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You are so not listening to what I and others are telling you. Its not her its you. As you have her now, forget that other garbage, and treat her well now. Since you can't see that, your not ready for a healthy relationship. GET SOME HELP WITH YOUR ISSUES, ASAP. Or you will run her off!!
So... she's fair game. To everyone.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tyne26
... she owes you nothing. At all.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tyne26
She never said she's into you and only you. She said she liked you. That means she can like other guys. And she did give you guys the chance to get to know one another more... because she eventually chose you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tyne26
... I agree with tal that you're insecurity is way off... either that or there's more to the story.
You all are young... don't panic.
You will feel less threatened as you get older.
Give her a break or date someone else.
There isn't more to the story... if I'm ina relationship with her I will be paranoid all the time now... I feel sick, can't eat can't sleep with all this... All my friends who are girls say if she was into me why kiss another guy?? They all seem to think the same as meQuote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
Please may I add that we were casually dating for 3 weeks and then when sat down 2 days before New Year I asked what was happening with us, we then discussed and agreed to start seeing each other but did not say anything about a relationship... so we had agreed to something in between if that makes any sense... 2 days later she kisses another guy... people have said if her interest level was high she would not have kissed another person
She agrees to go out to give her a chance to get to know you. Does that mean she can't date others, or the two of you are connected at the hip? Your both strangers, and very early in this dating thing, and its supposed to be fun, but you already see problems. Why not listen to those other girls, and end it, before you drive her, and yourself crazy, with your skewed sense of loyalty, and fidelity. She won't be around much longer any way, if you keep acting out your own issues.I don't think your really ready for a healthy relationship at this time. You don't love yourself enough.
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Originally Posted by talaniman
Tal I agree that we went out on a couple of dates to get to know one another better and that was fine... I agree that she could date others then if she chose as it wasn't discussed... what I was trying to say was that if we sat down and spoke about things and she agreed to officially start seeing me that shows a level of commitment to me & her... it was only2 days after this discussion& commitment that we had, that she kissed this other dude... She said she has never done it to any other guy she was just seeing and can't believe what she did as it isn't her and don't make sense... She did cheat on her ex but that was cause she found out he was cheating on her... every guy she has been with has left her for another girl... whos to say she wouldn't do it again when too drunk
So why are you still with her if you have these issues? Wouldn't it be easier to just walk away from all this? Than go through the misery and mistrust?
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Originally Posted by talaniman
I just don't want to finish it and realise I was wrong and she genuinly can be trusted... I honesty don't think she would do it if she met someone else
Let me know when you make up your mind, and quit straddling the emotional fence.
This is the part that is making me a little confused we agreed to start seeing each other which to me seems like we have agreed to be together... She changed her staus on bebo to seeing someone which made me feel she wants to kiss me and no one else... then a onth later we agree to go in2 a relationship... I guess what I'm saying is what is the differnce between these two status??Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
One isn't so serious, while the other is very serious!
Yeah. Dating is just that... it's dating. A person can date more than one person at a time...
It's not the most tactful way to go about it, and perhaps it should have been clear between the two of you that it wasn't an exclusive "dating" relationship... but that's the reason why there's a clear definition between "dating" and "relationship"
Yeah I agree dating you can see other people as you are keeping your options open... We agreed after dating for 3 weeks to start seeing each other but did not mention anything about a relationship for over a month later... Two days into agreeing to see each other she kissed a guy who made a move on her for about a minute (her words) then she said she came to her senses and pulled away as she was seeing me... My first question is why even let it get that far?? And have I been cheated on?? When we agreed to see each other we didn't go int great detail, but from that I took this as a level of comittment.Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
Things were going great until I found this out. I have to meet her on Sunday to talk. This same situation has happened in my past relationships. Am I being made a fool of, was she not into me back then??
Im trying to look at it from all angles i.e. every guy in the past has cheated on her when they were just seeing each other, it was new year she knew I was at a party with loads of girls... Im not saying this gives her the right but in a drunken state she maybe confused.
... this is like beating a dead horse, and then shooting it, and then burning it.
People on this forum are ALL telling you... that you need to chill out. Really.
Why let it get that far? Who knows? Maybe she was feeling a little vulnerable + a little lonely... maybe she thought he was attractive?
Were you cheated upon.. you said it yourself... you two weren't in an exclusive relationship. So no. I agree.. it's not tactful, and it's not the prettiest situation in the world, but as far as technicalities go, she did fine. You should actually be OK with the idea that she pulled away. She didn't HAVE to pull back, but she did.
Apparently she was into you... because she pulled back. The thing is this... if I was just dating a girl (not exclusively... just dating), and she met another guy, and she kissed him, then pulled back and said, "sorry, i'm seeing this other guy"... and I Found out, it would tell me one thing: she likes me enough to be in a relationship with me. Then she got in a relationship with me.
Pre-relationship, you got to let that stuff slide. As long as she didn't mess around DURING the relationship, why does it matter?
I'm thinking... that this attitude of yours alone (the jealousy... self-esteem issues... ) will pretty much destroy any relationship you ever get into... unless you start dating someone from the brady bunch. If this relationship doesn't work out, look back on it, and learn from this. You got to relax. You got to let some stuff slide. Did she cheat on you? No? Then let it go.
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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
Thanks... You know I feel you have been the only one who has realised what I have been talking about... I don't know if people were clear that we had agreed to see each other i.e. we were now officially seeing each other but not in a relationship yet... She snogged the guy for about a minute it wasn't just some peck on the mouth I don't get jealous of stuff like that... I was not at this party either just to clear that one up too...
Everything went so well on the first 4 dates and I was told by numerous folk she really liked me... what she did has confused me and I am meeting up with her tomorrow... I had been under the impression that agreeing to see each other meant we do not go with anyone else
That begs a question, how do you know exactly what went on, and why were you not there, for one of the biggest parties of the year?Quote:
I was not at this party either just to clear that one up too...
Hey,
Ur not crazy maybe there just having a friendly chat but if she's flirting with him already as soon as she meets him then that's wrong you have to find a girl you can trust, I have the same problem my boyfriend is going to the movies with different girls, so if you don't trust your girlfriend don't date her if you trust her you can keep dating her
She told me what happened... Yes I agree I should have went when she asked me to the party but I had already made plans with friendsQuote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
So your party left her alone at her party, so who was she supposed to kiss, it is traditional. Dude, let it go, its nothing, and 4 dates doesn't mean exclusive. How about relaxing, and get to know each other for 6 months, before you start making rules and regulations. What's the hurry? You have serious issues to work on and she can't help.
Maybe she took it as a feeling of rejection cause I didn't go...Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
... I think you're thinking way too deep into this.
Maybe she did... but I'm thinking, no. I don't think she took it as "rejection"...
You're trying to find a reason WHY she kissed that guy... and we're all here telling you... that it doesn't matter WHY she did that. What matters is that it's done and over with. Instead of being stuck on WHY she did that... try to get stuck on the idea that 1. she pulled away... 2. she got into a relationship with you.
Get stuck on the whole kissing idea, and you're going to go down with it... and in the end, you won't even get a straight answer.
First of all I disagree with T-Man in regards to the kissing being a tradition. Man if any girlfriend I ever have goes to a New Year Party and kisses another guy, it's cheating. I don't care what day in the world it is, if I'm her man, that is my duty. I don't agree it's a traditional thing. I can be any where, at any party, and even if every other person is kissing, I would refuse to do so. That's ridiculous.
Secondly, Tyne26, you must understand that to agree seeing each other can be that she has decided that you will be the one. The deal is almost surely sealed, but just not exactly. She had the freedom to do as she pleased, as she didn't have a boyfriend yet. Sure you both had great times and I'm sure may be why she is with you, but the other guy just got a kiss from her, while a bit after that she gave you way more than a kiss. She gave you herself and possibly even her heart. Now if she ever kisses another guy, there will be no excuses as you two now are boyfriend and girlfriend. Remember you two only had a few dates by then. As you both get to know each other more and have more fun, the less others will become attractive and the more she will be stuck on you where she wouldn't even think about kissing someone else. To expect that so soon would be a joke. As you both go on, feelings will deepen and then you won't ever worry about such things. You must remember to act cool and not let her know it bothered you. It's not so serious and she will think badly of you if you let her know it bothered you. Believe it. Take it as a challenge to let it slide and your relationship will be happier because of it. Please believe me. If you care about her and really want her, you must let it slide this time, especially since it hasn't been done while you were officially going out. Be cool, sweet, and charming. Make her happy. She will always choose you if you stay cool forever. Little things like these can go a thousand miles and can work miracles in a relationship. Sometimes the way women do things, are unexplainable and we can really go crazy thrying to analyze them. So be the man and move forward. Keep it going strong my friend. You can do this. You can be happy. I see nothing but good things for you!
It is tradition to do that at New Year but you shouldn't be doing it when seeing someone, this was the point I was trying to make. She has never done that to anyone else when she has been seeing them... Agreeing to see someone I thought showed you are committed to kissing that person only...Quote:
Originally Posted by emopunk7
When you say it could be that she agreed to start seeing me as "I will be the one" I'm a little confused by that comment... If she thought that then why the hell would she kiss this guy when he came onto her?? I'm trying to understand the way a female ticks...
I guess what I am getting at is why is it every time I have started seeing someone they have kissed another guy and folk just say you only knew each other 2-3 weeks, yet if I had to go do it I would get grief and made out to be the bad guy... Timescale to me doesn't matter, I know plenty of couples when they started to see each other did not kiss another guy... I was told she really liked me at the start and I have taken it personally by thinking "she didnt like me as much as this guy" i.e. she met him and thought he is far more attractive than the guy I'm seeing just now(ME)... When I see her I care for her loads but I feel sick thinking of this guy kissin her and her letting him
You're not listening to any one of us... There is no true answer for this. Bottom line is that it passed and you need to let it go this time around. Should it happen again, then react. JUST DROP IT ALREADY DUDE! You'll thank me later, believe me!
Im feeling insecure as this guy is quite good looking and I keep thinking in my head she liked him more than me... I wish I could stop thinking like thatQuote:
Originally Posted by emopunk7
Dude I'm a good looking guy and many girls have left me for guys that I think are just awful. So as many people will tell you. Its how the person makes you feel not how they look. Yes looks are important sure but when it comes down to it if your fun to be with and you make her laugh you got nothing to worrie about
If you think a guy is better looking than you. 9 times out of 10 your girl won't think that. And probable isn't even looking at him
If she does see a cute guy she will probable look at it and go hm. But that's about it just as you have probable seen lots of pretty girls walking down the street you look but you go ahh I'm happy with my girl.
I guess what I'm trying to say is. That if she does leave you for a better looking guy she isn't worth it. And you keep worring about this. Will just affect your time together just enjoy the time you have. She is with You. And that's a plus
So you can't be that bad.
Boost you self up a bit and be happy :)
Your not mad most people think like this. I get worried about funny guys taking my girls I beat them in looks but in emotions not so much ;z
Anyway man take it easy and you'll get there :) and people that think the way you do and always work over the same problems over and over again. Are kind of obsessive compulsive
I should know I have that but in other areas of my life
And stop checking out guys dude ;) your with a hottie just look at her bud :P
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Originally Posted by TrueFaith
Thank for your response... my self esteem is low and her doing this isn't made it better... she has used a reason as to why it happened saying that every other guy she has seen in the past has went behind her back and she said the thought did cross her head "what if he is doing it" i.e. me... I know her self esteem is low and some people have said that cause she was getting the attention form this guy she has maybe liked it... The thing is we had agreed to start seeing each other I don't mean fully exclusive relationship but what keeps going round in my head and its driving me crazy is DID SHE LIKE HIM MORE THAN ME TO DO THAT?? I have taken it personally... IF SHE REALLY LIKED ME IE PHYSICAL CHEMISTRY WOULD SHE HAVE DONE IT??
Every girl has done this when I started seeing them my first long term girlfriend did it at the start and came out with the same excuse... yet she continually cheated on me from start to finish
Well I'm not going to get into a circular debate with you. You have 7 pages worth of advice.
You keep asking the same thing and your asking the wrong things. The thing you should should I stay with her if I'm like this
Get this into your head kid. Leave her.. simple
Well I have read other people's problems and so many people say "once a cheat always a cheat"... so I guess I have to finish with her... it's such as shame evertyhting was perfect before this came out... we would have been good together it hurts like hell... I will walk away and I still can't make up in my own headQuote:
Originally Posted by TrueFaith
"have i been cheated on?" I'm walking away still confused which isn't good
OMG!! Even when my girl and I became Exclusive, yet not Official just yet, she still called her ex... maybe just to finish things but what do I know? She was also seeing someone at the same time. It's what happens dude... Nothing is perfect!! Now we've been together almost 3 years and I've never been happier. I had to learn to let a lot of things go and so did she and so does everyone who wants to be in a long term committed relationship... Now that we are Official, nothing like that has ever happened again! Stop it... She really likes YOU if she chose you! Now go get a haircut, take a shower, put on some good cologne and take that pretty girl out on a date tonight and feel good and make her notice she is with a real man who can deal with his own issues without involving her. You can do it. You are the man... Many people don't even have gf's and you're lucky. Make it work. Nothing is wrong. Be happy!
I know what your sayong and thanks for taking the time to read and respond... I really don't want to throw something away that can be good... if we hadn't agreed to say we were seeing each other I wouldn't be confused... honestly... basically a 1 DAY after we agreed to startseeing each other she kissed this guy back for say 30 secs then moved away and said she couldn't do it... its that period she did kiss him back that worries me i.e.. . why did she let it happen... im wondering if it hadn't registered we were seeing each other as it was only agreed the day before... ie still in the mindset that it was really casualQuote:
Originally Posted by emopunk7
Your looking for a big understanding or a reason.. dude there is none things just happen. It hurts like hell my friend but. If you try and add meaning to this you will lose yourself in this problem
Let it go man and walk on
She has given me reasons it happened... she preaches she didn't like this guy more... if I can somehow believe in my own world she didn't like him then maybe we have a chance... Everything about her is what I want in a girlQuote:
Originally Posted by TrueFaith
That's the problem, your world, and the real world, is not the same and your taking a nothing, and making it a big deal. That's you, and only you, and for the last time, let it go, and deal with the real world.
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Originally Posted by TrueFaith
Well as far as I'm concerned when you agree to start officially seeing each other you are committed to that person only and you are working on it to see if you can take the next step into a relationship... if your are just dating then you are free to see other people and kiss whoever you choose... She even told me herself she sees "seeing someone" as more serious than just casual dating...
Your expectations, and meanings, are on a different page than hers, and it is why it takes more than a few dates to even realize what she means, and what you mean. Its awful early to even consider the commitment your talking about, and what she may mean. Its not very healthy, in my eyes to be so demanding and controlling, when you should be enjoying knowing, and learning about each other. Doesn't sound like fun to me, and that's a shame. Is she having fun?
We were having fun before all this and it would have continued if she had given it the chance... why risk losing a guy that u have agreed to see and obviously like for a kiss... I KNOW IT SEEMS LIKE IM GOING ON AND ON BUT IM THE TYPE OF PERSON THAT HAS TO BE SURE ABOUT THINGS, I HAVE TO MAKE THE CORRECT DECISION.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
I thought she would be attracted to me and only me because we agreed to "offically see each other"... WHY KISS A GUY WHO IS UGLIER??
The only correct decision, is the one you make, and stick to. It's called taking responsibility for your own actions, and you have strung this far enough along, that your going in circles, and getting nowhere. That's being STUCK! Make a decision, and live with it.
Yeah I know you are correct... My decision has been made and I will call the relationship off... If she was under the impression that we could go with other people then I could understand her thoughts then... But she has said that when we agreed to "seeing each" other (not a relationship) that we should not kiss any other person yet she did it... she is trying to say she was thinking that I will probably do it to her as all other guys she has been seeing would do it but I'm not buying this... she is doing that to relive her guilt... To kiss another person you have to be attracted to them end of and she did that cause she was attracted when drunk, now she thinks nothing of him cause sober... Before I knew this I thought she was the one I would be with and it hurts like hell that I have to let her go and know the fact that she will not do this mistake with the next guy and they will be happy... im absolutely heartbroken, every girl does this to me at the start its not fairQuote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
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