Didn't check your other posts as this one tells me enough for now.

WHY in the heck would you want to break NC after three months?

NC also means not talking about him with friends, not being preoccupied with your past with him and NOT accepting any of his emails - PERIOD. So, in actuallity you did not really maintain No Contact.

Girl, are you into mental pain? NYC is such a big city so you should not be 'lonely' at all.

Waking up alone in bed and staying home not meeting new people, pining away for someone who treated you like crap is not considered loneliness by me, it's DESPERATOTION and not knowing what to do with yourself.

During these past months you could have met new people, new interests, new activities and started enjoying yourself. But you decided to be a depressed wallflower wishing you had something that was not good for you to begin with. He does not respect you in the least, so do yourself a favor and DON'T contact him. You will only open yourself up for more pain.

Set yourself some goals after graduation, even if it means going off to another city and furthering your education. Or get a job that would really interest you and keep you busy. Go and do some volunteer work during the summer to get a taste of what you have in you and good at.

I seriously think you need a change of scenery if NYC 'bores' you, or as you say 'is dead'. If you have relatives out of state, visit for a while or travel a little. There are no invisible shackles keeping you there - it's up to you.

I suggest you read the first four stikies in the Relationships Section and make a list of goals for yourself. You are as free as you make yourself be, so start taking steps towards healing and a lot of self-respect. Just because someone hurt you does not mean it's the end - it's a new beginning with a bit more wisdom, so use it.

Good luck and keep us posted.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

Anything you can do would be better than putting yourself through more of his BS. After all he put you through, why would you expect him to lift your spirits, and make you feel better. May I suggest a gym or sports activity, go shopping, anything but going back to misery and pain.

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But this loneliness and hurt by him is killing me I feel like what the heck,I'll break NC.

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He may of hurt you before, but its you hurting yourself now, and breaking NC, won't make you feel better. Getting something to do now is your challenge. Meet it, and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Whenever you feel like breaking no contact, remind yourself of how he has treated you. I can't imagine why you would want to talk to him. He sounds like a class A Jerk.
Get out and get a life and be thankful you are away from him.

Hi Chery!
Thankf for replying, no, I'm from NYC, I left to live down south,I miss NYC, I could never be bored there! I go to school here in Lafayette, LA where I moved to,so in a way I'm sort of stuck here till I graduate. I thought of volunteering and will make steps to do so. IRS just like nick said I'm going through a rough patch.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Chery

Didn't check your other posts as this one tells me enough for now.

WHY in the heck would you want to break NC after three months??

NC also means not talking about him with friends, not being preoccupied with your past with him and NOT accepting any of his emails - PERIOD. So, in actuallity you did not really maintain No Contact.

Girl, are you into mental pain? NYC is such a big city so you should not be 'lonely' at all.

Waking up alone in bed and staying home not meeting new people, pining away for someone who treated you like crap is not considered loneliness by me, it's DESPERATOTION and not knowing what to do with yourself.

During these past months you could have met new people, new interests, new activities and started enjoying yourself. But you decided to be a depressed wallflower wishing you had something that was not good for you to begin with. He does not respect you in the least, so do yourself a favor and DON'T contact him. You will only open yourself up for more pain.

Set yourself some goals after graduation, even if it means going off to another city and furthering your education. Or get a job that would really interest you and keep you busy. Go and do some volunteer work during the summer to get a taste of what you have in you and good at.

I seriously think you need a change of scenery if NYC 'bores' you, or as you say 'is dead'. If you have relatives out of state, visit for a while or travel a little. There are no invisible shackles keeping you there - it's up to you.

I suggest you read the first four stikies in the Relationships Section and make a list of goals for yourself. You are as free as you make yourself be, so start taking steps towards healing and a lot of self-respect. Just because someone hurt you does not mean it's the end - as a matter of fact it's a new beginning with a bit more wisdom, so use it.

Good luck and keep us posted.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

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I apreciate everyone's response, I guessed I needed some online butt kicking!
I have a prospective job interview on Thursday. Doesn't matter if its not the kind of job I want for my major but its better than nothing and will keep me busy.
Just thought I was the one who lost in this,

Hey Witchy,

This is covered in my Survival Guide Below. (see # 5 - 10 especially)

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

Hang in there!

A

Sorry I misread where you presently live. I used to call that state 'lousyanna' because I too felt it slower than cities up north. That's just the way 'down south' is though. I lived in Georgia and that was no different. I did enjoy it though while there - people actually took time to chat. And the air there had a different odor that I miss even today. I just loved the swamps (OK I'm crazy). Another plus, is that my daughter was born there.
I lived with my brother in Las Vegas and loved every minute, loved the clear sky with real stars at night and also the lights and action - I had a choice there too.

New York, L.A, California and even some places in New Jersey were faster paced than what I like but I also saw the positive side such as minigolf and bowling for 24 hours.

Shucks, Alabama is worse, it rolls up it's sidewalks and shuts off lights after 8 PM. I find a good place to live is 1/2 hour outside of a major city so that I can seek out the noise when I want it and still retreat.

Hey, but you graduate soon, and can go wherever you want from there on - depends on what you are looking for.

Just be a little patient dear, and don't let that jerk mess up your current opportunity to enjoy silence, watch the stars or sleep without sirens. In other words, there is always a positive side to things - you just have to look.

Night,night for now.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

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Originally Posted by Witchywoman1212

I apreciate everyones response, i guessed i needed some online butt kickin!
i have a prospective job interview on Thursday. Doesnt matter if its not the kind of job i want for my major but its better than nothing and will keep me busy.
just thought i was the one who lost in this,

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You came here to the right place to vent and get support. WINNERS do that, not loosers.

In my book, you're a WINNER!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_11.gif
We are even bigger than NYC.. we are GLOBAL - from all over the world.

Thanks Chery!
You said you live in Georgia? I've been to Atlanta and Savannah, I love Savannah because of the movie Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil"and its historical charm.
I'm not all about the hustle and bustle of the city,but when you want to meet people,not saying that you can't in the South,no way,but I feel that a busier city where you actually bump into people can't be too bad. Surviving heartbreak in a sleepy place is not desirable I say!
You're right, it is Lousyanna,New orleans is more upbeat and there are signs of life there,especially after Katrine-before Katrina also. So I head down there just tpo get myself out of the rut. Have you been to New orleans?
I decided not to contact him,if anyone needs to do that its him. Its funny how people can treat you like crap and move on and forget you-i hope there's such thing as karma!

There IS such thing as Karma.. nd thank GOD u changed your mind about breaking NC.. nd think about this": He has a phone too, if he hasn't contacted you that means he dsnt care enough to do it.. so why should you do it?. STAY STRONG!! :cool:

Hi, '
I was wondring in my dilemna,its been almost 4 months of NC through this bad breakup-where I had to put up with the exes insults and verbal abuse just because he met someone new and I refused his request for friendship. I tried being his friend but it got me nowhere but miserable,and why should I after he dumped me for someone else.
Its been almost 4 months and I haven't heard from him, I saw him online but as usual he ignored me,you'd think the guy at least acknowledge me. The thing is he didn't acknowledge my birthday either which was last month,and that did hurt. After he sent me his last insulting email which I posted before and never replied to,under my friends advice,its as though he just goes on with his life and not care at all which he is obvious. I know I shouldn't be expecting anything,but his birthday is coming up real soon,and wonder if wishiing him happy birthday will get him talking to me or open a door. But part of me thinks, he he's the one who broke up,treated me badly,had not contacted me at all for months,not even on my Birthday.
I know the answer to this, I have been going far along in NC,not even breaking it when I saw him online either. What bothers me is he did the same thing (ignore me online though he's the one who encouraged me to sign up so we can chat often-) It was an LDR. Furthermore,even when we were speaking terms,but only when he needed to vent and rant about something like his new girlfriend.
Special occasions like these make it harder so .
Any advice, similar experence would be very helpful.

Honestly, you said it best when you stated: "I know the answer to this."

Here's the thing, I think the real question you should be asking is WHY would you even truly consider sending him a b-day card?

I was married to a very abusive man for 7 years. I finally left him and have never been happier now that I am with the world's best man some years later. You need to do some soul searching and find out exactly what makes you even think about contacting him again. Some part of you deep down still wants that acknowledgment and validation from him and that scares me a little to be frank because perhaps your self-esteem took a serious blow throughout the course of this relationship. I mean this sincerely - you should really work on that (your self esteem) and know that you're worth WAY more than this no good guy is giving. Having NC is a way of healing, a way of letting go and I definitely advise you to stick to it. You will find that the more time passes, the less you think of him and have that urge to speak with him. It's not easy but it's so worth it. I'll be perfectly honest and say that I would *not* be there for him online, on the phone or even in person when he "needs" you to vent to. Why would you allow yourself to be used in such a way? Again it comes back to holding yourself in high enough esteem that you realize being used is simply not OK. I don't need to know you personally to know that you deserve so much better than what you're settling for or even considering.

In time, someone will come along that shows you just what true love is, how a woman is supposed to be treated and you'll wonder why on earth you ever put up with the nonsense you're putting up with now & have put up with in the past. Until then, work on you, finding that inner strength again (which I commend you for having NC up until now) and just begin to release this unhealthy, toxic relationship once and for all. I can promise you that if you did send him a b-day card, you would regret it with every fiber in your being somewhere down the road. He didn't put any effort into acknowledging your birthday, so why should you extend that to him? He's just not worth it. My advice is definitely to let him go for good... permanently no contact ever again. You'll be a much better & happier woman for it, I promise. Never give your power away to someone else and lose sight of who you are. It takes a long time to regain what was lost. Believe me, I know because I've been there.

The answer to your question is rather obvious.

He has found someone else, while you are stuck on being dumped.

Having a new interest, certainly will relieve much of the depression of a recent break up.

So, you need to even the odds!

Get out there, meet people, and take some chances again.

I know it is hard, but this probably won't be the only time you get heartbroken. The more you dwell on it, the deeper the pit becomes, soon, there is no bottom at all.

The right one is out there, it took me 45 years, and too many break ups to count, to find mine, but you know what?

IT was SO WORTH EVERYTHING I WENT THROUGH, TO GET TO WHERE I AM NOW.

Hi Dreamer,
Btw, like that name! Thanks for your reply, its true myself esteem took a serious hit and I appreciate you sharing your experience and insight. This guy would go as far as to tell me that he didn't answer my call because he was getting busy,then he expects me to remain friends? I never forgotten that and when I told him once that its hardfor me to do that,he just assaults me with his hey get over it we can only be friends that's it.
What person would go for that,not even him when he complains about women.
To make it clear, he ignores me online,he's been doing thateven when we were speaking, (except when he needs advice)now he completes me ignore me which is okay,I won't be bothering with that anymore. Also I wasn't going to waste a tree sending him a birthday card,I thought Iming him or emailing him,but you are right,and I already know not to do that,acknowledge his birthday when he didn't bother acknowledging mine,
Its as though I didn't exist and he wonders,why I wouldn't remain friends with him.
I appreciate your answer andthat quote too!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by progunr

The answer to your question is rather obvious.

He has found someone else, while you are stuck on being dumped.

Having a new interest, certainly will relieve much of the depression of a recent break up.

So, you need to even the odds!!

Get out there, meet people, and take some chances again.

I know it is hard, but this probably won't be the only time you get heartbroken. The more you dwell on it, the deeper the pit becomes, soon, there is no bottom at all.

The right one is out there, it took me 45 years, and too many break ups to count, to find mine, but you know what?

IT was SO WORTH EVERYTHING I WENT THROUGH, TO GET TO WHERE I AM NOW.

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45 years! Wow, wel when he found someone else,he wanted to pursue friendship,meaning me being his backup/emotional support while I get nothing in return
Your right, its not good being stuck in depression, and meeting someone else would help lot,that's why I am signing up for volunteering,to at least meet people.

You know you can't... Especially that far in. He didn't send you one so why make yourself seem weak by sending him one. Its one of those things where you really want to but know you can't.

Keep it going witchy

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Witchywoman1212

45 years!! wow, wel when he found someone else,he wanted to pursue friendship,meaning me being his backup/emotional support while i get nothing in return
your right, its not good being stuck in depression, and meeting someone else would help lot,thats why i am signing up for volunteering,to atleast meet people.

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Good for you!

I sense a little brighter outlook already!

Best wishes.

This guy is truly a piece of work and simply not worth your time at all. To be perfectly honest, in my opinion, I wouldn't even want his friendship even if there wasn't a previous relationship. His lack of respect for you says it all. When he said, "Hey, just get over it," I think your reply should have been, "I am over it and I'm definitely over you" right then and there. :) Don't let him walk all over you, please. Eventually you will find someone that treats you like a lady and this drama you went through with this guy will be a very distant memory and one that you will wonder why you ever put up with it.

I will say this to you as well: There are a lot of bad men out there (and women too) but there are a lot of great ones as well. Use this experience as a lesson learned and remember the "red flags." If you see those red flags again in someone else, move on before it gets too serious. I'm not suggesting you should be paranoid, only cautious. Going through a lot of hell only makes heaven when you find it that much sweeter.

Best wishes to you! Resist the temptation to ever talk to him again, block his username from your e-mail and IM if you need to and just release him from your life for good. Let him know that it's not OK to treat women this way and that you for one won't stand for it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Witchywoman1212

hi Dreamer,
Btw, like that name! thanks for your reply, its true my self esteem took a serious hit and i appreciate you sharing your experience and insight. This guy would go as far as to tell me that he didnt answer my call b/c he was getting busy,then he expects me to remain friends? i never forgotten that and when i told him once that its hardfor me to do that,he just assaults me with his hey get over it we can only be friends thats it.
what person would go for that,not even him when he complains about women.
To make it clear, he ignores me online,he's been doing thateven when we were speaking, (except when he needs advice)now he completes me ignore me which is okay,i wont be bothering with that anymore. also i wasnt going to waste a tree sending him a bday card,i thought Iming him or emailing him,but you are right,and i already know not to do that,acknowledge his bday when he didnt bother acknowledging mine,
its as though i didnt exist and he wonders,why i wouldnt remain friends with him.
i appreciate your answer andthat quote too!

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I really don't think you should. You desrve better than that. You don't want to show him his actions bother you.

He doesn't deserve your consideration.

This guy sounds like a real jerk , do you want to send him Birthday wishes in the hope he contacts you again , bad idea and will only fuel false hope.

You've been climbing the NC mountain for 4 months and your nearly at the top , why would you want to start at the bottom again?

It sounds like you might be suffering from something I have been noticing.

It seems like there is a trend of people who get dumped who feel guilty for some reason. Most of the time, the dumpee hasn't done a damn thing wrong, but yet they still feel guilty for some reason.

When dreamer mentioned the hit to yourself esteem, I think she nailed part of it. After being in a relationship with someone who can manipulate you, yourself esteem takes a hit and when you are left to your own resources, it is much tougher to feel okay again... that guilt lingers.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Witchywoman1212

hi, '
i was wondring in my dilemna,its been almost 4 months of NC through this bad breakup-where i had to put up with the exes insults and verbal abuse just because he met someone new and i refused his request for friendship. I tried being his friend but it got me nowhere but miserable,and why should i after he dumped me for someone else.
Its been almost 4 months and I havent heard from him, i saw him online but as usual he ignored me,you'd think the guy at least acknowledge me. The thing is he didnt acknowledge my birthday either which was last month,and that did hurt. after he sent me his last insulting email which i posted before and never replied to,under my friends advice,its as though he just goes on with his life and not care at all which he is obvious. I know i shouldnt be expecting anything,but his bday is comming up real soon,and wonder if wishiing him happy birthday will get him talking to me or open a door. But part of me thinks, he he's the one who broke up,treated me badly,had not contacted me at all for months,not even on my Birthday.
I know the answer to this, i have been going far along in NC,not even breaking it when i saw him online either. What bothers me is he did the same thing (ignore me online tho he's the one who encouraged me to sign up so we can chat often-) It was an LDR. Furthermore,even when we were speaking terms,but only when he needed to vent and rant about something like his new gf.
special occasions like these make it harder so .
Any advice, similar experence would be very helpful.

---

No way should you contact him. Firstly, the way he has behaved, why would you want to try and start a friendship with someone like that. Secondly, you need to ask your motivation for sending birthday wishes, it is a fishing exercise on your part to find out if he is still interested or has had some realisation that he has made a mistake. Don't do it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by bigbird213

It sounds like you might be suffering from something I have been noticing.

It seems like there is a trend of people who get dumped who feel guilty for some reason. Most of the time, the dumpee hasn't done a damn thing wrong, but yet they still feel guilty for some reason.

When dreamer mentioned the hit to your self esteem, I think she nailed part of it. After being in a relationship with someone who can manipulate you, your self esteem takes a hit and when you are left to your own resources, it is much tougher to feel okay again...that guilt lingers.

---

I agree that with being dumped/rejected there I a lot of guilt and self blame that goes along with it where the person/the dumpee feels that somehow it's their fault that this didn't work out. I have it constantly,teling myself,if only I wasn't so interested in him,just liked him as a friend from the start,or said something different,maybe there wouldve been a different outcome.but then its not as though he didn't have a hand in this to, The first time when we started speaking,he wanted me to tell him that I loved him, and even one day have his child! He reallu wanted to hear it,come to find out it was just to make him feel better after his breakup,so its not as though he didn't encourage it and toook it further.
Now that he has found someone else its as though his personality took a 180 where he 's gotten more comfortable rejections and verbal insults-when he kept pushing for us to remain friends so he'll have someone to talk to and I told him I couldn't just be a friend amd thought of him as more,he says getover it and see a therapist you need one-dreamers right I shouldve said then yes,I'm over you now goodbye,
This is after he told me months ago that he didn't answer mycall because he was in bed with someone,literally rubbing it in my face je was getting busy,that's when I decided that he was an a$$ and decided to keep away from him,and when I did I got nothing but calls and emails from him asking what happen,now I might as well not exist and that's what I don't understand how someone can act so callous. Its like ,hey you were importantt o me when I needed you on my own terms now that you don't comply any more with what I want,you're not owrthy of me.
Its not just the blatant rejection that hurts it's the verbal assaults and him acting as if I'm not good enough for him. it was like he reiterated all of it saying hey I told you all this because you're deep in this fantasy world about me,yes it was a fantasy that you helped create you jerk. Well,after writing this folks there's my reasons now for not even acknowledging his birthday
My thing is the way I was trated badly by him I didn't see how I deserve this somehow.
I always try to look for the good in people,that why I wanted to reach out,but like dreamer said his lack of respect says it all

Hi WitchyWoman,

Good for you! He is so not worthy of you! Let him wonder why he hasn't heard from you on his birthday. Too bad on him! I know it sucks, and we all blame ourselves for breakups, but you are not in the wrong here, at all. Keep up your strength, girl :)

Hey everyone, I wanted to say that I didn't contact him, I am stronger than I thought,keep posting your experiences o r support,thanks!

Congrats on making the right choice as he does not deserve your well wishes. You did a great thing and we are all very proud of you

The answer is 100% DON'T, however, I'm not surprised you're doing it because it is a decent person's contemplation. However he is not a decent person so don't waste your time on him in any way shape or form.

Oh dear, I didn't see that you decided not to anyway! Well done though!

Hi Boris and Rome! Very innovateive names I may add.
Thanks for your encouragement,along with everyone else's. I didn't do it, I kept NC,I just needed that support ,its true,because I do care it bothered me to not send it but you know what,I'm sure it didn't bother him when my birthday passed and he didn't say anything
I have to realize there are just people who wll come in and exit your life and not care at all.Even though they somehow made a difference in your life or theirs,they can just walk away and not care,its scary and makes you think,wow do I want to put my heart on the line like this again?

Well done!!

My exboyfriend was not abusive, we broke off becos he thinks I'm not "the one" (bull, he told me he wants to marry me before, and thinking of proposing) and I thought we can carry on from somewhere...

I send him a belated birthday present and he didn't bother to text me or call me to tell me "thanks"

Ya, end up I have been trying to figure out, "did he receive the present? Did he noe i was the one who sent him?" I have no answer, and you... More disappointed...

Guess what, he still views my blog... I dun even noe what the hell is he thinking... The breakup is so crap becos of his commitment phobia..

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Originally Posted by teengal_1985

My exboyfriend was not abusive, we broke off becos he thinks im not "the one" (bull, he told me he wants to marry me before, and thinking of proposing) and i thought we can carry on from somewhere...

I send him a belated bday present and he didnt bother to text me or call me to tell me "thanks"

Ya, end up i have been trying to figure out, "did he receive the present? Did he noe i was the one who sent him?" I have no answer, and ya... More disappointed...

Guess what, he still views my blog.... I dun even noe what the hell is he thinking... The breakup is so crap becos of his commitment phobia..

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I guess the moral is don't send the card. But we already know you didn't.

Good job!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by teengal_1985

My exboyfriend was not abusive, we broke off becos he thinks im not "the one" (bull, he told me he wants to marry me before, and thinking of proposing) and i thought we can carry on from somewhere...

I send him a belated bday present and he didnt bother to text me or call me to tell me "thanks"

Ya, end up i have been trying to figure out, "did he receive the present? Did he noe i was the one who sent him?" I have no answer, and ya... More disappointed...

Guess what, he still views my blog.... I dun even noe what the hell is he thinking... The breakup is so crap becos of his commitment phobia..

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Your far better off finding out now than down the track when you have so much more invested in the relationship.

I know exactly how you feel. I can't understand how someone I thought I had a special relationship- really couldn't care less in such a short space of time. I also know it will be a long time before I trust fully again, if ever. It's going to be a healing process to realise there are people out there who will treat you with such disregard after everything you've been through together, I've learnt not to trust again unless I'm 100% sure, and look for tell tale signs. I know your pain :)

Hi teengal,Boris
Thanks for sharing your story I wasn't going to waste a tree sending him a birthday card but an email,well that's wasting energy also-so I do need to conserve it for better purposes.
Its true what Boris says how some people can act like you you're nothing in a short time,mayybe that's because they are so shallow their hearts were not even in it,like they one foot out the door, he even confided in me that he can switch his emotions on and off,well mr, cyborg not everyone's like this and that's why we-who can't switch emotions need to be very careful,likeBoris says be 100% sure,even if we can't be that sure first sign of Red flags,run for the hills people,at least they know that you won't tolerate disrespect.
Lessoned learned

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

Well done!!!

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Why thank you!