when the time comes to let go, then let go and continue with your life. No person in the world, unless older, wiser, and committed to spend the rest of his/her life with each other can understand how important it is to compromise and overlook those little 'quirks' which every human being has. Nobody is 100 percent perfect, but we don't have to hate them either, once the initial pain is gone. Let it heal, then go on and start living your life building a new chapter with the experience you've gained (good or bad).

Unfortunately that's what life is all about, living and learning and dealing with life, one way or the other. I certainly wish you all the best for a happy future, which we all deserve and should thrive for. But don't let those disappointments drag you down to a point of no return. You, like many of us, belong to a very large club in this world, but we still go on somehow and get stronger as we go. Please keep us posted and keep that head of your's high, and don't give up hope. GOod Luck!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

You should not spend too much time on why, what, where, she is at and start focusing on what you want. Be honest with yourself. Do you want to really be with a girl who has problems? no. why would you want to be with this girl. I don't know... yes you do. Simple. You want a real girlfriend. Like someone who has less crap going on and can focus on the relationship. So, do you want to be her doctor and help her for a long time? Or do you want another girlfriend who will have few problems to deal with so you can enjoy spending good time with her. You know the answer. Don't you. Yes you can see the light now. Good luck and don't waste time on other peoples problems. My friends here told me that...

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Originally Posted by blueiman

you should not spend to much time on why, what, where, she is at and start focusing on what you want. be honest with yourself. do you want to really be with a girl who has problems? no. why would you want to be with this girl. i dont know... yes you do. simple. you want a real girlfriend. like someone who has less crap going on and can focus on the relationship. so, do you want to be her doctor and help her for a long time? or do you want another gf who will have few problems to deal with so you can enjoy spending good time with her. you know the answer. dont you. yes you can see the light now. good luck and dont waste time on other peoples problems. my friends here told me that...

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http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_11.gifYou finally got it! Congrats. Helping other people is nice, but it should not be a full-time job (unless you work professionally at it - and then there is still time off for you and other things) because life is short and you should have your chance to enjoy it too. Good for both of you!

From a 22 year old female in relationship two years...

It sounds like your girfriend is stringing you along. She is trying to see how far she can push you. She has some self-esteem issues and she knows that you're not going anywhere. It's obvious that you love her so here's what I suggest... Let her go. You only want someone who loves you, and running away or "taking a break" without fully discussing her problems is unfair to you. If she sat down and told you she had problems and discussed them openly with you, you could have supported her emotionally. She wouldn't allow you to do that and now she's just holding on and hurting you. She knows she's hurting you, she's not that stupid. The question you need to ask yourself is Do I deserve this? I was married at 19 and took a "break" from my husband for two weeks. I never called him and I sure as hell didn't give a **** if he went clubbing! I wanted the break because I needed to re-evaluate my life. Your girlfriend got mad at you for "going to the club" because she wants you to feel like ****. It sounds ****ed up but that's how we are. If you feel like ****, she feels better.

GIDGIT75:... y didn't she allow me to discuss her issues with me? Y do all this bull****. She knows I would listen. Why be on a "break" and bee seeing another guy, and deny it. **** y she doing this. Really, Y?? She with another guy just to hurt me? What the heck I called her yesterday to cut the string, and I told her our break is over and I'm leaving her. She was very emotional and was like why are you doing this please don't go, I just wanted space. Then I told her well why u with another guy. She denyed it, even though we both know she is. Does she still have feeling? Y did she call me 5 times after I told her have a good life ciao and hung up on her?

You don't get it do you... you keep saying the same things... just man up and face reality... ITS OVER... her feelings have changed... people change.. if she still had the same feelings for you then you wouldn't be here... It sucks but that's life... you'll get over it trust me.. just takes time... The only way to win her back is to give her the gift of missing you and to leave her alone..

That's what I will do

I remember when I was in your place not too long ago... I would be checking this thing constantly hoping that someone will say something that would make me feel better... give me hope that the relationship isn't over or give me advice to win her her back... I was in hell, it was driving me crazy , I just wanted things to be how they were a month before our break up... But from my experience and the advice others have given me the only thing you can do is act like you don't care and don't contact her.. Cause if you do, your going to push her away for good and then you'll never have another shot. I haven't spoken to my ex in 2 months and I can tell its driving her crazy... I can tell she's been checking my myspace wall reading the comments people leave, etc... It's the hardest thing to do but once you reach around the third week of no contact it gets much easier from there... If you guys were meant to be then she will contact you and realize what she is missing.. You should go out and experiment with other girls now,now that your no longer tied down... Get laid that def helped take my mind off her... Good Luck

Bro, just the thought of her F'ING someone else makes my blood boil... is your girl seeing someone else, or is she single? After 2 months I'm sure she is missing u. do you think she will contact you soon? Its only a month I'm going through this crap, and mine is seeing someone else, and I'm pretty sure she started to see him when she was still with me, and F'ING me. MY BLOOD IS IN CONSTANT BOIL.

Yea a week before we broke up she was acting all weird... kind of pushing me away, didn't want to hang out and one day I caught her in a lie... found out some guy from her work called her at 2 am... after confronting her she told me she wanted a break... so we broke up cause I couldn't take it... found out the b#@ch had been talking with this 31 year old guy who works at the daycare with her and has a kid and she's 22... un f'in believeable... Till this day there still talking... Do I want to kick his ***?? OF course... I would love to just go to her work and beat the living sh#t oout of him... but when I think about it.. its not his fault... I still can't believe how she can just go jump out of a 3 and a half year relationship to having one with some old guy.. I guess that's life... F' her Now I'm moving onto bigger and better things... You should do the same... There not worth it

Seriously man... they're really not worth it... find someone who wants to be with you, it'll be good for you and get your mind off her

Bro, I caught mine just before xmas with the guy she is with now, who's to say from when she was 2 timeing. 2 maybe 3 months ago, and the B#ITCH was still F#CKING me till the end. WHAT THE F#UUUUUUCK!!

Dude's one thing you need to learn from this is it's HOW you make the women FEEL!. you guys did something to push them away to another man's arms. Were guys getting all needy and clingy - calling them 5 times a day?

Women need space - especially as they get older.



Matt - you seem real insecure and jealous - not good. Women HATE that. Hate it!! I am sure you've been a massive NUT BAG in her eyes the last few months - you seem like a HUGE possesive guy - you don't own this women - she is only a SMALL PART OF YOUR LIFE, NOT YOUR LIFE. Until you figure out women are only a small part of your life you will never get it.

You need other things in your in your life. Grow. Be a man. WOmen want confident, independent, NON-needy, NON-jealous, FUNNY - men.

She left you because of you... not her.

I'd leave this gal alone and work on yourself. Youn need to make a lot of changes in your life - workout, hanf with frineds, new hobbies, work harder at work.

I have a feeling you are about to stalker... don't for it. Give her 3 months and then maybe ask her for coffee.